Chapitre 159: 159. Jedan Ligera and Celine Ai-Ghirga
Weeb Town has a group dinner in Burnham's very own Trussardini's Silk Table.
Rick tastes the wine served.
*tsk tsk tsk*
Rick puts the liquid of his flask into it.
*tsk tsk tsk*
"Alright, that's good," said Rick.
Lord, Do'Bumsha, Lei, Steven, Zed, Star, Rick, Morty, Yang, Ryle, Celine, Van, and Motorhead all eat silently at the dinner table.
*sploosh splash*
Hierophant Green appears before the group.
"Hey, losers," smiled Ghost Jedan, speaking to them through Hierophant Green.
"What do you want, Ghost Jedan," sighed Celine.
"It's been six months since the President had stepped down from office," said Ghost Jedan. "This is a democratic parliament, and if you remember, the current President was elected-..."
"Which Miguel secretly arranged by secretly eliminating other runners by buying them off-..." said Lei.
"I was just getting to that..." said Ghost Jedan. "We need your help."
"Why is that?" asked Rick, drinking more of the wine. "What does the multidimensional government want us for help?"
"The leader just declared war on Waffle Makers," said Ghost Jedan.
Star gasps. "Oh no!"
Zed pats her head. "It's alright, Star. I doubt that the order would-..."
"It's already begun," said Ghost Jedan. "Apparently he melted his arm with one and now hates all waffle makers."
"This sounds serious," said Kapitan Dirigma. "I say we speak to the old ruler and have him duel the new one over the throne."
"No, Bumi," said Lei. "We're democratic."
"Democracy..." chuckled Kapitan. "The fool's government. Why not rule with martial law and an iron fist? Let that Miguel fellow rule. That half-brother of yours."
"The Philippines already had that ruler," said Lord.
"See? And how do you view this fellow?" asked Kapitan.
"Dividedly," replied all the Filipinos at the table.
"Foolish Homo Sapiens," Kapitan shook his head. "If only you all had the blood of Fortisites-..."
"You are not giving your genetic material into our bodies to rejuvenate your race," said Lei.
"Psh... Psh!" said Kapitan. "Fine," he bowed his head.
"So? It's just a freaking waffle maker," said Morty. "It's not like it's going to matter!"
"Waffle makers!?" asked Rick. "Do you realize how much that would affect the Multiversal Economy? Americans from each Universe would rage if he bans waffles. Eight universes, seven sets of Unites States. All rebel just because of a fucking waffle. Remember the President, Morty? He's still president Morty! WE'LL HAVE ANOTHER WAR WITH THE PRESIDENT!!! Do you know how much fishermen costumes are or how much does it take to get them made!?"
"Who's the new leader, anyway?" asked Lord. "Some robot from another dimension, right?"
"Uh..." said Ghost Jedan.
Meanwhile...
BMO, Finn's gaming console in the form of a tiny robot, plays golf on his desk as the tiny ball drops on a glass underneath the table. He is rectangular in shape, has a screen for a face, buttons on his torso, and tiny noodly arms and legs.
"Five!" laughed BMO.
"Hello, there!" smiled Lei and Lord as they appear floating outside of the President's window. They appear in a large palace placed above the Pacific Ocean in the Grimm Universe. The palace is called the Palace of Grimm, made with fine white pillars and white brick roofs. It has large windows everywhere with a large bay window at the high front. There is a large forest on its ground brimming with different species from the Philippines. It floats on a platform with anti-gravity jet rockets underneath.
"We'd like to talk to you," smiled Lei.
Meanwhile...
The group all whispers to each other as Jedan and Celine stare at each other.
"Uh... What is happening?" whispered Morty to Yang. "Geez... they look like a pair of hyenas about to tear each other's throats."
"Jedan broke her heart about fifteen years ago," said Yang. "He randomly left her to join the New World Order as a double agent."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," said Ryle. "You mean Celine broke my boy, Jedan's, heart, right?"
"Oh... I'm sorry, but do you want a capsule in your throat?" asked Yang.
"Do you want me to write inside of your skin that you can never sleep again?" asked Ryle.
"Whoa, whoa... Chill!" yelled Steven. "The both of you!"
"Whoa... Shush! Shush!" whispered Star. "They're talking!"
They had a rather... quick-spoken conversation.
"Hey," said Jedan.
"Hey."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. You look good."
"You look okay."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means what it means."
"Okay."
The pair look away from each other in annoyance.
"Yeesh," whispered everyone else.
They spoke quickly once more.
"You're dead, but I can still smell you," said Celine.
"What do I smell like?"
"Ass."
"You smell like flowers. Did you have sex with the gardener again? Because if you did, you're the equivalent to a female dog or a knight's ride without the letter 's.'"
"For the last time, I didn't cheat on you."
"I'm not saying you cheated on me. I'm saying that you and the gardener, Tyrone, were pretty damned close."
"Pig."
"WHOOOOOOORssssssssssssssssssssse..."
"Idiot."
"Bark bark. Female dog."
"Meow meow."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Pussy."
The pair look away from each other once more in annoyance.
"Why'd you leave me?" asked Celine.
"Because you cheated on me! I had no one else!"
"I didn't CHEAT ON YOU!!! GOD!!! YOU'RE SO NEGLIGENT AND ARROGANT!!!"
"YOU'RE SO NEEDY AND HIGHLY MAINTAINED!!!"
"RAUGH!!!" Celine woges into a Kitsune and growls.
"HIEROPHANT GREEN!!!" Ghost Jedan woges into a Chupacabra and growls.
"AEROSMITH!!!"
Both their Stands emerge and prepare attacks.
In instinct, the group woge. Ryle woges into a Lycan. Yang woges into a Troll. Zed woges into a Hex.
The pair approach each other.
"WHOA!!!" yelled Ryle and Yang.
"Okay!" yelled Yang.
Ryle grabs Ghost Jedan with Heaven's Door.
Yang grabs and pulls away Celine.
"Jed..." said Ryle, advisedly. "Say that you're sorry and what you're sorry for."
"I'm sorry..." said Jedan. "For leaving you... because of a hunch... with that hunch being RIGHT-!!!"
"Zed?" asked Ryle.
Blue Dabadi blasts its fist into Jedan's face.
"Fuck..." panted Jedan. "I'm sorry for leaving you out of the blue. For being immature... negligent... arrogant... and rude..."
"And I'm also sorry for being rude," smiled Celine.
Yang slapped the back of Celine's head.
"Wahahaha!!!" Celine cried. "Fine!" she whined. "I'm sorry for cheating on you..."
"I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!" yelled Jedan.
"I'm sorry?" asked Yang. "I'm sorry... but... YOU DID WHAT!?"
"I THOUGHT YOU KNEW!!!" whined Celine. "WE ONLY KISSED!!! Not... really... Sex... We had sex."
"WITH WHO!?" asked Jedan.
"WITH-!!!"
Everyone gasps.
"Well... I guess that we have to go somewhere else!" yelled Rick, shrugging.
Meanwhile...
Miguel finishes feeding his chickens several seeds in the valley between Burnham and the Burnham Forest. He sighs in relief as he brushes one of the chickens' heads.
Later, Miguel started to fertilize tomato plants with chicken dung.
Everyone lands before Miguel with Rick's spaceship.
"Guys!" yelled Miguel. "Hey! Hi! How are you!?"
Anne walks down the hill. "Hey! Guys!"
"Hey! Hi! Hello!" yelled Celine. "We're going to have to need you to go to the Prince Dimension right now before one of you receives an ass-whooping."
"What? What's wrong?" asked Miguel.
Ghost Jedan appears before Miguel and Anne.
"Oh! Hey, Jedan!" smiled Miguel. "Dude, did you know that-?"
Jedan angrily approaches both of them.
He...
passes by Miguel...
and approaches Anne.
"YOU HAD SEX WITH CELINE!?" asked Jedan.
"YOU DID WHAT!?" asked Miguel, turning to Anne.
"FIFTEEN YEARS AGO!!!" yelled Jedan.
"Oh! Thank God!" smiled Miguel. "We weren't-! No... we were. We were dating and-... ANNE!?"
"YOU LEFT AND ABANDONED ME!!!" yelled Anne.
Miguel pauses in silence.
"You're right. We're even," Miguel turns back to Jedan. "WAIT... NO!!!" yelled Miguel, turning back to Anne. "MY MOM WAS DEAD!!!"
"Yeah... Miguel's thing is justified," said Ghost Jedan, crossing his arms.
"Mom?" asked Raphael, in sign language. "Why is everyone here and why are Uncle Jedan and Aunt Celine fighting with you?"
"Your Mom had sex with Celine," said Miguel. "While we were dating."
"Oh, please! Miguel! Jedan! You two have had some weird gay bromance connection all these years!" yelled Anne.
"Ah!" yelled Miguel and Jedan, putting their hips out.
"We just had sex once!" yelled Celine.
"No, no, no... We only licked each other's-..." Anne was discontinued by Miguel.
"Stop! Gabrielle's here," said Miguel, pointing to their daughter.
"What's sex?" smiled Gabrielle.
"Raph?" asked Miguel.
Raphael sighs. "We're gonna need an explanation for this later," he said in sign language once more. "Also, if you guys have a divorce, do we get two Christmases?"
"Home. Now," said Miguel, crossing his arms.
"We won't get a divorce!" smiled Anne.
Miguel crosses his arms. "Careful with your words, Anne... It may not be best if you teach our children how to tell LIES..." he growled.
"Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait! I can explain!" yelled Anne.
"I am enjoying this," said Zed.
"Why did you have sex with Anne!?" asked Miguel, turning to Celine.
Celine gulps in fear. "Jedan is scared of the letter 'P' since he was a kid."
"OY!!!" yelled Jedan.
Everyone in the other group snickers.
"M-..." said Jedan. "MIGUEL HAS A PLAYLIST OF FEMALE VOICE ACTORS AND VTUBERS ON YOUTUBE DOING ROMANTIC STUFF WITH THE AUDIENCE!!!"
Everyone snickers at that as well.
"And!" yelled Jedan. "He imagines them as part of his harem!"
"I told you that... in confidence..." Miguel calmly said, approaching Jedan as Star Platinum emerges from behind.
"You being the mob boss in our old school doesn't make me scared of you-!"
Miguel teleports a few inches in front of him.
"OKAY!!! OKAY!!! I'm SORRY!!!" yelled Jedan.
"Wait..." said Anne. "You imagine other girls to be part of your harem?"
"Anne, they aren't real," said Miguel.
"Technically, counting the fact that there are infinite realities-..." said Morty.
"Morty, shut up. This is the one time where you shouldn't be thinking for once," said Rick.
"Okay," sighed Zed. "Yes... I will take the both of you to hurt these two."
"NO!!!" yelled the four.
Zed backs off. "Your loss. Hahaha!"
Star punches the back of his head.
"Why'd you-?" asked Steven.
"Shut up," smiled Star.
"Okay... How do we fix this?" asked Miguel. "Jed's negligent. I practically think of other women other than my wife, though they are fictional-..."
"No, they're not," laughed Morty.
"GODDAMN IT... MORTY!!!" yelled Rick.
"-...Anne and Celine cheated on both of us. We abandoned them causing them to hate us for five years."
Rick sighs. "I know how to fix this..."
Rick opens a portal.
"Miguel. Jedan. Get in there and fuck each other," said Rick.
"WHAT!?" asked everyone.
"WHAT!?" asked Morty, as he grabs the portal gun. He turns the portal off. "Rick! That's by far the worst idea-!"
"Wait... turn the other cheek-..." said Anne.
"Oh, screw you! Let me have this!" yelled Miguel.
Miguel kisses Jedan on the lips. It's a tongue kiss.
"I have the weirdest..." said Kapitan Dirigma. "...boner...."
Anne and Celine turn greatly red, blushing so hard that smoke begins to escape their ears and breath.
"Wait!" yelled Jedan, pushing Miguel away. "Guys... It's been fifteen years! Should we really have vengeance by having sex to hurt the women we love?"
"You still love me?" asked Celine.
Jedan smiles. "Well... yeah... I always loved you."
"I... always loved you, too," smiled Celine.
Jedan grabs Celine's hands.
"And... I'm also okay for... an orgy?" asked Celine.
"Ooh! I wanna join!" smiled Anne.
The three turn to Miguel.
"Yeah... fine! I guess!" yelled Miguel. "Christ!"
"Okay. You people are disgusting. I am out," said Rick, walking back into the spaceship. "Come on, idiots, let's get outta here."
"You were just suggesting-!" yelled Miguel.
"I was doing it out of spite to help you because I respect you, JoJo," said Rick.
The spaceship flies away as Lord and Lei float down to meet Miguel and Anne.
"Hey! Guys! Where were you!?" asked Lord. "WE SORTED THE THING OUT-!!!"
*shoo*
"Lei," Anne squinted her eyes.
"Anne," Lei squints her eyes.
"Wanna join our orgy?" smiled Jedan.
Lei sighs. "No."
"Why!?" asked Jedan.
"Because Anne and I are related to these two," said Miguel.
"Oh," said Jedan. "Right."
Miguel, Anne, Jedan, and Celine walk into the farmhouse.
"Have fun with your orgy, guys!" smiled Lord. "Put your back into it, Kuya!"
"Fuck off," said Miguel.
"Our family's weird," said Lei, crossing her arms.
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone