Chapitre 17: Things Will Never Be the Same 2

'Wonho…?' That voice…

Hwang Jinyoung.

Wonho freezes. He totally forgot about his Jinyoung after the incident. A lot have been going on and he forgot the man lives here too. His heart is beating loudly he can hear the thumping. He gulps, too afraid to look back.

'Wonho you-' Jinyoung knows. Of course he knows. Wonho may be able to hide his scent outside but the moment he gets back to his room, he always lets loose. So Jinyoung knows; That they are now the same kind. And that he is marked.

Wonho lowers his head. He cannot muster the courage to look at the other he always adored so much. The one he once called his lover, 'I…'

'Owh…' he hears the soft whimper and feels his face burning in shame. He quickly covers his body and tries to run inside the bathroom, wanting to get away. He manages to get the doorknob before feeling a tight hug from behind him, the smaller one burying his face on his shoulders. 'I thought you hated me. I thought I did something wrong.'

'I'm sorry… I can't…'

'I saw you around but I thought I was wrong. That my mind was playing tricks on me.'

'Stop. Jinyoung. I can't…. we can't…' he wants the man to let him go. They are both omegas now, they can never be together. He realized he is being cruel when he cuts contact but he didn't ask for this fate.

He always pictured them both having kids, four kids, in a big house he designed in the suburbs - Jinyoung being the bubbly mother he is and him, the cool father. They would go on dates when the kids are sleeping and go for family picnics on the weekends. And they'll spend the rest of their life teasing and making fun of each other until they grow old and wrinkly.

But that is no longer possible.

'You found someone else... I'm glad…' he hears the shaky tone and sighs deeply, trying to hold his tears. This is wrong. It isn't like that. He didn't find somebody else! There is always just him!

'No… This is…' he doesn't want to say it. Anything but this. It doesn't matter if Jinyoung hates him, but he would never let the man know about what happened.

'I'm sorry I shouldn't do this… You're already someone's…' Jinyoung is trying to hold his tears while releasing his hug. Wonho shuts his eyes tightly. It isn't like that. He didn't throw the omega away for someone else. Jinyoung shouldn't be crying.

He wants to make his squish better. He wants to turn around and wipe those tears away. He wants to kiss it better. He hates when the omega cries.

He wants to tell Jinyoung that he loves him, that he wishes they can still be together even after he presented. He wants to tell Jinyoung about his present but only after the bond is broken.

Because although it is not possible, he wants their relationship to stay the same. It is wishful thinking, but it was what kept him going, 'This is not mutual…'

'W-what?'

'Forced…' he swallows hard. His throat feels really dry after the words left him. He feels his whole world collapsed. He just lost Jinyoung. This is the end. Jinyoung will never look at him the same again. A violated omega who got marked.

'Wonho…'

'Let me go… please…' Wonho drops his head in defeat and pulls Jinyoung's weak grip away. He doesn't want to try to explain. He just wants to be alone. 'Leave me alone…'

'I didn't kno-… I thou-… Wonho--'

'Please…' Wonho hears footsteps going back slowly and the door slams shut. And he just stands there, right in front of the bathroom door, trying to hold his tears. He promised himself not to cry anymore but this is, really hard.

Jinyoung… his Jinyoung…

Wonho drops on the floor the moment he feels his knees weakens. He shouldn't feel like this anymore. He shouldn't feel useless but it is hard. He remembers every word his therapist told him back in his hometown. That he is a survivor. That he shouldn't feel weak.

But his world is falling apart and he can just hear it crashing. And he cannot see anything. Everything is dark. Why is everything dark???

No. This is all in his head. None of this is real.

But it is. He just lost his love. He already lost his passion. He already lost his friends…

He hates this. He hates all of this.

His friends, his room at the old dorm, his days playing basketball, his tutor sessions with Chansol, sleeping with Junjie, going on dates with Jinyoung….

He misses them. He wants them back!!! He wants his old life back!!!

He needs to calm down. His heart is palpitating, and his chest hurts so bad. He is gasping for air. He needs his medicine. Which one should he take? Is he having a panic attack? Anxiety attack?? Depression?? Which one??? There are too many pills!!!

He grabs one with the blue cap and tries to read it but everything is blurry. Is he crying? He shouldn't cry. He promised.

Giving up, Wonho takes three pills and swallows it. If he took the wrong ones, then be it. Nothing can be worse than the reality he is facing.

Wonho sits there silently, trying to distract himself. The drug is working, he can feel his heart slowing down… too slow that he can no longer hear anything besides his own breath. The silence is suffocating.

He gets up and enters the bathroom. He needs a cold shower to calm his head.

Twisting the tap, he sits down, pulling his knees to his chest and stares at the wall.

He hates this. He hates being an omega.

#####

He doesn't realize it is already late until he got out of the bathroom. It is dark outside and the clock shows a little past nine. He got back around four.

Sighing, he takes out his phone. He changes his mind; he needs a distraction from what happened today. His therapist told him to talk to someone about these kinds of things, and that someone can only be Junjie. But today is the orientation party and his friends are probably either partying with the freshman, or hanging out in someone's room.

He looks at the last message he received - Junjie asking him whether he would come to the party at his old dorm and Wonho replied no.

Maybe he would go anyway. He misses his friends and today is the only day omegas are allowed to be at the alpha/betas, even spending the night there today will not be a big deal. Today is his only chance to hang out like they used to.

Grabbing his coat and locking his room, Wonho dashes out, not wanting to spend another minute there. He avoids looking at his surrounding so he will not risk seeing Jinyoung or Haneul on his way out.

But that is not the only ones he should have avoided.

Once he makes eye contact with some freshman omegas from his dorm, also on their way to some party, he sees the mocking in their face. Jealousy, mixed with disdain and disgust.

'Catching another alpha?' One of them asks him and the others laugh. Wonho ignores them and hides his scent. They only know him because of the damn scent.

He walks as fast as he can, taking the longer route through the park so he wouldn't meet anymore annoying freshmen. He only stopped once he is around the dorm's vicinity. The music is pumping, and he hears people laughing. Looking up to what was once his room's window, he sees that the light is on. Someone had already replaced him.

He shakes his head and takes a deep breath. It's okay. Change is good.

You guys partying tonight? He messages Junjie.

Naahh… Don't feel like partying too. – Junie

Wonho almost jumps excitedly at the reply. That means that he can just hang out with them like old days tonight. He looks at Chansol's room and saw the lights are off. Maybe they are in Junjie's, or Sangcheol's? Theirs are at the back so he cannot really see them from where he is standing. And he wants to surprise them, making a grand entry. But he would hate to just go inside and try each room because he might bump into someone he knows while wandering and he doesn't want to have to explain his situation.

What're you doing?

Hanging out at Mengyao's. Wanna come? I'll pick you up! :D – Junie

Owh. Mengyao's. That is outside campus…

Wonho feels his heart starting to beat faster but quickly controls his breathing. It isn't even in the same part of town, so he had no reason for the flashbacks but… right now he just doesn't trust anywhere outside campus. Anything can happen out there. Anything.

Have fun! I'm going to sleep. Tiring day.

With that he puts his phone inside his pocket and walks away. He has no business here now, might as well just walk around to clear his head. The park should be empty…