The days Pei Shangxuan shared a desk with Li Li were usually the most distressing times for him; he always thought of Li Li as a weirdo who was hard to get close to, despite seeing her getting along quite well with other girls, until one day after school when he forgot to take home an exam paper that needed his parents' signature. When Pei Shangxuan returned to the classroom, he saw Li Li crying in the deserted room.
Pei Shangxuan stood outside the classroom door, listening to Li Li's suppressed sobs, unsure of what to do.
Li Li came out with her backpack ready to lock up but was startled by Pei Shangxuan, who was leaning against the wall. Without a change of expression, she wiped her cheeks and erased the last traces of tears.
"I came back for my paper." He rushed into the classroom, rummaged the exam paper from beneath the desk, and waved it at her as she leaned by the door.
Li Li ignored him, rolling her eyes at Pei Shangxuan. He scratched his head in frustration, and jokingly ran back saying, "Li Li, I saw you crying." His face wore an expression of triumph as if he had caught her in a vulnerable moment.
Li Li's hand was on the door latch, and she spoke in a cold voice, "Do you want me to lock you in the classroom overnight?"
Pei Shangxuan hurried out of the classroom, knowing all too well that Li Li was the kind of girl who meant what she said and would show no mercy. The boys had secretly nicknamed her "Mother Harpy" — Li Li wasn't pretty and had a bad temper; the nickname seemed to exist only to describe her.
"Why were you crying?" Pei Shangxuan stood to the side waiting for her to lock up, unable to hold back his curiosity.
Li Li walked with her head down, hands in her coat pockets; she said nonchalantly, "How would you feel if someone called you an idiot to your face, even if it were true, you wouldn't be happy, right?"
"Li Li!" Pei Shangxuan realized she was indirectly calling him a fool, and it made him change color with anger. It was just because he failed a math test while she scored the only perfect grade in the whole grade. What was there to brag about!
Li Li turned to look at his angry face and shrugged her shoulders, "What are you mad about? After all, you guys are content with just the flattery from pretty girls, aren't you?" She lightly hopped down the stairs, while Pei Shangxuan tried to imitate her but clumsily missed his step and slid down the last two steps.
Li Li laughed merrily, extending her hand to Pei Shangxuan, "You still won't admit when you're being called a fool."
Her implication was that he indeed was an idiot. Thirteen-year-old Pei Shangxuan couldn't figure out what kind of girl Li Li was; he just felt she was different from others. Their relationship as desk-mates improved from then on, of course, with Pei Shangxuan reaping the biggest benefits — copying homework had just become much easier.
Pei Shangxuan and Li Li lived in the same alley, filled with old Shikumen houses. They lived four lanes apart and had never met before they became classmates. Pei Shangxuan was the king of the kids in the neighborhood, leading a group of children pretending to be soldiers, charging and shouting as they raced through the narrow lanes.
One day at the alley's entrance, Pei Shangxuan ran into Li Li heading to school and asked in surprise if she had just moved there. He was certain he had never seen her before. On the first day of junior high when everyone went on stage to introduce themselves, his first impression of Li Li was — this girl is ugly! If he had seen her before, he would have remembered.
"I've lived here since I was little." She didn't look at him and kept walking straight towards the school.
Pei Shangxuan followed Li Li, "How come I've never seen you?"
Only then did she lift her head to afford him a glance and said, "Because, I didn't want you to see me."
Pei Shangxuan didn't understand. They were similar in age, but their cognitive development was clearly on different levels. Pei Shangxuan's world was one of childlike rough-and-tumble play, while Li Li observed the adult world with tender, inexperienced eyes.
Li Li's "resignation incident" made Pei Shangxuan feel guilty. He had dodged his turn as the cleaning monitor before she had submitted her resignation letter to the homeroom teacher. That day he felt inexplicably terrible, and the blackboard cleaning he was responsible for after each class was done lazily and carelessly, even leaving traces of chalk marks that the next teacher had to erase before writing.
After school, Pei Shangxuan, with his backpack on, was eager to slip away when he heard Li Li calling his name from behind. They weren't sitting next to each other that week, separated by a row.
He did not stop his steps, and she caught up to him, grabbing the strap of his backpack, "Pei Shangxuan, you're on duty today."
"Not doing it," he flatly refused, yanking her hand away.
"What's gotten into you, hurry up and go sweep the floor," Li Li raised her eyebrows, her voice growing louder.
Classes had just ended, and it was peak time for students to leave the classrooms; the hallway was packed with classmates. Pei Shangxuan, who saw himself as a towering hero, already felt humiliated being shouted at by a frail girl to "go sweep the floor." If he obediently returned to the classroom, he would lose face all the way to the Huangpu River. Grinding his teeth, his eyes glaring as if he were a ferocious deity, he retorted angrily, "A real man doesn't do effeminate tasks like sweeping the floor."
Not only did the male classmates from Class Four, who were often dragged back by Li Li to fulfill their duties, applaud and cheer him on, but boys from other classes also whistled and jeered along.
Li Li laughed scornfully, "If one doesn't sweep his own house, how can he sweep the world? With your behavior, you don't even match up to the effeminacy of those who sweep."
Pei Shangxuan couldn't stand it anymore and roared, "Freak, who asked for your opinion!"
She stared at him intently, a strange look in her eyes, oblivious to the ridicule of those around her, "You think I want to bother?" Li Li retorted, then turned around and walked back into the classroom.
Pei Shangxuan was convinced that Li Li's resignation had something to do with him, and when he heard that the principal had called her in for a talk, he became even more anxious. He sneaked to the principal's office door, peeking through the gap, and eavesdropped on Li Li's response.
Pei Shangxuan still couldn't figure out what Li Li was saying, but he clearly remembered the last word she used—self-inferiority. Once home, he immediately flipped through the "Modern Chinese Dictionary" to look up the term.
"Self-inferiority: to look down on oneself, to believe one cannot catch up with others." Pei Shangxuan mulled over the definition, unable to comprehend why Li Li would have any reason to belittle herself.
Li Li's resignation took effect, and she returned the two-barred emblem of the squad leader, carefree as a civilian henceforth.
They sat atop the school's high podium, the setting sun leaving its last rays for them. Pei Shangxuan asked if Li Li had any regrets?
Today was her last time performing her duty as the labor committee member, while he made up for the duty he had previously skipped.
"There's no use holding onto what doesn't belong to you," she replied softly, hugging her knees.
Pei Shangxuan realized he truly did not understand what Li Li was thinking, and this realization frustrated him for a time.
On June 10th, Li Li excitedly told Pei Shangxuan early in the morning, "I have a crush on someone."
He was startled and asked out of curiosity, "Someone from our class?"
(End of Chapter)
This book is first released by Xiaoxiang Academy and should not be reproduced.