---
(Wow. Yup, Miz was right about her brother being a little overprotective. ...Well, Crampelter wasn't dead, though, despite the rumor mill's best efforts to make him out to be that way when he was still walking the actual hallways of the school. Which was kind of funny, when she thought about it. And he probably deserved whatever had actually happened to him anyway.)
[Miz]: I'm fine. I've gotten over my squirmy feelings for him now. He's cute and very nice to look at, but he's the sort who wants to touch, and more than just in the cuddling sense. And I don't like that. So… yeah, I got over him real quick.
[Bill]: I WILL MURDER HIM FOR YOU IF YOU WANT. VERY EASY. I HAVE IDEAS!
[Miz]: Nah that's fine. He's not that bad. At the very least, he refuses to try anything with me so long as I look like a child. And I'm staying in child-form around him. He's a demon, but he's not a sicko.
[Bill]: HM. ...FINE. Let me know if anything changes. --You are in Seb's 'set right now again-and-still, yes?
[Miz]: Yes, I'm living with Seb. But I still pop home to my own set half the time. Which, I should tell you, is going well. I made a Seal for Ax. It's still a work in progress, but he didn't vaporize anyone when he materialized in person in front of people.
[Bill]: HM. I will try not to be jealous of you living in other 'sets right now and not mine. GOOD that you made a Seal for the stupid lizard! I will think of additional ideas for improving what you made for yourself when you were here in my 'set with me.
[Miz]: Awwww~ I miss you too big brother~
[Mary]: Who's Ax?
[Miz]: My dad. He takes the form of a giant salamander. Like, planet sized salamander.
[Bill]: One of MANY STUPID big pink frilly LAZY god-lizards. UGH.
[Miz]: Seb's Ax is also kinda… dumb, I guess. He's definitely lazy though.
[Bill]: ALL OF THE LIZARDS ARE STUPID AND LAZY. I HAVE A THEORY. IT HAS NOT BEEN DISPROVEN YET!!!
[Mary]: Okay… good to know?
(Wait, so Miz's dad was a giant salamander? Wait. Then... was Miz secretly one of those alien lizardmen people that people sometimes talked about in all those conspiracy theory magazines and stuff? Or was she just a... plain old giant salamander alien? ...Huh. You know, now that she was thinking about it, Mary had read somewhere that some amphibians could change sex, so… was Bill also one of them, too? Since he'd said that he'd 'chosen' to become female, but was still a boy? She hadn't been super-sure if Bill had been an adopted sibling or not to Miz, though. ...And now probably wasn't the time to ask. Some things, you really just had to go asking of people in-person...)
[Miz]: Pfffttthh what theory?
[Bill]: THAT ALL OF THE LIZARDS ARE STUPID AND LAZY, BECAUSE THEY ARE STUPID AND LAZY! QED. FROM OBSERVATION. ...THOUGH SOME MAY BE SLIGHTLY LESS STUPID AND LAZY THAN ALL OF THE OTHERS, AND SOME MAY NOT BE BOTH STUPID AND LAZY AT THE SAME TIME.
(Mary snorted with laughter.)
[Miz]: Well, dad is willing to try stuff that I want him to try. So… does that make him less stupid and lazy~?
[Bill]: ...Yes. MAYBE.
[Miz]: :D so you think dad might be different from the others? I think he might be. Maybe. I dunno. But he's been trying harder to be a proper 'dad' to me recently. Like, I think he almost told me that he loved me!
[Bill]: You DON'T WANT to KILL him, AND it talks to you when you talk to it, so YES, it is PROBABLY different. ...WAIT. --WHAT KIND of LOVE WAS it talking about?!?! SEVERAL OF THE KINDS-OF-LOVES ARE A TRAP!!!
(Mary stared at this a bit, because kinds of love? Huh? What was he talking about there?)
[Miz]: Hm… he told me that I was the best thing that has happened to him. He told me that he doesn't want to lose me. That… that means he loves me? Right?
[Bill]: MANIPULATIVE. AND MANIPULATIVE. --NO. It means that he thinks you are 'a best THING' and that he wants to know where you are ALWAYS, because if you MOVE after he PUTS you 'a best THING' IN A PLACE then you are now LOST.
[Miz]: ….well he also said that it was against his better judgement that he missed me and stuff… and I don't think Ax meant it that way. He hasn't tried to force me anywhere, or stopped me from using my Doors anymore.
[Bill]: 'Against his better judgment' IMPLIES he does NOT WANT to miss you. But NO FORCING YOU is good. YOU ARE A PERSON, NOT A THING.
[Miz]: But he does so anyway! And he let me put a Seal on him. For all he knew, I could have completely cut him off from his powers, but he trusted me to build that seal for him.
[Bill]: Did the stupid lizard look at the seal you made for him first before putting it on.
[Miz]: Yeah? But it would be stupid not to. And Ax isn't that stupid.
[Bill]: Then it did not TRUST you. It CHECKED. And yes, if it had not looked, it would be VERY STUPID.
[Miz]: It checked to make sure it wouldn't kill him, because I might have messed up with the ratios. Also… dad told me I should stop blaming myself and being sad all the time. That's… that's supportive, right?
[Bill]: If it checked the Seal, then it checked the Seal. It should NOT tell you WHAT TO DO. SUPPORTIVE is HELPING you do the not-blaming and not-being-sad things, not TELLING you NOT to do the-things without HELPING you not do them. ...YOU should BE CAREFUL of LOVE. LOVE is what made me WANT to TRAP you and KEEP you FOREVER. But I will NOT do that to you.
(Wow, overprotective brother all right. Mary shook her head. She didn't know much about giant alien salamanders, but if they were kind of human? Then that kind of sounded like love to her. ...Though Bill did kind of have a point. Mary could sort of imagine somebody normal saying that, and somebody creepy and abusive, too. It would sound a lot different either way, though. So it probably depended a lot on how Miz's dad had said it to her, exactly. ...Then again, they were all aliens, right? So should she say anything about what she was thinking to the two alien siblings?)
[Miz]: Well he probably doesn't know how to help someone. He'd never helped anyone before… 'least I don't think so...
(Okay, Mary definitely couldn't let that one just go!)
[Mary]: Your dad's never helped you?!
[Miz]: I mean, he gave me a place to go if I lose control of my powers, where I could go wild without anyone getting hurt. He taught me how to get better control of my powers. He recently told Time-Jerk to stop calling me up for jobs. Does that count as help? Maybe? And he took my side when Time-jerk was being angry at me for not wanting to do his jobs anymore. Is that help? And he stopped me when I lost control and held me even as I burned him, just so I wouldn't hurt anyone, because he knows I don't like hurting people by accident.
(Mary wasn't sure what to say about that. Miz's powers sometimes went out of control? She'd burned her salamander dad? What could she say to that? ...He did seem to care about her, though. If he'd really gotten hurt by her holding her, and hadn't let go, even if it hurt him, just so she wouldn't accidentally burn anyone else or hurt herself doing whatever she'd been doing… Who else would do that, besides a dad who really cared for her?
[Mary]: That… sounds… weird?
(Mary was hoping that Bill wouldn't say anything super-paranoid to that. She felt like she'd have to speak up and say something, maybe. But Bill didn't send anything at all in response to Miz's mmessage. There was just a bit of a pause that just drew itself out, and out, and out, until...)
[Miz]: ...Brother?
(Mary frowned at the screen for a bit, wondering if time had desynchronized again? Had they lost their connection with Miz's brother? And then she saw:)
[Bill]: We should not write about this here. Text me instead.
[Miz]: Ok. I'll text you later.
[Bill]: Good. Later-or-now is good. --Mary: you need to eat food soon, yes?
(And Mary didn't quite jump at the knock on her door, and a "Mary, dinner!" called out from her mom.)
(Marey blew out a breath, shaking her head as she sat up on her bed and pushed her legs over the side of the edge of it. "Coming, mom!")
[Mary]: Don't know how you did that, Bill. I'll talk to you later, okay Miz?
[Miz]: Yeah. Hopefully I can chat with you sooner than a 1000+ years next time uwu
[Mary]: I know, right? We've got to figure that one out!
[Bill]: I will work on this thing, yes.
(Mary let out a breath of relief.)
[Miz]: ~(^0^)~ Huuuuugies~ love you both~!
[Mary]: Hugs to you, too! Talk to you soon!
[Bill]: Love you, Miz. Also all of the hugs, yes.
[Mary]: Can't be all of the hugs, or Miz wouldn't have any to give you, too!
[Miz]: It's okay because we share our hugs! Yaaaaay~!
[Bill]: Yes. This is sharing. Now, food and all of the other things!
(And with that, Mary saw the icon for Bill disappear, and she logged herself out, too.)
(Mary let out a sigh as she did so. She'd really missed talking to the two of them, a lot more than she could think. She shoved her phone in a back pocket, and got up to head for her bedroom door. She heard her stomach growl and she snorted; guess talking with two aliens was hungry work? It wasn't long before she'd made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen, ready to sit down and eat dinner with the rest of her family.)
(And maybe... maybe she'd go and try to talk to Lee tomorrow. Maybe. If she worked up the courage to do so. Talking to boys was kind of hard, sometimes.)
---
I rolled over to get more comfortable on Xanthar's back. It was nice to chat with Mary again. And brother. And… well… if brother was keeping an eye on Lee, and had been even before I'd thought of it, then he should be… mostly… fine.
Speaking of brother, I opened a new chatroom and added him in.
[Miz]: Ok, what did you want to tell me?
[Bill]: What is your timecode, and is anyone else going to be reading this chat ever? Was the last thing you saw me ask for a text?
[Miz]: Time code is just 5 seconds after logging off from ours and Mary's conversation. And no one's gonna read this chat. I can delete it afterward if you're worried. And the last thing you asked for in text was asking if Mary had to eat soon.
[Bill]: Five seconds after our first-and-last-for now chat conversation before this new chat conversation?
[Miz]: Yes.
[Bill]: Mary is in the past, and needs to not read this in the past. You wrote something that might shift my outlook on something else. Keeping the information isolated-forward runs less risk of a chance of altering the past. --You KEEP me ON MY TOES, little sis! Very hard to plan for you, I am finding!
[Miz]: I'm hard to plan for! It makes it harder for people to predict me! Yay~!
[Bill]: Hard to plan for, but not IMPOSSIBLE yet! But you DO keep things INTERESTING. This is a GOOD thing. And you are getting BETTER at the unpredictable, yes!
[Bill]: NOW. You wrote a long-thing, and I have things to say, and also questions. You wrote: "I mean, he gave me a place to go if I lose control of my powers, where I could go wild without anyone getting hurt. He taught me how to get better control of my powers. He recently told Time-Jerk to stop calling me up for jobs. Does that count as help? Maybe? And he took my side when Time-jerk was being angry at me for not wanting to do his jobs anymore. Is that help? And he stopped me when I lost control and held me even as I burned him, just so I wouldn't hurt anyone, because he knows I don't like hurting people by accident." Yes?
[Bill]: 'A place to go' that it told you to go to is where it wanted you to go. You were doing it a favor. 'Better control of your powers' we talked about before -- it taught you things that were OPPOSITE OF HELPFUL in the long run. It also did not teach you how to SLEEP. Taking YOUR SIDE against Time Baby could mean that it recognized that teaming up AGAINST you would make its motives SUSPICIOUS, and that it KNOWS you are more powerful that it is now, and could take it on and KILL it if it defied you. That MAY help you, but only if it does not CONSPIRE with Time Baby BEHIND YOUR BACK to help it get you to do all of the killing-things that you don't want to do anymore, and that Stanley doesn't like you having to do, ANYWAY.
[Bill]: BUT.
I waited patiently for brother's 'but'. I knew it was coming.
[Bill]: You said that the stupid lizard held you and you burned it. First question: Did you cause damage to it?
[Miz]: Yeah. He looked… kinda exhausted once I calmed down enough to think properly. I don't think he was hurt but like… he used a lot of energy to keep from being hurt.
[Bill]: HM. That would be CONSISTENT if it wanted to 'support' your want of not-hurting-anyone, because it is ALSO an 'anyone'. But it could have been damaged by you, if you had not stopped… in some less-than-infinite time later than that?
[Miz]: ….probably. I think I set a bunch of his clouds on fire...
[Bill]: Was it a near-thing, the exhaustion and you-stopping?
[Miz]: I think it took me at least a few weeks, going by your Stanley's Earth standard days, for me to come back to myself and stop burning.
[Bill]: Second question: when was the losing control, and are you fine now? Third question: did the stupid lizard hurt or damage or try to stop you in any way?
[Miz]: Yeah. I… I'm fine. My burning was… when Pyrone passed away. I was… not… I got really sad. And angry. And I started burning. But I'm ok-ish now. Dad hasn't done anything to me. All he's done recently is let me make a new Seal for him, and give me a dimension, my own dimension where I can do what I want, build it however I want.
[Bill]: Pyrone. One of your 'children', yes? When did this happen, relative to your last visit to my 'set?
[Miz]: Yeah. This was a few hundred years after I left your set.
[Bill]: ...I should have asked the 'when and are you fine now' as the first question. I will remember to do that, if you communicate something with me about control issues again. I will be a better big brother. I will find an empty dimension for out-of-control burnings here for you, too. Maybe several; you can choose.
[Miz]: Thanks. You're working very hard to be a good big brother.
[Bill]: I am! But I am not doing the best-job-ever at it. Being a good big brother is hard.
[Miz]: Best is relative. And being an older sibling is hard. But it's ok. I love you anyway.
[Bill]: I love you too! And I will work to make sure it is not an 'anyway' anymore soon. ...The stupid lizard DID do something to you, though; it held you when you were burning all of the things, yes? That is… not helpful to it, for most of the normal reasons. I will have to THINK about this. --Did it say any of the things to try and make you feel guilty, for the almost-burning of it? And what did Pyrone say, when you brought him back after all of the burning was over?
[Miz]: I haven't brought him back, yet. I'm not sure what to do. He said… he wanted to start over. And I think he meant that he wanted to do everything different he next go around. I don't know what he wants. So… he's kinda reincarnating somewhere random for now. But Ax isn't going to wipe him to a blank slate, so I should be able to find him once he's reborn.
[Bill]: Random is a very big cross-section. Most starting points are less than… 'nice' or 'pleasant'. Is Pyrone's Mind going-to-be-and-staying whole? How does your stupid lizard define 'a blank slate' and 'not a blank slate'? And you did not tell me if any of the guilt-making was happening because of the stupid lizard there in your 'set.
[Miz]: Dad kinda seemed like he didn't want me to feel guilty. And I don't know how whole Pyrone's going to be. Um… this whole thing is still new, so Ax doesn't fully know how to change his system yet.
[Bill]: HM. ...Is the stupid human thing for a big brother to do to offer consolances for the dear newly-departed now? I am asking about the blank slate because I don't know how much you have fixed your set yet or not, if you are creating the new dimension for the test. Will Pyrone not reincarnate in it in the new system? It sounds like they will be given no choice, so not-there? If it was-and-is like the system in my 'set for demons-from-the-outside, then no condolences would need to be given?
[Miz]: I'm still in the middle of building my new dimension. When Pyrone gets reincarnated… when Quackers and Pynelope get reborn too, I'll go and find them and ask if they want to try my new system. Ax is still running his own system, we haven't taken it down yet, it would mess up things too much.
[Bill]: Transition period, yes. ...Does this mean that the lizard is happy because it wants to be even-more lazy? If this is incentive for it to agree with you, then the 'taking your side' with Time Baby would make more sense. APPEASEMENT TO GET WHAT IT REALLY WANTS! HA!
[Bill]: WAIT.
[Bill]: How many of your 'children' have died, now? Can you still go visit them again BEFORE their deaths.
Ok… that… was an interesting thought. I wasn't always around my kids, I could go back to some earlier point and make them a Deal for what to do with their Souls after death and just have them forget we made that Deal so the past Me doesn't realize… huh… will need to check on that later. But then another thought hit me like a train.
[Miz]: ….what if Ax wants me to take over his job? I can't handle that sort of responsibility! What if that's what all this is about? I can't be trusted with that kind of power! I'll just mess things up and ruin them for everyone!
[Bill]: YES. TAKING OVER from the stupid lizard so that you can DO IT BETTER is THE POINT! Because you are smarter than it is! ...Why do you think you are NOT trusted with power? You ARE all of the energy-power over there, yes? Matter, and energy? That is your 'Pillar'?
[Miz]: Because all I do is mess things up… I can produce energy, sure, but I can't… govern anything… I can't take over his job!
[Bill]: HA! MESSING THINGS UP is FINE! The whole new system is MEANT to allow MISTAKES and MESSES to be FREE, and happen freely, with NO CONSEQUENCES and NO DYING FOREVER! That is THE POINT! Yes? You CAN take over.
[Miz]: Yeah, but that would only be within the new system, which I haven't fully built yet! What if Ax wants me to take over his system?
[Bill]: Tell it NO, its system is STUPID. You will take over using YOUR system, instead. The question is NOT: CAN you take over. The question is: do you WANT to? Or are you just SCARED of 'its job' for some reason? --The stupid lizard is not, but it is also very stupid! I am NOT 'scared' of taking over the stupid lizard's job that it has HERE in THIS 'set. Does that help? ...I can take over THERE if you really want me to, but things will be TRICKY. I would need to learn ALL ABOUT those PILLARS first. And definitely kill that Time Baby. And maybe possibly have to kill that stupid lizard, if it tries to attack me, but you DON'T want me to KILL it for you. SO.
[Miz]: I just don't know how to make it so that people can be happy. It would require so much work. I'm still building my own dimension. I just don't think I'm ready for that kind of responsibility.
[Bill]: Then DON'T make it that way. Let the PEOPLE make it that way. The system is THE POINT. --You give EVERYONE ALL of the choices, they make their own choices. If they don't like them, they can stop and start again with different choices. If they want NEW CHOICES, there are ways to let other-people-not-you add them into the system. You set up the structure to match for things that are compatible, and not-match things that are not. You set up the system so someone cannot TAKE AWAY someone else's choices, and everything is fine? Then it is EVERYONE'S responsibility, and all YOU have to do is find more-and-better ways to HAVE FUN, and then SHARE them? That is a FUN 'responsibility', yes? A fun job that you like to do?
[Miz]: I guess… I have a lot of work to do...
[Bill]: If you have questions, I can help? And the stupid lizard didn't die from exhaustion; it should keep going for awhile longer, yes?
[Miz]: How do I create Time? I haven't been able to figure that out, much like how I can't seem to create Souls.
[Bill]: Time is Dead. You make living time, that is Alive, and then you KILL it? BEFORE you create the dimension! And that is all the dead-time that the dimension has in it, start-to-finish. It gets USED UP and ALLOCATED from there. Yes? Or does your 'set do it differently?
[Miz]: Uh… I was trying to make the planet change and grow on it's own, like the plants absorbing sunlight and growing and stuff. But nothing moves, nothing changes and there's no progression. I can't make it go unless I do it manually, for every single thing in that dimension. It's annoying.
[Bill]: HMMM. Time is pooling in one place and 'time', then. It needs to be MANAGED, just like everything else. Part of the system. AUTOMATED.
[Miz]: But that's the thing, there's no Time in this dimension I own. Because I'm building it on my own. Time Baby's not helping me with it. And I can't figure out how to create Time.
[Bill]: You are pouring energy into it to change the state of the mass directly, then. There is no Time. You need to add Time to it. From the outside. Before everything. Time streams flow downhill like water from a sieve, except there are no sieves and no downhill, and Time is NOT water.
[Miz]: But that would mean taking Time from other dimensions, the one's Time Baby governs...
[Bill]: Time is not handled by the Time Baby here in every last dimension in existence. Did you not get a good look at the way the system here works for that? The Time Baby here is an obstacle that EATS time. Time that looks like sand sometimes.
[Miz]: I've seen your system. Mine doesn't work at all in the same way. My Time Baby is a Pillar. All time in every dimension was made by him. There's a small multiverse that has a different time deity make it move, but I don't like their system either.
[Bill]: Yes? The idea is to create a new system that works better, to replace the old Pillar system? Is there a reason not to create Time in the same way there as the stupid lizard does it here when it spins up every single new dimension in my own 'set here?
[Miz]: I can't create Time in the way that your Ax does. I've tried. It… it doesn't work here.
[Bill]: But you can create life.
[Miz]: yes… still don't know how I managed that...
[Bill]: Create a Time Beast and kill it. Bleed out all the Time. Pour it into the new dimension.
[Miz]: ….that sounds mean.
[Bill]: Mean? HMMMMM. ...You can make it not-hurt? It does not have to be sentient or sapient, and the killing-and-bleeding does not have to hurt or cause pain to the Beast when you are doing it?
[Miz]: I could try that. But… what precisely is a Time-beast? I've killed a few of my Nightmares, but they just bleed out primordial ooze.
[Bill]: Hard to explain like this. If you are having trouble with the concept, you should really See it instead. I can point out a few, in some dimensions, to you the next time you visit this 'set?
[Miz]: That would be helpful. I've sort of put my building on hold until I figure this out, since I can't put people in here when it's not even finished yet.
There was a bit of a pause.
[Bill]: You could try asking the stupid lizard if it knows what a Time Beast is. Or ask it to ask other stupid lizards, what other ways other 'sets might be set up, for examples. But it might be dangerous. You lizard could lie, or the other lizards could lie. Don't go to any 'set where they promise to show you something and are expecting you. It's a trap.
[Miz]: ….yeah. I'm surprised you're willing to suggest that I ask dad for any help in this.
[Bill]: Sometimes it's telling you the opposite thing of what you need to know. Yes? Like with some of the ways it told you things about 'teaching' you about your powers and control. Learning from what is NOT said is a skill! You can listen to what it says, and think about it, and see if it makes sense. And you can ALSO listen to what it says, and think of what the opposite of that would be, and think about THAT, and see if it makes sense. Yes? You don't HAVE to do-or-use anything it TRIES to get you to do-or-use DIRECTLY.
[Miz]: I suppose you're right.
[Bill]: You are looking for ideas, yes? I look at the local stupid lizard, too. No reason not to! EVERY reason to do that. And then I also look at everything-else. --You can also see HOW FAR the ON YOUR SIDE will get you, and see if the stupid lizard will talk that Time Baby into creating a dimension with you over there while you watch. See how and where it gets all that Time from, how it's made, how he uses it -- all of it. It should make AUTOMATING that stupid Time Baby's pillar MUCH easier, also.
[Miz]: He creates it. Like, from himself. The same way I generate Energy, he generates Time.
[Bill]: But you get it from somewhere, and he gets it from somewhere. You can watch the process more closely?
[Miz]: I don't have to get it from somewhere, that's just easier. If I sit alone in a void with nothing, I can still just… create Energy over time. It's just slower.
[Bill]: But that didn't happen to you here in MY 'set, did it?
[Miz]: Because I was draining out from just being there. It was only a little, but it cost me energy to be there. Because I just… drained, like a cost to be allowed to stay there.
[Bill]: Yes. Because 'just being' costs energy to do, if you do anything that requires energy in my 'set. That is how it is, here. Little sister, I don't think you're 'getting energy from nothing' in your set. I think it is coming from somewhere when you are there, and that when you are HERE in MY 'set, you are cut off from that. Because if YOU can 'just create Energy over time' out of NOTHING, why would you not be able to do it here, too?
[Miz]: Huh… but I don't feel like there's anything giving me energy? And i still created energy in your set, it just drained out faster than I self-generated. So I eat.
[Bill]: You ate human emotions and listened to strong-thoughts and ate lots of fish and DID lots of things. You called self-generation feeling and eating your own emotions once, but you said you felt TIRED afterwards, yes?
[Miz]: It gave me energy to build stuff with, but it also made me feel tired, yeah.
[Bill]: That is because you were shifting internal energy from one form into another, for a different kind of internal use! That is NOT 'self-generation'. That is 'internal SHIFTING and TRANSFORMATION and REALLOCATION', and THAT can cost energy, too. If you go back-and-forth, over and over again, you have less energy than you started with eventually, because of the energy cost to do the internal shifting-forms things with it.
[Miz]: Hm… I'm gonna experiment with that. Sit alone in a void without feeding on my own emotions and see what happens, maybe try to feel if I'm getting energy from anywhere… if what you say is true.
[Bill]: I think it is, or you would not have seen THAT MUCH of a difference in my 'set. Just pay attention in the void. If it is a stable dimension, then you can push against the dimensional boundaries and that will flex with you; you can get potential energy from that, and the dimension loses energy doing it. The dimension will collapse faster later. Sometimes, the ambient heat and radiation can be absorbed. --DON'T do this in a dimension that might destabilize on you at any point!
[Miz]: well it felt like I was being drained, while I was in your set, and in Seb's set. Though Seb's set wasn't draining me as quickly. And there's no draining sensation here in my own set.
[Bill]: If I were you -- and I am but also am not, but we are both me in all the ways that matter -- I would try the sitting-in-a-void doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING thing in Seb's 'set first. You can see where the drain goes, what you are using energy the most and least on, what causes energy to be used in what way?. You can FEEL the things there already-currently-right-now, that you CANNOT feel in your own 'set yet. And doing this in Seb's 'set will get you used to what you are Looking for when you are Looking at yourself, and knowing what you can SEE and matching it to what you FEEL, before you try to do it again in your own 'set. It may help more, to look at all of the many DIFFERENCES first. And Seb will be there to help you RIGHT AWAY, if something goes… not so well and you need someone physically THERE.
[Miz]: So I can Feel who or what is draining me!
[Bill]: Yes! That too! I think that the who that is draining you is YOU, though. That it is internal-use towards doing all of the internal and external things that you do and always do -- in moving and shifting and emotion and sound and voice and thought and hearing and seeing and Seeing and magic and weirdness and all of the other things that you can and sometimes do enact, that you do on and to yourself and others and other-things around you -- but if I am wrong, you can maybe tell more easily by looking at yourself there?
[Bill]: Who knows, maybe Karma works there differently? It doesn't work that way HERE, not really, not EXACTLY, not quite, but... It would make sense that that could be it somewhere in some places, if you are considered 'evil' by every system and the Karmic system wants to make things harder on you there. I've Seen it do something like that before, here, once, maybe. But it SHOULDN'T be doing that to you here. That would be the MOST DIRECT method of 'penalizing' you, and the Karmic system doesn't usually do that.
[Bill]: But maybe you DO create energy all by yourself. I DON'T KNOW. Not for sure! I STILL don't have an idea for how you exploded and CREATED a new dimension 600 billion-ish years ago. THAT would be the FIRST THING I would want to look-back at, whenever and if-ever I ever visit your dimension 'set, ever! Because you created all of the things the first time on your own there, with all of the exploding there, yes? And PROBABLY would have had to 'self-generate' in some way to do that and then make the dimensional boundaries all STABLE in some way, to 'gel in place' properly? SO.
[Bill]: Can you Look at yourself safely in Seb's 'set? Can you Look back at yourself in your own 'set even that far? --Looking forward in mine is what confused me, so I haven't tried to do THAT again yet-since. And I have a perfect memory, so I usually don't try to Look back often. BUT...
[Miz]: I can try? Hang on while I check on something.
I got up off Xanthar, gave him a pet, and Blinked away to the blank dimension that I now own. The planets I build were still here, along with the stars. But nothing was moving. As close to a Void as I was gonna get. I flew to the very edges of the dimension, where there weren't any stars or planets to distract me. I floated there. No breathing, no moving, no… expending any energy. I even dispersed my vessel so I wouldn't have to worry about that. I floated there, waiting. Nothing. No draining sensation at all. No dip in my power levels. No anything. In fact, I was slowly growing in power, little trickles of energy pulsing out from my Core. No idea where it was coming from aside from 'inside' me. I couldn't trace it as coming from anywhere outside my 'self'. So… to the best of what I could Feel, I was generating this energy from myself. I was fine. I rebuilt a triangle vessel, making note of how much energy that took to create it from scratch, and then tried it again, with the floating in the void without doing anything. There was a very mild drain from the upkeep of my vessel, but it was barely anything compared to how much energy I was generating. So even in a triangle vessel, I create more energy than I lost. I shifted into Miz and repeated my experiment. Then William. Then Xin. The Jan. Then Yun. Then my dragon forms. Ah… yeah… all of them drained different amounts of energy but it was never more than I was creating. So if I stayed in my own dimensional set for a long enough time, doing literally nothing, I would have a net gain of power.
But that was boring. I couldn't stay still so long! I sighed, in Miz's dragon form, triangular head and all, and pulled my Com back out.
[Miz]: Ok, so if I don't have a vessel, there's no draining. Having a vessel does cause draining. Only a little though. When I'm not doing anything, at least. It'd drain a lot more if I was up and about and doing stuff.
[Bill]: YES. If the circulation of your energy self is very efficient, there should be VERY LITTLE draining without an external exoskeleton, vessel, avatar, or body. Layers from internal layering can cause some drain if they are acting against something, or if they are not fully-integrated to be efficient -- then they can require exertion to maintain. They should not cause as much to maintain as an external exoskeleton, or vessel, or avatar, or body, though, even in their least-efficient not-fully-integrated-into-you way. Were you doing any of the layering?
[Miz]: Not really, since I'm alone here in this area.
[Bill]: Are you in your 'set or Seb's 'set right now? Was it the usual expected amount of draining or opposite-of-draining 'self-generation' that you are used to?
[Miz]: My own set right now. Gonna compare it to Seb's set when I get back tonight. And I was pretty much fine without a vessel, no draining or anything. Just a net gain over time as I produced energy within myself.
There was a long pause.
[Bill]: I very much want to get a good Look at you when you think you are 'self-generating' sometime.
[Miz]: Sure. It'll help to have another person looking.
[Bill]: Yes.
Another pause.
[Bill]: Your stupid lizard is very tricky. I am VERY SUSPICIOUS of its MOTIVES. VERY.
[Miz]: XD Okay
[Bill]: I will TRY to lead 'Ford into leaving because he wants to leave soon. Then you can come here and look at Time Beasts! And visit me, too.
[Miz]: Yes! I miss hanging out with you.
[Bill]: I miss you, too.
[Bill]: Was that all of the things? Or were there more questions you had about little Lee that I can answer for you?
[Miz]: ….well I guess it's just… is he really doing okay? Is he being treated right by mini-Ford?
[Bill]: 'Okay' is a word that means everything and nothing. But Lee is fine, yes. ...Define: 'treated right'.
[Miz]: ...does mini-Ford love Lee? I could never quite get a feel for if he did or not?
[Bill]: Mini-'Ford loves little Lee, yes. But love can be terrible, and there are many kinds of 'love'.
[Miz]: ….he doesn't love Lee the same way Lee loves him, does he?
There was a pause.
[Bill]: Mini-'Ford would not do anything for Lee. Lee would do almost anything for mini-'Ford. Mini-'Ford would do many things, but not almost-all of the things. It is unbalanced. It will be more balanced than it was soon.
[Miz]: ….yeah. That's about what I thought. I don't like it being so unbalanced. It's not fair to Lee. Or to mini-Ford. He can't keep taking without ever giving anything back. It's… messed up.
[Bill]: Mini-'Ford gives back some things. He is very self-centered, but he is not wholly centered around his own self.
[Miz]: He's not a complete monster. There's still a chance he could learn to be a person. I want to believe that.
[Bill]: Mini-'Ford is a person, but he can and is also very 'monstrous' most of the days, in many of the least-worst of the ways!
[Miz]: Still not good. Also, Mary mentioned that Carla got dragged back in again. I'm worried for her too. I was mad at her for messing things up and hurting Lee, but I'm not mad anymore. I'm just worried now.
[Bill]: 'Good' is relative! I can tell you what happened with Carla, but you would need to promise not to tell Mary until she is caught up, and also mean it. I don't want to synchronize the dimensions again and have Glasses or 'Ford pick up on it! That would be a DISASTER!
[Miz]: ...ok. I promise. I won't tell Mary about what happened until she catches up to where it all happened and stuff.
[Bill]: I will give her a phrase to give to you when she catches back up to far-beyond this. It is: tuna fish in glorious panda purple sunrises. Yes?
[Miz]: I like that! ok!
[Bill]: GOOD. --Carla is being blackmailed by 'Ford, who said that he will tell everyone about them. NOT that she thought she was dating and sleeping with him. He said that he will say that she was BEING USED and TOSSED between them, and that she WANTED it. UNLESS she told the teachers that she saw Lee in the gymnasium messing with his project. Details of when were not important to him; he left that up to her. She 'confessed' to mini-'Ford's parents late the night that we left, and then to the principal the next morning.
[Miz]: Yeah… kinda figured she was being blackmailed. Dammit 'Ford you little bitch!
[Bill]: 'Ford still does not know that she is the one sabotaged his project. Carla still thinks 'Ford is the stupid twin.
[Miz]: Huh. Staring him right in the face and he still doesn't get it. No offense to mini-Ford but that is kinda stupid of him.
[Bill]: VERY! And all of the offenses; I do not mind!
[Miz]: But why did 'Ford do that? Why did he purposely pin the blame on his brother? Even though he KNEW what would happen to Lee if he did that?
[Bill]: Efficiency and low-waste and trickery and savings. Lee was never going to go back home, but Lee was not the one who was kicked out. Lee would not be able to stand going back home again after what they did; mini-'Ford CAN handle it. Mini-'Ford plans to stay there until the end of the school year, when they would have been kicked out anyway -- after their eighteenth birthday, but only because their mother would have objected to that and it would have looked VERY bad with the school. And then mini-'Ford will do whatever he wants. He will NEVER send a dime back to his parents in his family; he is only PRETENDING he will do that right now.
[Miz]: Well, at least their mom almost sorta cares about them… a little...
[Bill]: Not enough to leave Filbrick or to stand up to him if Filbrick did not want them in the house. Not without some other reason that had already convinced him otherwise.
[Miz]: Seb's mom left Filbrick. She only stayed for the sake of her children, because she knew she couldn't financially support them on her own. But after Seb and Shermie were kicked out, she left him and never looked back. She's being a proper mom for Seb and his brothers now. She's very nice, from what I've Seen.
[Bill]: ...Define: 'proper mom'.
[Miz]: She gives Seb the hugs and affection he wants. She helps them babysit their kids, she is also reading about how to be a better mother.
[Bill]: Would she kill others for them to keep them alive, if their lives were threatened?
[Miz]: ...I think she would, actually. She was too afraid, years ago, when Filbrick was being mean and violent. But after she thought that Ford and Stan had died, something changed in her. She finally has her sons back NOW, and if anyone tried to take them from her again, I think she really would kill to protect them. Because she doesn't want to be too scared anymore. Because she already thought that her stupid hesitation and fear had caused their deaths, so she won't let that happen anymore.
There was a very long pause.
[Bill]: Then she did it right the second time. She did it all wrong the first. She is a 'mom', not a 'mother'. But not a… like-an-older-sibling-but-not-a-sibling 'family' member, then. She is a 'mom' instead. She did not try to kill for them before, when they all needed her for it. But she will do it now, and be there now when it needs doing. Hm.
[Miz]: She's Seb's mom. And he loves her. And she loves him. And they're happy together. And Filbrick is out of their lives and hopefully they will never have anything to do with him again.
[Bill]: Filbrick is a father. Very.
[Miz]: He's a shitty father. I still want to tear his eyes out. But that wouldn't make up for what he did to them.
[Bill]: Stanley said there is fixing things completely, fixing things a little bit, and then there are learning-lessons. Only one of these makes 'making up for a thing' unnecessary!
[Miz]: How would I give Filbrick a learning lesson?
[Bill]: You don't. Get Seb's 'mom' to do it. She should know what will work; she went from being a 'mother' to being a 'mom'. Yes?
[Miz]: So… well. Seb's family is going to New Jersey for the summer. Perhaps… Kari might be able to get through to him, if he has any shred of good in him… if he could become a 'dad' instead of a 'father'
[Bill]: If not, just give him diarrhea for three weeks straight! That will keep him stuck in the pawnshop and out of your way! Yes?
[Miz]: AHAHAHAHAHAHA will do! That sounds HILARIOUS!
[Bill]: It is! VERY hilarious! But not very much on the learning. More of a punishment than a penalty or a learning-lesson. Not very sustainable. Get the 'yes, do it' from all-parties-involved also. Seb, that-Sixer, that-Stanley, that-Shermie, and Seb's 'mom'?
[Miz]: Well, if we tried everything else and he still doesn't want to become a 'dad' then can I tear out his eyes? I guess I'll have to ask Seb and his family for permission first...
[Bill]: Permission first, yes. 'Family' likes to feel included in all of the 'family' decision-making! Stanley says!
[Miz]: Well, considering what Filbrick did to Seb when he was a child… uuugh… I really want to hurt Filbrick… Seb was a baby! A tiny, helpless baby! And Filbrick still...
[Bill]: Tearing out eyes only hurts temporarily -- unless there is infection, and that usually leads to death shortly thereafter! There are OTHER WAYS and MEANS and METHODS that hurt and LAST for a VERY LONG TIME. MUCH longer than THAT...
[Miz]: You're right! Death is too merciful for a man who would hit a baby!
[Bill]: Human babies are not as fragile as Shapes, but yes. Still very fragile even by comparison. And yes.
[Miz]: The only reason Seb's even alive is because his Axolotl didn't allow him to die. Filbrick asked the doctors to rip out Seb's eye when he was a baby! But it grew back.
[Bill]: ...Then ripping out Filbrick's eyes is a BAD IDEA. It will remind Seb of his own eye being ripped out. Mental attack for him to think about, yes? Even WORSE, Seb might 'feel sorry for him' eventually, because he can relate. ...Humans, am I right? Yeesh.
[Miz]: I thought that would have been karmic retribution? Hm… I guess I'll need to talk to Seb about this...
[Bill]: Talking to Seb about it might be an indirect mental attack, from what Stanley has told me. Pick someone else who will KNOW if it will be a mental attack to even bring it up and ask him? IF you can trust any of them NOT to talk or use it AGAINST him otherwise. DON'T go HANDING them ideas-as-ammunition that they could use to HURT him! He has enough problems right now with the having-children while living in a not-broken-enough-YET terrible 'set system! Yes?
[Miz]: Ah, you're right. Uwu… mental attacks are difficult to understand….
[Bill]: YES.
There was a pause.
[Bill]: Ugh. Dinnertime. Time for dinner. Downstairs. I need to go and eat food now. --Are you fine and all right for now? At least not any worse than you were when I escorted you back to your own dimensional Pillar-set before this last?
[Miz]: Yeah I'm alright. I'm actually doing very well. Seb found me a human therapist to talk to. And I don't know if it helps or not, but I'm doing fine. I'm… happy here?
[Bill]: I don't trust them, who are they, how many times have you broken their mind yet already?
[Miz]: Linda was Seb's therapist. She's also seeing Lucifer. So she's got experience handling demons. Or, former demons, in Seb's case.
[Bill]: HM. I am EVEN MORE suspicious. I want to talk to this person. Also: you said Lucifer has a passive charm. He could use it on her and get her to talk about what you have talked about with her? DANGEROUS. BAD. NO SECURITY.
[Miz]: Oh yeah, Linda has fucked him a few times. But then she got over it. And she's very professional about patient confidentiality. Well… at least, she knows that I would be quite… displeased if she ever betrayed my secrets, and she knows I'm more dangerous than Lucifer.
[Bill]: Human therapists are NOT supposed to do that with their patients. And 'displeasure' LATER has NEVER stopped ANYONE from talking right now. Not unless they were NEVER going to talk in the first place. And most people should NEVER say' never'! Because they DON'T know what they are talking about!
[Miz]: I mean, none of what I've said can be used against me. The people here don't know how to make a true binding circle, they'll bind, but not stake me in place, and I haven't told her the specifics of that.
[Bill]: Telling her ANY of the 'make you lash out' things is dangerous. But the things behind those things are what CAUSES that. Changing that is SUPPOSED to be the WHOLE POINT of therapy, YES? And you TRUST this RANDOM HUMAN not to MAKE THINGS WORSE? To make all the things BETTER instead?
[Bill]: Was she supposed to be making SEB 'better'? Because HE was afraid of binding circles while he was here in my 'set, and HE had all of the control issues because he SET STANLEY'S LAWN ON FIRE. And I had to be the one to put it OUT FOR him. Give me ONE good reason why I should trust this human with the Mind that is YOU!
[Miz]: Well I'll be careful. And Seb's so much happier now after being with Linda. He didn't have her before, back when he came to your set the first time. He used to be scared and sad all the time, and pretending to be happy so people didn't worry. He's actually happy now.
[Bill]: Seb insists that he's human now. And an extra dose of serotonin straight to the insides of the squishy stupid human brain matter will do the same thing; takes less time, too! That ISN'T a REASON for ME to trust HER with YOUR MIND, let alone a GOOD one.
[Miz]: I just don't want to be scared all the time anymore...
There was a pause.
[Bill]: Were you scared all the time where you were here in my 'set with me.
[Miz]: Not all the time, but every now and then, when I started worrying about stuff...
[Bill]: What stuff do you worry about, and how much.
[Miz]: ...I worry about a lot of stuff. I worry less if I'm distracted by something fun. But if I'm not distracted… the worry comes back.
Wasn't going to tell brother about how I almost got kidnapped. He'd go NUTS.
There was a longer pause. I got the feeling that brother hadn't not noticed how I'd avoided answering the question. But I could be stubborn, too. I wasn't going to tell.
[Bill]: What stuff. Or is this operational security by not writing about the stuff here-and-now.
[Miz]: ...I worry about if I'm doing things right...
[Bill]: Are you scared because you are not prepared, or are you scared even though you are prepared, and the 'scared' is getting in the way of being more-prepared.
[Miz]: I'm scared that I'll lose control and hurt people, I'm scared that someday I'll stop caring about that. I'm scared that someday I'll start to enjoy hurting people and purposely go around breaking everything just for fun. I'm scared that someday I'll become something that isn't 'me' anymore.
There was a very, very long pause this time. And then...
[Bill]: You've already done that, lost control and hurt people. You have no reason to be scared of it anymore. So go places and lose control on purpose. They can be places without people. Then you know what losing control feels like. Then you can practice not losing control, by holding off losing control, or directing the losing control, or learning what the start of the losing control feels like, and how long you have just-before and just-after that to get to all the places where people are not. Make sure you always have an escape plan. Escape plans and exits can be for more than one thing. That is how you learn how to lose control without losing control. You already enjoy hurting people; rapists and murderers and child-abusers are people. You want to break them, but not for your fun. You do it so that other people can have fun without those people ruining it. Breaking everything can be fun; not cleaning everything up later is what can be a problem. If you set up the system in the new dimension right, breaking everything won't be a problem. If you don't set it up there, you can always come to my 'set over here, where everything in this 'set is already mostly set up, and I can fix the things you break for you if you want me to later. 'You' haven't decided to never change like I have. You have already changed. Maybe you might not be a me-that-is-also-me someday anymore? But that doesn't mean that you will be a me-that-is-not-me-at-all. You could be another-person-who-is-not-me but could still be my little sister still. That is fine, yes? You are perfectly-imperfect, and I know you are changing. You haven't even decided who you are and want to be yet, still. Because you weren't doing any of all of the layering before. You don't need to be scared. Why not enjoy it instead?
[Miz]: But what if I become someone that I don't want to be?
[Bill]: Then don't be that person anymore. You are changing. So change your Mind. I don't like the idea of you changing too much, because you might want to not be my sister anymore. But if you don't like something about yourself, then I will help. I have helped with the other things before, yes? How is wanting to be someone different any different from anything else on your list?
[Miz]: I don't know what I want to be… I only know what I'm afraid of becoming...
[Bill]: Then think about all the other things that you could be, and pick something else instead. And then think some more, and choose something even-better later? And keep trying? That is becoming the best-of-the-worst. Yes?
[Miz]: I guess… I don't know… I think… I kinda hoped that making myself not afraid anymore would be a good start...
[Bill]: Take it from me, little sis. You used to be human. Fear is a warning for humans. Not having any fear is what makes humans do the most stupid, dumbest, and worst-terrible stuff. No fear means you just don't care anymore, and now it's time to die. Fear means there's something you still WANT that is important, that you either think you're not getting, or that you think you're going to lose in the near-future forward in time. --Or it means that there is something really close by that is planning on eating up all your squishy meaty human bits. One of those three things! ...I am angry, because I know what I want, and I know how to get it all mostly, and I KNOW that I am going to get it eventually. But that doesn't mean that I don't know what fear is, or never felt it before. Certainty helps get rid of fear; being certain about your certainty is a whole different problem!
[Miz]: Ah… I guess so. I just don't want to be so scared that I lose control. Maybe I'm just being dumb about this. But I… kinda want a human therapist, because I think a part of me still wants to be 'human'.
[Bill]: ...That is a good reason. I can't help you as well with the human problems, because I have never been human, and humans… are a little more tricky to understand thoroughly than I thought. And some of the problems you have are from when you were human. And human bodies are stupid and cause stupid problems, which APPARENTLY get stuck in their Minds later, yeesh. --Which may have probably almost-definitely happened to you maybe, on at least a few stupid human things from way back then, which we've talked about before all in-person most recetly in my 'set then. So starting from the start might make sense. But it could also make everything worse. If you only share human things with this human therapist… it could still go very wrong, but… they might actually understand you, if all that you talk about are the human problems that you have with them. Humans do not have context for two-hundred year old beings and older, or demons, or much of anything else that they cannot relate back to 'being human'. And that is the trap. Even if they want to help, they can only help with 'being human' and 'human level' problems; nothing else. Their 'morality' does not work or apply, and their minds cannot comprehend it.
[Miz]: I might as well try. Try sharing some human things and non-human things to see if she can figure out what's wrong. The human parts she should understand. And the demon parts… I'll take her advice on that with a pile of salt, until I can figure out if it applies or how.
[Bill]: I would NOT share the demon parts. In your 'set, you are more of a 'god' than a 'demon', with what you can do. Total. Lack. Of. Comprehension.This therapist will start to look to you for answers instead. ….Maybe share some of the triangle parts after the human parts, later. You were a humanoid triangle; not geometry-math like me. This therapist might understand that?
[Miz]: Ok, will try that the next time I talk to her.
[Bill]: I still don't trust her, though.
[Miz]: I'm not gonna trust her fully. I don't really trust anyone fully. Even if I trust some people a lot.
[Bill]: Good. Very wise, yes. Be careful.
[Bill]: Ugh. Stanley is coming up the stairs. I need to go. Be careful!
[Miz]: Will do. And you should go eat XD talk to you again soon~
[Bill]: Yes. Tell the therapist that I will show her what a REAL demon is if she ever thinks of hurting you even once! And get Seb to give me an invite -- asking, not a demand! I am not being demanding. I am ASKING!
[Miz]: Got it ;D
[Bill]: Logging off now. Love you, sis. BE CAREFUL! Trust NO-ONE completely!
And with that, I saw Blue log off. I stretched, glad that my Miz-Dragon form had hands that could actually hold stuff. Xin's dragon form couldn't hold small stuff. Well. That was an enlightening talk. And discussion. And… well… all sorts of things. Talking with my brother always ended up that way.
I still didn't know what I wanted to be. Didn't know what was the right thing to want to be. But… I had a lot to think about. I twisted around and swam through space to head back to where the planets I built were. Killing a Time Beast and letting them bleed Time into the world? That… still sounded kinda mean, but… would that work? If I created it, then it was part of me. And I could make sure it didn't have a mind, or consciousness or a soul. Make sure it wasn't a person. It was an idea, I guess.
I took one last look around my dimension (still needed to name this damn place) and then Blinked back to the Death Star. I was kinda tired from all the shapeshifting and the emotionally taxing conversations I had. I needed me some Xanthar snuggles. And he was up for snuggling.
The loaf saw me fly back into the room and leaped to his feet. "Aww, sorry for leaving so suddenly. I had to check on something. I flew over and nuzzled my snout into his fur. "Do you wanna snuggle some more?" He nodded, snuffling his face against my side. "Ok." I yawned and settled down, curling my serpentine body around him. "Do you ever get bored of just snuggling?" I couldn't help but ask.
He shook his head. 'Peace' 'Calm' 'Content'
"Well I'm glad you don't mind. I feel kinda bad that I haven't taken you anywhere fun lately."
He make a snuffle snort. Then he raised his hand, spread out his fingers into a flat open hand, his fingers spread, pressed his thumb against his chest and then did it again. Oh. I hugged him. "That's good. You'll tell me if there's anywhere or anything you want to do, right?"
He nodded. He raised his hand again, closed his hand into a fist with his index finger extended, placed it up to where a mouth would be if he had one, moved his hand back down with his fingers spread open again, to smack against his other other hand, curled into a fist.
"Ok. I'll hold you to it." I purred against him and the two of us settled down to nap.
There were a thousand things I had to do, but right now, I just wanted to be with my first friend. I would worry later, right now was for being content and at peace. At least for now. It was comforting to know that I had this in my life. My first friend, my dearest Xanthar.
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