19Critiques
4.44
- Qualité de l’écriture
- Stabilité des mises à jour
- Développement de l’histoire
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Harem stories in dragon ball are rare, so I'm looking forward to more, if I'm ever displeased I'll change this review as a warning.................
Many of the 2-star voters did not read the story until chapter 20 or 10. The problems have already been solved in general, so enjoy it~~ I started doing translations and corrections using chatgpt, so most if not all of the problems are likely already resolved. Enjoy~~
Your idea is good, but the writing needs improvement. If you fix it, I'll read the story.
La historia es buena, pero la dejo por 2 razones 1 : no me gusta que el personaje ya tenga 90mil de poder cuando goku tiene 4 años entiendo que esta abusando de los senkai pero hubieras ido mas tranquilamente y la 2 y la mas importante ODIO DESDE EL FONDO CUALQUIERA FANFIC EN EL QUE EXISTA CAMBIO DE GENERO NO PUEDO COMPRENDER QUE LES PASA POR LA MENTE A LOS AUTORES O A LAS PERSONAS QUE LES GUSTA
Spoiler de révélation
The grammar is absolutely atrocious. I’m used to reading mtl translations so that kind of stuff usually doesn’t bother me, but I legitimately couldn’t understand what was being said at certain times, and it ruins the flow of the story when i get caught up in deciphering the grammar. The story seems fine so far, though the MC is getting way too strong way too fast, with a power level of 90,000 when he’s still a toddler without having a hyperbolic time chamber or transformations or gravity training or any of that.
The story itself is very good, there are fan fics that start and I don't understand anything that's happening, it's already here to understand because it explains
Though you have what could be a solid FF there is a few teething issues, mainly the flow of the story is a little off putting. PS. Bio-kinetic is about the manipulation of energy and not biology, either you have misunderstood the abilities or your title is wrong. If you need to know what Bio-kinetic is, search about Gambit from Marvel or Hisoka Morow from Hunter x Hunter. All the best.
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[img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]
The story is interesting, some people complain about the writing, but this story is readable, with an understandable story, I'll see how it develops in the future.
Flow is very choppy otherwise pretty good could do with an editor to help smooth it out.
I would like to present the female characters in the story to be the harem of the monks, but who will get into it, but you will choose to enter (there will be gender-swapped characters like Goku characters that you choose to change the gender from the original as well, with the gender-switching character will have (female) as well) : Android 21 (good and evil) , Android 17(female) , Android 18 , Angela , Annin , Caulifla , Cheelai , Cocotte , Colonel Violet , Erasa , Fasha , Hasky , Heles , Kale , Kusu , Launch , Mai , Marcarita , Maron , Miss Piiza , Nain , Princess Snake , Ranfan , Mermaid , Tights , Towa , Vados , Videl , Yurin , Zangya , General White's Sisters(If you take this too, you may need to add some chapters.) , Frieza (female) , Cell (female) , broly (female) , Vegeta (female) , raditz (female) , piccolo(female) , majin buu (female).
Está muy bien espero que puedas continuar con la historia si es posible Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias
Harem stories in dragon ball are rare, so I'm looking forward to more, if I'm ever displeased I'll change this review as a warning.................
Many of the 2-star voters did not read the story until chapter 20 or 10. The problems have already been solved in general, so enjoy it~~ I started doing translations and corrections using chatgpt, so most if not all of the problems are likely already resolved. Enjoy~~
Your idea is good, but the writing needs improvement. If you fix it, I'll read the story.
La historia es buena, pero la dejo por 2 razones 1 : no me gusta que el personaje ya tenga 90mil de poder cuando goku tiene 4 años entiendo que esta abusando de los senkai pero hubieras ido mas tranquilamente y la 2 y la mas importante ODIO DESDE EL FONDO CUALQUIERA FANFIC EN EL QUE EXISTA CAMBIO DE GENERO NO PUEDO COMPRENDER QUE LES PASA POR LA MENTE A LOS AUTORES O A LAS PERSONAS QUE LES GUSTA
Spoiler de révélation The grammar is absolutely atrocious. I’m used to reading mtl translations so that kind of stuff usually doesn’t bother me, but I legitimately couldn’t understand what was being said at certain times, and it ruins the flow of the story when i get caught up in deciphering the grammar. The story seems fine so far, though the MC is getting way too strong way too fast, with a power level of 90,000 when he’s still a toddler without having a hyperbolic time chamber or transformations or gravity training or any of that.
The story itself is very good, there are fan fics that start and I don't understand anything that's happening, it's already here to understand because it explains
Though you have what could be a solid FF there is a few teething issues, mainly the flow of the story is a little off putting. PS. Bio-kinetic is about the manipulation of energy and not biology, either you have misunderstood the abilities or your title is wrong. If you need to know what Bio-kinetic is, search about Gambit from Marvel or Hisoka Morow from Hunter x Hunter. All the best.
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[img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]
The story is interesting, some people complain about the writing, but this story is readable, with an understandable story, I'll see how it develops in the future.
Flow is very choppy otherwise pretty good could do with an editor to help smooth it out.
I would like to present the female characters in the story to be the harem of the monks, but who will get into it, but you will choose to enter (there will be gender-swapped characters like Goku characters that you choose to change the gender from the original as well, with the gender-switching character will have (female) as well) : Android 21 (good and evil) , Android 17(female) , Android 18 , Angela , Annin , Caulifla , Cheelai , Cocotte , Colonel Violet , Erasa , Fasha , Hasky , Heles , Kale , Kusu , Launch , Mai , Marcarita , Maron , Miss Piiza , Nain , Princess Snake , Ranfan , Mermaid , Tights , Towa , Vados , Videl , Yurin , Zangya , General White's Sisters(If you take this too, you may need to add some chapters.) , Frieza (female) , Cell (female) , broly (female) , Vegeta (female) , raditz (female) , piccolo(female) , majin buu (female).
Está muy bien espero que puedas continuar con la historia si es posible Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias Gracias