Chapitre 33: All The Wrong Reasons

…Isabella POV…

It has not even been a day since Clayton has proposed to me, and I am already calling it off. It has taken me most of this day to realize that not only are we not ready for this, but we are doing this for all the wrong reasons.

What makes this worse is the silence; sometimes it is not so much the words being spoken that bring the pain, but the painful silence itself. Even though he has not yet said a word, behind those beautiful brown eyes lies a deep pain. And it is me, the woman he loves, that is driving a thousand daggers through his heart. I watch him fight every single tear that threatens to fill his eyes to a brink. He shall not break in front of me no matter what I do to him.

Does this break my heart? Of course, it does; it is shattering it into more pieces than it is made of. It is like crumpling up a piece of paper, you can smooth it over, but it shall never be the same. What has been said is done; there is no way that I can take it back.

Where do we go from here? I know that Clayton is a man, that no matter how much you have broken him, he will still love you the same. They say that love is blind, but it is just as foolish, for sometimes we love the ones that hurt us the most and love the ones that don't deserve our love in the first place. Clayton deserves far better than what I can give him.

But now, now I just wish that he would say a word, at least cry or scream or throw something. He is only but sitting and staring past me at a painting on the wall.

"Soldier, please say something?"

"It is fine, Isabella; I will go tell my mom to stop making the preparations."

"Please just wait and talk to me first. Are you okay?"

"Yes, I am fine."

He is not fine; I have seen this face before, the very same one that I saw that first time I broke things off with him. Guess I have done this before, and now to make things worse, I have gone and done it again and at the worst timing.

"Soldier, please don't cut me off."

"Leave it, Isabella, I have nothing to say. You have said quite enough; doubt there is anything needed to say after that."

"But..."

"No buts necessary, the damage is done. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to go speak to Harrison as well."

"Why do you need to speak, Harrison?"

"To find somewhere else to stay."

…Clayton POV…

The tips of a thousand daggers have just ripped every part of my now shattered heart apart. The pain that stings through me can not be described in any word, but tormented agony does spring to mind. Any ounce of feeling I had left has just died and dried out like a leaf in the winter. I have felt this pain once before, and that pain left me with a third of a leg. It is truly not a comparison, but it sure wounds my heart in the exact same way.

I feel like running to the edge of the world and just drop into nothing. I need to leave my heart on this bed and get as far away as I can from here. I do not wish to feel this suffocating grip that I feel in my chest. The tears are burning my eyes; they want to burst open like a waterfall and consume the rest of my body. The only thing I can think of now is just to get away from her. She was supposed to have loved me, not break my heart six days before deployment.

They say that a broken heart can heal just as a broken arm or leg. Well, am I not then the opposite of that? My legs are still broken, and so shall my heart remain. She gave me so much happiness; who knew that she could give me just as much pain. Even though my heart is bleeding out, I shall not show her a single tear.

They say that bitterness and love cannot live in the same heart. This heart felt nothing but love for her; even when I felt rejected by her before, I still felt strongly for her. But this time, it is more than just rejecting me for who I am; she is saying no to a life and a future for us. The question begs, which feeling do I feel strongly now?

As I walk out of the room to speak to my mom, the last piece of emotion I had left disappear as she mumbles sorry under her breath; well, sorry is too late; the damage and intention have definitely been done. '

And as I step into the lounge, I turn to my mom. Without even blinking, I break the excellent news to her.

"Mom, the wedding is off."

"What do you mean it is off?"

"Isabella does not want to get married anymore. I am so sorry you guys wasted your time."

"Let me go speak to her, Clay."

"Mom don't even bother; I think it is for the best. Like dad said, we are too young. I am deploying in six days; I need to focus on that."

My father that had his reservations, comes to put his arm around my shoulders. I know that not even him that is so cold will tell me I told you so.

"Let me and Matty take you out for a beer so that you can get fresh air."

"Thanks, dad; I would like it if you can take me to speak to Harrison about a place to stay for the next couple of days."

"Clay are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes, just as sure as I am deploying in six days. This has happened before; it will happen again."

…Isabella POV…

I did not quite expect that; I thought he would have cried, but instead, he is getting ready to move out. I was only breaking the wedding off, not our relationship. Guess I was maybe a bit foolish thinking that he would accept it and let us carry on.

Now I have Katarina knocking at my door, she will still understand me, but what do I do when Denice wants to talk to me?

"Hey, girl."

"Hey, please don't come here to give me a mouthful."

"No, not intending to; I just want to see if you are okay."

"Well, I just broke my wedding off, and Clayton is moving out. All of this in little than a day must be a new record."

"Can I ask why?"

"We are doing it for the wrong reasons."

"You or him doing it for the wrong reasons?"

"I know his heart means well and that he loves me so much."

"Still does not answer my question."

"I guess I am."

"You know there is no way for you out of this; you are still going to have to deploy?"

"Yes, Katarina, I know; I will speak to Harrison to transfer me to another unit."

…Clayton POV…

Every word that is coming from my mouth now absolutely shocks me. I came here to follow my dream; for some stupid reason, I believed that Isabella was part of that dream. Guess it was just that, a dream; it was never supposed to have been anything more than that.

But it is the dream of deploying that is still keeping me strong. And this is what I tell myself as we make our way in clear silence to the pub; my father and Matt have no idea what to say to me. They do not know if I am mad or sad. Well, what I am is completely dead.

As we step on into the pub, I am surprised to see Harrison sitting in the corner with some of the other guys in our platoon. My father and Matt find a table while I head on over to speak to them

"Hey, Clayton, where is the misses? Do you guys want to join us?"

"No, I am here with my brother and father, but there is something I would like to discuss with you in private."

"Sure, let's go outside."

Harrison excuses himself, and we go stand outside far away in private where we can not be heard. He knows that something is eating at me, and by the expression on my face, he knows that something must have happened with Isabella.

"What's wrong, Clayton?"

"I need somewhere else to stay. Things with Isabella has fallen apart."

"Fuck, Clayton, I am so sorry. Of course, I can find another place. But I have to ask you. Are you sure you want to do this?"