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Always but not forever

Auteur: jaYde_xd

Chapitre 1: Chapter 1(Part 1)- Forget it

𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐦𝐚'𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐯:

𝘈𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘢 𝘰 𝘻𝘶𝘵𝘵𝘰, 𝘦𝘪𝘦𝘯 𝘯𝘪 𝘢𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘴𝘶...𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳... he would say to me every night before bed. I don't think I can live without him anymore. I finally come to my senses and realize I am standing on the edge of a building. It is cold but in a good way. The building is the tallest in the city and I can see everything from here. This is 𝘮𝘺 building. 𝘔𝘺 business...Kozume Corporation. Most people wouldn't expect a CEO like me to be standing on top of a building...ready to jump.

𝘎𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘵 𝘵𝘰𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘸𝘢𝘺𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘥. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵...𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵. I repeated this to myself over and over again until I stepped down from the ledge and sighed. 𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘦..?

The night was dark but lit by thousands upon thousands of stars and the magnificent moon. The thing that reminded me of...𝘩𝘪𝘮. His smile was not as bright as the sun but as big as the moon. There was always something off about his entire existence. Until it was no more. He was gone. I walked back into the building and straight to my office. Employees tried to show me the raising stats of my new products and many other things but I ignored them and continued walking. Packed my things and went home.

Owning a motorcycle was a very impulsive thing that I told myself I would never do. But here I am drifting in and out of lanes and in between cars. Fast. Speeding almost. Slow. A red light. I seriously hated red lights. I wanted to go as fast as my mind was going...I just needed to catch up.

𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐨'𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐯:

I saw him. Standing on the edge of his huge building. I was holding my sniper and was ready to shoot but then I saw him. Not my target but my target's boss. The famous and amazing CEO. Kenma Kozume. His hair was blowing in the wind like a horse's mane. He was short, skinny, and tired of living. CEO Kozume was only 23 years old. Rumors were going around that his husband had died a few months ago but nothing has been confirmed yet. He won't say anything about it and he is an excellent deflector.

My job is to kill people for rich assholes who think they are above everyone. The pay is good and there are no issues but I often see people on the edges of buildings. Ready to jump. Ready to end it all. I knew that feeling all too well.

6 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚊𝚐𝚘:

The air was warm. Humid. I was cold. Freezing. There was no one here to save me and that was a good thing. I was high on whatever drug I had bought from a kid at my school and was ready to die. I don't know if I should have taken that small blue pill 𝘢𝘯𝘥 my antidepressants. Probably not a good mix but who cares right? I don't care and I don't think I ever will.

The school was empty and I was standing on top of it. On top of the world. Everyone was at the football field to watch the guys practice. The building was tall enough...Tall enough for me to jump off and die instantly. This thought made me grin but cry at the same time. I was about to step off but someone caught me by the arm. I turned and looked at the person. Nori Osamu. My boyfriend. My crying boyfriend. My crying pissed boyfriend. He pulled me off the ledge and into his arms.

"W-what the hell were you doing??!" he yelled at me and let go of me. I fell to the floor and looked up at him. Then he fell to his knees and sobbed. Hard and ugly. It might have been sunny but in my world, it was rainy and storming. Nori slapped me across the face and scolded me as tears still streamed down his face. "I love you. I love you so so much but it's times like this that you make me wonder why! Why do I love you?!" at this point he was screaming. I broke his heart and this wasn't the first time. He was always calm and never yelled but he had finally had enough.

"Nori...I am sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just...I'm just having a bad day okay? I am having a bad year. A bad life," I mumbled and stared down at my shoes. Nori stared down at me and I saw disgust flicker across his face. "I understand that and I try to help you but you never want to talk to me. I want to help you...I want you to be better," he sighed and sat next to me but I just stayed quiet, looked up at the sky, and held his hand tight.

Later that day we were at Nori's apartment. His parents were always away on business so they decided to buy him his own place. He was the guy that everyone wanted. Black hair that covered his deep blue eyes, skinny but muscular, a rock god. He was the lead singer in a band that was very popular at our school. Nori was seriously a God at our school and he chose me. Why me? I have no idea. But I love him for choosing me. Nori showed me who I truly was.

𝙱𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚝:

I knew exactly how he felt. Standing on the edge but not in a literal sense. He was standing on the edge of a building but also on the edge of just completely giving up and not caring. Nothing mattered to him anymore and I can easily see that just by looking at his face as he peered over the edge. Eventually, he got down and left. I went back to searching for my target.

One-shot. Dead. And my job here is done.

𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐦𝐚'𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐯:

Finally home. A place where I can let loose and not put on a front for everyone else. I checked my phone for the first time since yesterday and I had hundreds of missed calls and messages from 𝘩𝘪𝘴 family. Begging me to come down to California for his funeral. I want to...but I am too scared to face them. To face him. They all know I love him and they all know that will never change. But what his family doesn't know is that this is all my fault. I am disgusting and I didn't deserve him. That is what they don't know.

𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐨'𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐯:

"Ah...another message from...oh," my face instantly fell into an intense frown as I read the long paragraph. It was from my "second mother" as I like to call her.

"What's the matter?" my roommate was sitting on the floor and looking up at me in confusion. "Nothing," I said and smiled. He narrowed his eyes at me before taking a plastic bag out of his jacket's pocket and grabbing a joint and lighter. "Fine. You in?" he asked and put his hand out towards me. "Yeah sure. Where this time?"

"You shall see my friend. You shall see..."

It was pretty dark out and we were driving up a long windy road before getting to the top of a huge hill with a small bench on top. "And here we are!" my roommate was thrilled since this was his favorite place in all of Japan. "Oh, I should have known. You are so predictable," I said with a smile. We sat and passed the joint back and forth in mostly silence. I was trying to build up the courage to talk. "Suna?" I looked straight ahead at the city below us and waited for him to respond. "Hm?" he side-eyed me before looking straight ahead as well. "So uhm...I might be going to California next week," I tried to make my voice sound steady and calm but that just made me sound worse. "Huh? Why? Are you gonna come back? I can't believe this," he was staring at me now and I couldn't tell if he was pissed or confused. 𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩... I thought.

"Well, do you remember Nori Osamu? Like my high school boyfriend..? " I asked and looked at him quickly.

"Oh yeah! He was so cool and he was literally the definition of a rock god! How is he? I haven't heard from him in a while," Suna was super excited but then he noticed that there was something wrong. "Did something happen? You are so pale. Did you see a ghost?" He frantically looked around to make sure we were safe. "No no...there is no ghost. But there is no Nori either. He is gone," I said it quietly because I didn't want it to be true. Maybe if I didn't believe it then it wouldn't be true. He is okay. Nori is fine...he is just sleeping. A very deep sleep. Suna stared at me and started laughing nervously. "You are kidding, right? This must be a joke," he grabbed my shoulders and tears were streaming down his face. All I could do is shake my head.

𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐦𝐚'𝐬 𝐏𝐨𝐯:

I was laying in bed with my cat when I heard a knock at the door. 𝘞𝘩𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘵 8 𝘢𝘵 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? I thought as I put on a shirt and pants. The knocking got harder and more impatient. "I'm coming!" I yelled from my room. I rushed to the door and opened it to see the one and only Mrs. Osamu. The mother of my dead lover. "Hello, darling-" I shut the door. 𝘐𝘮 𝘰𝘣𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘺 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘨. 𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘶𝘱 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯...I thought as I opened the door and peeked my head out. "H-Hello Ma'am," I said in a calm voice as if I wasn't about to ball my eyes out at my front door.

"Ahem...As I was saying. I have come here to drag you to California for my son's funeral. Remember? Your husband Nori Osamu?" she looked at me like I needed to be locked up in an insane asylum. I just nodded and stepped away from the door for her to come in. My apartment was pretty clean today so I was glad that Mrs. Osamu didn't have anything else to judge me about. "So you will come to California for a week then we will let you go. Unless you would like to stay longer," she said with a smile. The same smile that Nori gave me before he disappeared from my life. My knees almost gave out so I grabbed the edge of the kitchen counter. "Oh yes...A week is fine. I still have a business to run," I smiled and began making tea. "Well, you own a huge business but live in such a small place. Why is that?" she touched everything that her eyes saw. "Nori and I used to own a house but I can't be there without him so I just moved out," I said with a light shrug and sad smile. "Oh no! Did you sell the house??! I can't believe you!" and there it was. The hysterical mother he knew her to be. "I didn't sell the house, Rachel. And if I did, It is none of your business," I looked her up and down as I said this. She froze and closed her eyes.

She slowly walked over to him then slapped him across the face. "How many times have I told you to respect your elders??! You might be a famous businessman but you are still a child. A child. Remember that. I don't want to have this conversation again. Understood?" she looked down on him as if he were a child as she said this. "Child my ass. I do not have to listen to you. You arent anyone to me anymore. Get out of my apartment and go back home. I will not come to Nori's funeral and I will talk to my "elders" however I wish," I spoke my words as if they were made of stone. Hard and cold. I will not be pushed around by this woman any longer.

"Tch. I knew you didn't truly love my son. You are a disgrace to your entire family," she said as she walked towards the front door. I didn't say a word. All I could do was fall to the floor and cry. I sobbed hard and I didn't care if I looked ugly. I was hurting. She 𝘬𝘯𝘦𝘸 I was in just as much pain as she was. But she loved to make everything worse. That's why he was dead. It wasn't my fault. It was hers. "I hate you! I hate you! It's your fault anyway! You made him do what he did!" I was yelling at her at the top of my lungs. I couldn't let her degrade my love for Nori. He was mine and I loved him. She didn't love him. But 𝘐 did. She was never there for him. I was.

Rachel was standing next to me now and I looked up at her. She was crying as well. Silent but painful. I couldn't even bear to look at her anymore. I got up and walked to the bathroom to wash my face. I could have sworn when I looked into the mirror I saw Nori. I stumbled back a few steps and bumped into the wall. I was blinking vigorously until he was gone. God, I miss him.