Chapitre 31: Warmth (2)
Mina's POV
This isn't exactly the first time that I have lost a friend. However, even after experiencing it hundreds of times, and no matter how lifeless I will be afterward, the pain will forever be there, ready to tear my spirit apart. So, after placing Petra's body safely on the ground where the dead are lined up, I couldn't immediately let go.
I simply placed my right hand on top of her non-existent heartbeat, praying for her safe journey in the afterlife.
"Moblit," I called out to my superior, who was watching every movement that I took, and asked, "Is it possible for me to bury her properly?"
Just imagining her body being thrown into a sea of flame is piercing every organ that I have, making me unable to think and breathe.
Considering what he saw in my expression, he gave me a small smile. "We'll see, Mina."
With a brief and subtle nod, I finally removed my hand and stepped back, forcing myself not to look back. During the 57th expedition in the Second World, the scout regiment was forced to retreat after securing Eren's safety. I was one of the soldiers who were tasked to take the rear guard, so I can vaguely recall how inhumane the soldiers have become while throwing the dead bodies to distract the onslaught of Titans.
Is Petra one of them? Will I also lose the chance to send her off properly?
I sighed and placed my hair behind my ear, remembering that I gave my hair ties to Gunther. It must have looked too messy right now, but I could care less about that. In my mind, I began to prepare how to counter our next attack, taking into consideration that retreating is their top priority.
But not mine.
With a decision set in place, I immediately resupplied my gas and asked a trembling soldier nearby if I could have his as well. It took some time to persuade him, seeing that he was scared and unable to form any kind of logic, before he finally succumbed to my desire after I told him that no Titans would come after them.
"Are you sure?" He asks me as relief floods his expression. "T-they won't come a-after us?"
Using a confident tone, I replied, "I am. So, promise me one thing," I leaned my head over to his and pleaded. "No matter what happens, don't throw the dead bodies away. Make sure that they'll return home, okay?"
After seeing him nod his head, his gaze filled with resolve and purpose, I finally turned my heels and began to wrap the blades that I had gathered in one huge cloth while making sure that it wouldn't accidentally pierce my back.
It was a gamble, one so risky that I was practically throwing myself into a pit of madness.
Once I had successfully wrapped it, along with my extra tank of gas, I placed it on my back and tied the cloth around my body. I strapped it in a way that won't hinder the movements that I'll make while using my ODM gear, so I can safely assume that I won't die due to recklessness.
Then, he finally arrived while carrying an unconscious boy. Behind him is a girl who can't keep her eyes off her friend.
It was time.
Soldiers began to prepare for our journey back home. Some are still in a daze, while others are loading the dead bodies in an empty cart. Just watching them do so makes me wonder if the man I have pleaded with earlier will properly do his job later.
"Mina?" Just from hearing her voice, my eyes trembled. Looking back, I saw Mikasa standing nearby, her eyes gazing into my dead ones. "You're… alive. Thank goodness."
I couldn't help but stare in awe after seeing her smile amidst this madness. She took a step forward and held my hands, that are filled with blood. It was at that moment that I noticed how filthy I must have looked. "Ah…"
"Here," She then offered a cloth, one that I refused to accept. "But you're,"
I finished her sentence while taking a step back. "Dirty, I know."
So, please, don't come near me.
After hearing the call for retreat, I instantly peeled away from Mikasa and purposely placed myself at the back of the group, hiding from people who might notice what I was trying to do. I could hear Moblit calling my name, but I ignored it while reminding myself how harsh my punishment would be later on.
As I embarked on my horse and patted the side of his head, I whispered, "Help me out, okay? Once you sense danger, you run."
Retreating, in a sense, is far more dangerous for the scout regiment. We have fewer troops, wounded soldiers, and hopeless people riding back to our homes behind the wall. I lifted my hood and hid my face, ready to proceed with my mission.
In front of me, just a few meters away, were the wagons where the dead bodies had been placed. Two soldiers were stationed behind it, making me notice the man I begged for gas. It was a relief that he was stationed to sit there. Thank Ymir for such a coincidence.
A man with brown hair took notice of my position, his expression filled with confusion and sadness, but upon seeing what was behind me, he paled. "Titans!"
Unbeknownst to me, other soldiers were riding behind my back. I clicked my tongue upon noticing a dead soldier that they were carrying. They must have gone back; how chivalrous.
A cloud of red smoke was signaled, telling the command center what was happening at the back of the group.
It wasn't time; they still hadn't decided to sacrifice the dead bodies.
And so, I let one more soldier die, leaving the other one for Mikasa to save.
"I'll get behind them!" A soldier screamed from the wagon, his blades ready to strike. "I'll draw their attention, then you-"
"No."
I shivered, eyeing the man whose eyes had seen thousands of deaths. He continued to ride his horse while issuing his next order. "Just abandon the bodies. They'll reach us."
It was him.
I bit my lip as an unknown emotion rose within my small frame.
It was Captain Levi all along.
He's willing to sacrifice the bodies of his teammates just to ensure the safety of the other soldiers. Just how can… how can he survive in this cruel world? How is he able to abandon his humanity, which I can't seem to do even after living for three worlds?
How commendable, Captain Levi.
"B-but!" The soldier wanted to make a retort but failed in doing so.
Captain Levi continued. "In the past, many bodies haven't made it back. These guys aren't anything special."
Special…
Not… special?
I laughed, gaining everyone's attention. My soulless gaze eventually met his tired ones, capturing a sense of understanding from that split second.
"I digress, captain." With an unchanging look, I jumped on my horse, readying myself for what would come. However, for one selfish moment, I looked at him for one last time and smiled. "Please, leave it to me."
Then I jumped.
Time moved so slowly, yet every nerve in my body screamed, telling me to move. Twirling around as I had always done, I finally maneuvered myself towards the titan's nape, avoiding its hand that was trying to grab me in the process.
A second was all it took before I successfully killed it.
Ignoring their calls, I immediately proceeded to my next target while using the dead titan's body as a springboard. I shifted the way I held my weapon, something that was taught to me back in world number two. With its blade pointing behind my back, something that Captain Levi is known for doing, I leaped and connected my wires to the shoulder of the next titan.
With its arm stretched out, I revolved my whole body to slice every flesh that I could touch as I made my way toward its weak spot.
"Die." And so, it did.
Upon landing on the ground, I saw a few more titans in a far-off distance. I placed my supplies on the ground and readied myself, wishing nothing more than to commit mass murder. This is war, I tell myself while taking a step forward.
"So, please…" I mumbled, readying myself to dive into chaos. Die!
"You are not going anywhere!" Then, with a pull, someone deliberately lifted me onto his horse, securing me before riding once more. "The hell were you thinking, Mina?!"
"Captain Levi…" Seeing his rageful eyes, I woke up. My eyes widened as they eventually became moist, blurring my frustrated vision. "You… you can't just leave them here! I… I wanted to," As my lips trembled, something warm began to wrap behind my head, intentionally pulling me in.
His warmth, one that instantly comforted me, one that I was seeking the whole day, spread within me as tears threatened to spill. His loud and steady heartbeat was beating, proof that the person I was grabbing for dear life was very much alive.
But I refused to cry. Even as a tiny bit of sanity returned within me, I simply held on to his jacket and closed my eyes. "I want to bury her properly, Captain. Please… I beg of you, don't leave her in this place."
The hand that was holding me slightly quivered, but it never left, nor did it let go.
"You saved two of my members," He whispers, just enough for the two of us to hear. "And you brought everyone back." With a gentle pull, I slowly lifted my head to gaze at his sorrowful eyes.
"Thank you." He says, finally giving me the hope that I thought I had lost in this expedition.
Hearing those words… I thought to myself as the light within my eyes began to radiate once more.
Is enough.
*****
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone