---
There have been multiple extinction events on Earth.
It has frozen over, over heated, frozen again or just straight up opened huge fissures across the planet spewing out molten rock and what have you. And each time it has resulted in the deaths of nearly all life on the planet.
In fact, there had been an extinction event right before the dinosaurs evolved, killing so many creatures that there was no competition to stop the dinosaurs from rising to power and becoming the dominant species on the planet for a few hundred million years.
Impressive as it was, even that would come to an end. Multiple strings of bad luck hit the planet. Asteroid impact kicked up a lot of dust into the atmosphere. The heated explosion caused scorching flames to spread across the surface of the planet for miles and miles. The shock waves from that thing hitting the Earth caused tremors that fucked with the oceans and plates until there were earthquakes and floods. Volcanoes erupted. Everything fucked with every thing else into an awful chain reaction.
Hell, even before the asteroid hit, the planet wasn't doing too good. This was just the icing on the cake. A cake of pure annihilation.
Normally I get upset when I see an entire species die out. But this was a positive. The extinction of the dinosaurs simply means that I was getting ever closer to the dawn of humanity. Once all the dust settles and the sky is no longer clogged by smoke and soot, once this latest in global disasters settles down, the ancestor of the mammal race will take over, dethroning the dinosaurs for the spot of top dog on this little space rock.
What survivors there are from the dinosaur line would become reptiles and birds.
Aside from the major changes happening on the surface of the planet, the oceans remained pretty consistent despite it all. All the surface dwelling sealife were killed as the water up top began to boil. The deeper down you were, the less affected you were by the catastrophe happening up above. The only real change was the gradual shrinking of size. Those terrifying giant sharks were growing smaller as their size began to be an issue. It simply wasn't worth being so big when there weren't enough meals to support their huge biomass.
On land the mammals profited from the disaster, small creatures surviving on what food was left as the large dinos fell, starved and unable to adapt quickly enough to the changing world around them. The small dinos changed and split into many different lines, the process of evolution specializing them into more and more unique species.
As the Me on Earth spent millions of years watching the changing landscape, the Me that was Jan fused back together with the Me back home who proceeded to finish cooking. He/I decided to introduce the twins to their new younger sibling.
---
Pynelope was trying to teach Beez how to dance when I floated in with Quackers waddling beside me and a large plate of food in my hands. "Hey kids. Snack time and also say hello to your new younger zisther."
I like that standard galactic common actually had a word for non-binary siblings. Quakers wasn't male or female yet, they choose one or the other once they were older. Pyrone looked over in confusion even as Beez froze in fear while in the middle of dipping Pynelope. Of course his sudden stop caused Pynelope to fall with a yelp. She never hit the ground as I materialized a large pillow under her. She still glared at Beez for dropping her.
"Wha...." Pyrone trails off as he sees the round child in my arms. "Did you kidnap a kid?!"
"It was a surprise adoption!" I corrected. Really, why do they have to say kidnapping? It's such an unpleasant word. "Pyrone, Pynelope, meet Quackers. They're gonna be living here now. I hope you all get along." I place my new child (I seemed to be doing fine on the outside even as I screamed frantically on the inside) on the ground. "Go on now Quackers, say hello to your new big brother and sister. Which reminds me, you need to meet your oldest brother Ammy too..."
I put the food down and hang back, watching the kids inspect each other. So far so good. Pynelope finally smiles. "Well, I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. Welcome to the family I guess."
I glance at Beez who was calming down, watching me warily. "Is this normal?" He whispers to Pyrone. The male Cyclopian shrugs. "Normal doesn't exist. Bill tends to do things pretty spur of the moment. I should tell you about that one time he decided to create a new species of tree that grows meat just 'cause he was tired of waiting in line for the butcher shop."
Beez looked interested. "That sounds pretty cool actually."
"It was actually pretty neat until the tree started budding and some seed pods escaped through the Teleporter and spread throughout the Vegan Dimension." Pyrone shrugs. "Apparently it caused everyone to have an existential crisis since it was a plant but it was also meat."
"You have the coolest stories." Beez sighs.
---
I got it in my head to provide music for Pynelope's dance lesson with Beez. Of course, the thing I chose was more just me messing around because I thought it would be funny. I held up a mic and tapped my foot. Another me was on a drum set tapping the sticks together. Yet another two Mes were on a bass and guitar.
"Can't you see it in my eye? I'm the one~ I'm the- ONE TWO THREE FOUR!" We sang together.
"I'm not like the other gods~" the me on the mic sang.
"We're not like anybody else..."
"That's not completely right...there's a few that I'm just like~"
"Ahh~ahh~"
"Bill and the Bill Ciphers~we're gonna make you smile~"
I made the materialized spotlights wave around.
"Me, myself and I and him~are all the same god~"
"Ahh~ahh~"
"Bill and the Bill Ciphers~come on now don't be shy~me, myself and I and him~"
"That's ME!" The one on the drums cheered happily.
"Are all the same god~"
The kids had stopped dancing to stare at me/us incredulously. Quackers munched on a some crackers quietly. "So...this is what I should expect from now on?" Ze asked zir new big brother as ze sat in his lap. Pyrone nods solemnly. "It is a hard life, but if you manage to survive, it is a rewarding one."
Pynelope groans. "Bill! Please put on NORMAL music and LEAVE! It's too embarrassing to practice while you're here." I pout but she kept glaring until I slump in defeat. Ammy, who had come in earlier to meet his newest younger sibling, patted me on the back. "Aren't you glad I never went through a teenage phase?" He says cheerfully.
"I thank Ax everyday that you popped out of the ground as a non-child, yes."
"Well, I'm sure you can go do something more important and leave Nelope to her practice. Don't worry. I'll watch the kids in your place." Ammy assures me as he gently pushes me out the door. I sigh but conceded his point.
As the door closed behind me, I decided to put my efforts into finding some loophole to sneak into the dance. PaciFire walks past me in the hall and frowns at the look in my eye. "Whatever crazy scheme you're thinking of, please wait for me to leave the vicinity before you pull it off." Was his only complaint before he hurried off.
I wasn't paying attention, too busy thinking. I know Pynelope didn't want me going...I'm not a student at her school after all so it would be weird if I showed up disguised as one.
Wait. I was going about it all wrong.
There was no need to pretend to be a student. There was a much simpler solution. In fact, it was something I had been considering for a while anyway. I just needed to talk to Ivanlock. He would probably be thrilled about this...
---
"So? How goes practice?" I asked many hours later as I served dinner. Beez was sitting awkwardly at the table, unsure if he was really allowed to be here but I insisted on feeding him. "You're too skinny under that fur! Stay and eat." I had fussed. Quackers was adapting better than I thought to being my new child. They told me that it was really nice here, there was food available whenever zey were hungry and zey liked playing with zir new siblings.
Ammy liked that he could play with Quackers without being torn apart and eaten. 8-Ball was also thrilled to meet Quackers. He and my new child had fun doing piggyback rides. I've been unsure how to feel about having a new child all of a sudden.
So I guess...I have another kid now. Shit, am I gonna have to do the whole school system thing all over again?! I continue panicking internally as I set out the food. Tonight I made fish, fried rice and veggies. Beez appeared confused at how domestic it all was.
"I always thought Bill fed you the bodies of his victims." Beez says quietly. Pyrone snorts into his fish. "Only SOMETIMES."
Quackers swallows zis fish and sighs. "I'm not sure who you people are but if I can get a nice house with food and nice people then I don't mind."
"Where did Bill find you anyway?" Keyhole wonders, having just been introduced to our newest housemate as he came in for dinner. Quackers shovels some rice in zer mouth before answering. "Apparently my mother sold me to him in exchange for something?" They were very articulate for their age.
Everyone stares at me. I wince. "I joked about getting a first born child as the price and the crazy woman took me up on it." Everyone groans. "Your customers are insane Bill."
"They have to be a little nuts to want to summon me." I shrug.
"So...who ARE you anyway?" Quackers asked. I slapped a hand to my top corner. "I forgot to introduce MYSELF!" I turn pitch black with iridescent light glimmering from inside me and spread my arms out with my summoning circle displayed proudly behind me. "I am Bill Cipher, the god of Knowledge, Chaos and Nightmares." My friends roll their collective eyes at my theatrics. Beez cowers in awe. Quackers stares at me with wide eyes.
I turn back to normal and flick my bowtie "But you can call me Bill."
"Oh." Quackers blinks zis eyes. "Neat."
I giggle so hard I fall off my stool.
(A/N: Just gonna say here that my auto-correct keeps changing the gender neutral pronouns into her or his, I try to catch them but if I miss a few please don't hold it against me.)
---
Pynelope wanted to show up to the dance in a fancy car. I refused. I wanted to have her pull up to the dance in a fancy princess carriage that I make out of a pumpkin. She said I was crazy.
"Let me live out my fairy godmother dreams!!!" I wail.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Pynelope deadpans. I sat the whole family down to watch Aschenputtel (apparently future Earth's version of Cinderella, sometimes I can find movies and shows from my 1st life and sometimes I can only find the weird versions from this world). At the end of it my friends were more confused about humans than ever. "So humans have these...magical fey ladies who transform things into other things?" PaciFire asks.
I groan. "This is a cartoon. It's not real." I explained.
Yes, I do realize the inherent irony in that statement.
"Look, these are movies, they're stories. Humans like to make up shit all the time." I explain. "So they don't ACTUALLY have Fey guardians...maybe?" Now I was wondering if GF had stuff like that. I know Fairies exist but did they ever take up a protective role for some humans?
I disregarded this thought for now. I turned to Pynelope with wide sparkling eyes. "So CAN I make you a crystal carriage pulled by Pegasus??"
"That is the stupidest thing I've ever seen and I won't be caught dead inside one of those shiny things." Was her reply.
I collapsed to the ground and whined. "But...but I wanna make you a sparkly princess dress and everything!"
"I REFUSE to wear a frilly dress like that." She responds simply. I turn my teary gaze onto Kryptos who immediately pales "No Bill! You are NOT putting me in another dress!"
"It's not like you don't secretly enjoy it..." I grumbled. He flushed dark indigo and buries his face in his hands. "N-no I don't!" He protests weakly. I turned my gaze to my other friends. "Can I put any of you in a dress?" Teeth laughs "I doubt it'd look good on me."
"Are you sure we can't have a car? I don't want to ride a pumpkin to the dance." Pynelope tries to get us back on track, annoyed at the sparkly dress I was attempting to build around Teeth's stumpy body. Ammy absently comments "Bill? Do you have something against cars?"
They weren't particularly interested in this subject until they noticed my silence. Keyhole groans "Really?! You've got trauma with cars too??"
"I'm 557 billion years old! I've SEEN some shit!" I whined. Quackers tugged on my leg. "What's a car?"
"It's a land based vehicle on wheels. Like...a ship that can't fly." Keyhole explained to the pladibear. Hectorgon was motioning for me to sit down with him. "Lets get this out of the way, Bill, why don't you like cars?"
I considered just brushing the subject off but the stern worried parent™ look Hectorgon was giving me made it difficult. I sighed. "I died in a car crash."
"Died?!"
"My physical body was destroyed in a horrible fiery accident and I did not enjoy it." I snapped. It still hurt to think about. I know a car accident now wouldn't really hurt me but I was still...uncomfortable.
"Must have been a pretty bad accident, if it managed to destroy you..." Keyhole whimpers just imagining what might have happened.
I shrug, not really clarifying, it wasn't important in the long run. It happened. It scared me. I was mildly traumatized. Moving on.
"Ok. No cars. But is there any other way I can arrive at the dance in style?" Pynelope sighs. Hectorgon shushed her. "This is more important." He turns back to me. "Bill. Are there any other things that make you uncomfortable or scared?"
"I'm not scared!" I accidentally hug Quackers to my bricks. The pladibear pats my hand with a flipper comfortingly. "I'm scared of rubber duckies." Quackers chirped to try and make me feel better. Hectorgon frowns at my new child. "...ok...we'll address that later..." He turns back to me again. "Bill, your sister sent me a letter a few decades back and told me that as the 'mentally' eldest in this household, I was in charge of looking after you."
"I don't need looking after! I am an adult!" I whined, kicking my legs. The unimpressed look the polysphere sent me would have been pretty funny if it wasn't directed at me.
"I have noticed this over all the years I've known you, your maturity level seems to oscillate between that of an adult and that of a child. Almost as if there are two sides to your mental and emotional state."
"Three." I correct absently. Teeth made a snort of amusement before Hectorgon's glare shut him up.
"Be that as it may, you rotate through your different mental states constantly. It is worrying."
I stare at them incredulously. Have they...not noticed? After all these years? "Hec, I'm insane." I state plainly.
"Yes Bill we know~" He sounded like he would be rolling his eyes if he had any. "This is not the time for your jokes-"
"I'm not joking. I am literally insane. Nuts. Mad. Kooky. Bonkers. An egg thrown into a blender and then hung out to dry."
"That doesn't make sense..." 8-Ball points out.
"It's not supposed to! I am crazy. Insanity is defined by being mentally ill and I am SICK."
"But...you still do stuff! And you're really smart..." 8-Ball looked confused. I roll my eye. "Being insane doesn't mean I'm invalid. I can get plenty of work done despite being broken or the constant voices in my head."
"You have voices in your head?" Pyronica asks.
"But the loudest one is MINE~" I sang happily. "Seriously though, I've got this one that keeps telling me to rip people's entrails out CONSTANTLY and I just ignore it. There's also another one that just lists off all the reasons the universe would be a better place if I replaced every Carbon atom with an entire fish..." I paused for a second. "Fish~" I purred.
They give me a worried look. "Exactly how long have you been hearing these voices?"
"Like...since forever? And new ones get added every few thousand years. One of the first things I learned to do was ignore them all. There's a faint cacophony of screaming in my head but it's kinda like background noise now. Besides, the voices aren't even my MAIN issue." I say cheerfully. As a plus, I CAN get rid of voices by bleeding them away into the Nightmare Realm where they turn into horrifying Nightmares. I discovered that a little before the twins were born. Dunno why that happens but it was so nice to feel them leave my mind and ooze their way into physicality~ Hm....yeah...the Nightmare Realm is getting pretty dangerous now…frankly it was a miracle I was there when the Stans were spat out. Don't wanna think about what might have happened to them if I wasn't there.
They did not seem to find it as funny as I did. Xanthar picks me up into a hug. I feel his worry. "It's fine really! I've been like this since the beginning and the fact that none of you noticed means I've got it under control, so what if I get a little unhinged and erratic sometimes?"
Xanthar hugs me harder until I struggled and he loosened his hold, but didn't 'feel' any less worried. Teeth looked guilty. "I feel bad we never noticed..."
"What? I never hid it. I straight up tell people I'm crazy."
They look away. "We always thought you were joking." Kryptos mumbled. I didn't like how sad everyone was getting. "Hey. It's not a big deal! I'm well adjusted(ish) and happy! Ax even says I've been getting better."
Whether or not I'll break again in the future is another story.
Pynelope didn't ask about cars after that.
---
Pynelope POV
So mom and uncle Hec ended up dropping me, Pyrone and Beez at the dance. Uncle Hex rented a long car. Mom and my brother were worried about Bill, we all were. How did we never notice? Why doesn't he tell us these things unless we ask? Does he really not think it's important?
He worries for US all the time and never lets us know when there's something wrong with him. Mom says it's because he's an idiot. Uncle Hec claims it's because Bill doesn't think it's a big deal. Uncle Teeth says that Bill likes to ignore his own issues. Keyhole-Gohgo says maybe Bill was afraid to tell us because every time we learn more about Bill, we get sad.
I hold Beez's paws as we walk through the perception filter. I can worry over what other secrets Bill has been unintentionally keeping from us later. I have a contest to win. The music hadn't started yet. I'm surprised when I see the DJ my school managed to hire for the event.
C-3-lhu, real name Cthulhu, was one of the most popular DJs in the galactic dance scene.
I've been to his concerts. He's particularly well known for remixing songs by Space Idol Jan-Jan. In one of his interviews, he expressed how Jan was his muse. Bill was bouncing off the walls for hours after seeing that on the news. When Ammy-Gohgo asked why, Bill said that he loved C-3-lhu's remixes. Something about them being Living Tombstone-esque?
With this knowledge in mind, I shouldn't have been surprised to see Jan-Jan chatting with the DJ up on stage. Of COURSE Bill found a way to get his sneaky ass self into the dance. Pyrone and his date, a nice girl he introduced as Flora, had already split from us and Pyrone was grumbling about the situation. He caught my eye from across the room and shrugged. I know he realized what Bill had done too.
I can't even muster up the energy to be mad. A live crossover performance with C-3-lhu AND Jan-Jan? No way in the void am I turning that down. Besides, if Bill wants to keep his cover he won't be able to bother us.
Right?
---
Bill POV
I stretched my back out and sighed. Having a humanoid form was great but having bones was annoying. The large green R'lyehian beside me was checking his equipment before we start the show. I couldn't help but stare at all the buttons and switches. I wanna press them all. I know I've done a few rehearsals with him in the weeks before the dance (thank you dimensional time travel) but I never got to see his set-up up close before.
"What does that one do?" I asked, tilting my head at the chaotic mess of wires and switches. So many wires. Cthulhu wiggled his face tendrils cheerfully. "That one lets me add reverb." He fiddles with a dial "This lets me adjust the pitch." I 'Ooh'ed' and 'Aah'ed' appreciatively. Cthulhu's tentacles wiggled as I stepped closer to examine his soundboard.
"So, you ready for the show?" I asked, gazing longingly at the buttons that I wasn't allowed to touch. I'd gone back in time to set up this collaboration. Jan received offers for rented private concerts all the time but I've only ever done 3 before now. One was in the pediatric ward of a hospital and two for charity. Ivanlock quickly realized he would only get me agreeing to private concerts for things like this. The for charity ones meant he wouldn't get direct money out of it and instead was forced to find other ways to make money off me.
Watching him struggle amused me. I almost felt bad for the stress I put him under. His face when I stated that I heard C-3-lhu was being hired for a school dance and wanted to go too because I wanted to perform together with him made me laugh. Ivan looked thrilled that I was finally getting over my 'shy' issues to begin collaborating with others.
I admit, a small part of me feels bad for how much stress I give him. I know he just wants to maximize profits and find more ways to milk credits out of me and my fame but he really WAS working hard. I decided I would let him make official merch of me...but I get the final say in WHAT that would be.
I'm not gonna pose for lewd photos. I've glimpsed Ivan's fantasies about it, his desire to play up my sexiness for profit along with my whole 'innocent purity' to make it seem like I was some kind of out of reach prize. It made me somewhat uncomfortable and I wondered if maybe I shouldn't have made Jan-Jan's form so pretty.
He still asks every now and then if I was still a virgin. For the love of Ax why is that so important to him? I guess he wanted to market me as being the pure, untouchable object of desire.
Frankly, this collaboration was just a good excuse to spy on the twins and meet my favorite DJ at the same time. Cthulhu wasn't much like what Lovecraftian lore told me. He DID open for a lot of shows. There was one band (The Old Ones) who always asked him to open their shows. Their music was the stuff of madness. Cacophonic and awful. It drove listeners insane for a few days after their concerts. I secretly loved it. I've never had him open for one of my concerts, frankly I've never had anyone open at my shows. Maybe I should start? Find new artists who weren't well known yet and pretty much help them breakout at my concerts.That would be nice. I do want to promote better music in the multiverse.
Plus, there are plenty of new talents that aren't able to get the attention they need for various reasons and I think it would be cool to help them out. Something for the future.The big green himself was actually a delight to talk to. He expressed his love for my work and I gushed over his. It was pretty cool to get to do a show together with him. We both fanboyed over each other for the first few hours before being able to actually do rehearsal.
Cthulhu tweaked a few more dials before giving me a thumbs up. I grinned. Alright. Showtime. I straightened up and waved my arms around, feeling the gazes of the crowd, shivering at the emotions of Awe, Lust and Admiration. I flick my hair and grinned. It felt good, getting their attention. I could get lost in this feeling if I let it but I dragged my attention back out of this glorious sensation to focus on the music. We were starting the night off with WAVE and I tapped my foot to the beats and spread out my senses.
I had scanned the guests several times already and so far they were clean. (Then again, with the mass disappearance of multiple people from the twin's birthday party a few months back, I suppose people were too afraid to take chances in this public event. I had shown that even when Bill Cipher wasn't present he could still grab people. Speaking of which I still need to decide what to do with my remaining prisoners that I haven't released yet. I can't keep them forever can I?) I flicked some wisps of fire and start performing.
Aside from the dance floor where I danced, sang and entertained the kids, there was the contest happening on the other side of the room. It was hard to see from back here but some flames searing little triangles onto the ceiling fixed that.
"With a single mistake the world ends~but the signal still says to go on now~I fly and stop so endlessly~I get right back on my feet~"
I watch Pynelope sign up and the couples all organizing themselves in preparation for the preliminaries. After my first song they were gonna take to the dance floor for a good old fashioned dance off. Well now I know why the organizers made a list of which songs and when.
"This beating heart is connecting~I fell in love with the ancient ones~collecting desires and fantasies for this fossil-like romance~aah~let us dance inside this dream~"
The crowd cheered and I danced. I loved the extra beats C-3-hlu added, they gave me a nice chance to add bounces to my dance. I sang as I made my way around the elevated stage, waving at the teens and loving the way they paid attention to me. I winked at a group of them and laughed when they swooned.
"The brightly shining moon~surrounds me in the night~my body and mind are swallowed by the resounding sound~"
I like being Jan-Jan, he got me all the 'love' I could ever want from his vast array of fans. I like being Xin, he had the whole hearted worship of his people. I liked being Miz, if only so I could indulge in the joy of being with my sister and all my other friends at the temple. I even like being Bill, even if everyone else hates me, I still have my friends. I know it's selfish that I'm not satisfied with only my friends. I know I'm a bad person for deceiving others in order to get more affection but I couldn't help myself. These masks I wear, this performance I play. All so I could feel like there was a place for me here.
"I've gone numb and unfeeling~to the fear that used to be~this brightly shining light is aimed toward my heart~the world is spinning around and round!"
I couldn't help it. I want approval. I want devotion. I want people to like me. Love me. Notice me. Pay attention to me. I wanted to belong. Even after all this time, a part of me still felt like I shouldn't be here. I wasn't a REAL Bill Cipher…not like Seb or Bill were. When Bill had asked me for my name…should I have answered with Bill Cipher? It wasn't a lie but it wasn't quite the truth either…
"My thoughts about this has stopped~the sign I hoped for says the same~I want to run away but I slip~who cares 'cause I'll run again~"
I know it's incredibly selfish, even more so than my need to bind people to myself. Even now I still want the twins to accept my offer. Immortality by my side. Stay with me. Love me forever. Don't leave me. Stay and allow me to feel like I belong here, with them.
"What's next for me? I'm skyping with aliens! Let's select the fantasies for this radio-wave romance~haa~let us all sleep at night~"
Talk to Jessie or Ax about this, a small voice told me. I ignore most advice from the voices inside me but this was Zyun-Jan. Her memories and insight are what I cling to when making decisions. For the most part they have never steered me wrong (aside from random cannibalistic thoughts) and I value -her- MY choices. So, I should go talk to someone about this.
"The brightly shining moon~surrounds me in the night~the sound of it resounding makes me hesitate again~"
But I don't want to. I can deal with this myself right? I don't want to worry everyone. I don't want to try and explain to Jessie that from my point of view, she wasn't…'real'. At least she wasn't real back in my first life…and geez, it would simply be too much trouble to explain the whole, I'm a human girl from a reality where all this was nothing more than a children's cartoon show…even if she DOES believe me and doesn't assume I'm even more insane than I already am, the knowledge that she wasn't real might upset her.
"I can't remember anymore~"
Ugh! Why do I always have these mental debates with myself?
"How do I rave or dance anymore? This brightly shining light is aimed at my heart~"
Because who else are you willing to talk to you big idiot? I could feel a part of myself complain.
"The future is approaching on and on~haa~we dance inside dreams!"
Quit sassing me, me!
"The voice of tomorrow sings~enticing me with it's words~the resounding noise deafens me~painting over the future I see~"
It's too complicated to explain anyway so why should I bother?! Stop it. Stop thinking about it!
"Now I can't allow this anymore~I won't remain in place unmoving~this brightly shining light is aimed toward my heart~"
But I won't be able to move past this if I don't tell anyone. I need to try at least right? I told Ax after all? And he seemed to take it well. I think? He was pretty quiet for the longest time after I told him that in my memories was a world in which he didn't exist…but that was so long ago…so very long ago…
"From the spinning and spinning of this world, the future, the future is all I see! Lalala~lalala~lalala~lalala~"
Let this go. It's nothing to feel bad about. I am fine the way I am. I am HAPPY. For once in my life I am happy so just leave it alone.
Are you sure this is the right choice?
Shut up. I'm trying to spy on my kids and entertain people right now! We can make a decision AFTER the dance!
I allowed my flames to spread around the entire stage and the teens cheered. I see the figures that I KNOW are Pyrone and Flora cheering loudly (damn perception filters make recognition difficult). See? I'm doing good. As long as my selfishness makes people happy, it's not a problem right?
I didn't get anymore complaints from the other parts of myself so I grinned smugly at having proved my point.
I went to go sit and rest while the teens in charge of the contest came up to start it off. I leaned back in the chair and asked Cthulhu if he wanted a drink from the snack table. He nodded "I saw some fangleberry punch. Could you get me a cup of those?"
"No prob C-3! One artificially sweetened cup of plant juice comin' right up!" I skipped cheerfully off the stage and made my way to the snack table. Cthulhu rolled his eyes and laughed. It didn't take long to get the cups and pile some plates high with snacks. Having 4 arms is so useful~
"J-Jan-Jan! Can I...have your autograph?" A girl asks me hesitantly. I look back at her and considered it. Sure, why not? She was holding up a marker and a notebook so I reached out my free hand for the marker and she 'squee's as I wrote out 欣欣.
My manager was immediately there "That costs 75 credits young lady."I scoff at Ivanlock. Seriously? "I'm not gonna charge her for an autograph."
He turns to me with a stern expression. "And what will you do when they ALL demand an autograph? There are over a hundred kids here. Not to mention you've got a job to do.
"I groan and turn to the distressed girl. I can see the teens around us glaring at my manager. I give the girl a sad smile. "Sorry 'bout this..."
"N-no it's not your fault!" She hurriedly assures me. I still felt bad so I pull out my card and slap it to Ivan's squishy bulbous chest. "I'll pay for her thing this time. 'Coz she didn't know it cost creds. Izzat ok with you?" I grumble at the Ocgoplge. He narrowed his eyes. "You won't be getting a cut from this transaction since it's your own money."
"I'm sure I can afford 75 credits." I say blandly. He shakes his head. "I will never understand your lack of care for your finances." He still runs my card through and completes the transaction before handing me back my card. "Don't try and pay for anyone else's." He hissed before squelching away on his tentacle legs. I make faces at him behind his back.
"Your manager is an asshole." The girl says as she glares at the Ocgoplge's retreating form. I sigh "Tell me about it. That's just how it is. He wants to maximize profits."
"Why haven't you gotten a new one?" The girl, scan mind get name Sessie, asks. I can feel from her leaked thoughts that she was internally screaming over getting to talk to me. It was rather funny hearing her coaching herself to stay cool and not embarrass herself in front of her idol.
"He's an ass but he does his job well for the most part." I groan. "My previous manager was WORSE. He nagged me constantly to sell myself and never got any work done, disorganized and lazy that guy was. At least Ivan is efficient.
"What does it say about me that I'd rather work with a greedy but efficient man than a lazy one?
I politely bid her a farewell before heading back to give Cthulhu his drink and share some food. He does a really interesting thing with his tentacles and slurps up the punch. He notices me staring and I quickly apologized "Sorry, it's just so cool how that works."
"My...tentacles?" He asks.
"Yeah, the way they move is fascinating to watch." I respond honestly. He wiggles them proudly "You like tentacles huh?"
"I think they're cool." Despite their appearance, his mouth didn't seem slimy, they were simply smooth. Boneless as well. I'd like to create a tentacled form someday, looked fun.
He grins and flexes them out. "Wanna touch 'em?" I hesitate "This...wouldn't be sexual or anything right?"
He shakes his head. "Naw, it's a little ticklish but it's fine. You'd be surprised how many people I meet want to feel them."
Feeling reassured and unable to hold back my curiosity, I reached out to poke one of the green appendages. As I thought, it wasn't slimy. I wrapped my fingers around one and gently squished it a little. Springy. Soft. A feeling of slickness despite being entirely dry. Interesting texture. Cool to the touch, R'lyehian have a pretty low body temperature.
"This is so cool~" I gushed. "You're sure this isn't weird or sexual?" I asked worriedly when he starts making strange sounds. He chuckles. "No, it's fine. Though...if you're really interested..."
I pull away and shake my head. "No thank you. I'm not...really...um..." I blushed a little. He seemed disappointed. "You sure? I can promise it'll feel amazing." I don't doubt that. It's not like I've never fantasized about tentacles, I've seen plenty of hentai. "I'm not the type to do anything intimate with people..." I tried to explain.Though if it wasn't sexual, I might like to try out just...touching some tentacles…having them slide along my arms and back…apprehension filled me and I shuddered. No. Maybe not.
I shake my head and blush hard. Damn my kinks. And damn my issues.
"Excuse me? We're ready for the contest." A blurry young man informs me. I quickly get up to go back to work. Cthulhu flares his gills in confusion but flicks a few switches to start the music. I focused on my song and tried to ignore my embarrassed interest at the idea of being caressed by smooth tentacles. The bright flashing lights and dark melanin in my skin helped hide my blush. It didn't stop me from imagining it though. I should create my own tentacles for some fun after this...
God damn it's been YEARS since the last time I got myself off, holy fuck no wonder I'm so horny. Or maybe it's just a side effect of being in this enclosed room with horny teenagers dancing up close and personal with each other. I spot the ones not in the contest grinding up against each other and had to look away. The downside of sensing emotions was I sometimes got influenced by them.
The contest itself was going well, lots of cheering and hoots as the couple's danced.
They were getting votes from the other kids. Each pair had numbers to differentiate them. I wasn't sure why they really needed to hire me but the fact that I brought up an interest in holding a private performance made them immediately take me up on my offer.
The song ended and the pairs were panting heavily from how hard they moved during it. I breathed deeply and tried to catch my breath as well. I always had trouble with fast songs. The music switched to pure instrumental and I got to take a break for more food. Cthulhu gives me a gesture indicating he wanted a refill on his drink.
I hoped he didn't notice my weird fixation on his tentacles. I wasn't into him (I was just fascinated by his biology) and I didn't want to send him unintentional messages. Should probably clarify that when I get back to him. I got both of us a refill and drank my punch slowly as I walked back to the stage.
I could feel more kids wanting an autograph and being too nervous to approach my manager to ask for one. I felt kinda bad for that. In fact the only reason I wasn't mobbed by my fans was because of some spider-type bodyguards with stun-rifles who were standing along the walls and ceiling watching anyone who came near me. If it looked like I could be in danger they had been ordered to shoot first.
I wasn't happy about people being armed near children but at least all the guns were non-lethal. Apparently, idols having armed bodyguards were normal so the kids knew to keep their distance from me and C-3-hlu. They were allowed close to speak to me but no touching. I think many of the kids were hoping I would approach them for conversation or something.
I spot a girl dancing rather provocatively while pointing her abdomen in my direction. Was she trying to seduce me? I ignore it easily but my eye was caught by another alien, a blue colored Flappity who removed his perception filter to start fanning his tail out enticingly in my direction. Oh my god they really were trying to seduce me. Seriously? I'm not into children. What do they take me for?
Then again, with all the scandals some of the other celebrities get up in...
I ignored them as I got back, sliding into my chair and handing the cup to C-3 with a tired sigh. He glances down at the kids trying to get my attention. "I take it you aren't interested?" He asks.
I rub my face with a hand while another hand runs through my hair. "Not in the least." Not that my disinterest has stopped those kids from trying. I suppose when I said I didn't judge via physical appearance it meant they all thought they had a chance with me? Never mind the fact that they were all strangers who haven't even spoken to me. "I'm not…" I waved my hand to try and explain it. "I don't like the idea of one night stands. Especially not with people I don't know. And definitely not with children."
Even if I were into starting a romantic relationship of any sort it wouldn't be with someone I don't even know. I ignore the fact that I could theoretically know everything about a person if I bothered to try. I notice some kids trying to catch C-3's attention as well and the two of us sighed over horny teenagers.
"So you need a committed relationship before you're willing to copulate?" He asks me. I pout. "Actually, I have no desire for sex at all." His wings twitch with confusion "But…you clearly desire…um…" He gestures to his tentacles. I let out a few bursts of flame in embarrassment. "Yeah well, my kinks have nothing to do with my feelings. I like the way they feel, I like touching them. But I won't want to go all the way with them…do you get what I mean?"
He rubs his…chin? "I think so. You like the sensuality but not the sexuality?"
"I suppose. Frankly I think I might be mildly touch starved." I was getting better, snuggling with my friends was great but sometimes I found myself really craving a deep brick massage. Fuck you Handsy. I miss Stan's head pats. They were nice. Note to self, take humanoid form and have Kryptos give me a nice hair brushing after this. C-3 seems to noticed my ire. "What's wrong kid?" He asks. I hug myself. "I had a bad experience. A guy drugged me with an aphrodisiac while giving me a back massage and now I can't stand being touched. I can initiate touch with others but if they tried to touch me without asking or where I can't see them I freak out."
Cthulhu's eyes widen in panic. "Did he-!?"
I quickly shake my head. "No, my friends saved me before anything happened. But it still sucks that he ruined massages for me." I rotate one of my arms. "I get pretty tense and I'm certain I've got knots." the extra arms certainly meant I got sore shoulders a lot faster. If I wasn't healing myself constantly I'd probably be in a lot of pain.
"That sounds awful…have you gone to a mind healer about that?" He asks.
I blink. Huh. I guess I never really talked to Jessie about that in depth. Should I? We decided to stop this depressing conversation when it was time for the next song. I had a lot to think about anyway.
The rest of the dance was going well. The contest eventually moved off the dance floor so I performed while spying on them. Good thing I can hide the use of my Eye if I had my eyes closed. I didn't know much about how the Queen and King of the dance were supposed to be chosen but I saw them do contests like 'How many people can you lift' or 'How many needles can you bury inside an Aquamelon without disrupting the stability of its physical form' and eventually 'How many shots you can drink'.
My first thought was 'Who the fuck let them get alcohol in here?!' And my next was worry over Penelope getting drunk at a dance filled with horny teenagers. I wasn't worried about her getting hurt, I was afraid she'd try to eat her classmates. I went to get a refill on punch while keeping most of my attention on Penelope. She was on her third shot already. This was an awful idea. I see two other kids have already collapsed.
Hm. Did they change out the punch? It tastes different. I was gonna investigate further but there was a loud BAM coming from the contest area so I threw back my drink and rushed over to see what happened.
Two of the boys had attacked each other. My spider guards panicked when they saw me approaching the fight. One of them called out "Sir! Please do not get close to them or we will be forced to stun them for your safety!" I paused and stepped back. The kids had stopped everything they were doing to watch the scuffle.
""Fight! Fight! Fight!""
I frowned. Why was no one stopping this?
Oh right, they were all mildly buzzed. I bit my lip in worry. Shouldn't there be more security than just my guards? "Hey! Stop it! Someone could get hurt!" I called out.
Damn these kids!
I glanced around for any sign of a responsible adult who could step in. Really?! I sent Cthulhu a pleading look and he shook his head with a worried expression. If he stepped in and accidentally hurt a kid the scandal would be awful. Especially with all the kids recording the fight on their Coms. I searched for a teacher but I found them passed out.
The ACTUAL fuck?!
I went up to one and found a spilled cup of punch. A quick analysis showed...sleeping powder mixed in with the punch flavoring. A quick Flicker showed that a few kids drugged the bowls they knew the adults would be drinking from, knock out the chaperones so they could sneak off for some naughty activities. Seriously?!
I blinked, stumbling a little. Fuck. They got me too. I saw C-3 slowly slumping over on his keyboard. I felt annoyed. The kids who drugged the punch had already left the dance, uncaring about what would happen to the people left here. Selfish little fucks. Wait till I give them a piece of their minds! Rip it to pieces and make them jigsaw it back together~
I stumbled a little more, leaning heavily against the table. I spot Ivanlock passed out on the ground. My guards looked confused and worried. "Sir?! What's happening?!"
"Sssomeone drugged the drinksss~" I slurred as I stumbled into the table and knocked a few cups over. Meanwhile the fight had gotten worse. Other kids were getting caught up in it and no one noticed me as all attention was on the growing crowd of kids clawing at each other. Fuck.
Where are the twins? I shook my head, trying to stay conscious. One of my guards comes down to grab me when I fell over. I flinched violently and searing blue flame billowed out. The man cried out in surprise but didn't drop me. "Sir! Calm down! We're going to get you and the others to safety."
"Wwwha 'bout th' kidssss?" I slurred, my head dropping limply as the room began to spin. He shifts to lower me gently to the ground against a wall. "We've got tranquilizers."
Oh. I guess everyone's going to sleep tonight. That's fuuuuun~ I let my eyes close. Why do I keep getting drugged? It was a huge weakness that I can only thank Ax wasn't well known. Note to self, check all food and drink before consumption. I absently remember I hadn't made a Dreamscape for Jan's form yet. Aw man…I was hoping to actually get to sleep if I was gonna be knocked out…
When I 'came to' a few hours later, it was in a room full of angry adults demanding to know which kids needed to be punished for this. Also a bunch of unconscious teenagers. I cover my eyes to hide my search for what the hell happened. I was really only worried about the twins. Were they alright? Were they hurt? Did Penelope win the contest?
Good news, they were safe.
Bad news, the contest got cancelled due to the fight and subsequent discovery of the drugged punch.
I sighed. My little thermal pack wasn't gonna be happy about this.
---
I was right.
"I can't believe this had to happen!" she screeches, billowing white flames running up her arms and legs. Pyrone and Beez sighed while Flora just looked bemused. I found the kids all being detained as the adults tried to find out who was responsible for both the fight and drugging the punch. I COULD tell them but I would have to explain how I knew and frankly I didn't want to deal with that.
The perception filters had been dropped and there was a huge empty space around the twins as everyone else avoided them. Though, with how much fire Pynelope was putting out I couldn't blame them. I walked up "Are you alright miss?"
She turns to me "Bi-It's none of your business!"
I hold up my hands placatingly. "Easy there miss, I was just curious. You look upset."
She groans. "I can't believe they cancelled the contest. I was in the lead!"
"Well things did...get out of hand." I wiggled my hands with a grin. Pynelope groans and looks like she wanted to go hide in a ditch. I giggled, shoulders shaking with mirth. "Don't get so heated, chill out with some music~" I flick a few beats into the air with a huge shit eating grin.
Pynelope looks like she wants to punch me. "No. This thing you're doing, no."
I give her a smile. "Sorry I just thought I might try to cheer you up. I don't like seeing people upset." her mouth twitches and she couldn't help a fond smile. "I get it, just please stop with the bad word play."
"But what's the pun in that?" I couldn't resist. Pynelope buries her face in her hands. "Uuuugh!!!"
Beez leans over to whisper to Pyrone "Oh my void! Jan-Jan is talking to your sister!!" Pyrone rolls his eye. "Yeah. So?" Flora leans over as well to whisper (unfortunately loudly) "What if he LIKES her?"
Pyrone makes a disturbed face. "I can say. With 100% certainty that this is NOT the case."
"But I saw other people trying to get Jan-Jan to talk to them all evening and this is the first time he's approached someone!" Beez whispers frantically.
Pyrone rolls his eye. "Not like he LITERALLY just said he wanted to cheer her up because she looked upset. It's not like my sister wasn't CLEARLY the most unhappy person in this room."
I keep dropping terrible puns on Pynelope until she was too frustrated at me to be unhappy about the contest. The teens stared in stunned silence as I laughed myself silly. I had switched to awful jokes at this point. "What did the Gerblin say to the aerosol? Mace to meet you!"
"It's a good thing you're a singer because you'd be a terrible comedian." Pynelope deadpans.
I gasp dramatically, rearing back as if struck with my hands over my chest "How dare you! I'll have you know that I am a comedic genius!" She rolls her eye at me but I can see her mouth twitch. I open my mouth to say more but Ivanlock slides up and taps my shoulder, I hide my flinch. "Jan! What are you doing?! I told you not to leave the room."
"I was worried about the kids so I came to check on them. Geez Ivan."
He glances at Pynelope and looks her up and down before scowling and dragging me off. "Ow! Ivan! What the hell?!" I protest as I'm pulled away. Jan's body wasn't exactly built for physical strength. I turn to shrug helplessly at the kids and Pynelope was snorting as she watches me get manhandled like a child. At least I got her to laugh.
Once we were out of the room and back with the adults and officers, Ivan turns to me with a frown. "Of all people you had to flirt with it just HAD to be a Cyclopian! Do you even know what their kind DO to their partners?"
"Flirt?" I blink. "I wasn't flirting. I was trying to cheer her up. She looked distressed."
Ivan rubs his temples. "As amazing as your innocence is, you need to understand that other people don't see things the way you do. From the outside it clearly seemed like you were flirting with that girl."
I pout "But she's a child! I would never-"
"I know Jan!" Ivanlock sighs "But the damn press will use anything they can find to spin a story, even if it's a misunderstanding. I don't want any scandals." He pauses "Frankly it's a right miracle that there haven't been any in all these years. You do a good job hiding your private life."
He looks me up and down. "Haven't aged a day either. How long lived were your species?"
"Um…" I bit my lip as I wondered what to say. "I'm functionally immortal, I don't age once I reach maturity." Feeling a little mischievous I added "And if I die I burst into flame and get reborn as a child to grow up all over again." I mean, Xin was a Dragon so wouldn't it be funny if Jan were a Phoenix? It would explain my fire powers.
Ivanlock looked like he wasn't sure what to say to that. "It's good to know you don't die when you are killed." He says at last.
The hectic turn the dance took made me forget to talk to Jessie.
---
The aftermath of the dance wasn't too bad. Pyrone like a proper gentleman, escorted Flora home to Dimension RC-3276. I secretly sent an Eyebat to follow behind them. I was able to anonymously slip the names of the kids who spiked the punch and which ones started the fight. The school board was apologizing profusely to both me and Cthulhu in hopes that we wouldn't press charges. I told them it was fine since none of us got hurt.
Ivan was still demanding monetary compensation but by this point I had stopped caring. Let him have his fun.I approached C-3 about maybe working together in the future. He was thrilled. I also, rather shyly brought up something that wouldn't really leave me alone.
"Can I pet your tentacles again?" I blushed as I fiddled with the end of my shirt. He laughs. "You really like them huh?"
"The texture feels nice." I said in embarrassment. He looks a little sad when he remembers the conversation we had and sits down so he wasn't towering over me. I reach out and gently run my fingers through his tendrils while he holds still and tries his best not to make any movement that might spook me. It was very kind of him to do so. "I like how soft they are..." I comment. He nods. "Most of my partners have told me the same thing."
After playing with the tentacles for a while I apologized and thanked him for putting up with my weirdness. He shook his head. "It's fine. I don't mind." He bid me goodbye and I Blinked out of there, shedding Jan's form to be Bill once more.
I arrived home to see Pynelope throwing rocks into the pond in my garden/Xanthar's bedroom. I float over to rest on the ground beside her. I quietly watch her pick up another rock and fling it at the pond, breaking the surface tension into many ripples. After a while she sighs and flops backward onto the ground. I lay down as well.
Neither of us say anything. I can feel her frustration though. Finally I reached out to hold her hand. She doesn't react other than to curl her fingers around mine. We laid there together, staring up at the swirls of distant stars.
"Hey." I say softly. "Wanna see something cool that I haven't shown anyone else?"
She doesn't speak but she squeezes my hand so I take that as a yes. I close my eye and concentrate. With a quick tug, I pulled Pynelope into the Mindscape with me and warp to the 3rd dimension.
To Earth.
---