Chapitre 14: Entry 14: Give Up
March 18, 2016
I know I eventually have to give up my feelings for him.
I have no intention of ruining their relationship, and admitting my feelings to him is never an option either. I'm well aware of my existence to him. I'm just a friend; I've already accepted that.
Trust me, I tried my best to act normal around them—to set aside my feelings towards him, but sometimes I can't help it. I can't help it, especially if he kept giving me reasons to fall for him even harder. Remember the commotion last entry? Dash revealed to me that he got pissed off at Thalia's attitude. That night, he messaged me asking if he could talk to me about something.
Of course, being a good friend, I listened to his rants about Thalia. I could feel his frustration while he tells the story. He told me that Thalia kept insisting on him to do something even if it's already against his will. He got tired of doing what she wants to do, that's why they ended up arguing. Dash said, "It's always been like this. I'm getting tired of all this bullshit."
My heart constricts reading those messages. I felt Dash's pain; I know that he's happy with her and he still wants to save their relationship even if he feels this way. I told him that, "It's okay to rest if you want to, Dash. You can't put up a fight if you're this exhausted. You won't be able to save your relationship like this. Maybe a break from each other is what you need, but of course, it's all up to both of you…"
This might not what he wants to hear but I think that's what's best for both of them. A breath of fresh air; you know? Believe it or not, there's no hidden agenda with those things I told him. I don't want to see him destroy himself in the process just to save their relationship.
"You really know what to say. I'm glad you're the person I talked to. Thanks, Maia!" It warms my heart, knowing he felt that way. I'm just happy I could help him.
We spent the entire night talking about what happened. I even teased him about picking a fight with his friend—I teased him about it because I know he's not that kind of person to pick a fight. He got embarrassed and sorry for doing such a thing. He said he didn't know what has gotten into him that time. All he could feel was anger, and he wanted to vent it all out. Later on, I revealed I got scared of his action. At first, he laughed at me but then he apologizes for acting that way. See! That simple gesture my heart started to get all crazy! I think I'm going insane already! Help me!
I didn't share what Thalia did in the restroom, after all, it's not my story to tell, anyway. I won't go through any details of our conversation anymore but the whole talk I could feel his warmth; it's like the old Dash I knew was back—talking nonsense until we unconsciously dive deeper about our lives. I miss this but I know I should not be feeling this way; I mean, at least not now? Especially he's having a hard time saving his relationship.
Remember, you're just a friend to him. Nothing more, nothing less. Know your freaking place…
March 25, 2016
Our school indeed loves to hold different events. This week's called the English Week, and they prepared a little program wherein each class needs to have a representative to dress up as a character of famous literature. To be honest, I don't know how it went by. My mind's all over the place, and I've got so many things on my plate. Most of our project's deadlines are fast approaching. I don't have enough time to even care about what's happening for today's agenda.
Plus, I'm disappointed at Dash. He's so stupid but shouldn't care less anymore. It's his relationship, after all, and I know that I did my part as a friend. Dash and Thalia's back together and seemed like he spends the night at Thalia's house last night to help her prepare for today's program. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Thalia volunteered to be our class representative for the English Week program.
Our classmates kept whispering about that and even teasing them but the two don't seem to care at all they're just laughing it off. Well, I guess they're finally on good terms. He's happy again and I think that's all that matters.
But I don't think that's the case because I got a glimpse of his photo with Thalia and his wearing the wig Thalia's going to wear today for the program and it looked like Thalia dressed him up with makeup and all. There's nothing wrong with that photo, except that he looked forced in that photo and that frustrates me. I don't know that's probably just my imagination, or he's just acting like that. I honestly don't know anymore.
This is one thing he told me he's tired of dealing with and yet he lets himself put up with this shit once again. But who am I to argue with him, right? It seemed like he didn't voice out his frustration to Thalia and simply made up with her without tackling the issue. And that's just sad.
I didn't want to see him nor talk to him so I focused myself on finishing the final project for this school year; the miniature of livelihood. I'm with Paisley and Hailee just outside of our classroom since they occupied all the outlets in our classroom. Most of the class are using a glue gun for their miniature hence the usage of outlet. Paisley and I were groupmates for this miniature, while Hailee's just with us working on her miniature.
We're working peacefully when someone pokes my shoulder when I looked up it was the spawn of the devil. Yeah, he looked like a devil to me that time. I don't know I was so pissed at him; I end up scowling at him when he asked me if I have an extra hair tie for Thalia. That startles him but he just laughed it off and said, "Alright, chill!" He even ruffled my hair, which got me more annoyed at him. However, what he said next melted all the anger I'm feeling towards him. "Breathe, Maia. Don't stress yourself too much. You got this!"
I followed him as he slowly fades away from my sight. I sighed and completely regretted acting that way toward him. I buried my face in my hands and release a suppressed scream. Both girls giggled at my reaction and thankfully didn't make it a big deal.
Every time I want to give up my feelings for him, he would eventually give me more reason to hold on to it for a little longer.
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone