8Critiques
- Qualité de l’écriture
- Stabilité des mises à jour
- Développement de l’histoire
- Conception des personnages
- Contexte du monde
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See how far you go, because most always leave it for chapters 20 or less, either due to problems in real life, need for money or laziness to update xD.
Hello, the story is good but there is a lot of mistakes at writing. First the quality of the whole story would be better with punctuation. For example : Shuri hello all is good and you By Shuri : Hello all is good and you ? Or "Hello all is good and you ?" (Shuri) If you put a few symbol like " x " /' x ' /[ x ] for dialog / though / system that would make the story more interesting to read. Right now it is not unreadable but difficult. That makes me want to skip a few passage. In a whole its good. But long text without a point symbol and Uppercase put a lot of trouble. At least there is return to the line and blank lines between two phrase. So it is not a lost case. Well good luck to you author, I wish you take a look to those few hints :) I will continue the reading of that fanfic don't give up.
I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE
xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp
Good hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
This is like a copy paste From God Succession system the only different is MC name, Birthplace, Parent, Assistant system and The Sacred Gear soul because instead ddraig its changed to Kara
Spoiler de révélation 
See how far you go, because most always leave it for chapters 20 or less, either due to problems in real life, need for money or laziness to update xD.
Hello, the story is good but there is a lot of mistakes at writing. First the quality of the whole story would be better with punctuation. For example : Shuri hello all is good and you By Shuri : Hello all is good and you ? Or "Hello all is good and you ?" (Shuri) If you put a few symbol like " x " /' x ' /[ x ] for dialog / though / system that would make the story more interesting to read. Right now it is not unreadable but difficult. That makes me want to skip a few passage. In a whole its good. But long text without a point symbol and Uppercase put a lot of trouble. At least there is return to the line and blank lines between two phrase. So it is not a lost case. Well good luck to you author, I wish you take a look to those few hints :) I will continue the reading of that fanfic don't give up.
I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE I LIKE
xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp xp
Good hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
This is like a copy paste From God Succession system the only different is MC name, Birthplace, Parent, Assistant system and The Sacred Gear soul because instead ddraig its changed to Kara
Spoiler de révélation
this is my first fan-fic plz be nice