Magic Swordsman In One Piece (D&D)

LV 13

KuroWashi1903

This is going to be a weak-to-strong story and an AU. MC is not going to be a straw hat or a pirate. He is going to try and establish his own law and order.

LV 4

Albanian_Gamer

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LV 4

Scarface3699

pretty boring overall, grammar mistakes and spelling errors are minimal but in enough of the novel to require a editor or something not a commenter. The plot is meh i, i think the writing style and dialogue are bland. The power system for the MC is needlesysly complicated for the world. There is a way is a way to make it work if u trim all the fat of it.

LV 4

Hanni_Baal

Ok, the idea is very interesting, but it is poorly implemented, do not be discouraged author, you said that you accept constructive criticism and this has every intention of being so, this can be improved, continue with the story, improve with practice and keep in mind what I tell you for your next FF. I clarify, I have not read all nor do I plan to do so, because I really cannot accept some of the author's decisions, I will talk about them later, but in view of the potential of this idea I decided to leave the problems that I see, with the intention that the author improve and, perhaps in the future, rewrite this story with greater coherence; In the same way, I am not going to talk about spelling because, not being a native, I could easily make a mistake. Now, it is understandable that the beginning is a bit forced, with the mixture of worlds and everything, but the writing in general is quite rough, the narration does not feel fluid, making it difficult to immerse ourself in the story, I mean, do not throw the information at us so in our faces, also sometimes it seems that you forgot to put something in or it occurred to you later, so you decide to include it as if it were a last minute addition to the plot, like the blacksmith; or I also just read that after killing the bear, the teacher deduced that it was by a sword technique, but that's said by the omniscient narrator in the crudest possible way, you could have done a little scene of Koushirou bending down and checking the cut and then being surprised at the mastery of the sword, internal chatter and all, or something like that ... My point is that is better if you don't throw us the conclusions you want us to draw, use your characters to form the idea little by little or give us the clues so that we can achieve it, the first one is very important to create the framework for the other characters skills, and for giving mysticism. Another error that I saw is how you attacked the scale of power and the physical reality of things, that is, the techniques that the MC would know do not make sense, some because they require advanced knowledge that he simply does not have or because Zoro creates them on his journey; and, at the same time, doing it like this you just delegitimized all the efforts of the rest of the swordsman in your fiction, wich make it pointless unless this is one of those lame FF of OP characters that act like chinese Young Masters; and the blacksmith thing destroy the logic of your story! It's the reason why DXD is an absolute joke, there's no effort in half of their characters; which brings me to the last and worst mistake, empathy, you tried to make us empathize with the main character through a traumatic past, and it was not that bad, crude, yes, but the idea was there, but there was no growth period or anything, you didn't give us time to appreciate his situation and growth, preventing a true empathy with your character. And let's not even talk about the casual modifications to the time line, that some do it in series like Naruto, Fairy Tail or DB where the time line is poorly planned and as long as you keep certain immovable nodes everything works, it can work, just if they keep it in a decent explanatory order, but in a story like One Piece where the attention to detail is so high? It doesn't make sense, and it's too big a risk for the mere convenience of your wishes author. In any case, in summary: Narrative, character development, balance, and be coherent with the origin story and the theme of your novel.

LV 1

Nightsking

Great story I came here from your other story and this one doesn't dissapoint as of chapter 4. Like the setting and the way you write so thank you for another story!

LV 4

Apollyon_

It’s an ok one piece fic. Expect ~5 grammatical/spelling mistakes a chapter. Author could benefit greatly from running his chapters through gpt or Grammarly. The power system is some kind of derivative of dnd 5e. If you’re not familiar with the system, expect to read multiple chapters explaining it in a way that doesn’t make sense in a real world. Things like spell slots and action economy have no purpose outside of a game/system world. Expect borderline wiki dump explanations for each ability, and each option for an ability that the mc gets each time they level. 5e as a system is intriguing, but I feel it’s poorly implemented here and bogs down the fic way too much.

LV 4

Newnoob

[img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend] Love the fic hope you don't drop it down halfway.

The book is decent, pacing is slow but I like reading slow pacing stories. The MC is weak at the start and gets strong with time .All in all a good weak to strong story.

I was a fan of your other work and I am coming there. Author-san you do not dissapoint in this story too. It is a fun concept and I like the way you write plz continue too give as good content.

LV 11

DuchessKolslaw

Shameless rating. Not taking a Straw Hat or joining luffys crew. Perfect 5star rating. I haven't even read a single letter of the first chapter and I like it.

LV 4

Humbuub

Had fun reading this, I was skeptical at first since I'm not familar with DnD system and rules, it's quite refreshing and made the power scaling more reasonable. Got tired of those FF who learned Rokushiki & Haki on the get go just because they watched the anime. My main gripe would be the slow updates. The dialogues seems natural and didn't sound like Chinese characters who shouts "kill" and curse words all the time. 👍

LV 4

Craterzech3

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LV 15

StevenWar

Really good story, but I gave 4 stars for writing quality because there where some minor spelling mistakes with 'her/his/ and 'she/he', other then that its one of the best ff I have reed in a while.

It is a good fan fic about. It has a slow pacing story. Only bad thing about is author only releases two chapters a week.

I have read your other novel and like this one, I am a fan off. with this novel you do not dissapoint. this novel has good idea and it show you have a bit more experiance since this one has a good pacing. I like the DnD inspired power. Author please continue your good work

LV 5

anubis1650

I have to say I like it I'm a little partial to D&D stories so that may be affecting how I view this but there's good character interaction. The story and set up are good from what I've seen but since I'm only on chapter 11 it has not gotten to Canon so you can never tell if it's going to tank there. In my experience reading fanfiction usually the start and Canon are where the major difficulties show up I can't tell you how many times I've read a fanfic that has a good start then as soon as I got to Cannon it was like reading from the Canon script with only a few or minor changes sometimes not even that.

LV 1

Oleg_Nikitin

Хорошая работа. Герой конечно имба, но такое весьма частое явление. Больше всего нравится ход истории и мировоззрение главного героя, без того, чтобы быть пиявкой на ноге Луффи или сохранить канон. Делай что должно и будь что будет.

LV 14

gREcOvITSIoZo

it is very well writen and enjoyable. Usually I am relactunt to read one piece with external power systems, but it has been surpiringly good !

LV 4

Piotr_Uklejewski

******************************** Good work! ****************************************** ***************************** And i need more! ***************************************

LV 13

Jahar

Good story, the intro is well written and innovative. As well as the rest of the story. In short, I advise you to read it, you will not be disappointed.