Chapitre 3: Ashes to Ashes (Part I)
Accounts of Sam. End of Summer.
Bubbles swim up the sides of the glass bottle, I watch the untouched beer while my misgivings stew. I'd welcome the distraction, but it only adds weight to my troubled mind.
The past few years have been rocky with Derek, but this month our bond has rapidly deteriorated. We've been butting heads a lot as of late.
Prior to my personal revelation, we'd always gotten along, but it appears my efforts to change for the better are at the expense of our relationship. My change in lifestyle has caused us to grow apart.
I don't like it, he's my brother after all. I've always watched out for him, but perhaps my concerns are overbearing. I can't seem to shake the disquiet, I see him spiraling down that same dark path I was on not so long ago.
And here I am, sticking around in hopes we can finally put this to bed. Put aside our differences, make amends, but it hasn't been going well.
I'm not being completely honest with myself, repairing the damage is my excuse– it may be too late for that. I'm a mess of anxiety wondering what overindulgent scheme he's got up his sleeve for tonight. Derek's been especially headlong this week, purely impulsive. I feel somewhat responsible for it– not responsible for tonight in particular but for my years of negative influence on him.
From the east side of the dimly lit bar, I watch him. I know my face is a wash of disappointment so I created space in an attempt to calm myself down.
I don't mean to direct it at him, my dissatisfaction is with myself and how I've led him astray.
He's over in that red half circle seat with a blonde woman that looks absolutely plastered. I used to do pretty much the same exact thing in that blasted corner booth. He's the spitting image of the me I'm trying to leave behind. Derek's going to get himself into trouble if he continues this way.
The woman is all over him, simply enamored. Her fair skin flushed from alcohol. I follow a blue vein lining her slender neck, pulsing to a steady rhythm.
I scowl, clenching my balled fist into the other as my arms rest on the table. I turn away from them. I'm in such a foul mood, likely made worse by the fact I haven't eaten in almost two weeks.
A stupid and dangerous decision but this debacle has really soured my cravings. In truth, I'm afraid satisfying my needs will contribute to worsening my state of mind, but if I don't resolve this soon I'm bound to do something I'll regret. Quite the little dilemma I've made for myself.
Lost in my brooding, I realize my aimless stare is directed at the new curly haired bartender. She gives me a flirtatious half smile, purposely leaning over the counter to accentuate that low cut top.
I consider, for a brief moment, taking her up on the offer.
'No, I have far too much plaguing my mind and I'm decidedly unstable tonight.'
I give her a polite smile with a nod, then turn in a direction without anyone in my line of sight to resume my sulking.
"What's eatin' ya, Sammy?"
Cooper waltzes up to the empty seat next to mine, carefree as per usual. I acknowledge him with a blank look and shrug. His eyes drift to the red booth where he spies Derek getting handsy with the blonde dame.
"Ah, ya worray ta much, we've all been dere. 'E'll figure it ou'."
"Yeah, and what if he goes too far? What exactly *is* too far for Derek?"
"We've gotta figure tha' 'un ou' ourselves, Sammy. Offen tha' hard wey."
He flashes me his signature reassuring smile before going back to grinning at an admirer sending him openly provocative signals.
I want to be convinced, it would be nice not to worry so damn much. I have no intention of controlling Derek, but he's damn reckless. How can I not be apprehensive, especially when Cooper overlooks it. There are times I want to strangle Derek, doesn't he have any foresight?
"Have ya eaten anythin' recentlay?"
Thoughts interrupted, I meet Cooper's gaze. He's evaluating me more sternly than before.
"Not much of an appetite lately," I lie, focusing back on my brother. I can tell he's getting bored of the girl as he kisses her with counterfeit passion.
"Maybe ya shud worray a lil' more abou' yerself n' less abou' Derek, yeah?" Cooper suggests, I sense him still fixed on me. He sounds genuinely concerned.
The girl is now slumped over in the booth, dazed and on the verge of unconsciousness. Derek wipes his mouth with the back of hand and slides out of the arced seat to join us. He catches me staring and furrows his brow. Whatever my expression is appears to irritate him.
"Hmm, is that three girls tonight? I'm surprised you're not taking this one home with you too," the comment comes out a little more condescending than intended.
"How long has it been since you've gotten laid?" he throws back with a smirk, "You could use it, maybe then you wouldn't be such a crotchety, old geezer."
Cooper chuckles as he lifts off his chair, effortlessly catching up with Derek heading out the exit. I snort at that and turn to follow.
The cool night air licks by the moon bleached streets as I step through the swinging bar door. I cock an eyebrow at the sky, unusually penetrating light for a crescent moon phase.
Cooper walks beside Derek, chatting enthusiastically about some newcomer frequenting one of our usual haunts. Apparently she smells of candy and spices.
Typical Cooper, chipper and unbothered by anything– even by things that should bother him. He can talk for hours if you'll let him. But it's nice having a guy like him around to lighten the mood.
I lag behind starting to relax. Maybe Coop is right, I need to worry more about myself and less about Derek.
I close my eyes and let out a sigh, hanging back at my leisurely pace. I prefer the clean air to the stuffy bar with its multitude of smells. Not that the scents were unappealing, but today I think it added to my personal tension.
Cooper continues chatting about a ridiculous news report as we wander into an area that's mostly closed down for the night.
The unease cranks back up again. Derek is a bit drunk, which encourages mischief. I have half a mind to part ways, but there's this awful suspicion that I know what he's up to. Leaving now won't relieve my sense of guilt and responsibility– I'll merely obsess.
The fiendish air about my brother causes my mouth to tug at the corners. Ambitious eyes searching for something as he half listens to Cooper.
And unfortunately, that something is out on these barren streets, a young girl.
Is the woman mentally deficient? Why on earth is she walking out here alone? Her long, golden brown hair sways in a ponytail as she walks a brisk pace ahead.
I eye Derek from behind. A lopsided, drunken sneer forms on his lips as he looks to Cooper.
His eyes are devious and lit with excitement.
'Don't go down this way, Derek.' I urge silently.
He's becoming a zealot for anything to light a fire in him and I'm anxious to know where he draws the line.
I grit my teeth, hoping Cooper will cut him off. I'm sure my disapproval will make Derek more likely to indulge, but Cooper? I focus on his square jawed profile as that content face lazily turns. Derek gestures to the girl walking ahead of them.
"Oh, she's a cute 'un, in't she?" he leisurely remarks as if he hadn't noticed her.
'Cooper, don't.'
"She's all alone," Derek hints with a certain impishness, "we should make sure she isn't lost."
Cooper thinks it over for a moment or two.
'Don't go along with this...' Can he really not see how Derek is tonight?
"Mmm, my' as well."
'Damn it, Cooper! Damn it all.'
I should have expected as much. This is so predictable, goes wherever the wind takes him. I just hoped against hope he'd have a more wholesome activity to suggest. I do *not* like where this is headed.
The girl knows we're after her. I hear her heart rate begin to pick up. She takes a few irregular turns with the intention of going our separate ways, if only it were so easy. The spark of pity is consumed by a swirl of my own unwilling excitement.
Smelling her fear mixing with her own scent is unrelenting on my senses. Sweet flowers and tangy citrus, her natural perfume is incredibly appealing. It's giving me a high.
I want her.
I despise her for smelling so intoxicating, I hate Derek for purposely seeking trouble, Cooper for not giving a damn, and myself for getting wrapped up in this.
Her pulse quickens. The drumming becomes even more hypnotic. I'm losing myself to its wonderful sound.
She gives a surreptitious glance behind, thinking none of us noticed. I notice alright, I picture myself pushing her down on all fours as she glances back at me just like that. Knotting my fingers through her long hair and yanking her head back. Taking her slender but full form from behind.
I imagine my hands sliding down her supple curves and gripping around that slim neck. The heat of her body warming my fingertips, her hot breath escaping a carnal mouth with pleasured moans.
I could pounce on her right now, sweep her into a a number of these allies. Every wicked intention never to be discovered and then erased entirely.
Her delicious scent, I need to breathe it in. Taste that delicate, milky skin... My thoughts gradually devolve, I feel my teeth ache as they become darker.
I want to sink my teeth into her, taste all of her inside and out. Flip her around to see the horror flash in her eyes as the blood curdling screams ensue. Tear into that soft flesh, rip open her chest cavity and devour her, completely decimate...
I halt in my tracks, disgusted, cursing myself for not feeding beforehand. Closing my eyes, I huff out air to clear my head of those morbid fantasies. I don't want to be that, I'm not that and I am not going to entertain even the mildest hedonistic craving right now.
This is exactly what I wanted to avoid, what I didn't want to get mixed up in again. If I'm imagining this kind of garbage God knows what's going on in Derek's mind.
I had gotten unconsciously close while absorbed in the girl. I let the two get a few paces ahead to collect myself before striding forward again.
Tonight of all nights, why'd the girl have to walk by herself at this exact time, in this very place. I'm stuck now and not in a state to do much about it. For her sake, I hope she's finished off quickly.
I notice her pulse steady and watch as she attempts to "naturally" evaluate her surroundings– clearly an effort to avoid our scrutiny.
Cooper is still yammering on. He's too good at the oblivious act, though I know he's more observant than he lets on. Derek is barely listening to the rambling at this point, with the occasional "mmhms" and "uhuhs". His eyes are laser focused on that young woman. She leads us to a rural emptiness. It's as she's openly inviting awful things to come her way.
Her heartbeat starts to spike, suggesting a verge of panic. Yet despite the doubletime knocking, her behavior is abnormal. I narrow my eyes as she slows. The girl appears distracted.
She blatantly turns to look at us now, but the expression is lost. Her thoughts seem elsewhere.
"Where ya 'eaded, sweethear'? I's naw safe ta be wanderin' alone ou' 'ere," Cooper calls.
His tone is so inappropriate for the current situation, I'd laugh if I weren't so on edge. But apparently it's enough for the girl to lose her nerve. She takes an unexpected turn, bolting for the woods.
Derek peaks with excitement in a bout of cagey laughter, his victim unknowingly entering his game.
"Come on, honey, where do you think you're going?"
My jaw clenches with frustration. There is little attempt to hide his eagerness. To see my brother go down this road with such fervor is disheartening. How far down the rabbit hole does he intend to go?
'What the hell can I even do?'
Derek heads after the woman as Cooper keeps close behind. The fact that he didn't snap her up on the spot is what most concerns me. He's going to draw this out and enjoy every minute of it.
"So, she's a lil' spit fire, i'nt she?"
Cooper thoughtfully examines Derek when he doesn't so much as grace his musings with a reply.
"Don' be ta hasty, le's see wha' this lil' fireball has ta offa, hmm?"
Brows constricting, I stare at the back of his head. Now *that* is not like Cooper. That suggestion came off… malicious. In all my years of knowing him, he's never been malicious. Derek doesn't seem to notice the out of character statement, rather delighted by the prospect.
"You're saying we should make her squirm?"
"Someone tha' livelay cud make thangs veray intrestin'. If yer patient."
Is he encouraging him to toy with her? This isn't right, this isn't Cooper. I want to protest but I'm certain it won't do any good. Derek is too enthused with the idea.
As the woman struggles through the foliage we're effortlessly gaining on her. We slide through the thick of the wild, taking unmarked paths without exertion.
This section of forest is acutely familiar. Not a good familiarity either. I puzzle over the sites, almost able to put my finger on it. Taking in the scent, I note it's crisply humid. There's a brooke at a distance.
'Are we near Stranglehold trail?'
"She's getting too close to the edge," Derek blurts out, "Stop fooling around before we lose her."
So, it is that forbidden place. The girl's headed right for it, could it be intentional? No, she couldn't have known. Besides, that's a reaper's domain, it's guaranteed to put any trespasser six feet under.
Derek inevitably catches her, escape wasn't a question. She gets less than a second to scream before he smothers it. Despite his smaller stature and her thrashing, it's a toilless effort. And he finds her struggle all very amusing… for a while.
Him even suggesting we would lose her is laughable. I suppose he's unnerved by the wall of juniper, our last warning to turn back. As long as we don't cross into the reaper's territory we shouldn't run into any extra trouble. That's what they say, anyhow.
"A fighta', are ya, love?" Cooper chimes, seeming to admire her spirit.
That tear stained face is wide eyed and shaken. Her hair is no longer neatly tied back, it's a tangled mass littered with twigs.
The girl struggles harder to no avail. She's scared and it invites the typical adrenaline excitement within me, which also brings on the usual revulsion.
However, a new feeling stirs. I not only pity her, I'm afraid for her. And I thought myself desensitized by now.
"This is going to be very unpleasant for you if you don't settle the fuck down!"
I roll my eyes to the sky at Derek's threat. Did we really just chase this girl out here to torture her like a helpless animal? This could have been over quickly, painlessly but here we are in this godforsaken forest. My brother is inebriated and bloodstruck, I expected this from him, but Cooper?
This is all wrong and it's making me sick, but it's not like I haven't participated in similar activities in the past, making me the golden standard hypocrite.
I almost want to kill the girl myself, just get it over with and put this ugly gathering to an end. I know that will only bring more problems, so I continue to mull over my misgivings by an old curved oak.
The girl heeds the warning and begins to calm.
"Wise decision," says Derek, temporarily appeased by her submission.
"This is too far…"
It slips out. I didn't want to say anything to provoke but I suppose I'm fed up.
All but Derek turn to look my way.
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone