Chapitre 127: Chapter Fifteen: Just How Much Damage Can A Gal Take?
"Haaah… Chi, if ya keep pacin' like that, you're gonna wear a hole in the floor," Chitose sighed as she watched her little sister go back and forth. For about the past hour, Chiyo had been doing just that, seemingly deep in thought and agonizing over something. Of course, knowing her sister as well as she did, Chitose was pretty sure she knew why. "If you're that worried, why don't ya just go talk to her?"
Those words got Chiyo to stop for a moment. "If it was that easy, I would've done that already," she muttered before she resumed pacing. During the time that Mayu had been dealing with her mother's threat of transfer, Chiyo had been spending her weekend worrying. It was the morning of Saturday, April 10, and Michi had skipped nearly the entire last week of school.
Caring for her as much as she did, Chiyo wanted to go check on Michi, but just as she said, it wasn't that easy. The last time they had spoken, Chiyo had struck her, and knowing Michi, Chiyo had a feeling the girl had been doing nothing but stewing away in her apartment, thinking about that exact moment. "Even if I saw her," Chiyo thought. "What could I possibly say?"
She had hurt Michi. There was no denying that. But, there was also no denying Chiyo had been hurt too. Was it right for her to ignore that in the pursuit of trying to fix things with Michi? It was yet another question added to her growing list of worries.
Chiyo was naturally the kind of person that sacrificed for others. Unfortunately, that also meant sacrificing too much most of the time, leading to forced smiles and fake happiness. But, in this case, Chiyo thought it might be necessary. Her feelings for Michi were stronger than anything else she felt. This wasn't just simply a case of love; this was a case of need. Michi had already done so much for Chiyo. Just the girl's presence in Chiyo's life had dramatically changed things for her. If that presence faded, if it disappeared entirely… would Chiyo fall back into her old habits?
She wanted to believe the answer to that would be no, but there was no way to know for sure. That's why it was better if she could have Michi around. That, and the fact that she just loved Michi. Even her stubbornness could be cute when it wasn't being destructive. So, if Chiyo wanted all of that back in her life, she needed to be willing to put her own feelings aside.
Certainly, she had plenty to be mad about. However, if the gal let her anger take over, she'd never be able to recover what she wanted, what she longed for. In just one short year, Chiyo had come to need Michi, above all else. Any anger she felt would have to be put away.
It was far from healthy behavior. Chiyo understood that. And, thanks to Michi constantly calling her out on her fake smiles when something was actually bothering her, Chiyo had become even more aware of her sacrificial nature. But, if she had to choose between her feelings and her love, she'd choose love.
Over and over again Chiyo had reiterated this sentiment to herself. She needed to in order to justify herself. Surely her unhealthy behavior would become healthy once everything worked out. If she could just get Michi to listen, and if Chiyo could just explain, then maybe…
Unfortunately, this was Michi. It wasn't some simple girl with an open mind. This was a girl who was stubborn beyond belief and vehemently opposed to change. Chiyo could come up with all of the fancy speeches she wanted, but if Michi wasn't even willing to lend an ear, then it was all wasted effort. It was this reason why Chiyo continued to pace. She needed some way to get Michi to hear her out. They were beyond a case of basic stubbornness. Something was gnawing at Michi from the inside, and Chiyo had a feeling that whatever that was, it was the cause of all of Michi's volatile behavior recently.
For a brief moment, Chiyo had considered the impossible. What if the reason Michi was acting so strangely was because she was denying new feelings? Could it be possible that Michi was just trying to hold back things she wasn't willing to accept?
Things like falling in love with another girl?
Before their last encounter, Chiyo had started, just barely started, to believe in the idea that maybe Michi was beginning to come around to the idea. Their interactions with one another had been steadily getting more intimate, and even when Chiyo pushed a little too far, Michi usually came around again. But, after the last couple of times, Chiyo had begun to notice that Michi was getting distant and acting like she used to be when they first met. The gal had tried to just brush it off, but when they fought, Chiyo's hopes immediately got shattered.
Would a girl who was starting to come around to an idea she was originally against really act the way Michi had? Chiyo knew how stubborn Michi could be, but even for her it was a little far. Not knowing what to believe anymore, all Chiyo could hope for was mending their friendship and testing the waters again. After all, it hadn't been her who sent Michi over the edge. It had been the shock of finding out about Haruna and Kanako's relationship. Chiyo didn't put any blame on the two of them, but she was a little miffed that her slow-and-steady, chipping-away approach had been ruined.
"Chi," Chitose said, breaking Chiyo's train of thought. For a moment, it seemed like Chitose was going to say something, but then she changed her mind. "Ya want some tea?" she finally asked. "Sure," Chiyo said. So the older Wakabayashi sister got up, went to the kitchen, and a few minutes later returned with a kettle and some glasses. Pouring the piping hot liquid, she picked up one of the glasses and handed it to Chiyo. "Don't burn yourself," she warned. "Geez, I'm not a kid," Chiyo whined. "I know tea is- ouch! Hot!" Seeing her little sister burn herself, Chitose sighed. "I literally just told you." "Ughh…" Chiyo groaned.
While being handed the tea, Chiyo had gotten lost in thought again, leading to her forgetting to blow on the tea before drinking it. Taking the time to do just that before she took another sip, Chiyo blew steadily. Chitose watched her, partly just to double-check Chiyo wouldn't burn herself twice in a row, but also because she wanted Chiyo to open up more about what was bothering her.
Chiyo had told Chitose all the details about what had happened with Michi, but since that night, Chiyo had barely said a word about it. When she got really worked up, she'd pace around all over the house, but the moment Chitose tried to press the issue, Chiyo would wave it off and tell her it was no big deal. "No big deal, my ass," Chitose would always think. She had never seen Chiyo like this. Feeling like she was the one who had been raising Chiyo through her puberty years, the younger Wakabayashi's actions definitely caused the level of concern Chitose had to rise.
"Hey, Chi," she said. "About Mi-chan." "She'll come around," Chiyo said immediately. With how fast she had responded, it was clear she didn't really want to talk about it. This time though, Chitose wasn't going to let it go. "C"mon, Chi," she said. "Just go talk to her."
For a while, it was silent. A minute passed, then two. Chiyo sat still, holding her glass in both hands as she stared into the tea. It was almost as if she was hoping to find answers in it. Finally, she spoke. "...Do you think Mi-chan hates me?"
Truthfully, that wasn't the first question on Chiyo's mind. Nor was it the second. Or third. Or even fourth. It was far, far down the list, because really, Chiyo didn't want to ask that question. A part of her believed it could never be true. For as stubborn or angry as Michi could be, she was a good person. She wouldn't hate someone just because of one fight. And yet, a part of Chiyo thought the opposite. That because they had fought at a time when Michi seemed so desperate, the damage may be too great, and Chiyo would have no hope of saving her relationship with Michi.
Looking at Chiyo, Chitose did her best to find the right words. It was times like these were she was reminded that she wasn't a parent, only a sibling. How much help could she really be in this situation? Did she even have anything to say that would be helpful? Doubts like that pervaded her mind, but Chitose pushed them aside. Right now, she had to be the big sister Chiyo depended on.
"C'mon, is it even possible to hate you? You're pretty cute, y'know," Chitose teased, poking at Chiyo's cheek. "Eheheh," Chiyo let out happily, but her gloom quickly returned. "I wish Mi-chan felt that way…" "I think you fell in love with the most difficult girl in Japan," Chitose said bluntly, drawing an "Ughhhh…" from Chiyo. "But," Chitose continued. "I also think that if you can ever get her to see things your way, she'd make one hell of a girlfriend."
Chiyo appreciated the thought, but she also felt like she couldn't even entertain the idea of a romantic relationship with Michi at the moment. Just her normal friendship was on the edge as it was. "I don't think she hates you though," Chitose said. "That girl is incapable of being honest, so even if she says she does, I doubt she'll mean it." "You really think so?" Chiyo asked. "Yeah, I do," Chitose said warmly.
The words of her big sister encouraged Chiyo a bit. "Maybe… I should talk to her." Her guilt was still present, but now it seemed to also be forcing her to move. If Chiyo could just get in the door, then maybe she could make up with Michi. "I have no idea what I'll say to her," Chiyo thought. "But at least trying is better than sitting here."
More than anything, Chiyo needed Michi. That was something the gal believed to be a fact. So, if she could come up with nothing else to say to Michi, Chiyo would go with the selfish reason. Who knows? Maybe that's be exactly the thing to bring Michi back to her.
So, with confidence renewed, Chiyo set down her tea. "I'm gonna go to Mi-chan's," she declared. "Good," Chitose said proudly. Changing her outfit, Chiyo put on a basic, black pleated skirt that stopped halfway down her thighs, a white dress shirt and a pink vest over it, creating a faux school uniform look. Adding her gold, circle earrings for the finishing touch, Chiyo headed toward the door. "I'm going!"
*****
"Gross… what a mess," Michi groaned as she looked at herself in the mirror. Having essentially not left her apartment in several days, she hadn't been taking care of herself very well either. Her clothes, a basic white t-shirt and grey sweatpants, were as bland as could be, and her hair, usually kept in two tight buns and the unruly strands that hung from them, was instead left unkempt. A few strands jutted out here and there, and overall the blond locks looked quite frazzled.
The girl herself was hardly in any better condition mentally. For the last several days, she had been mainly focused on two things. The first was Haruna and Kanako's relationship. The second was Chiyo. In either case, the results of all her thinking was not positive. Round and round she had gone in her head, coming up with any reason she could to either put distance between herself and the new couple or hating Chiyo.
Really, the former wasn't as difficult as Michi thought it would be. Even considering her questionable friendship with Kanako, Michi found that her disdain for everything around Kanako was stronger. She already couldn't stand Haruna, and now she was roping Kanako into a relationship with two girls. A part of Michi wondered how that had even happened, but she decided she didn't want to know. She didn't need to know. All she needed to know was that Haruna and Kanako's relationship was ridiculous. It was wrong. It was disgusting. It was something that Michi would never accept.
With those feelings in mind, wanting to stay away from those two was actually an easy decision. After all, why should she bother hanging around people that do the complete opposite of what she believed? "I'm better off without them," she concluded.
However, when it came to Chiyo, things were entirely different. There was no way Michi could deny the impact Chiyo had had on her life ever since she came into it. Michi had once claimed to hate girls like her, and yet somehow, a girl like Chiyo had not only managed to get into Michi's life, but she had even become the person closest to Michi. Although, that fact alone felt like it was enough to justify Michi's concern.
How could she let someone she hated get so close? Did Chiyo make her drop her guard that easily? Or was there a reason she hadn't considered yet? Though, no matter what the reason, one thing was clear to Michi: she had made a dire mistake.
It was true Michi couldn't deny Chiyo's impact, but who was to say that impact was necessarily good? Couldn't the exact opposite be true? What if Chiyo's presence had done nothing but wreak havoc on Michi's everyday life, causing worse and worse changes which could ultimately lead to Michi failing in future areas or opportunities?
It was a dramatic line of thought, but for Michi, a person who was so opposed to change, it took such dramatic thinking to justify to herself why change was so bad. Adding in the examples of Kanako and even Mayu at this point, and Michi was becoming more and more convinced. "No one needs to change. If we had all stayed the same through high school, everything would've been fine," she thought.
"It's all because of Endo-san and her friends… if they had just left us alone…" But, as Michi thought that, a faint pang of sadness echoed in her heart. What could that be for exactly? Was it mourning the loss of Kanako's friendship? At first, that was what Michi had thought, but even going just a little deeper, it was obvious what the answer was.
Without that pivotal moment of Kanako and Haruna reuniting, Michi probably never would've become friends with Chiyo.
She tried to push it away, but the feeling hung around, desperately trying to show her that Chiyo was important to her, not someone that could simply be cast aside. Unfortunately, all this really did was confuse Michi even more, as it clashed violently against the things she was trying to tell herself. In that surging storm of emotion, Michi was tossed to and fro, and it was during this storm that she suddenly heard a knock at her front door.
"Huh?" she let out. "Who could that be?" Thinking it might be someone from school, Michi went to answer the door. "They're probably wondering why I haven't been coming. With the way I look right now, I could probably convince them I've just been sick… I hope they don't have a bunch of homework for me."
Approaching the door, Michi turned the lock and opened the entryway. "...Why are you here?" she glowered. "Uh, hey, Mi-chan," Chiyo said nervously with a wave. "I was just, um, in the neighborhood, so thought I'd stop by." "In the neighborhood?" Michi repeated doubtfully. "We don't even live that close to each other. What could you possibly by doing… ah." An idea occurred to Michi. "So you couldn't take it anymore huh?" she said, sounding irritated. "T-Take what?" Chiyo asked. "After you told me you'd stop if I told you to…" Michi muttered.
Hearing that, Chiyo thought for a moment before she put two and two together. "Ah, n-no! I told you, I stopped sleeping around Mi-chan!" "Then why else would you be over here in this area?" Michi asked. "Do I seriously have to say it?" Chiyo said, blushing. "I'm here to see you, dummy." "If you're just going to say stuff like that, I'm closing the door." "C'mon Mi-chan, at least let me in!" Chiyo cried. Michi stood there for a moment, seriously debating slamming the door in the gyaru's face.
She wanted nothing to do with Chiyo at the moment. This girl was one of the main reasons why she was such a mess in the first place. "I just want her to leave…" Michi thought, but as she stared at Chiyo's face, she found her resolve weakening. Before she knew it, she had moved aside, giving the cue for Chiyo to come inside. "Hooray!" the gal said happily. "Thanks Mi-chan."
After shutting the door, Michi went over to her living room. With all the white walls and lack of personal décor, it didn't really seem lived in all that much. Chiyo looked around a bit, but in the end, she decided to say nothing about the apartment, nor, surprisingly, about Michi's appearance. Instead, she just sat down on the couch like it was normal, which irked Michi a bit.
"Don't just go flopping onto other people's furniture," Michi grumbled. "You could join me y'know?" Chiyo said gently, patting the seat next to her. "No way," Michi flatly refused. "Alright, then how about some tea?" Chiyo asked. "Get it yourself," Michi shot back. "Mi-chan, you're turning into like, the worst host ever," Chiyo complained. "If you hate it so much, then leave," Michi said plainly. To her surprise, Chiyo got up, which drew an instinctive "wait…" from Michi.
Chiyo heard her, and Michi noticed, clamping a hand over her mouth. "Don't worry," Chiyo said. "I'm not going anywhere but your kitchen." "….whatever…" Michi muttered. "Hey, how about I make us some snacks too?" Chiyo suggested. "What, now you're raiding my fridge?" Michi said, annoyed. "Not if it bothers you that much," Chiyo pouted. "...ugh, fine! Do whatever you want!" Michi yelled, marching over to the couch and dropping down right in the same spot Chiyo had been.
With a little smile, Chiyo got started. Really, it wasn't much. She brewed some tea, a mixture that smelled like passion fruit and raspberries, then went to work on the food, which came out to be fried shrimp skewers with a tangerine sauce and a side of rice. When Chiyo presented it, Michi stared down at the dishes. "This… is a snack?" she said, a bit dumbstruck. "I could just have this for dinner." "Yeah, I guess I went a little overboard, huh?" Chiyo said with a laugh and a hand behind her head. "When I saw all of the ingredients you had in your kitchen, I just couldn't resist."
To Michi, who used and looked at most of her ingredients on a daily basis, the things that had been used were nothing special. And yet… knowing they had been prepared by Chiyo, why did they seem so much different than usual? A part of Michi wanted to dwell on that question, but she shook it away. "It doesn't matter," she thought. "I'll just eat, tell her she wasted my ingredients, and then make her go home."
That plan quickly fell apart. As soon as Michi brought the skewer to her mouth, her face instantly lit up. "This is great," she uttered. "Really?!" Chiyo said excitedly. "I'm so happy ya like it!" "...you don't have to get so excited," Michi mumbled. She had wanted to hurt Chiyo a bit by insulting her cooking so that maybe she'd be inclined to go home sooner, but after tasting the flavor, all Michi really wanted was more of the food.
Chiyo brought out her own plate and sat down next to Michi. At first, the girl was going to protest, but then she decided not to. In silence, the two of them ate, and as time went on and their plates got emptier, the awkwardness between them became more prevalent. By the time they finished, there was an uncomfortable air in the room.
After the dishes were cleaned, Michi sat back down on the couch, but Chiyo remained standing. "So, listen Mi-chan," she said hesitantly. "I… wanna talk about the other night." "…" Michi was silent, so Chiyo decided to keep talking. "I'm… sorry about slapping you. I shouldn't have done that… I was just… so angry about the things you were saying."
"If you're really sorry you would've just agreed with me," Michi muttered darkly. "Huh?" Chiyo let out. Michi looked at her. "That night, I told you how wrong Kana-chan and Endo-san's relationship is. And what did I get for that? A slap in the face, literally. So, instead of apologizing to me, to explain to me why you hit me."
Chiyo didn't agree with all of what Michi said, but the last point she made was reasonable enough. Of course she'd want an explanation for why Chiyo had slapped her. But… could Chiyo actually say? To explain, in really any degree, would be tantamount to a confession. And if Michi picked up on that… if she realized what it was Chiyo was saying… would there be any hope left for Chiyo to keep Michi in her life?
"If I confess, here and now," Chiyo thought. "Would it all end?" Really, there was no way Chiyo could see a different outcome. Tell Michi her feelings and let Michi walk away, or… lie. She hated that option, but if Chiyo had to choose between losing Michi or keeping her around, she'd easily choose the second choice.
"I… was upset about how much you were like, insulting Haru-chi and Kana-chan. They're my friends, y'know?" That wasn't entirely a lie. Chiyo had been mad at Michi for saying the things she had about Kanako and Haruna. However, that wasn't the main reason Chiyo had slapped Michi. "But if I tell her the whole truth…" Chiyo thought. "...there's no way it would go well."
"So, nothing's really changed then," Michi said, staring at the wall ahead of her. "Fine. You slapped me for Kana-chan and Endo-san. I can understand that." "Oh, great. I was getting worr-" Chiyo began to say, but Michi cut her off.
"That means you still support their relationship, right?"
Chiyo froze. Of course that was what Michi was after. She wanted to know the reason for getting hit, but it was really leading to her next, more important question. "And if I say yes…" Chiyo thought. "I know exactly how this'll go." She had been prepared to lie, or at least tell half-truths, but could she really do something like that when it came to some thing she supported so much?
Haruna and Kanako's relationship was extremely important to Chiyo, not only because it allowed two of her friends to be happy, but because it also gave her hope. If two people, one of which said they hated the other, managed to not only become friends again, but develop and act on romantic feelings, then who was to say that Chiyo couldn't make the same thing happen? The situations were so similar that Chiyo easily found hope for her own love life in Haruna and Kanako.
So, how could she possibly deny that? There was no way Chiyo could stand in front of Michi and say, "Of course I don't. I agree with you 100 percent." Not only would it be plainly lying, but it would be a denial of the very thing Chiyo wanted for herself. "No matter what happens," Chiyo thought, "I have to tell the truth here."
"Yeah, I do. I'll support 'em 'til the day I die."
That was Chiyo's final answer, and it drew a fierce glare from Michi. "Seriously? So what was the point of you even coming over here then? Did you just want to remind me that you support something stupid?" "It's not stupid, Mi-chan! They're in love!" Chiyo shouted. "How is that even possible?!" Michi screamed back. "They're girls! They're BOTH GIRLS! It doesn't make any sense!" "People can fall in love with whoever they want!" Chiyo yelled. "Why can't you understand that?!" "Because it's wrong!" Michi shouted.
The room fell silent, and both girls were breathing heavily. "I just don't understand…" Michi said quietly. "Why did any of this have to happen? Why did Endo-san have to reconcile with Kana-chan? Why'd I have to suffer because of that? Why did everything have to change?" Then, she looked at Chiyo. "Why… did you have to talk to me that day?"
"...I just wanted to be your friend," Chiyo said. "I never wanted that!" Michi shouted. "Never! But you wouldn't listen… you just came barging into my life, not caring at all about what I wanted. You came in and wouldn't leave me alone... You started messing everything up around me... You just keep… messing with my head!"
Looking up with teary eyes, Michi glared at Chiyo. She could no longer hold back her darker inner thoughts. "I hate you!"
"Mi-chan-"
"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"
"Mi-chan-"
"GET OUT!!!" Michi screamed. It was clear the gal could say nothing more. With a pained look on her face, she turned silently and left.
"I hate you…" Michi muttered when the door closed. "I-I hate you… s-so much…" Her voice shaking, her head dropped as the tears fell even further. "Gh… ugh… why?" she said, just barely audible. Finally, briefly, one of her true, genuine questions came out. "Why did everything have to turn out like this…?"
*****
Closing the door behind her, Chiyo leaned up against it, the strength gone from her legs. "She hates me…?" she repeated. "Mi-chan… hates me…" Was it true? Was that what Michi really felt? Chitose had insisted that even if Michi said something like that, she probably wouldn't mean it, but… the force of her screams told Chiyo something entirely different. They told her of a girl who was very strongly against her. "What… am I gonna do now?" Chiyo wondered.
Slowly, she could feel drops of water running down her cheeks. "Ah… damn it… I can't be crying right now… I need to get home… I need to figure out… snf… what I'm gonna do…" But no matter how much Chiyo tried to hold them back, the tears wouldn't stop. The damage Michi caused was just too much for her to handle.
Both girls, so close in proximity, yet separate and alone, cried for some time.
End of Chapter Fifteen.
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone