Chapitre 4: Anxiety
Part 1 - A special glow
My head ached horribly, but mentally I was a little better, or maybe determined I think would be the word I was looking for.
I already lost Akari it pains me to admit it, but bitterly comes the memories of her corpse to my mind, probably what I saw, the two Akari's thing was some hallucination of my head from the shock of the situation, or at least I prefer to believe that, rather than that I went crazy, although I would prefer that everything that happened was a hallucination and that it was a product of a sick mind. .. the very thought of going mad, made my anguished chest feel heavier, at this point I wish I could never think again, but at least one thing is clear to me, I couldn't even defend her, but I will make sure I find her killer and make him pay for everything he did to her.
-Oh... Did you sleep any better, Hikaru? Emi said a little sleepily as she stretched a little while still hugging me.
Looking directly into her eyes I blushed, I had had a certain dream with her that I preferred not to remember, but again I owed it to her, that I was now feeling somewhat better than I was.
-Yes, thanks to you, although I feel awful, I think I have a migraine.
She began to cry, then hugged me with all her strength.
-Don't ever scare me like that again, I thought you were back... you know how I left you... silly, don't ever worry me again.
-Forgive me, maybe, if I've been locked up in my mind, but thanks to you I'm back, I think I can at least get back on my feet.
-It's still a little while before school, if you want we can lie down for a while longer.
-I want to get there early today, I'll try to see if I can find any clues as to what happened to... Aka...ri.
I put my hand to my face to squeeze my forehead, as my tears came out.
-Don't try so hard, you've been through a lot, plus I assure you they'll find her quickly.
How do I make you understand that what they say in the news are lies, she is dead.
-I'd rather find out a little on my own.
I got out of bed, opened the curtain so that there would be more light in my room.
-I'll help you look for her too.
-Emi, thank you, but I've already caused you too much trouble in life, besides, you have to go to work.
She sat on the edge of the bed, with her hands she was untangling her long hair, to my surprise she was only wearing a short top that barely covered her breasts, you could tell she was without a bra, as her nipples made a small bulge in the top. And the most embarrassing thing was that underneath she was only wearing a pair of panties.
-Emi... Don't tell me you slept in just that?
She looked at what she was wearing.
-Mmm, what's wrong with it? It's how I always sleep, besides you've already seen me from head to toe naked with those lustful eyes of yours, I've perverted.
-Shame on you!!! never look at you in a lustful way, at least get dressed.
-Your partner says otherwise, Hikaru.
I quickly looked down at my crotch to find that I had an erection again.
-I swear it's not what you think.
I covered my crotch with my hands.
-Are you sure? What I see is a little brother who slept with his older sister half-naked while hugging her and using her breasts as pillows, but I don't blame you for that last one, I know I have a good pair.
She tapped her chest proudly.
I took a few steps backwards embarrassed by the things Emi was saying, which I knew she was intentionally taking out of context, on the last step I took, I stepped on something wet and sticky, it was the ramen Emi had brought me last night to cheer me up and I foolishly voted for it.
She noticed that I had noticed about the ramen.
-Don't worry about it, I know you didn't mean it, or at least I hope not.
She smiled happily at me.
I walked up to her, it was one of the few times I looked down on her since she was as tall as my father, I hugged her as hard as I could.
-Hikaru.
-Of course it matters, you were trying to cheer me up the whole time, and I was a jerk who did something hurtful, forgive me.
-Your apology isn't necessary, your hug is enough.
She hugged me too, I kissed her on the head taking advantage of the height, she got nervous, her face was completely red.
-Why... that kiss?
-In gratitude for everything you've done for me.
I turned away from her to go to the bathroom, but before I managed to get out, she grabbed me by the sleeve of the uniform I was still wearing from yesterday, when I turned to see her, it was the first time I saw her helpless, or rather showing a more feminine side than usual.
-Stop... the other one... let me know you'll kiss me... I'd rather be... prepared.
-Emi...
She let go of me, shook her head a little and lightly tapped her face.
-Hikaru, one more thing before you go, how do you feel?
-I feel fine...
Wait, at what point did the voices quiet down, my chest no longer feels suffocated, it feels light, I don't have overflowing thoughts, I feel at peace, do I really deserve peace...?
I couldn't stop the tears from coming out of my eyes, but this time, there was a bit of joy in them, I thought I would carry this burden forever, no, I'm wrong the burden this, it's only a rest, that Emi opened for me.
-Cheater. I said with joy.
She stuck her tongue out at me.
-There's something that's been on my mind, do you know anything more about what happened to Akari?
I scratched my nose.
I'd rather not tell her the truth, even though I already told her and she didn't believe me, I'd better tell her what I know when I know more about what happened.
-Not the same as you, Emi, why do you ask?
Liar, I know you're hiding something from me Hikaru.
-I'm not, now if you're not going to stay in bed with me any longer, go away, I can still sleep a little longer.
She was playing with the neckline of the top, while looking at me mischievously. She stuck her tongue out at me.
-There's something that's been on my mind, do you know anything else about what happened to Akari?
I scratched my nose.
I'd rather not tell her the truth, even though I already told her and she didn't believe me, I'd better tell her what I know when I know more about what happened.
-Not the same as you, Emi, why do you ask?
Liar, I know you're hiding something from me Hikaru.
-I'm not, now if you're not going to stay in bed with me any longer, go away, I can still sleep a little longer.
She was playing with the neckline of the top, while looking at me mischievously.
-The pervert is back, at least don't throw me out of my room.
-You call me a pervert when you still can't control little Hikaru, he seemed to be looking at me.
-There's no need to name my erec... pervert.
I turned off the light and went to the bathroom.
I got back into bed, grabbed the pillow that Hikaru was occupying, and just smelled his scent.
-Silly Hikaru, come and kiss me like this....
Who am I kidding I'm a mess, I'm his sister, I shouldn't have done what I did, how could I think of kissing him while he was sleeping, but....
I hugged the pillow tightly, I kissed him thinking he was my brother.
Looking at the pillow gave me a little shiver, don't tell me that....
I looked at the mirror to see the big dark circles under my eyes that I had because of all the crying and the anxiety that I had, not better said that I have, I turned on the water tap to wash my face, but just before I did it, I noticed that I had something on my lips.
-Why do I have some lip gloss on my lips?
I was immediately startled.
-The kiss I dreamt Emi gave me on my mouth... don't tell me it wasn't really a dream.
¡¡Emi!!
Part 2 - Cheerful and cruel fate
I was in front of the school dressed in my P.E. uniform because I slept in my normal uniform last night, so I guess I'll be noticed for that.
I've been standing in front of the gate for 10 minutes without entering, my whole body is sweating, it's even hard to swallow saliva, I've read over and over again the school motto written on the entrance sign: Work, effort, meritocracy, nothing without temperance.
A lot of classmates from other classes have already passed by and I still hesitate to set foot in the school, if I don't move as I hope to find out who was the bastard who killed the woman I love.
I felt a firm grip on my waist that I recognised from the breasts that were often placed on my back.
-Who am I?
-Asuna
-Hi, how do you always guess?
-Because you've been doing the same thing for 3 years you idiot....
I coughed to disguise a little.
-You got cold?
-I'm not well
-Then let's go in together, or are you waiting for someone? -Yeah.
That last question stuck like a dagger in my chest, how I wish everything that happened yesterday was a dream, if none of that had happened I'd be with Akari right now.
I followed Asuna until I finally entered the school, she was talking about how she had seen the weeping woman again in the north of the country on the road to the Atabuya desert, normally I would have been interested in the subject, but I didn't pay attention to anything she said.
She continued to talk, while I just replied with an empty "ya" or a sound of acceptance for her to continue talking.
The closer we got to our classroom the more anxious I became, but I needed to return to the place where she was killed, besides it would be abnormal if I didn't enter my own class.
We walked up the stairs, Akari's face bathed in blood was constantly haunting me in my head, I was shaking too much, but I didn't realize it.
-Hikaru, are you sick?
-No, I'm fine Asuna.
I had no choice but to lie to Asuna, because I don't think she believed me, not even Emi did.
-Then why are you all sweaty, you're shaking like you're sick, and I know you didn't really listen to me when I was talking, trust me what's wrong with you?
I touched my face, it was drenched in sweat, and immediately I wiped my face with the cuff of my sweatshirt.
Asuna put her hand on my forehead, she was worried.
-You're freezing cold, Hikaru, you should go to the infirmary, no, I'd better take you there.
-No, really, I'm fine, it's not what you think, let's go to the living room.
-I said you have to go to the infirmary, you're shivering.
She pulled my hand to take me to the infirmary, but I couldn't take it anymore with everything that was happening to me, I pulled my hand away with force.
-No, you told yourself I'm fine, worry about someone else, leave me alone!
-I just... I wanted to help you....
I saw how a couple of tears came out of her eyes, I wanted to apologize, but I felt furious, and it wasn't her fault, I just retaliated like an idiot.
-I...
I went straight to the living room without being able to apologise, leaving her alone on the stairs, crying.
I slowly approached until I saw the sign for the hall, the images of yesterday coming rushing back to my mind one by one.
Come on, if you stay like this you can't do anything.
There were a couple of classmates talking outside the classroom, the door was closed, but there were classmates inside. One of those outside the classroom spoke to me, the popular boy Toki Monotawa (16), who was leaning like a typical cool kid against the wall.
-You look terrible Nishimura, what's wrong with you?
-Na... nothing.
-If you say so, dude.
They talked about me between whispers.
I was facing the door, the thoughts were getting stronger, heavier, I reached out to grab the doorknob, my body was shaking too much, I heard the gasp of my own breath, I was sweating profusely, you couldn't protect her, said a voice inside my head, she died because of you, said another one.
-Hey Nishimura, are you really alright?
A person opened the door from the other side, it was a woman, I was trembling with fear, I looked at her face, then everything went to shit, I saw Akari's smiling face with cuts on her face bleeding.
I screamed in horror and immediately ran away from there.
-What's wrong with you Hikaru?
-Hey Toki, what's wrong with her?
-No idea Yui, I think Nishimura dropped a screw.
I know I screamed all over the corridor out of desperation, I even bumped into professor Matsuo while I was running, he said something to me, but I didn't even hear him, I saw everyone with blood stains, I think I really went crazy, I'm sick, I'm really broken.
I went out to get some air on the terrace, it was snowing a bit, my legs were heavy, my heart was going a mile a minute, my chest felt like it was going to explode.
-Relax, you're imagining things, you have to control yourself, how can I expect to be able to do anything if I'm shaking every second.
I approached the railing, I don't know how I did it, but I managed to calm down a little, even so, the fear I had was much bigger than me, I started to get a little sleepy, and I couldn't stop yawning.
When I realised I had my fingers on my lip.
Emi... you calmed me down...
-You're having a panic attack.
The voice I heard shook me completely, I knew her very well, I was going to turn around, but she stopped me.
-Wait Hikaru before you turn around I ask you not to run away from me again, please?
-Akari...
What I feared the most came true, I had gone crazy.
-No one sees me, no one hears me, when I try to touch them I go through them, I don't know what's going on, don't just stand there talk to me I beg you.
I didn't know what was happening, I walked towards her, indeed when I tried to touch the man my hand went through her.
-Akari, tell me you are not a figment of my imagination.
Part Three - Little Joy
(P.O.V - Akari)
I kept running down the street, I tried to catch people's attention, but they totally ignored me, no it wasn't that, I ran through them every time I tried to touch them.
Hikaru when he ran away from me passed through me, as if I didn't exist, as if I was a cloud, but I know he saw me.
What's going on, why did I see me lying on the floor bloody if I'm here, why can't I remember the last hour, why when I came back to the classroom the room was as if nothing happened, why did Hikaru run away from me, why...?
-Calm down, breathe slowly, you know what this is, don't fall into it.
I managed to calm down before I panicked, calmly tried to walk as if nothing happened, I went straight to my house, nervously I touched the doorknob, but to my happiness this time I made contact with something, I turned the knob and entered.
-Mum, dad, I'm home.
I shouted in the hope that one of them would hear me.
Dad came towards me, I was happy because at last someone noticed me.
-Dad, I'm so scared.
My little moment of happiness didn't last long, he passed through me and immediately closed the door.
-How strange, maybe I must be a child playing... this youth.
-Dad, I'm here, don't ignore me too.
I fell down on the floor, I couldn't understand my situation any more, I couldn't understand anything.
-Am I dead?
My mother's voice took me out of my reverie.
-Honey, I'm going to make Onigiris, do you want?
-Of course, love, but I really love you more.
My dad hugged my mum around her waist, kissing her neck.
-Drink not now, Akari is coming, but if you want tonight we can play.
-I'll look forward to it.
-Mom, dad, please I beg you, I'm here, see me, tell me something, anything, I know I've been a mess, but please listen to me.
I screamed, I tried to touch them, I was desperate, I just wanted them to notice me, but nothing I did was helpful, after a few hours of screaming and crying I gave up.
I retired to my room, I approached my desk and I hit it voting the things that were on it, I noticed that if I concentrated enough I could interact with one or another object, like with the door, I was able to lift a pencil, but the second I lifted it I would fall to the floor, I spent the time trying to control that to avoid thinking, to not cry anymore.
At night I heard a phone call telling my parents that I had disappeared.
-It's a lie, I'm here in front of you, nobody kidnapped me.... Why don't you listen to me?
Without any result, I just listened, to see how my parents were suffering because of the news, how my mother was crying, and my father was promising her that everything was going to be alright and that they would soon find me.
Listening more I learned that the call was made by my school, together with the Chipon police.
Despite everything I remembered that I had one hope left, the only man who had interacted with me but ran away, my boyfriend.
The next day I went back to the academy expecting to meet Hikaru, and the best place was the rooftop of the school, so I waited there until he showed up and he did.
He opened the door with a bang, he was in a bad way, I'm sure from the way he looked that he was suffering from a panic attack.
-Akari, tell me you're not part of my imagination.
I shook my head.
-At least I'm sure of that Hikaru, but I don't know what's going on, because no one but you can see me.
I saw that he was suffering, that he had trouble talking to me.
-Akari, someone killed you, and if you're not a figment of my mind, I think you're a spirit.
I didn't know what to answer him, but deep down I knew that was the answer.
-Akari, do you know who killed you?
With tears in my eyes, my voice unable to get out of my mouth, I shook my head.
-I don't remember anything since I finished my class, until we met in front of my... corpse.
I shuddered in anguish as I said that.
-Akari, I apologize, I couldn't protect you, I'm useless, I don't deserve to be your boyfriend.
Seeing Hikaru in the state he was in broke my heart, he was haggard, shivering, his skin was as white as the snow on his pale nervous face.
I tried to stroke his cheek to cheer him up, but the effect was the opposite as my hand went across his face without either of us feeling the contact of each other.
-Don't apologise, I'd rather this only happen to me, instead of both of us, but I don't know what to do anymore, if I died I shouldn't be....
-Don't say it, I beg you, don't finish that sentence.... Wait a minute, you're a ghost, I think I know who can help us.
-Who are you talking about?
-Of a girl I just treated very badly, Asuna.
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État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
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