Chapitre 27: Until we meet again
(Chi)
To wake up to her face was like watching the sun appear after a heavy rainfall. But the concerned look that marred her sweet features made my stomach plummet to great depths. This was precisely what I was fighting to avoid.
I worried as my eyes remained glued to her usually calm face. She wanted the truth, the entire truth, and there was no lying to her now. I fought to sit up again and this time she allowed it. I turned my body towards her slowly, my face nearing hers. Her breath smelled of Chamomile.
"Please don't move around too much."
Her concern brought a faint smile to my face.
Good, she does not hate me yet.
While my head laid in her lap, I tried to memorize all the planes of her face. I still had hope that somehow, within my chaos, I would not forget her.
(Misaki)
His head lay weighted in my lap as his dark irises stared up at me in sadness and guilt. The longer the silence stretched on the further my hope plummeted. I prayed as his lips parted that the words from them would put my mind at ease, even though I knew that they wouldn't. He groaned low as he pushed his body up and out of my lap.
He turned his torso to face me.
"Denka I.... I wanted to tell you. I just didn't want to ruin our last days together..."
I felt sick. "How long have you been hiding all of this from me?"
He glanced down, refusing to make eye contact with me. "from the moment we exited Yomi." The entire three days.
I swallowed hard and bit back my scolding. I would need him to finish all his words before I could even think about saying anything. The crushing weight sitting on my chest was preventing my octaves from rising anyway.
"The curse did this?" I whispered.
He nodded and hymned his agreement before pulling his robes open. If this had been a different moment, my hands would be sweating, and my heart would be pounding in my chest for a completely different reason. When he exposed his shoulder I almost fell back in horror. There were several puncture points, Teeth marks that sat beside one another in a half oval dipping into the curve of his shoulder blade. The skin around the marks was completely black and looked to be rotting. The holes were oozing not red human blood, but thick black gunk. What I'd thought were lines on his skin when we were in the springs pools, I could tell up Close were his veins. They were pumping this ichor through his body! Shakily I Reached out my hand to touch the sensitive skin, but he moved faster than I'd ever seen him move and he caught my hand mid advance. His grip was almost too tight. His brows were drawn together, and the dark veins pulsed as he held fast to my hand.
"Don't." His voice was clipped and harbored a warning tone.
" I was bitten by a demon in my descent to get you. There were many at that time and one caught me off guard. The pain began soon after."
Tears rolled down my cheeks in succession. "that is what
Susanoo and Tsukuyomi meant."
He nodded again before replacing the wound dressing and covering it once again with his robes. He looked at me now, all seriousness. "The curse was a condition of the sword. I knew the cost I was paying when I grabbed the hilt of the Muramasa. The bite, however, was much unexpected."
"This cannot be..." I mumbled lowly. "Perhaps Ama can..." His hand now wound around mine tenderly. "There is nothing to be done my Kitsune. I have spoken to the goddess. I have prayed. I am afraid that I will only grow worse. I will not be the Chi you or I know for much longer."
"Please! There must be something we can do!! Some way to stop this from progressing!!"
His smirk was handsome, and I hated how goosebumps rose every time he did it and directed it at me. His hand was hot as it met my cheek. He stroked his thumb across it as he took me in.
"Misaki. When the sun rises, you must leave with Ama."
"No, I will not leave you here! I can fix this! I know that I can!" "I believe that there is not much You cannot do, but there is no time for us now. How selfish of me to keep you here, suffering, watching me forget you a little more each day, all because I love you so deeply that I cannot let you go."
"Tao..." I sobbed. He would forget me. Even if I'd asked Ama to take on us both, he would not know me. Could I watch him forget everything we'd been through together? All our stolen moments we were unaware of? The love that blossomed from a tree that had no idea it could produce flowers? Our tree would rot like the bitter cold Biting through bark.
I wanted to stop crying but I couldn't. He pulled me to him, and my head lay on his chest, his arms around my waist as his cheek rested on my hair.
"please don't cry Kitsune. I love you. I love you. I will continue to love you even when I cannot remember how. When you go to Ama, remember that, please. Remember-our love. Okay?"
I gripped his arms as I wallowed. His irregular heartbeat pounded in my ears and I missed the regular strong steady rhythm it usually kept to. "This is all my fault. The daughter of a goddess and I am entirely useless in saving the one I love."
He chuckled momentarily. "Your highness, you have done more than nothing. You have brought me joy after I thought all reason for joy burned with my father's body and my mother's sickness. You eased my mind and captivated my entire being. You are the only woman that I will ever love. You have given me something that I never thought possible."
"But you are my Tao. How can I leave you? I won't do it!" He tapped my nose with his finger, grinning. "Stubborn Kitsune. You must. You must live for us both now."
His words turned my tears into a river, and he held me for quite a while. The Light in the room changed 3 shades before we moved.
"Night has fallen. Come my princess, let's have one more grand memory, mm?"
He got to his feet first, holding out his hand to me. I took it, trying best to keep my fingers from shaking. He pulled Me to my feet and held fast to my hand as he exited the room first, pulling me with him.
"Stay here, I will let your father know that we are heading out for a bit."
I watched his frame as he walked away. Once he was away and around the corner I sank to my knees and let out the horrendous tears one could only release when alone.
(Chi)
I know that she waited until she thought that I was out of earshot, but I could hear her sobs as I moved down the extended hallway. I pressed my back against the wall as tears filled my eyes from the sound of her pain. Hearing her cry out in pain was breaking the last piece of humanity I had left in my heart. I'd kept it for her. I wanted to hold her and calm her but every time I looked at her, I thought of how by dawn she would no longer look at me with familiarity. We would be strangers come morning. I would need her to be strong now. I took a deep breath and pushed off, continuing to the Kings study.
"I am here to see the king."
The guards seemed fearful when I addressed them but instead of inquiring into why they were so skittish I waited as they announced my arrival to the Emperor and pushed the doors open for me to enter. I walked inside to the king sitting at a long desk, parchment scrolls lay in a pile on his left and the ink and brush on the right. Candles were lit as he looked up from his work.
Everywhere I looked I saw guilt. I was not the only one losing something when the sun rose. The King was losing his only daughter. And although he was aware of Misaki's decision, he smiled when making eye contact.
"Chi. It is nice to see you. My daughter informed me that you were not feeling well this morning."
I bowed low. "Greetings your highness, and yes I was a bit under the weather, but I am better now. Thank you for your concern, your majesty."
He nodded his welcome before placing down his calligraphy brush. "For a long time, I worried that my daughter would be unhappy in her life. She is so headstrong and driven, most men would not treat her kindly. They do not usually take kindly to strong willed women, royalty included. I was afraid of her marriage just as much as she was though I never told her. I wanted someone to respect her and love her the way that I loved her mother. Have I made a mistake in pushing her to go? There is someone who loves her, respects her, and would protect her with his life. But am I wrong for wanting more than this for my daughter? Am I wrong to push her away? I realize now that I am robbing two people of happiness. I am sorry if I have caused the two of you pain in my influence."
"Your majesty, you are not wrong. I want more for the princess as well. I have told her to go too. Though I am also of a god, I will not be traveling beside her. I will watch over her from afar."
"And if we are to never see her again?" He asked solemnly. "She will come back to you your highness. She will not leave you alone. Your daughter loves you, and fights with herself even now that she knows what she must do in order to protect you." I sighed and lowered my shoulders. The voices were faint as I fought with everything I had for dominance over the rage.
"Perhaps you are right," he answered. "I apologize for distracting you from your task. What is it you came to ask me?" "Tonight is the last night before the goddess comes for Kit- the princess. I would like permission to take her somewhere one last time.
It will be near the castle. We will only be gone a short while."
His grin was sincere. " of course. Who am I to order the gods! Bring her to me once you return is all I ask."
I bowed low again. "Thank you, your highness. I will bring her straight here once we return to the palace."
I backed from the room moments later with the Kings words swimming in my mind. I raced back the way I'd come and found Misaki gazing out at the gardens. I grinned as I thought back to that first morning I'd seen her. She'd taken my breath away as she'd floated down the hall. I would give much to go back to that first morning. With my hands behind my back, I stepped up behind her. "Are you ready?"
She whirled around squealing in shock. The rims of her eyes were swollen and red from her tears. That did not stop her attempting to beat me for scaring her. I laughed as I dodged all hits. The last one she threw I caught and raised my eyebrows. "It is a sin to bully the weak princess."
She nudged me with her shoulder. "Even now, you are far from weak."
"Your faith in me is unyielding your highness!"
We walked side by side, and as we did, I grabbed her delicate hand and wound it through my arm.
"Your ability to stay make jokes in this state is astounding."
"Well, I live to astound."
She rolled her eyes and smiled widely. To hear her laugh was music to my ears. I would replay it for the rest of my life. I knew that things were only going to grow darker from here, so I savored the light that floated beside me. Her touch quieted the voices, and I closed my eyes briefly, enjoying the silence.
"Chi..."
"It is nothing. Come, I do not want to miss our last chance to see them." We hastened our pace as I led the way to the courtyard.
(Misaki)
Crossing the courtyard took five minutes alone. Once we were outside the palace gates, I felt that familiar pinch of excitement at the freedom. It eased quickly as I let Chi pull me forward. We ended up in front of the path to the Cherry Blossom garden in town. He pulled me forward again into the brush of leaves. We moved steadily and carefully; Chi's katana slung across his back. We took the same winding pathway that was encased in Lavender flowers a few weeks ago. It now harbored only green leaves. The breeze ruffled them as we walked. There were tall makeshift lamp posts along the way providing light. He led me further down until the clearing appeared. When we stepped out there were dozens upon dozens of painted pink lanterns and long strings of fireflies captured in glass vases. A harpist sat atop the small mound Chi had taken me to sit on during Hanami. My hand was no longer on his arm but in his hand. The trees were bathed in soft yellow light and the splashing of water as the fish leaped and swam filled the close air. I stepped forward, placing my hand on the bark of one of the Sakura trees.
"It's dying..."
"Yes. I heard that the blooms do not last awfully long. A servant told me that this is the last chance for the season to see them. I remember that your mother loved them. I wanted us to be the last people to take in their beauty."
I spun around smiling happily. "And who knew the tiger could be quite a romantic?"
He took a step closer to me and my eyes widened. He took another and I stopped breathing. His chest was heaving, and my hand instinctively went to his chest. His eyes wandered down to my hand.
"Are you ok..."
He took my hand palm up and kissed it before wrapping it around his waist. We were chest to chest now, mere inches from each other.
"I will be in a moment."
His hands found my cheeks and before I could ask him if he was truly alright his lips hastily met mine. At first, I was surprised at the texture of them. They were so soft and gentle, but the kiss itself was eager and desperate. I never wanted it to end. If we could continue to reside here, in this garden, Lips crushed together, I would be happy. I could be happy as a mortal, with Chi. We could have raised a family. I could have cooked for him in the evenings while he taught our children the art of calligraphy because he knew that I was no good. Our future flashed before my eyes in this kiss and I found myself returning it just as eagerly. We were holding onto a dream that we knew would not come true. We were desperate for a way out knowing that there wasn't one. The sun would rise tomorrow, and everything would change.
He was warm as he kept me in his arms long after our lips parted. I tried hard to ignore the constant ache in my stomach at the thought of the rotting flesh beneath his robe.
I won't be the Chi you or I know anymore...
My tears mixed with the coal lining my eyes and it left a stain on his chest. I closed my eyes and lost myself in an imagination where we were just two people who met on a night in Hanami: nothing but human worries and concerns. There would be no conflict of gods or having to say goodbyes. I wouldn't have to worry about how I would be able to let go of Chi. Or the fact that he was at this very moment turning into something else. I didn't want to process the words that were floating around in my mind. How could he no longer be the man holding me now?
No matter what he turned into I knew that I would still love him. He could be entirely unrecognizable to me, but every time I would look at him, I would see the Chi I met a month ago.
"Kitsune, you've made me the happiest man in this last month. I wish that we'd fallen in love in a grander notion but no matter the reasons, I am glad to have been able to serve you."
My chest heaved as the sound waves of his voice traveled throughout his entire body and to my ears. I would never forget this sound. I would never forget the sound of my name on his lips. "Chi Matasunei... I never expected you. But here you came on a rainy night in early spring. You have changed my life. You have battled the underworld for me. No matter where we are, I will keep you with me. I vow now, to give my heart to no one else. In all the years to come I will never look at another. Just promise me one thing."
"I will promise you anything."
"Don't give up. You gave me those lanterns yesterday to remind me that no matter what there is hope in everything around us. There is still hope for us Tao."
"I won't give up. But you must promise me one thing as well."
I took a step back to gaze up at him in the dim light. "Anything." His lips thinned into a hard line and his eyes grew hard sure. "Do not dwell on me. When you go with Ama, I want you to focus on harnessing your power. I want you to become the best goddess to have ever graced the heavenly realm."
I smiled brightly and nodded hastily. "I will. As long as I know that you are waiting for me."
He lowered his face to mine and kissed me sweetly. "Always."
(Chi)
I could not help but see the wilting Sakura trees as a sign of our story coming to a bittersweet end. It bloomed with the flowers and the promise of spring, expressed its beauty to the world, and then disappeared as if it had never been there. I made a promise to her that I intended on keeping but my request of Ama still hung thick around us as this would be the last secret that I kept from her. Every kiss that I stole here would be my last. Embracing her this way would be the last time that I would ever be able to do so. I made sure to hide the tear that fell into her hair when I hugged her close. But I felt the perspiration from her cheeks wet the fabric of my robes and I had to bite back the sadness that took root inside my core.
Visions of intestines laid bare outside the body, blood pooling around the kidney and bubbling up and out of the throat. The eyes were wide and fearful as the person screamed for help; A young girl trampled by a horse on the roads in the early morning. I heard the buzzing of wasps and flies as they swarmed around piles of bodies that looked to stretch on for miles. I walked carefully around them all trying not to disturb the dead. But amid my walking a loud laughter filled the death crowded hills. I spun around quickly but saw no one. The laughter only grew as I backed nervously away. As I did, I tripped over someone's lame body and when I saw the face I pushed back hard.
Misaki.
"Chi! Chi are you okay?"
When I opened my eyes again, I was no longer in that dismal field but back beneath the gazebo with Misaki. My eyes were frantic and wild as I drank all of her in, silently checking to make sure that I did not harm her. My hand shot out to the railing for support as a dizzy spell assaulted my brain.
"Is it getting worse?" She asked quietly.
I pinched the space between my eyes and shut my eyes tight. The laughter was still there. It was faint but it was enough to leave me shaken.
"Yes," I answered finally.
She slid her body closer to mine and as soon as she did the screaming began anew. I cringed away from her, instantly feeling bad when I did. Her expression was not one of hurt but one filled with fierce determination. She moved closer again.
"Princess I can't... the voices are too loud. You must not get any closer."
"I want to help you."
"You can't!" I yell out at her. I had not meant to, but everything was too loud and every time she spoke the demons wailed their profanities. Her eyes were wide as she blinked at me.
"Forgive me. I just need a moment."
The rebuttal I expected from her never came. She sat beside me quietly as I ground my teeth, clenching and then relaxing my jaw. "We should head back, your father would like to see you before sunup." I finally responded when I was sure that I had some semblance of control over my tone. I noticed her frown, and it tore me apart to leave here when all I wanted was for us to stay, but I didn't trust myself. Again, without familiar rebuttal she wrapped her hands around my arm, offering support as she led me slowly back the way we'd came.
(Misaki)
Watching his eyes fade away to some distant place that I couldn't reach embedded fear into my heart. I was losing him, and quickly. One moment he'd been there with me and the next I was standing with a stranger. Even the air about him changed into something thick and tense.
I tried to send him back to His rooms for rest, but he refused. He only took a moment for himself, cross legged in the center of the thin semi pillared training room I'd taken him to. I lit few candles and watched on quietly as Chi sat unmoving with his eyes closed. Minutes later he opened his eyes, and he was my Chi again. He got to his feet slowly before grinning sadly at me and leading me from the training room and down the hall.
When we arrived at the door to my father's study, he stepped beside me and held his hand out in front of the door.
"Goddess."
My steps halted as his words resonated in my ears. I'd never been called a goddess before and was not sure how to take it. An odd pang struck me hard in my chest as I passed him and into the study. The door shut behind me and my father sat at his desk. He looked up kindly and got to his feet, rounding the large desk to kiss my forehead.
"My darling child, how has your night been fairing?"
"It has been filled with many trying thoughts..."
"Is it anything your father can qualm?"
His concern and crinkled smile were what I would miss the most about him. When I was a young girl, he would spin me around in his arms as he sang a song of rainbow filled skies and pleasant dreams. If I focused, I could hear it even now. As I looked at him, I took in every fissure in his skin, the length of his hair, and the familiar tone of his voice. My heartstrings Yanked at my will to breathe and suddenly there wasn't enough air in the room. Tears graced my eyes as I shook my head no to his question. Without any need for questions, he pulled me into a tight embrace. My eyes fluttered closed as I wished over and over that I could bottle the protection his embrace gave me. My father never explained why he sheltered me so Mach as a child and even restricted me from knowing certain things but there was no need. I perfectly understood the lengths he went through to protect his daughter.
"You will be glorious Misaki," he murmured, pulling back from me. "I will look to the morning sky for you." He smiled and that made the sobs break through as I clutched onto his many long robes. "I am scared Pa."
"Good. Embrace it. Fear will elevate you and help you to learn the qualities about yourself that you never knew existed. Fear makes you stronger. And I know no one stronger than my daughter. You have all my faith Misaki. You were born to do this."
His capacity for understanding and wise advice would forever be unparalleled. I bowed silently that I would return to visit him no matter the cost. I would watch over my father and protect him just as he had done for me. It was my turn to return his love. I would remain filial no matter my position.
* *. *
The one thing my father was unable to do was see me off. It was too painful for him to watch me leave his home and I understood. Chi was here though. We sat beneath a tree in a field full of forget me nots. I'd left father in tears and wandered aimlessly through the palace for my last remaining hours. Chi followed quietly behind me as I reminisced On childhood memory. When the hour just before sunset arose, Chi stepped up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist. His Voice was Rougher than usual when it met my ears.
"Don't turn. I can only control this for a few moments. Close your eyes."
As they closed, black smoke engulfed me. I was whisked backward, my back pressing into Chi's chest. My nails dug into the skin on his hands before it felt like we'd stopped spinning. When I opened my eyes, we were standing in this field. I flew around and I watched as Chi gritted his teeth, falling to one knee as he breathed hard, smoke dissipating from his body. I knelt. "Chi... are you-" "I'll be fine," he said lowly.
"What was that?"
When he looked up at me his face was covered in those same thick black veins. "I recently learned that I could travel this way. Previously it has happened beyond my control. I wanted to see you off here, but knew it was too far from the palace to travel. This was the only way. I am glad that it worked."
"You shouldn't have. You're hurt now!"
His hand wrapped around my wrist and he pulled me down onto the ground with him, turning me so that my back was against his chest and his back rested against the large willow. His breath was shallow, and his heart pounded furiously against my back. The field was a makeshift hill with the perfect view of the sky and mount Fuji. "Back home..." Chi breathed. " there was- a Willow tree in our yard. Our family hung the names of our departed loved ones on its branches..."
Chi never spoke of the home he came from or his childhood. This was the first time I heard of anything beyond his father.
"Do you think we will..." he continued. " have to hang a card for our love?"
He sounded drowsy but coherent all the same. His words struck a chord in my chest that broke me apart. No. I refused to think of this dying. I would find him again. I would gain control and come back to him. No matter what state he is in. I WILL come back. "Do not think this way. We will never have to result to such measures. Only once we pass away will a card be hung. And I will be sure that our names shall share one card. I will not depart this world without you Chi Matasunei, no matter how a god must die. that I promise you."
(Chi)
I breathed her in deep. Her sweet scent engulfed me as I rested my cheek against the delicate strands of her hair. I will miss you Kitsune.
The sky was now a pale blue and with the changing of colors came the fear of loss.
You will be all alone samuraiiii. With no one but ussss soon.
Good; I was the doing the right thing in this. Although that fear that I'd known most of my life surrounded me I knew that it was best for her to be far from me. The pain in my body subsided just enough for me to stand. But as we sat here now, I knew that the strength needed to get to my feet was absent me. I wanted to scream out with every breath that I took, but I refused to let Misaki see me that way again. Soon she would be gone with no memory of me. Only then would I allow this sickness to overtake me.
"Chi?" She spoke quietly.
"Mm."
"I don't know what it is to be a god? What if I am terrible at it?"
Her question made me chuckle. "That is impossible. You are marvelous at everything. You will be the sunrise every morning."
"The sunrise..."
As she spoke the edges of sun rays broke the dawn.
"I am afraid I cannot see the sunrise as a beautiful thing past this day."
"One day, that will change." I replied.
Yellow light crept through the field like pollen up and around us. It swirled through the air and fell like rain. It was the same yellow light I saw emitting from Misaki.
Ama.
The particles collected in a mass before becoming a flash of blinding bright light. When my vision focused, I saw the goddess clearly. She stood tall and elegant. Her round cheeks were flushed pink and she wore a dark blue and purple pedaled kimono. Her hair pooled at the floor. She watched us from a distance with sympathy in her eyes. I heard Misaki's deep sigh before she rose slowly to her feet. She turned to me and held out here hand for me to take. My hand remained in hers when we stood side by side in front of Ama. We bowed low in greeting.
"It is lovely to see you both on this warm morning."
"Greetings to the goddess. You are as lovely in the pre- dawn as in the late afternoon," I complimented.
A pit of resentment sat with me towards Amaterasu. I hated her for taking away the one thing enormously important to me. The demons rage built on top of mine made it beyond a humans recognition. I clenched my free hand into a fist and worked hard to control the waves.
"You are too modest young god." She replied. She crossed her arms leisurely and watched Misaki wearily.
"My Child, have you come to a decision?"
Misaki's strength was crushing my fingers as she held my hand.
"I have."
Her eyes lingered on me for what I wished could be forever. "I will go." She swallowed hard at the words she spouted. And although I knew her choice, it still stung to hear.
Ama's sights set on me for only a few seconds before she nodded her approval.
"You will flourish under my tutor-age my dear."
The princess turned slowly to me with a regretful smile and i took her hands in mine. As i looked at them i reminisced on how frail I'd thought they were. Now, i knew that when she left me, i would never feel the tenderness of those hands in mine again. I cherished these last few seconds. Her jade eyes gleamed in the early morning light and her hair swayed on the breeze that blew in.
"Anata o hontōni aishiteimasu," She murmured.
" I love you Kitsune. With every breath i take in this life, i love you."
Her face contorted in pain as she began to cry. My hands cupped her cheeks as she relaxed into them. "I cannot leave you."
"You must."
She shook her head rapidly. "I can't. I won't."
She turned hastily to Ama. "Please, please take us both!" I closed my eyes and concentrated on her voice. "Kitsune..."
"No." She shot back desperately.
"Princess. I need you to know… that I regret nothing. I would do all of it again. I would sustain every injury tenfold over and over if that meant keeping you safe. I know that I said that I would remain at your side... but I am afraid that I can go no further." Her face fell in despair.
"I can't hurt you your highness. I refuse to put you in harm's way. Please my sweet Cherry Blossom, you must go."
Her skin was growing incredibly hot to the touch. It was also emitting that yellow glow I'd seen few times before from her and the mist began to form and swirl around us as I pulled her to me. She sobbed wickedly into my chest. My eyes locked onto Ama's and I nodded reluctantly. She stepped forward and I gripped Misaki's waist tighter on instinct. I dug my nose into her hair and breathed deep as the goddess thrust out an influx of magic from her hands. It flowed silently into Misaki. Once done my hands dropped from around Misaki's waist and I took a tentative step back.
When she looked up at me, the familiarity she normally looked at me with was gone. Her eyes were a blank canvas. Her view was one of which I'd never been a part of. She no longer knew who I was.
"Her mind is still fogged with magic; you must leave her now." The goddess said tenderly.
A tear slid down my cheek as I accepted the decisions made. "Take care of her."
"I will. Thank you again for everything you have done Chi Matasunei."
My hand found Misaki's cheek only for a fraction of a second before I finally let the heat of all that anger overcome me. The black smoke clouded around my fingers and I was pulled away from her, for the final time.
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone