A month passed by. Eventually, I came to terms with the fact that I was reincarnated. No, I was forced to come to terms with that fact.
No matter how hard I tried to deny it, no matter how much I closed my eyes, the reality that I was reborn as a baby didn't change.
Even if it was ridiculous. After all, what kind of person was reborn with all of their memories intact?
...No. That was wrong. My memories weren't intact. At the beginning, I could remember everything. But as time passed, more and more of my memories were starting to fade.
Not everything. I still remembered random trivia, how to count, various bits of knowledge... but memories about my past life were starting to disappear.
Who I was. What my family was like. The life that I had been living up to this point...
I still remembered the broad strokes. I still clearly remembered my regrets. How I was held out as a genius since I was young and never lived up to that. How I died with nothing but regrets on how I never once made my parents proud. How my father finally told me how proud he was... but was forced to do it on my death bed without me able to reply and apologize.
I knew it for a fact. I could never forget those things.
But everything else was beginning to fade.
I remembered reading about something in the past that knowledge was built up of semantic memories. And that semantic memories were stored in a separate place from the episodic memories that made up life experience and what we usually called 'memory.'
Was that why? Semantic memories were more automatic and episodic memories were active.
Now I wasn't a very religious person, but it seemed like 'knowledge' persisted across my life and death while 'memories' were scrubbed away. Maybe since the 'soul' was a record of everything you experienced? But then why were my past life's memories being slowly erased while my knowledge wasn't?
And why was I still aware of the fact that I *had* a past life in the first place?
I didn't think I was very special... No. I knew I wasn't special. My past life was proof of that.
In that case... I was just lucky. Somehow or another, I was lucky enough to keep my memories... Or at least, part of them after I died.
Maybe it was good fortune due to my sincere attempts near the end of my life to make up for my past mistakes. Maybe it was because someone prayed for me in the afterlife.
I didn't know. But I knew that this was my reality.
I had another lease on life... and I had another chance.
So cheer up! Have fun! Enjoy being a kid again!
...That was what I tried to tell myself. But I just couldn't.
No matter how hard I tried to cheer myself up and act like a normal baby... No matter how much I tried to just live in the moment and forget the past, I couldn't.
Thankfully, since I was a baby I wasn't expected to do much other than eat, sleep, and repeat.
...I had to admit that it was more than a bit awkward being breastfed though. While not my first time seeing an attractive woman's breast, it was definitely my first having it shoved in my face and sucking on it.
Good thing that hormones weren't a thing yet. Though the mental fact that the woman was definitely my new mom helped me get through the weird bit.
A little.
It was still freaking weird. But that was my life now.
And speaking of my life, since I was reborn, I realized a few things.
First, my new parents were young. Younger than I had been when I died, at least. From their looks, they seemed to be in their early twenties at the latest. I would probably put them more towards the late teens though.
Whatever the case, I was the first child of a loveydovey newlywed couple.
Second, it looked like I was reincarnated into the past. The clothes that my parents and the maid wore had more in common with a Renaissance fair or cosplay than modern casual wear. Also, the house... what little I could see of it from being carried around, at least, looked to be a rustic wooden house like in the old Victorian days. Like something from Pride and Prejudice.
Third... Everyone was talking in a weird language that was almost like English, but a bit distorted. Or maybe they were actually talking in English but my baby brain just couldn't process the words yet.
Probably that.
Fourth, and most important of all... I was bored.
Was this why babies cried so much? And why they always looked around the room with wide eyes?
It would explain a lot...
What I wouldn't do to have my body listen to me again and let me walk around...
-LIV-
Another month passed. And with it, another month of the usual life for a baby.
My body wasn't cooperating with me. While I could flail my limbs around, I didn't have any coordination or ability to move on my own. Because of that, I spent most of my time lying on my back in a crib or carried around by my mom or the maid.
I *did* have control of my mouth though. A little at least. So, since I was bored, I started making random sounds. Gurgling, bubbles, raspberries... You couldn't do much without any teeth. But something magical was happening with that.
Somehow, the more I did that, the more it felt like my brain was linking up my thoughts to the words I was hearing. And because of that, I felt like I could just about understand what my parents were saying.
Just about.
But I couldn't, and that was seriously frustrating.
Honestly. It was like listening to a video while you were on the verge of falling asleep. Or maybe a college lecture after an all-nighter while you tried to keep yourself from nodding off.
On the bright side... No. That was a lie. There was no bright side. But there was something interesting.
Since I was somehow fully conscious as a baby, I was fully aware of the weird changes that were happening to my body as I grew. Like, I could *feel* how my limbs were growing steadier with every passing day. How my will and my movements were slowly lining up.
And I could even feel how the blood flowed through my veins as my tiny heart pumped it throughout my body.
...And how I could weirdly control that a bit. Not much. It was just like how you could hold your breath for a little while. For some reason, I could make my blood 'wiggle' a bit in my veins and even stop moving for a little while.
It was probably dangerous and unhealthy, but I was bored. And I had already died once, so... why the hell not, right?
Fortunately, all it did to me was make me tired and fall asleep from exhaustion. So all in all... pretty much just a normal baby life.
But seriously. Could all babies do this? No wonder so many randomly dropped dead...
Another month passed. Still couldn't move very much, but I was starting to get the feeling that the thing I was messing with wasn't my blood.
Since I didn't have anything better to do, I spent the days paying close attention to my senses and doing just whatever I could to pass the time.
And that's when I noticed it.
If I listened closely, whenever I moved what I thought was my blood around, I could hear another 'flow' beneath it. A second pulse. And if I paid attention, I could also feel another pulse.
After some testing, I was sure of it.
There was a slow and steady pulse in my chest and my veins. That was my heart and blood. But there was something else there too, separate from that steady pulse. A 'flow'... or something that I could move around in parallel to my blood.
Well, I said 'in parallel' but I couldn't really control my actual heartrate or blood flow.
I tried.
But I could control this weird flow. If I focused on my hand, for example, I could gather a sort of 'pressure' and put it there.
After a while, that pressure would fade and the flow or whatever would go back to normal against my will. But it was there.
I wasn't imagining it. I was sure of that. But then... what the heck was it?
-LIV-
Yet another month passed. The fourth month since I was reborn.
Maybe since I was big enough to be safely left alone, my parents moved me to a separate room at night.
I thought that was seriously irresponsible... but I was objectively a really trouble-free baby, so I couldn't blame them. After all, I didn't cry for attention, didn't cry for food in the middle of the night... and overall, I just didn't cry or bother anyone.
...Well, if that was the case then I would seriously be worried about my kid, but it seemed like my parents were fine with it. And our maid came in to check on me at night too, so it was probably fine.
That didn't bother me.
What *did* was that my pretty mom and handsome dad were going at it late into the night with loveydovey times.
Thankfully, I still didn't understand a single word. So while there was clear dirty talk going on, my sweet and innocent mind didn't understand it.
But it was hard not to understand the other sounds echoing throughout the house.
My parents weren't very quiet, you see?
So I distracted myself with trying to figure out what the heck that weird thing I could sense and move was.
Did I have heart arrhythmia? Was it just an irregular heartbeat and pulse?
No. It wasn't that. If that was the case, I'd be tired all the time. And I wasn't. In fact, I was only tired after I started moving whatever the heck it was that I felt in my blood.
Then was it a weird synesthesia?
I remembered that there were people who could taste colors, see tastes, and other weird things. There was also a guy who could see numbers as colors...
Maybe this was something like that?
Babies didn't have properly separated senses when they were born. The brain was just a giant mass of neurons and nerves that got pared down as they started making sense of the world around them.
So it was possible that I was sensing something like that. Maybe an overlapping sensory input. Or maybe since I had a developed state of mind, it was causing my imagination to have a tangible presence?
After all, a strong enough mental image was enough to fire the same neurons as a real image. And didn't children have strong imaginations?
It was possible that this feeling I had was just my brain reacting to me directing my attention to my body.
Possible. But it still felt *real* in a way that didn't seem like just imagination.
And to test out the synesthesia thing, I tried doing some mental math. Basic arithmetic, then multiplication, division, algebra...
Numbers didn't have different colors, but I *did* find out that I had a weirdly strong short term memory. Unlike in my past life, I could do a lot of mental math and follow through the steps without forgetting any.
I also tried imagining things. Like trying to see images overlapping the space around me.
That... kind of worked?
It was hard to see anything in clear definition, but I could at least visualize colors drifting around the room.
...Though none of that really helped block out my parents having their loveydovey pillowtalk.
Back to moving around that weird thing...
-LIV-
Half a year had passed since I was reborn as a baby.
Good news! I could move!
It was only crawling, but my body was coordinated enough for me to move about. And boy did I move about.
I was already itching to move since that accident where I was stuck in the hospital. And after spending so long on my back or carried around, it was absolute bliss to be able to move where I wanted to go.
At the same time though... I was bit worried.
Maybe it was because I kept practicing imagining them, but I seemed to have developed a weird thing where I could see random colors floating around in the air.
Nobody else ever looked at them, so I might have accidentally developed some kind of synesthesia... Thankfully, it didn't seem like my brain was broken or anything.
And the proof of that was...
"Heh. There he goes again. Seems like Rudy couldn't wait to get started on moving around, huh?"
"That's good. I was getting worried that something was wrong... Our son's a bit too quiet. I mean, aren't babies supposed to cry a lot?"
"Eh. Don't worry about it. I'm sure the kid's just fine."
"Dear..."
...I could understand my parents now. And listen to their loveydovey flirting.
Seriously. I didn't fault them for being so in love, but basically every conversation they had ended with them flirting.
Our maid seemed to be annoyed too since she always gave the two a deadpan stare when they did that.
Still... It seemed like I worried my parents quite a bit. But it couldn't be helped.
It wasn't like I was going to cry out just for attention or because I was bored. Even if I was reborn as a baby, I was still a grown adult. It'd be embarrassing if I cried out about everything all the time.
...Well, I might have quietly cried a bit the first few days after I was reborn due to my regrets, but I never cried out. Just silent tears streaming down my face and all.
Anyway.
Movement skill obtained! Now, to explore the world and figure out what to do with my new life...
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