Chapitre 269: CH_8.4 (269)
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The link is also in the synopsis
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The meetings with the ANBU-nin were held in a tent inside the temporary base built by the main forces. The rest of the team had already completed their interviews with the ANBU duo in the time Takuma was out. According to Kameko, they questioned them about their time infiltrating the city, their contact with and discovery of the ROOT team, and details about their raid to capture the ROOT agent.
"What's the mood?" Takuma asked Kameko as they walked to the location.
"Stressful," Kameko pursed her lips.
"Oh? Are they hounding?" Takuma asked with a frown. He needed to decide if he was in a mood to cooperate, and if they were rude to his team, they would find him difficult to talk to.
"No, nothing like that. They were relatively civil. Sure, some questions were rude and felt judgemental, but there was nothing antagonistic about the meeting... It's just that the way they conducted it all made it feel more like an interrogation rather than a voluntary sit-down, and the fact that they're from the ANBU department made me nervous."
Takuma hummed, wondering if it was a tactic.
Interrogators could go two routes: establish a positive rapport with the subject so they would feel comfortable sharing information or at least get comfortable enough that they would let something slip information they otherwise wouldn't have volunteered—and the other route was to put pressure on the subject so that they fessed up information willingly to relieve themselves from any suspicion of wrongdoing.
"Masks?" he asked.
"Masks," she nodded.
The tent was at the edge of the base. Few people were nearby because it was in the opposite direction of the city and near the personal tents of the jonin, which were generally avoided. It was an ideal position for working without disturbance.
"Do you want me to come with you?" asked Kameko. The ANBU-nin had no authority over them and thus couldn't order them around; the meeting itself was a voluntary commitment. She could come in with Takuma, and they couldn't kick her out if they wanted to question him.
"I'll be fine. Thank you," said Takuma.
"Okay... I'll see you later."
Takuma saw her off and entered the tent to find a man and woman with masks talking to each other. They stopped speaking when he pulled the tent flap and looked at him. They were sitting on either side of a table, and the man sitting in front got up and greeted him.
"Genin Takuma, you're finally here. We have been waiting for you."
The male ANBU-nin didn't have silver hair and was too tall to be a 14-year-old, which meant he was neither Kakashi nor Itachi, and Takuma was disappointed because he had 'dirt' on those two he could use during the conversation to get his way. The female ANBU-nin was a brunette with flat, straight hair passing a little below the shoulders, making her a complete mystery.
He could only recall one female ANBU-nin whose name would eluded him even if someone dangled him off a balcony.
"I see, so let's make this quick," said Takuma.
"Are you busy?" asked the woman.
"Not at all," said Takuma as he sat down with a wince. "I'm just not in the mood to talk."
"Ah yes, your teammate... Our condolences," she said.
Takuma nodded. "I hear that you've been asking the team questions about our mission."
"Just some due diligence," said the man as he sat beside his partner behind the table.
"I don't believe I will have different answers from my teammates," said Takuma.
"Neither do we," said the man as he opened a notepad, "but we think you'll have more answers. Chunin Mitarashi tells us that you operated mostly independently for the duration of this mission. Your experience differs from your team's. Thus, you'll be able to give us additional insight into why a ROOT team was here in the Land of Hot Waters."
"The Hidden Frost hired them to aid in gaining control over the city and eventually convert it over their side, thus permanently altering the two nations' shared border," Takuma answered. "From what I understand, the ROOT as a group followed Shimura Danzo after he was declared a rogue and excommunicated from the village. It's obvious that they're now operating as an independent mercenary organisation to sustain themselves now that they don't have the village's support."
The two ANBU-nin stared at him. Their masks hid their faces, and their body language didn't betray anything. However, the momentary silence in the tent signified that they didn't think Takuma knew that much. Not much was known about ROOT to the general public; they were considered true secrets in the world of shinobi.
Even after the debacle, the administration just couldn't drop their pants to let everyone see their dirty underwear. ROOT was disclosed as a small group of shinobi under Danzo's leadership—but the truth was that they were big. Takuma didn't know how big they were, but he suspected they were smaller than the ANBU department but still comparable to their size.
The intel packet the team had received after their initial report didn't say much about ROOT and was simply described as an outfit of dangerous shinobi highly trained in the art of espionage. The team was advised to be careful and ordered to capture the agents—and other than some surface-level background information, they weren't given much to work with.
"...How do you know the Hidden Frost hired them?" asked the woman.
"The information came from a Hidden Frost chunin who, upon interrogation, informed me that the ROOT team had been advising their jonin on how to manage the city. The ROOT team were behind continuing the relationship between the farmers outside the city and the redirection of crops to the Land of Frost, which spread their influence outside the city; they artificially restricted basic amenities like food, water, and electricity to exert their control over the city folk; they supported the city's criminal element, who helped them after receiving more power over the city, and managed to befriend Yu's wealthy and powerful people, who controlled the jobs that the common folk needed to survive."
According to Aranai, if not for ROOT, the Frost jonin would've imposed a much harsher dictatorship over the city, which would've ruined any hope of true willing conversion. However, going the ROOT's way allowed them to profit from the city while slowly chipping away at their will to rebel.
"This chunin you mention... Aranai, if I'm not wrong," said the man, looking over the notes. "You interrogated him and a genin named Ryoya alone. They were the source of information you sent to the main force as they prepared to invade the city. How did you choose these two?"
"Aranai was in a unique position of being part of the city's drug trade. He had made himself into the dealer for his fellow shinobi and was even funnelling them into the Land of Frost to earn profits. That made him more visible than other Frost shinobi. He was a chunin, which increased his chances of knowing more. As for Ryoya, we didn't target him specifically; we aimed for other shinobi; he was just the one we got."
Takuma and the team didn't know who would be showing up on the day they had abducted Aranai and Ryoya. Chinatsu suggested Aranai bring one of his subordinates, but there was no guarantee he would follow her suggestion since there was a real chance of Aranai bringing a jonin to impress his superiors.
"You worked in the Leaf Military Police Force as part of their Narcotics Taskforce before this," the woman nodded as she read what seemed to be Takuma's record. "I believed that influenced your choice."
Takuma nonchalantly shrugged. "Our initial plan was to disrupt the enemy's relationship with the criminal element they were supporting by damaging the trust between the two parties. The decision to kidnap Aranai came later; we were fortunate."
The conversation naturally led to Takuma's interrogation methods, and the more he spoke, the fewer questions they asked about the subject of his methods. Takuma himself realised how much work he had put into getting what he wanted—just listening to it made him never want to do it again. That was a job for three, at least two people. It was a miracle he hadn't started hallucinating in the middle of it from sleep deprivation.
"Just listening to it makes me feel exhausted," said the man
"I'd like to talk about these posters of yours." The female ANBU put one of Takuma's wanted posters on the table. "According to your team, these posters were allegedly made by the ROOT team. How do you think they identified you?"
"I believe you would know more about that than me," said Takuma.
"Pardon?"
"Oh, please. I don't believe for a second that you don't know about my past," Takuma smiled flatly at the pair. "I want to know more about the assassination attempt on my life back home. To be honest, I don't know much, if anything, about that harrowing part of my life. If you want to know more, I would appreciate it if you shed light on that very personal incident."
To this day, Takuma was visited by the ghosts of the night he almost died in the place he considered his home. The problem was that he barely knew anything about the incident. He had suspicions and theories, but there was nothing concrete supporting them. This was his chance to get some legitimate answers.
"I'm not sure what you mean, Takuma," said the woman. "Yes, we are aware of the attack on your life, but that case went to the Police Force. It never reached our department, so unfortunately, while we understand where you're coming from, we don't have anything that could help you."
Takuma looked at both of them. Their masks bothered them because he couldn't tell what they were thinking. He also didn't know they would spill their bag of secrets just because he asked politely, but it also pissed him off because he was not in the mood to play games.
"Listen, I'm not asking for something dangerous. I just want to know who was behind me having to learn to walk again," Takuma asked again. "I helped capture a ROOT agent. I scratched your back. It'd be nice if you scratched mine."
"I'm sorry, Takuma, but we truly don't have that information," the Woman said, sounding genuinely sorry.
He didn't trust that sentence one bit. Unlike most shinobi who were simply for-hire mercenaries, the two in front didn't take contracts from those willing to pay. They were state spies who worked for the Leaf shinobi administration and handled matters of national security. Keeping secrets was part of their job; information was power, and giving information away often meant losing power.
"Alright, I understand. It can't be helped if you don't know," Takuma half-raised his hands and leaned back into his chair.
"Thank you for understanding," the woman said with a smile in her voice. "Let's return to the question. Why do you think the ROOT squad was able to recognise you so quickly?"
"I don't know," Takuma shook his head.
"I'm sure you must've given it some thought."
"Not really."
"Any guesses," asked the man.
Takuma pretended to think for a moment before shaking his head.
"I'm sorry, nothing comes to mind," he replied.
The ANBU duo weren't stupid and quickly caught on to the fact that Takuma had shut down the conversation from his end. Their refusal to answer his questions had caused him to reciprocate in kind. It was petty, but neither side owed the other anything, which made what Takuma was doing perfectly justified.
"Genin Takuma, we advise you to cooperate. Your team leader and jonin-in-command won't be happy when they find that you refused to help us by answering our questions," said the man.
"Oh, I think my team already helped you plenty by capturing and killing those ROOT agents. I think my superiors will say that you need to be satisfied with what you have and not be greedy," Takuma said, unafraid of their intimidation attempts. "And here's what I'm going to do. I know the names of people from the Hidden Frost connected to the ROOT agents, which could lead to who hired them and maybe even a way to contact them. I was going to mention all of it in my official report, but you know what?" He snapped his fingers. "O-Oh, I-I can't seem to remember those names anymore. Aww, shucks! I guess I'll be unable to put them on my report."
Aranai's position as the drug provider had given him the reputation and clout which allowed him to sit down with many people, including other chunin and jonin. He knew that regular reports were sent back to the Hidden Frost village, which included updates from and about the ROOT squad. Takuma had managed to get the names of the people sitting in the Hidden Steam village, and boy, those were some big names.
The information packet he had sent back to Camp Banana before the invasion only contained relevant information about the presence of enemy shinobi in the city. He had deemed all the other information he had extracted irrelevant in the context of the city's recapture. That decision now paid unforeseen dividends, as he was the only source of information the ANBU duo wanted.
"You're risking national security, Genin Takuma. This could get you in very deep trouble. I would again advise you to cooperate with us on this matter," the woman said.
"It's a two-way street. Tell me what I want to know, and I'll give you what you want," Takuma said flatly. He understood the risk and decided that he wanted more information, and that this was his best and only chance—he didn't see how he would get what he wanted any other way.
He even considered that the ANBU duo honestly didn't know anything—which was thoroughly unlikely—but if it were true, then his act of withholding his information would be enough motivation for them to get what he asked and trade it with him.
A silence settled in the tent as neither side budged. They could hear the distant sounds of miscellaneous activity around the camp base. Takuma had presented his position and thus didn't speak, whereas the ANBU duo's stance was that they didn't know and saying anything resembling negotiation would contradict their stance.
Takuma stood up after a minute of silence from both sides.
"Please only contact me when you have changed your mind. Don't bother otherwise," he said before leaving the tent.
The moment he stepped outside, all strength left his body and he felt the beginnings of a 'normal' headache creeping up the back of his head. Sitting in that tent with two ANBU-nin was stressful, and the only things keeping him coasting was his stubbornness, his desire for information, and a measure of anger.
He kept walking, waiting for them to call him back, but they never did. Even though he didn't expect them to call him back, as though he was a customer who was walking away after haggling, he nevertheless held hope they would. With each step, he resisted looking back until he was too far and even started to think that he should've made himself useful by cooperating and then trying to fish for information after they liked him.
'Fuck me,' he thought—this was going to torture him for a while.
———
.
Fortunately, Takuma didn't have to torture himself for long. The next day, Toridasu called him up after the meeting with ANBU. The meeting was in Toridasu's office tent, and the ANBU duo, along with Anko, were already present when Takuma arrived.
"You called for me, sir?" Takuma asked Toridasu.
"The ANBU says that you're refusing to cooperate and holding back information. Is that true?" Toridasu sat behind his desk, fully leaning into his chair as he fanned himself with a hand-fan. He looked deadpan, but there was a glint of amusement hidden in his eyes.
Takuma glanced at the masked ANBU standing in the corner. This was nothing out of expectations; he had expected them to use his superiors to pressure him into giving in to their demands, but he expected them to go through Anko first before approaching Toridasu.
"... I'm sorry, sir, I'm confused. I went to the voluntary meeting with the ANBU-nin and cooperated with them. I don't know why they feel I didn't cooperate with them," Takuma lied through his teeth. He could've sounded more offended and expressed more emotion, but he had a good feel for the situation.
"Genin Takuma, please don't embarrass yourself. Yesterday, you stated that you have information pertaining to the connection between the ROOT and Hidden Steam. By holding that back, you're colluding with the enemy. I'm sure I don't need to tell you what that means," said the man.
Before Takuma could reply, Anko interjected on his behalf.
"That's a heavy accusation, do you have proof?" she said in a full-on serious tone.
"He confessed to both of us yesterday," said the woman.
Once again, Takuma tried to speak to deny their words but was cut off by Toridasu, and he surprised him.
"And we're supposed to take your word for it?" Toridasu said to the two ANBU-nin. "You're accusing one of the shinobi in my company of having committed a grave crime. You better have something to prove your claims, or I'll have to reconsider how you spend time here in my camp."
Takuma kept his face straight, but he was internally surprised. Toridasu didn't like Anko and had kept their team idle by not allowing them to take any meaningful missions until Takuma joined them. Even then, his dislike of her had given the signal to the rest of the camp that she held no favour, and they had been excluded from joint training activities.
Takuma had somehow gotten the team their assignments for the Gojiro gold mine operation, where they had proven themselves, which had led to the precursor mission. They had achieved everything without any favours. Sure, Tordiasu had praised him for taking out the Frost jonin, but he did not expect him to stand up for him in front of the ANBU. Takuma expected that he would've to bear the pressure from Toridasu if he wanted to get what he wanted.
"As his team leader, I trust Takuma implicitly. I'll vouch for him," said Anko.
Takuma nodded to her but couldn't meet her eye. Their relationship had been rocky since the banquet hall explosion. Rikku's death had made them put the disagreement aside, but they really hadn't talked about it. Her stating her trust in him in front of ANBU meant a lot to Takuma.
Takuma turned to ANBU and slightly tilted his head. "Why would you lie?" he asked.
Despite their masks, the ANBU looked visibly frustrated and irritated.
"You'd believe him instead of us?" the man asked Toridasu.
"Between you—you masked liars—and one of my own men who completed an impossibly tough mission— of course, I would believe him. Why would you think otherwise?" Toridasu tone was a strange combination of faux-flabbergasted mixed with mocking. "Do you have proof that he's lying?"
Of course, they didn't have proof.
It was literally their words against his, and in just as many situations, they would've believed them over him. This particular situation falling to Takuma's side was partially because Toridasu was a jonin and had the position and authority to be not scared of ANBU (though many jonin would've folded and not taken the risk), and partially, he wanted to exert his power and influence over the two masked shinobi.
"Well?" Toridasu urged them.
"No," said the man.
"Then get out of here."
There was a moment of silence before the ANBU walked out of the tent and gave Takuma the side eye as they walked past him. He stared back at them and even turned back to watch them leave the tent. When he turned back, he saw Toridasu reading a file.
"Hmm?" Toridasu looked up at him and Anko with confusion. "What? I said get out."
"Not to us," Anko rolled her eyes as she began to leave.
Takuma bowed his head and followed after her, but before he could leave, Toridasu spoke to him.
"Whatever you're doing, don't let it reach me because I will not help you."
Takuma looked back and saw that Toridasu was still reading the file on his desk. He didn't think that he would fool him; it was always a matter of trying his luck with the jonin's personality. His gambit had paid off, but he understood that Toridasu would not put his finger on the line, much less his neck, for him.
"Yes, sir."
Toridasu hummed without looking up.
Outside the tent, the ANBU duo were waiting for him. He turned to Anko, who nodded. After nodding back, he walked to them alone.
"What is your plan, Genin Takuma?" asked the woman.
"It's the same as yesterday. You help me; I help you," Takuma stared into her eyes and spoke calmly.
"We don't appreciate forced negotiations," said the man.
"All negotiations are forced," he said back. "And if you don't want to, you can always back away. You already have the ROOT agent in your custody. It's reasonable to think that he'll be able to provide you with more than I can. You don't need me..."
And with that, he had put the ball in their hands. It was completely true that he wasn't needed. He was rendered useless if they could extract the information from the ROOT agent. The question was if they could accomplish that; what if they weren't able to break the ROOT agent, or if he fed them false information, or if he somehow managed to kill himself before they got the information?
He was also aware of Yamanaka's existence, but they weren't all-powerful; people had figured out how to keep secrets even from the feared mind readers. Ignoring all of that, the more important question was whether putting so much effort into breaking a trained ROOT agent was worth it when they had another source of information who was willing to talk and spare them the effort. He was experienced with interrogations, so he knew that they 100% wanted to avoid any and all interrogations if they could get information in some other, easier way.
Finally, it also planted a seed in the ANBU duo's minds. Even if they rejected him now, he was always there waiting for them to come knocking. He wanted his answers immediately, but he was willing to wait. It was his Plan B.
"You underestimate us. We just might do that and make you obsolete."
"And I'll be betting against it," Takuma smiled. "I wouldn't have been confident if we were back home, but we are not. You and I are far away from home; the only difference is that I've been away for longer, and thus am more comfortable. Understand that we are in a war zone. I might be here for another few weeks or so before I'm shipped off elsewhere, where I might die... so my humble suggestion would be to fulfil my insignificant demands so you can return home with additional peace of mind."
He smiled and then simply walked away from them after having said his piece, but another thought formed in his mind that made him stop and turn to them one last time.
"The leader escaped." A bitter expression briefly surfaced on his face as he thought about Kon; his blood boiled at the mere memory. "I see a scenario where he might get in contact with the rest of his rogue mates, and who knows, they might send someone over to clean up. The longer you have that agent out here in foreign lands, the more likely it is that he doesn't make it back. I'm not telling you how to do your job, but you might want to get him back as quickly as possible before his friends come visiting."
It annoyed him greatly that he couldn't see their faces. He could very well be missing all of his shots to get the information now. But he had to be confident in himself because who else would be?
"I'll see around," he said with a faint smile before turning away.
His smile immediately slipped as he sighed. It was tough because he was making moves against someone he had no idea about. He was trying to deal with a group of people who were feared across the lands, and he had no real safety net in case things went wrong.
However, Takuma put that in the back of his mind as he faced something more important and urgent.
"Can we talk?" he asked.
Anko stared at him for a moment before nodding.
"We should talk."
.
———
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The link is in the synopsis!
Chapitre 270: CH_8.5 (270)
Want to read ahead of schedule? Head over to Patreón @
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The link is also in the synopsis
———
.
Takuma and Anko left the camp and headed towards the city walls. Their conversation opened with a discussion about the ANBU despite recognising the true topic of discussion, but both internally thought it better to gradually lean into the tense subject.
"What are you trying to do now?" she asked.
"I want answers about the assassination attempt on me, I want to know ROOT's involvement, and I want to know about Kon. ANBU is the only place I'm most likely to get those answers. And I know they have my answers; it's a matter of if I can get them to share with me," he replied.
"Kon," she said. There was no question or any specific tone in her voice, but the implication was clear.
"... I think he's the link between the assassination attempt and Yu. Those posters were his work. I don't have proof, but it has to be him. I have to know more about the man who has now tried to kill me multiple times." The matter of revenge for Rikku's death was left unsaid. He didn't look Anko in the eye, and she fortunately did not push in that direction, but there was a mutual understanding that Rikku was part of the motivation for Takuma to find out more about Kon.
"Do you have what they want? Or is this an ill-planned scheme?"
"I have enough."
As he had said to the ANBU, they could probably find what he knew and more from the captured ROOT agent, but they could give them what he knew much easier. They could use the information he gave to assist them in their agent's interrogation or directly take action based on it.
"I never told you or mentioned it in the packet we sent back because it wasn't relevant," Takuma regretted his words the moment he spoke them. It sounded like a justification for yet another thing he had done wrong.
"I understand. Information is power," said Anko.
"No, I didn't mean it that way..." He sighed exasperatedly, frustrated with himself. He truly had excluded it because it wasn't relevant. He also didn't think he would be negotiating with ANBU until the moment they had asked to meet with him, but now it seemed that it was his plan all along. "Whatever... I just want to get some answers, and this is my chance to get them.
"How're you doing?" he asked her.
Anko narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips. "I'll be fine; it's nothing new for me. It's never going to be easy if that's what you're wondering, but you'll learn to deal with it. Just make sure that it's healthy. I have seen several people who go about it the wrong way."
"Like?"
"The pain comes from losing someone you cared about. For some people, the solution they find easiest is to stop caring. They shut themselves off from other people by building a cocoon around themselves so they don't get hurt when they inevitably lose yet another someone... It works, though—it changes people— but it works," Anko looked far into the distance beyond the destroyed portion of the wall. "But you don't want that. It gets lonely in that cocoon. What's life when you can't share your joy with others and celebrate their happiness with them—it's a miserable life; that's what it is. Also, you know... it's tough to bear the burdens of life alone; you will need people to help you if you want to continue being a shinobi."
"Are you talking from experience?"
Anko chuckled with a brief smile. "There are more reasons to build that cocoon. Fortunately, cocoons aren't that strong, and people can break through before it becomes too thick and rigid."
He guessed that it had something to do with her experience with Orochimaru. Perhaps a betrayal so profound that she lost her ability to trust? As he thought that, Takuma felt a weight in his abdomen. His situation with Anko was also trust-related and even though it sounded like she was recovered, experiences like that left behind permanent changes in people. He worried if it was too late.
"My teacher said to take it one day at a time," said Takuma, recalling Maruboshi's words after his C-rank mission in the Land of Frost.
"Sounds difficult and miserable. I would much rather get drunk and get laid."
Takuma laughed and agreed with her words. It was difficult and not at all enjoyable.
A comfortable silence settled between the two as they observed the burnt and broken wall. Takuma took a silent breath as a string of fear tickled his heart. When he had first seen the city wall, it had given him the impression of an immovable, indestructible object which had remained standing to protect the city in the world of humanoid weapons of mass destruction—but now, as he saw a massive portion of it in shambles, all done by a single old man he knew, it strengthened the dangers of the world.
He was no longer the weak, pathetic little runt and had grown strong enough to gain the ability to protect himself time and time again, and yet he was still not safe when looking at what shinobi were capable of. He was reminded that he had no time to stop; he had to keep moving forward, or he would be crushed without a choice.
"Man, he's strong," Takuma said in awe.
"He is," Anko nodded grudgingly. "It's absolutely infuriating. I would've slapped the shit out of his bald head if he wasn't so strong."
The tension in his body from being called into Toridasu's office to confront the ANBU duo left his body as he talked and laughed with Anko, but it returned again when Anko drove right into the main discussion—nay, she crashed through into the topic.
"You shouldn't have blown up that banquet hall," she said.
He had thought about what he had done in length, and in doing that, he had tried to justify his actions. "I... saw the opportunity and took it. There was a jonin missing in the enemy forces because of me," he said.
"What about the civilians you killed?"
"Those traitors deserved it."
"That wasn't your decision to make, and I'm not talking about them; I'm talking about the workers and staff that you sacrificed," Anko said in a harder voice. "Did they deserve it?"
Takuma looked down at the floor, scared of finding the look on her face. Anko had a deep frown with tight expressions that softened when he refused to meet her eye.
"You don't think you did anything wrong, do you?" she said with a sigh.
"... I didn't think about them when I was planning it," Takuma said after staying silent for a moment. "I was too focused on that jonin and what it would mean for the battle... I was angry because Motohiro and others had been captured because of Gyon. I had two Hidden Frost shinobi in my captive, so I knew what was most probably happening to Motohiro—and they had nothing they could give to stop the torture. I blamed myself for it." Hoshiguro was the only one who knew his location, and he had gone down because of his health. No one could've led the Hidden Frost to him, which meant that everyone the enemy captured for information was bound to suffer without any chance of relief.
He continued, "I only realised what I was about to do when I was washing dishes in the back and saw them working in a hurry so that the people in the hall could enjoy their time. But it was too late to stop by then. I was too close. The jonin was a room away... I had to go through it." He had made the easy choice to ignore them.
Takuma exhaled deeply as he thought back to the moment and his memory of it was pretending to wash dishes. His clone was the one to execute the blast, so he didn't know what he would've felt in the moment—which only made it worse because the imagination of his mind made everything much worse. A dance troop was performing in the hall when the explosive tags went off, killing all of them—he had seen them briefly when they had arrived at the hall before the party—and his mind spurned horrifying images based on that brief moment he had seen them.
"I c-can't think about them anymore," Takuma said, his voice hoarse. "The more I think about them, the worse I feel. I become sick; my mind grows restless, my conscience grows heavy, grimy... I can't do it, I don't want to... I'll destroy myself."
A chaotic panic made his breathing laboured. He stopped and grabbed one of his knees with his good arm as he calmed himself with quick, short breaths. The thoughts of his actions wanted to make him run away, but there was no escaping from what was inside of him.
Anko waited in silence as he calmed himself down. "I'm glad you feel this way," she said.
Takuma looked up at her in shock and disbelief. "What the fuck, Anko!?"
"You are a killer—a murderer," she continued, unfazed, "so am I, a lot of shinobi are. It comes with the job. The important thing is to not become a mindless killer. Lives have value, the lives you took had value, and it'll do you good if you don't ignore them... I blame you for killing those people; I don't like it one bit—but I thought about it, and I honestly don't know what I would've done if you had asked for permission. If you ask me now, I would've refused, but at that moment with the opportunity to kill a jonin... I don't know—it would've been a tough decision.
"It's not my place, but I think it'll help if you hear it from someone else… If it's any easier, I'm telling you to put it behind you," she said and it sounded like an order from a superior officer. "You made a decision that wasn't… I've made plenty of mistakes in my career and I've been punished for them, but I've also been forgiven by others and by myself." She patted him on the back and asked him to stand up straight, "It's easy to say, but move forward. If it truly bothers you, in the soul, then the best move is to forgive yourself… Let it be a lesson to guide your future actions."
Takuma stood up straight with his eyes closed. Her words soothed him, but he knew it was only temporary. He had to confront himself and come to terms with it if he ever wanted to move forward.
"What about when the time comes when I'm ordered to take an innocent life?" asked Takuma. He was a shinobi, a mercenary for hire; there would inevitably come a day when he would have to fulfil the assassination contract posted by someone willing to pay—and the target was someone who didn't deserve to die. What was he supposed to do then?
"The world's unfair," said Anko with a sad look on her face. "I don't know the correct answer to this question—or even what you might want to hear at this moment. You're a shinobi—for all being a shinobi gives you, it takes just as much or even more away. You don't want to do something you don't like? You either stop being a shinobi, or you reach a place where you have the power to refuse. Even then, the chances are you'll do all kinds of things you don't like by the time you reach either of those places."
A Leaf genin signed a ten-year contract the moment they accepted their headband. A fifteen-year extension was part of the chunin promotion. Becoming a jonin meant another twenty-five years in service for the village. This meant, at minimum, a genin could leave the service after ten years, a chunin after twenty-five years, and a jonin after fifty years of minimum service.
Takuma had been a genin for three years, leaving seven more years on his contract.
However, he didn't want to stop being a shinobi.
"There's a third option—death," said Anko with a small smile. "No one can force you to do anything after you're dead."
Takuma stared at her and then burst into laughter that hurt his wounds, but he couldn't stop laughing.
"What?" asked Anko, confused.
"No, it's nothing," Takuma waved as he tried to stop laughing but failed." It's just a stupid joke—you had to be there for it to make sense."
It was funny because it came from Anko. She didn't know that her former teacher would master the technique to make the dead do his bidding. In the future, literally everyone important who had died would be forced to do all sorts of things against their will.
After the laughter subsided, he looked at her seriously and said,
"Hey, if I die, cremate me good, okay? Leave nothing behind."
"... Okay, if that's what you wish," she replied, utterly confused by the sudden change in demeanour.
Takuma nodded and sighed as he watched the city wall. He wasn't anyone important, so the chances of him being brought back from death were negligible, but there being an option bothered him deeply.
"Where did that come from? Any reason you stress it so much," she asked.
"Let's just say it's spiritual. I might not rest peacefully without it."
.
———
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État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
200+ Classement
Power Stone 
109 Power
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