10Critiques
4.66
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i like it so far, as for secondary class, hey if i were you and considering your in with ozpin, i would go with wizard apprentis, since oz, is a genuine wizard.
Writing quality is top-notch. I've rarely seen any grammatical errors, and when I do, they're normally fixed within 24 hours, so good job on that. The stability of updates is also great. The length of the chapters and how we usually get 1-2 chapters a day is easily a 5/5. Story development has also been well-paced. Not too slow or too fast, and just enough that the reader doesn't get bored. Character design matches with world background, so I will combine the two; the characters feel as close to their personalities in RWBY, plus minor differences to fit the situations they find themselves in. Likewise, the world background allows us to understand the characters' reactions and helps anyone who hasn't watched/read RWBY have a better understanding of Remnant. Overall, this story so far is a 5/5.
me gusta como la as desarrollado pero le falto ser mas creativo en el uso de sus habilidades ya que si mal recuerdo el camino de la jardinería se puede usar como arma al usar un tipo de formaciones como plantas como materiales que absorban el aura para dar sus efectos. o también cuando cambie del trabajo de aprendiz desarrolle habilidades de combate de sus otras ocupaciones . pero en fin me gusta tu historia
Pretty neat novel with some twists on RWBY, it doesn't stray too far from canon for it to be just a different world with the same characters but it also doesn't follow canon like some bad recreation
I've enjoyed the story so far, the different take on neo and the AU world building is quite interesting. The things I feel could be better are -when he gets aura. he gets it far later than he should, whether neo unlocks it or he pays someone, it should have been unlocked at the beginning instead of the character going "hmmmm prepare for apocalypse? nah chef time baby!" -the system functionality. I like the idea of jobs but by the looks of it he can't improve without stat points which sucks (I much prefer training based systems than level based). There's no int stat which (If your having trouble with making intelligent mc's then use INT as a memory/thought processing/exp modifier. I really like vulcan's pillar, it's a really fun concept. I don't like the faunus stuff that's in progress, as far as the discrimination goes I ,as a reader, just can't bring myself to care faunus human relation problems are a problem not worth solving due to the fact that remnant has bigger problems and that the relations problems comes can't be truly solved as humans/faults will seek conflict regardless of changed circumstances. (like irl if you got rid of racism between the white and black populations they would simply seek conflict with other races and if you got rid of that it would be religion then country of origin ect ect. I'm pretty sure if we went down that road, people would hate each other over eye colour at one point not to mention economic discrimination. the problem is not understand each other or any of that dumb idealistic stuff but with sentient life itself. You can disagree if you want, this is simply the opinion I've gain from my couple decades of experiance.) This review is 1700 words long so I'm not grammar checking it so you can suffer under my phone typing.
Daddy MC was nice to read, Job system is cool and reminds me of lots of jp novels. But then story went mega AU and i lost interest in reading further.
Wheelchair approves. Wheelchair likes. Wheelchair wheels. Wheelchair wheelchairs forward. Wheelchair not edible anymore. Wheelchair sad. Wheelchair sleep.
Spoiler de révélation
I'm surprised by the sheer lack of reviews this fanfic has. This is honestly a well thought out fanfiction. It might just be the best rwby fanfic of all time, seeing how meticulous the Author really is. This ff doesn't deserve anything less than 5 stars.
Now that I passed the 15k word mark am going to talk about this novel a bit. It's my first ever creation that had more than 300 words and is more of a test. I want to see where I am on the fanfic spectrum and on which level I am as a writer. I would really appreciate some constructive criticism but also things that I am doing well. This fic is based around his 'job' system and even though it is more combat oriented I plan to turn this into a lifestyle type story after most of the action cools down. Well, that is the plan as long as it doesn't utterly flop the the ground. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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i like it so far, as for secondary class, hey if i were you and considering your in with ozpin, i would go with wizard apprentis, since oz, is a genuine wizard.
Writing quality is top-notch. I've rarely seen any grammatical errors, and when I do, they're normally fixed within 24 hours, so good job on that. The stability of updates is also great. The length of the chapters and how we usually get 1-2 chapters a day is easily a 5/5. Story development has also been well-paced. Not too slow or too fast, and just enough that the reader doesn't get bored. Character design matches with world background, so I will combine the two; the characters feel as close to their personalities in RWBY, plus minor differences to fit the situations they find themselves in. Likewise, the world background allows us to understand the characters' reactions and helps anyone who hasn't watched/read RWBY have a better understanding of Remnant. Overall, this story so far is a 5/5.
me gusta como la as desarrollado pero le falto ser mas creativo en el uso de sus habilidades ya que si mal recuerdo el camino de la jardinería se puede usar como arma al usar un tipo de formaciones como plantas como materiales que absorban el aura para dar sus efectos. o también cuando cambie del trabajo de aprendiz desarrolle habilidades de combate de sus otras ocupaciones . pero en fin me gusta tu historia
Pretty neat novel with some twists on RWBY, it doesn't stray too far from canon for it to be just a different world with the same characters but it also doesn't follow canon like some bad recreation
I've enjoyed the story so far, the different take on neo and the AU world building is quite interesting. The things I feel could be better are -when he gets aura. he gets it far later than he should, whether neo unlocks it or he pays someone, it should have been unlocked at the beginning instead of the character going "hmmmm prepare for apocalypse? nah chef time baby!" -the system functionality. I like the idea of jobs but by the looks of it he can't improve without stat points which sucks (I much prefer training based systems than level based). There's no int stat which (If your having trouble with making intelligent mc's then use INT as a memory/thought processing/exp modifier. I really like vulcan's pillar, it's a really fun concept. I don't like the faunus stuff that's in progress, as far as the discrimination goes I ,as a reader, just can't bring myself to care faunus human relation problems are a problem not worth solving due to the fact that remnant has bigger problems and that the relations problems comes can't be truly solved as humans/faults will seek conflict regardless of changed circumstances. (like irl if you got rid of racism between the white and black populations they would simply seek conflict with other races and if you got rid of that it would be religion then country of origin ect ect. I'm pretty sure if we went down that road, people would hate each other over eye colour at one point not to mention economic discrimination. the problem is not understand each other or any of that dumb idealistic stuff but with sentient life itself. You can disagree if you want, this is simply the opinion I've gain from my couple decades of experiance.) This review is 1700 words long so I'm not grammar checking it so you can suffer under my phone typing.
Daddy MC was nice to read, Job system is cool and reminds me of lots of jp novels. But then story went mega AU and i lost interest in reading further.
Wheelchair approves. Wheelchair likes. Wheelchair wheels. Wheelchair wheelchairs forward. Wheelchair not edible anymore. Wheelchair sad. Wheelchair sleep.
Spoiler de révélation I'm surprised by the sheer lack of reviews this fanfic has. This is honestly a well thought out fanfiction. It might just be the best rwby fanfic of all time, seeing how meticulous the Author really is. This ff doesn't deserve anything less than 5 stars.
Now that I passed the 15k word mark am going to talk about this novel a bit. It's my first ever creation that had more than 300 words and is more of a test. I want to see where I am on the fanfic spectrum and on which level I am as a writer. I would really appreciate some constructive criticism but also things that I am doing well. This fic is based around his 'job' system and even though it is more combat oriented I plan to turn this into a lifestyle type story after most of the action cools down. Well, that is the plan as long as it doesn't utterly flop the the ground. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯