As Leonard was not getting any answer from Emily, he turned to face Serena. In truth, sometimes, he finds it difficult to look Serena in the eyes. For no matter how he tries, a part of him blames her for what happened to himself, to her, to everyone.
From the beginning, he already told her not to do what she did. From having an affair with Charlton when they were students, to the time she was obviously wanting to when she was married to Geoffrey. Yet, she never listened. And him… instead of stopping her or doing something more because he can do more… he became her accomplice.
At the same time, he also felt guilty towards Serena. For even before she married Geoffrey, he already found something strange. Yet, he ignored it because he thought that it was easier and better that she married the crown prince. It was only much later that he found out what Geoffrey did to her and as much rage he felt, Geoffrey was already dead.
He loves Serena as his sister. Though they were not blood siblings, he has always treated the family who adopted him as his own. However, even though he loves her, there's still the feelings of blame, guilt, and pity which he sometimes finds difficult to hide.
Still, at the end of the day, Serena was the only family he has left. That aside, he could feel that she's feeling guilty towards him too.
There were days she would ask his help in writing the notes of some music she came up with, most days, she would try to avoid him even though how futile it was since they're living in the same house. Not that he doesn't notice because he's doing the same.
In any case, he could see how much she's trying. She even launders his clothes and cleans his room. So he should do better too.
Going back to the present, seeing his sister's face who seemed to be determined about something, Leonard could only sigh. What troublesome idea could she have this time? "What's this all about Serena?" he asked.
Serena licked her lips first. Well, no turning back. "I asked Emily to help me prepare for this Season. I would like to attend." She finally uttered.
Did he hear that correctly? "Excuse me, what?"
Emily winced already anticipating how the conversation would go. But she must give it to Serena. Serena owned up to everything which was, well, good for herself. She can't imagine what Leonard's reaction would be if he knew that it's not his sister, but her who was the instigator.
"Brother, you know that the Season started a few weeks back and it's not yet too late for me to join." Serena emphasized this time.
Leonard wanted to stay calm. There's no reason to overreact. He must talk some sense to her first. Breathe in, breathe out. However, no matter how he tried to calm himself, something ticked, and all his blood went to his head.
He grinded his teeth, trying to keep his voice low which was boiling with rage. "Do you even know what you're talking about? What you're asking for?"
Serena swallowed. She has never seen Leonard as angry at her before. Still, she must stand her ground. "Yes. Brother, I don't want to live my life this way much longer."
Leonard scoffed. "Then how do you want to live it then? I don't want to say this but what? Do you want to be some mistress? Marry yourself to some old, perverted man who would take you? Or maybe you want to be a plaything like the whores lining up the streets? For shame Serena. If you don't feel any for yourself anymore, then at least to our parents who birthed you!"
Serena did not want to cry, but it was the first time Leonard said those kinds of unfiltered words towards her. Tears fell but she also won't back down.
"Then how do you expect me to live? Stay here hiding for the rest of my life? Doing house chores, waiting for charity from Emily, or selling songs while in a guise? Maybe I can still live that way for another year or two. But I can't keep living like this forever.
Time is passing and I am not going to get any younger. If I don't do this now, will anyone even accept me when I've turned old and gray? You can say I would have let our parents down, but they are not here anymore. Yes, you can say I have no more shame, but what choice do I have but to be shameless?"
Leonard could feel every fiber of his being tremble. If he were any other person, he would think that there was some truth and sense in Serena's words, but he was going through the very the same situation.
"Do you think that it's only you? Do you think that I also like living this way? Serena, you always have a choice. We all do. Is going back to that life more important to you?"
Serena understood what Leonard was trying to say. The future is limitless. They might be suffering now, but it's not the end. She can still have a happy and fulfilling life in the future without the need to integrate herself back to the ton. However, what does Leonard know? Even before that becomes a possibility, if she doesn't take action now, he would be dead.
She doesn't want to hurt Leonard more, but it's better for him to misunderstand and think her too shallow than the alternative.
"Brother, that's all I've ever known. How we live now… this… I also tried. You know I have tried. But this is not the life I want. I can't… so please, won't you just…"
Leonard closed his eyes. He could not accept what Serena was saying, but what can he do about it?
He opened his eyes to look at Serena again. Her eyes were red with tears and a part of him felt guilty. Though he's angry, he could not help but think that he should have also protected her better.
Anger, despair, helplessness. But again, what can he do?
Leonard clenched his jaw. Looking Serena in the eyes, he could only say, "Then suit yourself." Before using his hands to manually turn the wheels of his wheelchair to leave the table.
--
TBC
i feel so sad about Leonard. hope you liked the chapter though! thanks for reading!
Serena waited for Emily outside Leonard's room. She was not sure if Emily can convince Leonard to at least accept her decision. It's not that she herself really needed his approval, but Emily was different.
Emily was Leonard's lover. So, she should be on his side than hers, at least superficially given the situation. If Leonard says no, Emily should not help Serena. She should not provide her with clothes and her connections, and doing so behind Leonard's back might jeopardize their relationship.
Serena sighed. After her argument with Leonard the other night, he has been ignoring her completely.
She tried making amends the next day by bringing him food and peeling him apples. She also tried to explain about the prices of her songs being lowered, then she opened up that not because she will be joining the Season means that she would willingly become a mistress. Like there's still the possibility that someone good would come along, and not because she's attending now it would mean that she would need to find her match now.
Still, no matter how convincing she tried to sound, Leonard just ignored her. It seemed like he took it as mission to himself to ignore her forever until she gives up on her idea.
After a while, Emily finally exited Leonard's room. Having been waiting for long, Serena could not help but ask immediately, "What did he say?"
Emily pressed her index finger to her lips to indicate that Serena be quiet. They're just outside Leonard's room.
Serena, understanding what Emily meant, pointed up.
Emily nodded her head.
--
"So? What did he say?" Serena asked again.
Emily smiled and gave her a nod. "Though he's still not convinced about the idea, he told me that if I want or have enough time, I can help you. At least that way, some of his worries can be alleviated with me involved." Then as if annoyed, she continued, "Really, Leonard is such a good brother to you. Don't know how you can bear treating him that way."
Serena raised her left brow. "Look who's talking."
Emily cleared her throat. Time to change the topic. "Well, at least since we've got that out of the way, we can now talk about the next steps we can take."
It has been a week since Emily informed Serena about the Court Summons and though Christopher told her that they can delay for some months, time is still of essence.
Anyhow, she took out a bunch of envelopes and a piece of paper and a pen. Seeing Serena's perplexed reaction, she explained.
"These are the invites I received as of late. We can look through them later. Anyhow, the most important thing we must discuss first is what kind of event, when, and where you must make your first appearance. So, let's go with the first. What kind of event do you think would work best?" Emily asked.
Serena thought that Emily was really serious in planning this. Well, given the severity of the situation, they must. "As it's my first appearance, I think an evening event would be best."
Emily nodded, "I was thinking the same. That way, we can dress you up and leave an impression. You can arrive a bit late too. At least that way on your very first reappearance, you can avoid some unnecessary drama."
Serena agreed. She knew that it was inevitable for her to run into some dramatic people who would one way or another jeer her and try to make her Season hell. But if she and Emily does it right, at least for her first appearance, she hopes to make them speechless.
"So, an evening party it is. For the when, I don't think we can pick an event that would be held too soon. It would take some time to prepare the first dress and then the subsequent dresses, and I also have to talk to the host of the party first." Emily said.
Serena felt a bit guilty. She knew how tedious and expensive preparing for the Season was. It felt like she would be unfairly taking advantage of Emily this way… "I can draw some designs, write new songs for you too. I also have some money I made, it's only over a thousand but…"
Emily chuckled. "Don't think you're taking advantage of me Serena. I am also doing this for Leonard. That aside, don't worry too much. With the ongoing Season, clothing purchases have been sky-high. So, I do make more than enough these days."
Well, wasn't that sweet. Serena shook her head, goosebumps rising. But still, she can't just take it all for granted. "Emily, if ever… if ever I become successful in this, I mean…"
Emily shook her head. "Getting Leonard cleared would be enough. Besides, you know how much sponsorship I received from Geoffrey with your approval in the past. So, whatever I'm giving and would give from now, you can just consider it as my gratitude or even payback."
Serena smiled. Though there's truth to Emily's words, in her heart she still felt indebted. Anyhow, they must focus on the topic on hand. "I don't think this week is possible. But would that be alright? Also, just to ask, have you submitted the needed documents to the court to delay the case?"
"Not yet, Christopher advised me to submit it during the court hearing when Leonard was summoned to make an appearance, that way, there would be more delay. Don't worry about the case for now. I would take care of that part."
Serena nodded and expressed her thanks. She has no doubt that the reason Leonard's name was not included in the names of those facing trial listed on the newspaper was because of Emily. Emily has a lot of connections and that included the press too. Honestly, though just a baroness in name, Emily was not a force to be trifled with.
--
TBC
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