Chapitre 133: 13. Right Here Waiting.
As I sat on the roof, the gentle breeze rustled through my hair. Suddenly, the sound of footsteps reached my ears, accompanied by the distinct scent of burning bush.
Wulfe appeared next to me, his presence calming. "Come on, unicorn," he said, settling down beside me. "Talk to me. You know it helps. Don't let your mind get tangled."
His words brought a smile to my face as I replied, "You are my Mariella, and I am your Damon. How many times have I heard Mariella say that to Damon to get him to open up? But I'm fine. I've sorted through my thoughts. You know me."
Wulfe leaned closer, his arm encircling my shoulders. "Come on," he urged. "Start talking. I'm here for you."
With a sigh, I began, "I just chased the entire pack in Ireland. The memories and messages Damien left behind unnerved Damon, and he took everyone with him. My special ability drove them away."
Wulfe reassured me, "They'll be back in just over a week or so. Damon left because he didn't trust himself. But I gave them a little concoction to help. It'll take a week for it to take effect. How they'll deal with it, well, that's anyone's guess. But it's taken care of. It's not your fault, it's Damien's fault. Stop blaming yourself."
I couldn't help but lament, "I can't help it. It just brought back all of the old pain. How much did it cost me to destroy Damien? If only I had trusted them enough to let them in on my plan."
Wulfe let out a weary sigh. "Unicorn, remember what you learned when you tortured Damien? Surveillance? He would have heard your plan and stopped it. It was the only way, and the price was steep. But you gained me, and our friendship began then."
I looked at him, understanding dawning in my eyes. "You're right, as always. I'm just a neurotic mess. My memories, those alphas, the smells, the sensations, and that darkness... how it made everything simple, devoid of emotions, pain, and neurosis."
Wulfe comforted me, "Darkness is sometimes necessary, but so is light and feeling. It's good to experience life. What you see isn't everything. There's a lot hidden, even from you."
Wulfe, with his enigmatic nature, always spoke in cryptic riddles. But today, I had no patience for deciphering hidden messages. My life, my problems, and my burdens weighed heavily on me. These were mine alone to bear, and I had kept many secrets from Wulfe to protect him. There were past issues that he didn't need to solve, like nests of wasps best left undisturbed.
As I contemplated my reluctance to even go to work, I knew Alaric would take care of the fleas and Magnum too. I didn't want to unload my troubles, not even in bed. A familiar hollowness crept over me once again, as if I had lost the ability to feel deeply, to experience emotions like others.
I voiced my thoughts aloud. "What has always set me apart from others is my lack of feeling. I've suppressed my emotions for so long that now I feel hollow, unable to feel as much."
Wulfe responded, "Because you've tied yourself into knots, overthinking everything until your mind is clouded. But let me help untangle a few of those knots."
Dryly, I admitted, "I'm a neurotic mess, perpetually in a state of overthinking, tangled up in my own mind. Bravo me."
Wulfe smirked and suggested, "How about we go inside and eat something? You're not in shape yet, my unicorn. Let me make you a meal."
He rose from his seat, pulled me to my feet, and kept his arm around me as he guided me into the kitchen. The sound of him rummaging through the fridge filled the air. It seemed that men in my life always wanted to take care of me, feed me, dress me, and give me orders. I accepted it begrudgingly.
Wulfe, being a decent cook, had learned a lot from me, and his telepathic abilities made it unsurprising that he delved into my mind, especially when it came to cooking. He knew my nutritional needs and would ensure I ate well, not indulging in junk. I observed him expertly frying a generous amount of meat, alongside a few ready-made meals. He placed a substantial portion of food in front of me, and without hesitation, I dug in. Wulfe too ate with purpose, understanding the importance of proper nutrition and how it made him stronger.
As I sat there eating, I couldn't help but voice my thoughts out loud. "One thing that stands out is how I've been suppressing my feelings for so long. The pack can't handle my emotions, they can't bear me expressing my anger or frustration. It's like they put pressure on me to be this person who doesn't feel or show any emotions, so they can do whatever they please with me. I was foolish, letting them abuse me all the time."
Wulfe grunted and remarked dryly, "Feel as much as you want. If they can't handle it, send them to me. I'll curse them to be rabbits for a week or something. Don't stop feeling or showing your emotions."
I chuckled and replied, "Well, at least we'd have an abundance of rabbits then. Damon and Mariella would certainly answer nature's call."
Wulfe choked on his food, bursting into laughter. His eyes were teary as he finally regained composure and said, "You're absolutely right. I can't imagine that world. Nature would be overrun by lustful rabbits. I'll have to find some other animal that doesn't breed as much."
I suggested, "Well, a rhino or an elephant could be an option. Maybe even a hippo."
Wulfe couldn't contain his laughter, saying, "Stop, you're killing me with these ideas. Just imagine if a group of nuns went on a safari tour with Salvatore, the rhino or elephant, and he tried to seduce them."
I smiled, knowing that Damon had a weakness for deflowering nuns. I had no doubt he could still do it. But then I thought about Mariella's reaction. Nuns were considered God's workers, and Damon corrupting them... with his staff of love. Slowly, Wulfe helped me untangle the knots in my mind, just by being silly and lighthearted.
We were sitting in the living room, the crackling fire in the fireplace providing warmth and comfort. I confessed to him, "That year when Bran and Samuel... well, they weren't themselves, but anyway. That year, being tied to Damien, my lifeforce connected to him, I've never felt so incredibly filthy. I haven't shared much about that time with the pack. They had their quirks when it came to life, and it wasn't a good time for me. But then again, have I ever truly had a good time in this pack? Am I an eternal masochist for allowing them to abuse me like this? Would it be better for me to be alone?"
Wulfe's voice echoed through the room as he spoke, his tone filled with a mixture of concern and resignation.
"Once, I believed that," he said, his words hanging in the air. "I saw just what they did to you, and I tried to get you out of it. But damn love, it is just too powerful. It's the reason why you keep coming back, why you take it all and then some more, love. It's the reason, and you can't help it."
A faint smile tugged at the corners of my lips, but it was a bittersweet smile, tinged with sadness. "I am glad that Jake and Rob are not here to see me," I admitted, my voice barely a whisper. "I am a husk of what I was when I made fleas. I feel so damn hollow."
Wulfe's gaze met mine, his smile sympathetic. He opened his mouth to say something, but he hesitated. His eyes shifted, focusing on the wall behind me, and he nodded to himself.
"Just think, my unicorn," he finally said, his voice tinged with wisdom. "You are less than 200 years old, while I am over 2500 years old. Life goes on."
I couldn't help but ponder his words.
"My memory," I murmured, my voice heavy with contemplation. "It was part of the package that made me easier to break. And oh boy, I have been broken. So much that I have no idea when I was last whole. Have I ever been whole?"
Wulfe leaned in closer, his gaze intense.
"Tell me one person who is whole," he challenged, his voice filled with a hint of defiance. "I will tell you just how broken they are. It doesn't take losing your memory to break someone. But being as strong as you, it takes some doing to get you even chipped."
I said, "I have a graveyard in my heart, everything shitty that I've been through in my mind, and a rage like no other. My darkness took some doing to reclaim, and I know I can't make it weaker, only stronger. Who knows what I can become if it takes over someday? Ripper number 2, or something else entirely. I can still feel that sense of freedom and power when I didn't have to care, when I didn't have to feel."
Wulfe said, "Your darkness is strong, but it's locked away. You can't break free, even if you want to. I made sure of that. If you ever need it, I'll know, and I'll be there to control it. You have some serious shit in your mind, but the Salvatores can help you. Damon is no longer under Damien's influence. He has Salvatore's rage, but he also has their love, and someday, you'll feel it too. It'll change your world, for better or worse. Life throws us curveballs; we're all victims or predators, depending on what others do. It's a dance of life, a chess game."
I said to him, "Don't talk to me about chess games. I know a chaos kitty who has her own chess game. You've seen her work. Remember when you threw me into the fight club ship and gave men new lives? It was all Chaos Kitty ruining your plan."
Wulfe looked actually ashamed.
He said, "Not my best day. Horatio was a pain in the ass, but I dealt with him permanently. He no longer has a way to blackmail me. I cursed him to live the rest of his life as a rat, as rats aren't so long-lived, are they? And it's been quite a while since I did it."
I said to Wulfe, "One day, I should take you to the zoo. I've been working there as a keeper and a vet."
I remembered that time again, one divorce that Damon took from me.
Wulfe said, "You see, this is your problem. In your memories, negative feelings are attached, leading to even worse memories. You're tying yourself in knots. But I taught Damon how to unlink your memories. So maybe one day, when we're talking about animals and zoos, you can tell me something funny instead of getting the memory of Damon divorcing you. This is how they manipulated your memory, through linking. This is what we need to focus on, so prepare yourself."
Wulfe's expression was sharp and unwavering. He was right. I had always thought that my life was filled with so much shit, but he was right. I had good times too, but they rarely came to mind, almost never, unless I actively tried to dig them out. And even then, they felt so plain.
We were sitting by the crackling fire, its warm glow casting dancing shadows on our faces. I lost track of time as I shared my memories, letting them flow freely from my mind. I was determined to find solace in this moment, to break free from the past, or to create something better.
I turned to him and said, my voice filled with a hint of mischief, "Did you know that I was once a true freak? I had eight eyes embedded in my spine, hands scattered all over my body, and even one near my backside. They all functioned perfectly. And believe it or not, I had a well-formed mouth with fangs on my ass cheek."
His eyebrows shot up in surprise as he replied, "How on earth...and I don't see any evidence of them now."
I chuckled, "Well, during a Christmas party, Damon's little celebration for me, one of Bran's friends set a trap. With the help of a fear demon and some unknown substances, Sark subjected me to uranium and radiation. My body's response was to grow more parts. Eventually, they were surgically removed, but then afterward Damien took advantage of my weakened state in the shed."
He gazed at me, his eyes filled with empathy, and said, "You've been through so much, far more than I have in my entire existence. It's one of the things that drew me to you, your spirit, your untamed strength. You're like a pure, untamed unicorn."
I shook my head, a wry smile on my lips, "Witnessing my darkness doesn't make me pure. Maybe just pure crazy. I'm far from innocent."
Wulfe remarked, "No one is innocent, not even a newborn baby. Its first act is to grow inside its mother, relying on her life force. It's a parasite, really. Humans just romanticize the miracle of birth, but in reality, nature can be cruel even in its rhyme and reason. There is a darkness in everything."
I spoke softly, my words barely above a whisper, "I suppose you've seen too much of that darkness, haven't you? Love has the power to heal, you know. Look at us, two loners, sharing our darkest thoughts in this cozy place. Maybe next time we can play board games. I'll show you how I would beat you at Monopoly. And who knows, maybe we can create our own rules."
He smirked, the fire's warm glow reflecting in his eyes, "Playing board games sounds like a lot of fun."
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone