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12.34% The diary of a girl's fantastic heart / Chapter 9: Chapter nine

Chapitre 9: Chapter nine

- Why can you only answer me in the dark?- asks Luz, waiting for an answer that would give her hope that this time everything was real- Am i so embarrassing to you?

- The first time i came back to town, you eluded me, do you remember?- Luz remembers that day she had concluded that love does not exist, there is habit and necessity. The best example of that was her parents: mom needed dad for the money and he needed her, for someone who would make her save money without giving up cooking delicacies. Everyone in Luz's house was used to "The happy family"- But none of that matters anymore because this is our last year.

- I still don't believe it- Says Luz feeling a little dizzy- By, the way, will you stop teasing me?

- I...- his voice turned into a whisper- It won't be long now until all that is over...

- Now you are the evasive one- Reproaches Luz, putting the flashlight in her hands in Alexis' pocket- and me too.

- I know you expect me to beg you but i won't do it- He attracted her to him, passing his left arm through Luz's shoulder- Forget that i tell you something else- He was too close to her ear. Really, she feels that her whole body is going to turn all the colors of the rainbow- The light is already approaching and you haven't asked me any doubt about your heart.

If all this dialogue is only in Luz's mind, no one is going to find out whatever she asks Alexis, right?

Luz starts to think about this kind of scenes. You know, the girl and the guy are in a "tug- of- war". Clearly that didn't come from her imagination; it came from the many teen romance books she had read. They all made her feel as good as an alien, her and all her classmates. Unlike what was told in the books, there were no teenage parties in town where alchool and sex was the order of the night. Or the occasional shopping trip or movie with friends. No one here had any friends and no sexy step- siblings. Her mom wouldn't let her go anywhere without here, so there was no way the bad boy would even come close.

Luz loves all that because it is all that she cannot have and all that she has self-prohibited for her own good. Not that her mother has left her any other choice; but that question could be an option to find the middle ground between the protagonist and the real girl.

She has always known the question; but she had never felt bold enough to admit it. She no longer wanted to feel like an alien or that all her peers were. No, she wanted to smell like the same perfume as the girl who kissed a fallen angel... "that scent will be for me".

- What does the teen spirit of a romance protagonist smell like in the real world?- Luz asks in a voice almost inaudible because her mind is on another planet, literally. She speaks without thinking or, perhaps, she still thinks she is daydreaming. Either way, Luz will continue to think it; because as soon as the darkness is over and the light shines on them both, Alexis, "The ashen one", turns away and runs to his friends. He laughs with them and only leaves the princess, the lantern on her hands.

Alexis passes his friends in front of Luz. There is not even a secret gesture... nothing.

How can Luz not believe that it's just a dream?

As usual; as they went through the different sections of the enclosure divided into groups of 15, she was the invisible girl. They all talk to each other, although the friendship is all hypocrisy for the most part, at least they have an excuse to communicate without being accused of being crazy. The good thing is that Luz can enjoy more than them, what the compound has to offer visitors.

The animals are enclosed in cages made or hard glass. The guides have controls with which they can change what they see on the glass. When Luz and her companions see a large lion with eyes as frightening as its big apptetite for meat; the guide presses a button on the remote control and a sunset on the sheet is projected on the glass .

Maybe it's just Luz's own state of mind; but she thinks she sees the lion frowning. According to her, the lion mutters:

"How cruel, to make me see what can no longer be for me, my freedom... i am everyone's mockery, but they are the puppets of someone more powerful".

It really seems that the lion has returned to the jungle, but it is only an illusion... what part of Luz's life is not a fantasy?

- Lucecita- Luz can't believe that squeaky little voice is talking to her, let alone patting her on the back- don't tell me you're looking at thinks?- she asks with mockery.

Luz prefers to be ignored than to be caught as a "Little pig", but that is not her decision.

- Believe me, you won't find anything i think interesting- Luz replies crossing her arms- that's why we stopped talking, isn't it?

From kindergarten through elementary school, Luz and Margot were the most popular little girls in the school. Undoubtedly the best friends, but when Luz moved here that sisterhood was broken. In the town of her childhood there was never anything technological; she learned of the existence of cell phones when she arrived in this other town. Although there is no cutting- edge technology here either; this town is much closer to the capital, so some novelties do reach the market.

Every time Luz looks at her in class, it reminds her that Margot is a better cliché than she is. It's no fun being the typical leading lady who wears baggy clothes, you know the cliché. Margot is the cliche of the badass blonde boat girl, but at least she tries to look the way she wants to look. Luz was trying to look as close to her parents' expectations as possible.

Skirt 15 cm below the knees, long tights and a T- shirt with the faces of her favorite boy band of the moment: BTS. At least her mother didn't reproach her for her taste for k- pop. With a ponytail as her hairstyle, Luz perfectly completes "Daddy's good girl".

Margot wears short shorts, a floral print blouse and loose hair in californian waves. She also brought a pink bracelet with small watermelon ornaments for the class.

- Do you like my keychain- Margot asks Luz to avoid talking about the reasons why she did as if she didn't know Luz from the beginning- That kind of guys only look at girls who have their light enabled, not that they have it in name only- Margot looks her up and down and shakes her head- I would give you some tips but i don't want the teacher to fail me- She pats Luz on the shoulder and says in her ear- "Better to live one day than to die a hundred".

Luz remains somewhat thoughtful with those words. Margot, as expected, leaves with the same hypocritical friends. Luz is sure that Margot knows that her so-called friends speak ill of her behind her back. Yet she prefers them all.

Both Alexis and Margot are like an illusion to Luz. He appears in the dark and she, always iluminated by the light of a spotlight or the sun. And both of them always leave as quickly as if they had never been where Luz believed.

she thinks:

"Do i want a friend like Margot and a lover like Alexis?

They both seem to have been only in my head... as if they were the dream of my teenage heart.

Do i have such low self-esteem?"

The wild animals section is located in subway tunnels, but the herbivorous animals section lies on the surface. This is the last stop of the day, as the teacher announces to all the students that they will stay for a week to explore the whole huge complex. As today they went for a walk, tomorrow they will start cleaning and so on until the end of the week.

The teacher had to choose the beautiful sunset where all the students were enjoying a delicious salad for dinner; to say that the institution is advising parents that their children are staying at the main tourist complex. They thought there would be no problems but they did not know Luz's mother. If she was missing any of her children, she would find them anyway and make those responsible for her mother's anguish pay.

The circular tables are for 5 people and are symmetrically distributed. The best thing is that you can see how the sun sets behind the mountain range. However, all this charm takes a back seat when imagining her mother's reaction. Her father is very easy to fool, because she is always on the streets all day and 18 hours a day working as a cab driver.

- When a rose falls among so many it is because a girl is sad- Says "the boy with the mole on his chin" with a smile directed to Luz- It is not a compliment, it is a polite reproach.

He just appears out of nowhere bringing more orange juice for the table. After muttering to Luz, he pours everyone a glass of the juice, leaves his jug in the center of the table and leaves.

Something in her heart burns... is it the girl wanting to stop being so good?


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