Chapitre 21: 21. Qualified
Mark Sloan was allergic to coconuts and his middle name was Everett. Emily knew that off the top of her head. He was an affectionate man to his friends. He liked putting the jam first before the peanut butter on a sandwich and preferred orange juice as his favorite juice of choice. Anyone could know that. But she wondered if anyone truly knew his fidgets like she did. The little tidbits that made him so obviously Mark Sloan. She wondered if Addison knew how he held his scalpel; his middle finger more bent so the side of the blade rested on the flat part of his finger rather than the tip. Or how he really knew how to sing. His voice was pleasant to someone's ears as he sang the simplest melody. Or how he smiled - when he genuinely smiled, not that cocky smirk he gave to nurses - but one that reached his eyes and pulled at the corner of his lips. Or even how he liked scorching hot drinks and had the highest heat tolerance of anyone she had ever met. She knew all of that. She did. Emily knew that's why she qualified as a best friend.
Maybe it was because she knew his faults was why she didn't qualify for a girlfriend. It didn't matter, because she'd rather take him, faults and all, and to never touch, than to hold him in her arms and realize she didn't know a single thing about him.
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Emily Moore was a dancer when she was in school. A ballerina, to be specific. He knew that. And her long, spindly fingers were from playing piano for so long. Mark also knew that. Her middle name was something she didn't like to talk about (It was London). He found it absolutely charming. Her favorite drink was brandy. Maybe a lot of people knew that because she had told them but he liked knowing things other didn't know. Like how she laughed at the most terrible, unfunny jokes alive or how she always smiled for the kids in the pediatric wing even when she was drop-dead tired after a forty-eight hour shift. Or how she was always a tomboy. He knew that she sometimes drew little cartoons for the specifically sick kids to make them laugh. He considered the possibility of anyone other than him knowing that the woman jiggled her leg restlessly when she was bored or that she had a two dimples on one cheek and one on the other, and didn't like it. Nor did he like thinking another person knowing when to stop her and take care of her because she was too selfless, to the point where she'd rather die than inconvenience someone. There's always someone suffering worse, was one of her more poisonous sayings. He knew she was giving until there was nothing left to give and she'd still give more. But he… he knew all of that. He did. Mark knew that's why he qualified as a best friend.
He knew she was out of his league. It didn't matter, because he'd rather take her, in his life and in someone else's arms, than have her gone because he had sprung every thought he had about her on said brunette who was still an intern and had so much of her life ahead of her.
.
Mark Sloan made her insides coil and her skin to rise in goosebumps. It was never this bad until he told her that he was trying for sixty days - cold turkey. Every smile he gave seemed to be like adrenaline in her system and every hand he laid on her was like a scorching fire. When they were alone, it caused her tongue to twist and her breath to hitch at every double-meaning word he said. But whenever she saw him smile at Addison or share a laugh with her, it caused a foul taste to rise up in her throat and a heavy weight in her heart. So, whenever Alex offered to drink after shift, she never hesitated because she needed his blue eyes out of her head.
.
Emily Moore made his heart flutter uncharacteristically fast. She made his insides queasy and lightheaded. He didn't like how essential she was to his life but he had to accept it because she was now everything. She was like the best parasite, the one who only stuck because they wanted to help you; a symbiotic relationship. Which was fine, because they were happy and he was finally getting the chance to fall in love with Addison even more. Until Emily always turned away from him when she saw Addison and she couldn't even meet his eyes. Until she began to hang out with Karev, began to say 'I have plans with Alex' more times than she was willing to wait, not that he was counting. She was always… not smiling around Karev, but happy. Emily looked happy with Karev and he thought maybe they had found each other even when she had said they were just friends. Well, she was happy, he was happy. Simple math. That didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell when he imagined her body pressed up against someone else's or her charming smile directed at someone other than him.
.
Emily London Moore was born in June. Mark Everett Sloan was born in January. How fitting and utterly annoying that their birthstones were of each other's eyes.
Emily was searching for the prince of her dreams. Mark was searching for the one who would stay.
He knew she was right in front of him; she deserved better and he knew she wouldn't love him back. She knew he was right in front of her; he would break her heart and he wouldn't love her back.
Mark thought she was extraordinary, out of this world. Emily thought he was astounding, ethereal.
He was the Han Solo to her Leia. She was the Hermione to his Ron. Then again, putting labels to what they were to each other felt wrong because they were undefinable.
.
"Hey, Alex. Set for drinks after shift?" Emily proposed as they left Ava's room, "Unless you're busy," she added with a tease and a glance at Ava.
"No, we're on for drinks still," he replied indifferently but a blush colored his cheeks. "Shut up,"
"I didn't say anything," She nudged him with her shoulder as they walked and he nudged her back.
"Hey, you okay?" He asked lightly but quietly, aware of the attending walking behind them. She shrugged, shoving her hands into her pockets. "Is it because of-"
"Yeah." She nodded, forcing herself to look forward. "Whatever."
"Drinks at seven."
"Drinks at seven."
.
"Why are we at this bar?" Emily asked as they settled at a booth. "What's wrong with Joe's?"
"We're here to look for hot guys." He flagged a waitress as she raised her eyebrows.
"I'm all for the rainbow, but-"
"Not for me, for you." The waitress took their orders for drinks and sashayed away, making sure Alex got a good view. "You need your mind off Sloan,"
"As I recall-" She held up a finger and peeled the shell of the nut, "drinking does that real well," He scoffed as the drinks arrived and he took a swig of beer- "And, his deal with Addison is none of my business," the brunette added.
"This is what I'm talking about." He said crossly as he gazed at the mass of people from their relatively quiet area. "No more talking about it." She tried protesting but he shushed her. "Okay, him." He pointed at a man with brown hair and strong jaw. He was drinking responsibly but a pretty blonde kissed him, "No… him?" A taller man with dark eyes and surrounded by friends.
Emily shook her head, scanning the bar area before noting a familiar man chatting to another younger woman. Smacking Alex with the back of her hand repeatedly, she turned to him. "Is that the Chief?" He followed her line of sight before it drifted to his right.
"Yeah, it is," the man confirmed, an impressed expression flitting across his face before spotting an even more familiar face. "Hide!" he hissed quickly, shoving her farther into the corner.
"Where do I go? Under the table?" she retorted before spotting the man. "Oh, shit." But it was too late and he was staring at her. Turning to Alex, she sent him a smile. "Tell me a joke to make me laugh."
"What?"
"Just do it, or tickle me. I have to laugh because I… I can't do this!" Looking frantically, he sneaked a hand around her waist and pressed against her skin, causing a genuine laugh. Then, getting in the mood, he kept swiping at her sides causing shrieks of laughter. When he finally stopped, she glanced at him, confused and out of breath, ribs hurting as she tried to inhale as much oxygen as she could. "Is he gone?"
"Yeah and he looked like he wanted to kill me. The things I do for my drinkin' buddy. You owe me another one." Sighing, she caught her breath and took a healthy swig of her brandy.
"I owe you for everything," she agreed and he smirked.
"You can start by getting me another beer."
.
:twenty-eight more days!:
:arent you hyper?:
:oh yeah cause then youll stop complaining about being horny:
Mark smiled, could even imagine her rolling her eyes when his phone buzzed again.
:btw, lots of cake in the conference room GET SOME ITS SO GOOD:
:duly noted jailbait:
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"They're like this big." Mark gestured with his fists as he crouched down to grab the can of orange juice. "And it's a Candiru fish. Literally climbed up his pee." Emily laughed and he couldn't help but remember that she laughed like that with Karev as she leaned against him, his arms around her waist just weeks ago. The taste of bile in his mouth, he popped open the can and took a swig to get rid of it before his eyes flickered down to her lips and he wondered what it would taste like to just steal a kiss from the brunette with pretty eyes.
"That's disgusting," She popped a bite of cake into her mouth before pressing her lips into the fork as she pulled it out. "Want some?" she offered, "Vanilla buttercream and…" She paused thoughtfully. "White chocolate but I'm not sure. It's really good though," Taking the offered fork, he took a big piece and chewed on it thoughtfully. Chuckling, he agreed with a nod that it was fantastic before taking a finger and dipping it in the frosting, smearing it across her nose. Laughing, she shoved cake in her mouth as he retaliated with another stroke near her lip. Her tongue flicking out to catch the taste, she watched as he glanced down the hall. Addison's messy figure stumbled out of a room, followed by Alex Karev. A hard weight settled in his heart as a tentative hand touched his arm. Turning to Emily, he stared at her.
"It's not going to work out, Addison and I," he muttered hoarsely and she frowned, biting her lip.
"What do you mean?" she asked, letting the fork drop on her plate and scratching her head, ruffling her curls in the process. "Mark?" The brunette peered around his figure to see Alex and Addison bump into each other again. "Oh." Turning her gaze back to Mark, she didn't say anything.
"I've got to go scrub in," he said, voice like steel as he brushed past her.
"Mark, wait."
"See you later, Moore." Blinking, Emily whipped around to stare after him.
"Yeah," she murmured, "I have to study anyways."
.
"She doesn't want me," Mark muttered to Meredith, whose eyes were alight with amusement at his past attempt to pass at her. "Something's gotta help."
"Emily wants you," the blonde replied as she turned off the sink. Reeling back, he stared at her, "Besides, revenge sex is not the answer. If you're letting her go, let her go." He sighed heavily, staring distantly at the floor as her tone became softer. "Be an adult. And I'm not playing with you," she added as an afterthought, making him look at her. "I'm not joking around. Em's really… she's smitten with you. You've caused her a lot of heartache."
"Nah," he denied, standing straight. "She can't be." She's way out of my league.
"She is. You aren't as blind as that, Mark. You need to get her before she's gone," the woman added with a smile as the attending spun around and flung open the door, running down the hall. Stopping by the nurse's station, he found her studying behind under the O.R. board as she flipped through her notes.
"Jailbait," he managed to say but it was so quiet he wasn't sure she heard. Of course, she did. Looking up, she paused the pencil in her hand. "How's the studying going?" Amused, she shrugged and he came over but with every step, something in his heart tightened, like he was being squeezed. She stacked her books up as he sat down beside her. There were the beginnings of eye bags and he sighed.
"I think I'm good but it never harmed anyone to study more. What's up?" He shrugged, at a loss of words. "Are you okay? With the Addison and Alex thing?"
"Fine," he whispered and they stared at each other for a moment. Their faces were mere inches apart and she never failed to hold his gaze. "Like I said months ago, it's better with you." A soft grin appeared on her face and his eyes scanned those eyes and those lips.
"It's better with you, too," she said warmly and he felt the truth in her words. He rested her jaw against his bent index finger, thumb brushing her jawline.
"You've caused her a lot of heartache."
"Mark," she breathed his name as he gathered his courage to kiss her. Leaning forward, he felt his heart beat so loud it was like the loudest rock n' roll concert ever except inside of him. He could feel her breath, but then…
Every nerve of him rage at how she pulled away, as if she didn't want it. Shattered, he drew back, face hot with shame. Was Meredith lying? "No. You love Addison and this isn't a deal." Her eyes slid closed as she bit her lip. "I can't. I don't want you like this." Her breathing hitched and she stacked her books, getting up as quickly as she could.
"I don't lo-"
She cut him off, face hidden away as she began down the hall. "Goodnight, Dr. Sloan."
.
"Mark…" His mind was reeling from that encounter as he climbed the stairs. He could barely register Addison's voice but when he saw her, he paused at the plane, hands tucking into his pockets. "We need to, um… we should go get a drink, um, and maybe talk. Do you have some time?"
He could barely nod. She sighed as he stared at her. Once upon a time, she was the one he loved, maybe he still loved her a bit, but he couldn't help but see the breaking in those hazel eyes.
"I mean, uh, just something's always wrong with you and me…" He mulled over her words, still stunned silent. Glancing down, he knew her words to be right. And he was done trying to fix something that was never meant to have been there in the first place.
A piercing stare rested on his cheek and he looked away, to the quiet night of the hospital and saw her there, sitting at the computer. When he caught her, she didn't look away.
"You don't want to have a drink with me," he said, tearing his gaze away from her. Shaking his head, he stared into those blue eyes he once found the world in. "I'm not what you're looking for." She had the gall to act confused, eyes widening slightly and her head shaking slightly. He built the lie in his mouth, constructed it so it came out flat and even the minute she asked the question. There was only one way to end this, one way to say you're not the one anymore. To fit in the stereotype had never been more in his favour and he wished it didn't.
"What… are you talking about?"
"I slept with someone," he said. "Couldn't hold out." Her eyes searched his, searched for the lie but he kept his stare dead forward. "Once a man-whore, always a man-whore, right?" Turning away, he walked up the stairs before she could have a chance to say anything. There was undoubtedly a light to his heart. He was free.
So why did he feel so goddamn terrible?
A/N: Edited - September 13, 2018
Next: Emily turns to Meredith for advice as Cristina's wedding and the intern exam loom over their heads.
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone