Chapitre 3: Chapter Three
Carter stares. She does not understand.
Her father waits a moment then, exasperated by her silence, sighs. He runs a hand through his thinning hair and tosses the envelope to her on the front of the desk. The gesture is not angry, only tired. Somehow that is worse. "I know I should have...explained this to you years ago, the traditions and expectations of what it means to lead a pack, to become an Alpha or Luna. Your birthright."
The red rush of shame continues further down Carter's neck, dropping into her stomach like a heavy stone. Please, please don't talk about this. It is a silent agreement, an unspoken promise, between the two of them in the rare times they see each other, to not discuss her inability to shift or speak or discuss the rumors that swirl throughout the pack. Carter likes it better that way.
She could easily brush off what other pack members said about her. Though it angers her, tortured her during her childhood, she can't help but understand in a way. In the eyes of others,she is an oddity, the result of a violent and traumatic event burned in the Andorra pack's memory for all of time. She understands that she is a reminder of all the Pack lost that day, and their hate and even fear had to go somewhere.
But to have her father look at her- or no, not look at her and tell her of the embarrassment she causes, the failure she has become, Carter doesn't not want to bear it. It is a never-healing wound that her mother is no longer alive, that even if she hadn't have wanted to, she abandoned Carter, leaving her alone with a father that couldn't bear to look at her because she reminds him of his mate's death and, Carter is sure, because as the years draw on, Carter knows she is beginning to look more and more like her mother.
And in a way, she understands. For Alpha Soren to look at her, is to look at the face of his dead soulmate.
But this, this silent agreement not to speak of any of it, is the only shred of a relationship Carter still has with her father. He is the only parent she has left. The only family.
Her father sighs again and walks around the desk, leaning up against it with his arms folded. He looks down at the floor. "Though you may not know it, there are traditions that the children of Alphas, Lunas, and the high-ranking members of different packs are held to...regarding mates."
Carter looks up, surprised. She feels her cheeks flush, thinking of her dream from that morning. What did mates have to do with her weakness?
"Each few years, there is an event for the children of powerful pack members in a tradition as old as time" Her father continues. "In a secure location, held in a grand fashion...there will be a held a ball of sorts. A large Masquerade for high-ranking pack members of age from all over the world to gather and meet their mate." He gives Carter a moment to take that in before continuing. "Though we obviously can not predict who a person's mate is, the pattern goes that the children of Alphas, as they will become Alphas themselves, will find the children of Lunas, who will become Lunas, to be their mates. Time has told us that if this event is held, future Alphas and Lunas will meet their mates quicker and make their packs stronger, instead of struggling to find a mate and complete the pack as a unit."
He pauses for a moment, as if trying to pick his words carefully. "And...as my daughter, you have been asked to attend." He picks up the envelope and hands it to Carter, who takes it with numb hands. "You will be taken to the event in California, participate in its on-goings, meet the powerful and influential daughters of different packs, befriend them, and at the end...hopefully find your mate."
The silence clings to his last word, heavier than ever. Carter has spent her entire life silent, unable to speak, but this silence suddenly feels overwhelming, suffocating. How had he not told her this before? How had he not shared this ancient tradition she was expected to partake in? Her father knows as well as she does if she went, she would not be coming home with several new important and affluent friends. She would not be coming home with a mate on her arm. She would either be on of the blessed few the Moon Goddess saw better alone or she would be rejected.
Rejected. There is immense shame in being rejected, under any kind of circumstances. Carter has known if she is meant for a mate that she will be rejected. That has been a given throughout her entire life ever since she was old enough to understand that because of her disabilities and the tragedy surrounding her mother's death, she is worthless in the eyes of any valuable mate. But to be rejected at such a sacred tradition, one that she is meant to carry on because of her bloodline, there is even more shame imaginable. For an Alpha or even Beta to reject a mate is almost unprecedented, as they are essential in bringing in the next generation of leaders for their packs. If Carter's mate turned out to be an Alpha or high-ranking pack member of another pack and rejected her as he no doubt would...
Carter feels her heart drop into her feet. All the blood seems to drain out of her face at once. There would be no coming back from such shame. Her father would be overcome with disgrace and if Carter didn't have a mate, there would be no carrying on the bloodline. Garrett's father would pose a challenge and take over. Things would be fine for a little while perhaps; Garrett's father was kind to her father and would keep them close. But in time, Garrett would become Alpha to replace his father and Carter and her father could be dropped to Omegas, the lowest of the low, or even be cast out.
She shudders, knowing they wouldn't be that lucky. It is highly unlikely she would make any powerful or influential allies at this ball, strong-willed future Lunas who would save their fall from grace. Garrett would keep her close, making her suffer her shame for the rest of her existence. She thinks back to earlier that day and the offer he had made. It isn't uncommon for the more ruthless Alphas to have a mistress, intimidating a lower female pack member into a sexual relationship.
No. Carter would kill Garret before she allowed that to happen. She would kill herself before she ever allowed that to happen.
Slowly, she meets her father's eyes and is surprised to find him staring right at her, making direct eye contact. In that moment, she sees a softness to his face she hasn't seen since she was almost a toddler, before her mother died and her father's pain was too great for him to face her.
He takes a step closer and, ever so slowly, lays a rough hand on Carter's shoulder. Carter meets his gaze, feeling the threat of tears and fury both at herself for her weakness and at her father for bringing it to the surface. "Carter..." He still does not dare to use her birth name. "You must know that even though you are...even though things have been difficult..." He looks away, struggling for words.
Carter waits, heart in her throat. She does not want to admit, even to herself, how she clings to his words, allowing the tiniest of hope (of weakness) that he will say something kind, that he will forgive her for her mother's death, that perhaps he will finally be able to look her in the eye. Pathetic as it is, she can help but turn back into the little girl she once was, so desperate for her father's affection and forgiveness.
But her father only sighs and pulls back, his features once again morphing into an indifferent mask of ice. He taps the letter in her hands. His fingers do not brush her's. "All the information you will need is in there. I have arranged for you to go into town today and find appropriate attire. You leave in a week's time." And then he turns away, dismissing her without another word.
It isn't until after walking down the hall, heart pounding and fingers clenching the envelope, that she realizes this tradition was probably where her father had met her mother. ~*~*
Joey isn't in Carter's room when she returns and for once, Carter is thankful. She doesn't want him to see the state she is in.
Locking herself in the bathroom of her rooms, she sinks into the empty bathtub, content to lay at its cold empty bottom and hide herself from the rest of the world. Bathtubs are a good place to hide, Carter thinks to herself, playing with the edge of her jeans. People usually do not enter another person's bathroom without permission and one wouldn't normally look in the bathtub anyway. Crowded closets are also a good place. Attics left blanketed in dust. Spare bedrooms no one has been moved into yet.
She leans her head against the cold tile of the tub, closing her eyes. Some deep part within her aches, like a hollow hole in her chest that stings with every breath. A small part of her brain whispers that it would be appropriate to cry. Now would certainly be the time, before she is shipped off to some fancy ball to be rejected in front of hundreds of pitying eyes from the arms of their beloveds. But the threat of tears has already passed and Carter is too tired to try to force them.
Picking the letter up from the bottom of the tub, she studies the wax seal. It is a scarlet red circle boarded by flowers, crowning what looks to be a howling wolf. Each pack has it's own symbol of a wolf and it seems whoever had made the seal had tried to incorporate aspects from every pack. Near the foot of the wolf, Carter spies the decorate ribbon that is incorporated in the Andorra pack's brand. The other little hints, things like sharp claws and a beaded collar and other little details she can't interpret.
Running her nail along the lip of the envelope, she cracks the seal, slipping out a delicate piece of parchment written on in swirling black ink:
To The Esteemed Pack of Andorra
It is our esteemed honor to announce the traditional Masquerade event, being held in Los Angles, California, at the great Whitmore estate. This is a time-honored tradition held through the past two hundred years in celebration of the sacred and unbreakable mate bond, which as you well know, is a very serious and important rite of passage almost all pack members throughout the world get to experience. This event will help future high-ranking pack members from all over the world to connect and strengthen the relationships between different packs, while also helping true mates to find each other.
This event will be held in secrecy, as all workings of the children of the blessed Moon Goddess are sworn to secrecy, and will be monitored through advanced security measures. All female pack members, whether from the same pack or different, will be held in a separate area away from male pack members until the night of the Masquerade event, when all pack members will congregate. All pack members will be expected to dress in formal attire and may or may not wear a formal masquerade mask if desired. All members are encouraged to look presentable, as they will have over a ninety percent likeliness of resulting in meeting a mate.
Both prior to and after the esteemed ball, there will be a number of events for both female and female, male and male, and mate and mate interaction, allowing for pack members to build relationships, form powerful alliances between packs and build lasting friendships. These events will include garden parties, evening teas, brandy and poker in the lounges, and formal dinners.
For security reasons, all members will be transported by a predetermined vehicle and once at the undisclosed location will not be allowed to leave the premises until the event has ended and it has been deemed safe for pack members to either travel back to their home pack or to their mate's pack location. All members are strongly encouraged to participate, for the greater good of all the children of the Moon Goddess and for personal happiness in mating relationships.
May the Goddess bless you!
Respectfully yours,
The United Counsel Oh, sweet Goddess, what fresh hell is this? Carter thinks to herself. She tosses the letter aside. The entire thing sounds like a giant prom, which is essentially her worst nightmare. Who needs all of that drama and glitz and glam over a giant party, putting yourself through emotional hell, to try and find a mate who might not even want you? To someone who might actually get to keep their mate and enjoyed dances it might be fun but the whole idea falls on Carter's List of Horrors somewhere between ruining your pants on stage at a high school graduation and finding someone else's tooth in your food.
A small part of her tries to reason that the idea is smart. Werewolves are generally kept hidden from the public, as it is clear humans and the human government would not handle the shock well. As a result, keeping the secrecy of bloodlines and the mate bond often made it very difficult to find a predetermined mate which sometimes challenged the established hierarchy of important figures and leaders in the packs keeping order with the next generation hopefully to come. The Masquerade would be a smart way for future Alphas, Lunas, and Betas (even lowly pack members destined for a high-ranking mate) to find their future mate and make for a peaceful transition of power, which was important as lower members of packs challenging for power was almost always messy and dangerous.
Carter had heard rumors of frequent violence breaking out between opposing packs and within packs themselves. The atmosphere is said to be tense as there is growing tension as the threat of rogue werewolves grows more and more bold in favor of bloodshed and anarchy. This would be a way for the next generation of pack leaders to strengthen their hold on power, both by finding a mate and making friends with other sons and daughters soon to rise to power. A chance to find love and charm the wealthy and powerful, two things that sound like absolute torture to Carter.
Frustrated, she closes her eyes, burrowing deeper into the tub. But what good would it do for her to go? Wasn't it bad enough that she would face rejection regardless of where it was? What good would it do to go to some fancy ball and be rejected there instead? Her pack is already facing a dangerous shift of power- wouldn't it only fuel the flames if other packs learned about it? There is a knock somewhere deep from within Carter's rooms. A moment later, the bathroom door opens and Joey slips in. He doesn't look at all surprised to find Carter fully dressed in the empty bathtub and instead of asking any questions, merely looks at her huddled frame for a moment before climbing into the tub himself. They stare at each other silently for a moment before Joey speaks. "Rough talk with dad, Sunshine?" His tone, though amused, holds a sense of warmth underneath and Carter feels one of his long legs touch her's. He knows, probably more than any other pack member is aware, the strained and almost nonexistent relationship she has with her father. In the eyes of the public, the Alpha always stands firm on his decision to back his daughter, though in private, it is as if Carter does not exist and he is comfortable living in that fantasy. You don't know the half of it, Carter thinks with a scowl. Even if she was able to voice all what had happened in her father's office and all of the turmoil rolling within her, there is no way to to explain it when she herself does not know how to feel. Half of her is angry, determined to be completely stubborn and not go. The other half is so depressed and exhausted she doesn't even want to move, content to live the rest of her days in this bathtub.
Joey chuckles, though Carter can't help but notice he himself is lacking his usual bubbly, wise-cracking attitude. Carter frowns. Her friend's pallor is pale against the darkness of his hair, crescent moons of purple and blue beneath his eyes that had not been there earlier in the day. He notices her scowl and gives a half-hearted smile: a bad sign. Joey never does anything half-hearted. "It's been a busy day for me as well apparently." Then, with a slight flourish, he reaches into his pocket and produces a piece of folded parchment.
His smile grows into a tired grin at the confusion on her face. "It seems I've been invited to the ball as well." ~*~*
Lucas hates feeling stressed. Anxiety, pent-up irritation, feelings of worry and despair shoved deep down- it is not a feeling he handles well. Not exactly a great quality in a future leader and Alpha but more often than not he is able to shove those feelings deep enough down to a place where he doesn't need to worry with them. Unfortunately, that tried-and-true tactic is not fitting the bill today.
Sweat pouring down his body, heart pounding as his paws slam into the earth, he weaves through trees and boulders, leaping over creaks and tearing into the ground with razor-sharp claws. His wolfic form is strong, faster than any human could ever hope to be and even faster than any other male in his pack. He can feel the lean, thick muscles of his wolf form straining to keep moving, to keep going faster, to leave behind everything tumbling around in his head.
So far, not a single thought has been left behind.
Mighty paws slamming to a halt in the earth, Lucas finally skids to a halt, mighty chest heaving with breath and fur as he stops before a small winding creak carved in the mountain side. It is early morning in the mountain valley, the sun just rising overhead over the blue and purple peaks of the mountain tops. The air is cool and wet, a small biting breeze ruffling the green pines and towering oaks filling the forest. Dozens of overwhelming scents linger in the air: pine, gravel, honeysuckle, the varying smells of lesser creatures such as squirrels and deer. In the distance, Lucas can just make out the scent of an elk, the trail only a day or two old.
He pauses. He doesn't have to eat wild animal meat; the Ileana Pack House is always extremely well stocked and most only hunt when they go on long journeys away. Lucas doesn't mind raw meat in his wolfic form and has eaten it in longer trips traveling between packs but has never made it a habit. Still, a part of him is tempted to track down the elk, just to have something to distract him. The creature has at least a days head start. Running at full speed, he would probably be able to track it down within five or six hours. Even if he didn't kill it his body could use the exhilaration.
"Lucas."
He turns.
A man stands at the edge of the tree line. He looks human enough, middle-aged but built with muscle, tanned skin stark in contrast to an array of white scars lining his limbs. Grey streaks his sandy hair but there is a certain youth to his round features- a light in his hazel eyes, a kind wisdom in his smile. He resembles Lucas greatly, though one would not know it looking at his massive golden-haired wolf.
Dad, Lucas replies. He needn't shift for his father to hear him. As a fellow pack member, he is able to hear Lucas through the telekinetic bond linking all pack members as a way of communication when shifting. As Alpha, he would have a stronger connection than anyone.
His father's smile is amused as he walks closer. He is dressed in dark jeans and a long-sleeved plaid button-down, his usual nicer attire for when he holds business within the pack rankings. He must have just come from a meeting. "In need of a little exercise today, son?"
Lucas gives a snort. Just a little. You know, getting back in shape.
Alpha Johnathan chuckles. He knows as well as anyone that his son is by far the most athletic in the pack, both in his wolfic and human form. He steps to the edge of the creek and crosses his arms, staring at the water. "So it would have nothing to do with what came in the post today? Nothing to do with certain worries regarding an upcoming event?"
His voice is amused but there is no mocking in his voice. Lucas's father is known throughout the country as one of the most respected pack leaders, both for his overwhelming strength and undeniable wisdom. He is a born warrior, feared by the few who dared challenge him, but also greatly loved. There is a kindness within Lucas's father that radiates out to everyone near him, making him a true man of the people. His father views everyone in the pack as family just as much as Lucas and his mother and anyone is welcome to come to him at any time for any concerns they can not carry alone.
He knows every pack member by name, even those newly born, and makes a point to stop and ask every child what they had learned in school, what every adult had done at work that day. He is unendingly dedicated to the pack and has established himself as one of the most beloved Alphas in the pack's history.
Lucas tries not to let that weigh on him. He loves his father and is proud of that accomplishment but it has made the expectations of the people weigh on him like concrete boulders. For as long as he can remember, all eyes in the pack have followed him, curious and expecting. They each want to see how the son of the legendary Alpha of the Ileana pack will rise above even his father. And not only them, but every other pack in the country who knows his name.
And now, the time has come for Lucas to be thrust into the spotlight, no longer able to avoid his responsibilities.
He looks away into the trees, too ashamed to look his father in the eye. I don't understand how anyone could be calm about this. This event will change everything. Every pack in the country will hear what happens.
"You have nothing to fear" Johnathan says calmly. His smile is kind but his tone is firm, filled with confidence. He speaks as if there is no room for any doubt. "Your reputation proceeds you, my son. You have already built yourself beyond anything anyone else could ever demand of you. You will go and you will meet with the finest new generation of leaders and you will find your future bride. You should be thrilled."
Though the words are meant to be comforting, but instead they rankle. Should be thrilled. Should be happy. Should be excited. It is always should be when it comes to anything regarding how Lucas feels lately. He should be thrilled to finally meet the future love of his life, he knows that. But what if she will not be thrilled to meet him? What if she sees him and is repulsed? What if he bores her? What if she has no interest in him and only his pack rank and power? What if he is meant for no one? What if he arrived at the ball only to find there was no one there waiting for him?
In simple terms, the idea of having a mate sounds fantastic. A guaranteed soul mate, someone meant exactly for you who would share a bond like no other, literally in mind, body and soul. Someone perfect for you in every way, to go through life's trials and struggles with, someone to always share a piece of your soul. But some mates are sent not for love, but for lessons. Some times the Moon Goddess sends someone a hateful mate destined to cheat or lie or leave so the person will learn a deeper life meaning. Some simply aren't given a mate at all, predetermined to be better left single. Lucas thinks of Jasper.
And some, worst of all, are destined to have their mate for only a short time before losing them.
Lucas glances at his father now, watching a kaleidoscope of emotions dance across his features. He is an Alpha, trained to hide emotions well behind some mask or another- Alpha Johnathan's is an easy smile, a serene expression as if nothing in the world will ever go wrong. But Lucas has known his father all his life and it is impossible not to see the small ounce of sadness in his father's gaze, hear the tiny edge of pain in his words. Though this will be a very difficult time for Lucas, he knows his father will be struggling greatly during this time, as will his mother. This will be a time of great pain for both of them and Lucas briefly wonders if they might turn to each other for comfort, or simply hide away in their own grief.
What must it be like, to bear a wound so great and never be allowed to express it? To have to suffer in silence without even the comfort of a true love to support you? Would he be doomed to the same fate?
Though it seems the time may finally come, I still feel I am not ready, Lucas says quietly. He looks out across the trees, staring off into the distance onto some unknown mountain peak. His sharp senses pick up the smell of quail not far away. Does one ever feel ready?
It is a dangerous question to ask and as soon as it flies from his mind he wishes he could take it back. He sees his father wince (only slightly) but enough that Lucas knows he has touched a nerve. It is an unspoken rule that the subject of mates is not to be brought up around either of his parents. Still, he hadn't been able to help himself.
Soon he would be off to find his future soul mate, his heart's beat, the reason for the very existence of his soul. As terrible as it sounds, Lucas knows he would not be able to bear all that his parents went through. Is it selfish to only hope for someone kind and decent, someone who could learn to one day love him if not love him immediately? Or would he suffer a jealous, commanding mate who wanted to parade herself around on his arm to show she got the best pick by random choice?
And it is not just his mate to be weary of. Lucas is well aware that there will be other responsibilities and events at this ball, events meant to help him meet and charm the influential and powerful, helping to create strong alliances in the future. He is sure others there, both male and female, will want to get a chance to meet the son of the famed Ileana Alpha, to woo him with false promises, pretty words and anything else that could make them say they have made a good impression for their families and their packs. Eyes will be on him at all times, from the moment he arrives to the moment he leaves, and every choice he makes will be judged. What if his associates sense his fear and see it as weakness? What if he is seen as a weakling and the Ileana pack makes no new allies, falling so low they lose fame and power?
It reminds him of the stories he has heard of rich English society centuries ago, when young women were trained their entire lives to be smart, musical, beautiful, and charming to woo a rich husband, who had spent his entire life training to find such a wife to raise his societal rank. This felt very similar to Lucas, only his mate has already been chosen for him, even if he does not yet know her.
Soon the power his father and mother hold will be lain at his feet. He will have to be strong enough to carry it, his pack, and his new mate. The pressure feels heavy enough to crush his lungs.
Lucas's father lays a calloused hand on his shoulder. "You can not prepare yourself for your destiny, my son. It is as pointless as trying to stop the tide from coming in, or the sun from rising. The only thing we can do is face it head on, with bravery." Though Lucas knows he tries to hide it, there is such an intense longing in his father's voice suddenly, something ancient and sad and tired. But that can not be right- Lucas's father will never grow old. He would never allow it. "Don't worry. All will end as it is supposed to. In the meantime, try to be excited. The entire pack is rejoicing, knowing the future Alpha will soon have a bride."
Lucas does not immediately respond. Instead he stares out at the wilderness around him, the wilderness that will one day belong to him and him alone. He can not help but wish that his father had not come here. There are so few places Lucas does not have to wear a false confident smile so that others will not see his worry, his anxiety.
He tries now to pull on that same smile, the confident mask that he wears like a suit of armor, across his lips. He is sure his father sees through it immediately.
"Yes, sir. Of course."
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone