Chapitre 10: Kate - Love & Romance
“You are unbelievable. When you told me that you planned to use me I thought you were simply excited that day. Turns out you are used to leaching off of people.” I could not detect any malicious intent in jack when he said those words. Rather, he sounded defeated, as if his theory had been proven despite hoping on a small chance he had been misjudging me.
I would never describe myself as a leach. I had never leached off of anyone, maybe he was the first. Even so I had offered to work for my keep. I had worked tirelessly as a maid in my master’s house, I was not a leach. I had adapted to my situation. Instead I said “Leaches are part of creation.”
There was no response from that. So we sat there, the sky a beautiful purple and red as the sun was setting. The walls of the library looking majestic a few meters away, the mint lying in the dirt and shards from the broken pot, waiting for me to restore it back to a conducive environment. Jack’s head remained in his hands, motionless. I had seen a defeated woman in my mirror but seeing him in that state made me feel guilty. I had caused that. I had caused it yet I had no intentions of making it better. Did that make me a bad person, I wondered.
“Do you think that we might not be mates?” I asked as suddenly as that thought had crossed my mind. He moved, so slightly, but I could see his fingers clutching his hair. “don’t get me wrong, when we first met I felt that we were mates. But I can’t feel the things people talk about. I don’t find you particularly attractive, I don’t feel the need to constantly be around you although with the increased sex drive from my pregnancy I’ve been feeling a little attracted to you,” he looked at me and I thought maybe I had gone too far, but this had to be said now. Our relations was already a broken one. It would be easier to get these thoughts out of the way before we moved forward to wherever we would go.
“Do you perhaps find joy in hurting people?” he asked.
“Obviously no. Did I hurt you?” I asked him. He didn’t answer. “I love your voice, it soothes me. And if there was any danger and you chose to protect me, I do not doubt that you would do a perfect job. Is this what it means to be your mate? No magic?”
He took his eyes off me and resumed the same position he had before. If this was what it meant to have a mate, then I saw no reason for all the fuss. This felt like meeting a person I had known for a long time but lost contact with. This simply felt like going back to a town you grew up in, the people are the same but they are strangers to you now because they are leading different lives from the one you remember, you experienced different things, made different choices. You are familiar, but yet strangers. All that ‘love at first site, butterflies, irresistible scent’ talk had totally missed me.
“It’s because you were not looking for love.” He finally said slowly, “You were not looking for love so you found what you were searching for: Protection.”
“How true is that statement?” I asked sceptically. Surely I had not deluded my mind into forgetting that at some point I would need affection.
“It is the only explanation I have. We grow up wanting to have a mate to love, cherish, protect. We condition ourselves into believing that it is supposed to be romantic.” He explained.
“But it is romantic.” I protested
“Not always.” He said, “All you ever wanted from a mate was protection. To you a mate meant nothing more than a place to hide. You said you spent about two months on the run right?”
“Yes.” I answered.
“Enough time to condition yourself that all you need is to find someone to protect you, especially since you were all alone. From the story you just told me, you never even considered leaving that place let alone finding a mate. I’m pretty sure something like love and romance were the last things on your mind.” He said conclusively.
There was silence again. Me, locked up in my mind wondering if I could never feel affection whilst Jack was staring at a spot on the ground. It was getting dark and chilly yet not of us moved. Would I love my child? It was true that when I found out that I was pregnant, I did not think about preserving the life of the baby, I thought about using my pregnancy as a reason for running away. There was a chance that I did not feel much for the child inside of me and that thought made my body go cold.
“Is there a chance that he might come for the child one day?” Jack asked in a barely audible voice.
“No.” I did not even have to think about it. I was a maid, probably one of the longest serving maids but I was not that important. They would search for me for a while, then give up. They had already given up, hopefully.
“What if you give birth to a boy?” he asked again in that same voice.
“So what? It’s my child, what does that matter?” I did not raise my voice, this was not the time. I had more important things like motherly affection to think about. The gender mattered very little to me. Was this another sign that I really did not care much about my baby?
“If it is a boy,” He started explaining slowly, “Then he is your Master’s first born son. He automatically has Alpha instincts and strength.”
That bit of news was like a bomb detonator. The world suddenly seemed too dark to me. I was overwhelmed by the feeling of being trapped. I was trapped in this place. Me, a girl who ditched fighting and chose the easier life would be tasked with raising an Alpha in a strange territory? I couldn’t do this. My chest felt too tight, the air seemed too thin, my body felt too hot. I was losing it, I could feel my head becoming lighter.
“Calm down!” I heard Jack say with a voice that was a little too loud. “Calm down. We don’t know if it is a boy yet.” He said a little more calmly.
“But then…” I couldn’t finish that thought with my shaky voice. I was tired of this. These days all I did was cry.
“Have you gone for a check-up ever since you discovered that you are pregnant?” he asked, to which I shook my head no. “There is a doctor I know, I will ask him for help tonight.” He said. Then added whilst getting up, “You should know, the Alpha would not have let you stay here if he knew that you are carrying another Alpha’s child. With that said, he will consider this a lie.” I could not react to that. I simply stood there, stunned.
He offered me his hand, this would be the first physical contact I would have with him. I hesitated. What if I felt the magic that all the others feel, what if I did not? I took the hand, slowly hoping for something even I was not sure of. Whatever it was not there. His hand was cold from staying outside this long, like mine. It was bigger than mine so it completely engulfed mine. However, I felt nothing.
“Will I be okay?” I asked his, again the difference in our heights became so obvious. I could not stand to look into his brown eyes so I fixated my gaze on his chest.
“You will. Unlike you, I hoped for love and romance. That means I feel everything you claimed must not be true. I feel magic, I am trapped by this feeling. So even if I feel angry, betrayed, I am commanded by instinct to protect you. As long as those instincts hold true, you will be okay.” He said then began to walk away. I got the feeling that if I did nothing, he would walk away and never come this close to me again, close enough to extend a hand to pull me up. I wanted to keep him that close. Whether that feeling stemmed from my desire to be protected by him or not did not matter, he was the first person I had actually talked to in my whole life, I did not want him to stay away.
“Is there anything I can do?” I called after him. He turned back to look at me but did not stop walking away then said, “Keep making delicious coffee. Good night Kate.”
Cadeaux
-- Cadeau
reçu État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone