Chapitre 6: To Love-ru (3)
I had no words.
It wasn't like I didn't know how the canon duel went: Rito was supposed to run away while being chased by Zastin, dodging each and every incredibly sharp blow thanks to what I guessed was his immense luck and the increase in physical performances granted by the combined efforts of fear and adrenaline. I even remembered one of said blows cutting into pieces the clothes (and toupee) of a perfectly ordinary salaryman without harming a single hair of his body, which always made me think Zastin was in truth holding back that time. Still, I was willing to bet the perfectly ordinary salaryman that day returned home confused as fuck.
I wasn't even shocked by Zastin, a super powerful alien, getting run over by a truck: a similar scene happened in the manga, with him dodging a car and landing on the rails mere moments before a train rammed into him. The poor guy was unlucky like that, though he was durable and determined enough he could shrug off almost everything: the universe had made Zastin its chewtoy, but there was nothing it could do to break the swordsman from Deviluke.
No. What made me doubt my eyes was the visible side of the truck, over which someone painted a cartoonish, smiling truck hitting an average-looking boy, said boy being flung towards a planet detailed enough to reveal it was not Earth and the words 'Everyone Love Truck-kun!' above the aforementioned scene.
Did... did Zastin just get isekai'ed?
I mean, I knew it was a real thing that really happen because it happened to me too, but that didn't automatically translate to me knowing what to do in case someone was sent to another world right in front of my eyes!
"Calm down Lee." Rito said with a soothing tone, though I could detect he was trying to suppress a snicker. Meanwhile, Ranma wasn't even bothering to try. "Zastin is still here with us, isn't he? Also I doubt that blow was enough to kill him."
'Right! Thank you Rito.' Usually I was quite composed, but the whole 'Truck-kun' part caught me completely flat-footed and made me lose my cool. Luckily it only happened inside my head.
Well, the least I could do was showing myself worried about Zastin. I knew he was too strong to die from that, but as the 'current' Yuuki Rito I should had no way of knowing that. "Are... Are you alright?" I asked as I walked closer to the still unmoving Zastin. I didn't lower my guard however, that would be both stupid and disrespectful in the middle of a duel.
"URRAAAGH!!!" As expected Zastin suddenly jumped back on his feet with a vigor-filled shout, seemly unbothered by the copious amount of blood spilling down his face. "Impressive! To think that until now you subtly redirected the flow of battle so that I would be on that exact precise spot on that exact precise moment... However! You miscalculated! The attack I suffered just now paled in comparison to your previous ones!"
"Wait. Wait." I hastily said while raising both hands. While the misunderstanding was funny I didn't want to build my reputation on false feats. "I swear that wasn't planned. It just so happened that when you jumped back you landed in the middle of a street and a truck, one of the land-based vehicles we earthlings use to move around, was crossing it at that precise moment. Even if it's the middle of the night we're still inside a city, not everyone is sleeping."
"Ah... Is that so? I see." He blinked before nodding resolutely. He immediately believed me? I didn't know if being grateful for the trust or worried about him. Then Zastin surprised me by deactivating his laser blade. "In that case it's my loss, Yuuki Rito."
"Uh... What?" That was the second time I was left without words in as many minutes. Was it a special property of the To Love-Ru universe? "Do you mind telling me why?"
"It was for less than a second- nay, for less than half a second, but I lost consciousness. In that moment I was completely vulnerable, yet you chose to not finish me off. Were this a real battle such an opening would have spelled my doom, so as a warrior this makes it my loss." He raised a fist and nodded with a serious expression, as if ashamed at himself.
"Wow, this guy is really honorable. Or really stupid... You know what, unless he starts blaming us for something that only happened within his imagination this guy is alright in my book." I could feel Ranma's approval, which was not an easy thing to obtain. "Lee, if this guy becomes your sparring partner I'm sure you'll be able to improve massively."
Now that was an idea worth considering. "Fine, I will not shame you by challenging your own sense of honor." With a sigh I let Braveheart fade away. "But I insist that sooner or later we finish our duel in a proper way. I enjoyed fighting against you, Zastin."
"And I against you, Yuuki Rito." Zastin crossed his arms and smiled. "As you are a powerful warrior, and someone who Lady Lala holds in high regard, I shall report back to my liege that we can entrust her to you. However, I need you to know this: whoever marry Lady Lala will one day reign as king of Deviluke, commanding all the worlds in my liege's dominion. That's why the king solicited volunteers from throughout the Milky Way to vie as potential suitors for Lady Lala: I shall respect her decision, but I do not know whether they will do the same."
"Oh yeah? Then tell them this: whoever tries to force Lala to do something she doesn't want to will receive the biggest asskicking of their whole life." Unable to resist the temptation I raised a thumb-up and grinned fiercely. "Believe it!"
Sasuke made a choking sound.
Zastine grinned back as he turned around, his cape flapping in a badass way... that was completely ruined by the dog still gnawing on his leg. Like, holy shit what was that mutt made of?! "It will be my great pleasure to relay your words, Peacekeeper of Light."
With those parting words he walked away. Dude, the dog! Please notice the dog!
"Way to go Rito!" Lala congratulated me. "You won against Zastin! I don't know anyone else but Papa able to do it."
"Thank you, but we were both holding back. He also admitted defeat halfway the duel, so I can't exactly claim I beat him." I knew I could do it, especially if I channeled a powerhouse like Laharl or Issei, but I didn't feel like it was fair to brag about something I had yet to accomplish. I would do it for something minor like an school exam, but a duel was something else entirely. Plus Zastin deserved at least that much respect from me.
"If you say so. Can we go back now? We have yet to defeat the arena's boss, I can't save until we do!"
"Yes, yes. Just a moment Lala, I need to tell you something important first." I raised a hand to get her attention, and when I was sure I had it I continued. "You see Lala, that you like me makes me happy. I like you too and I wouldn't even mind marrying you, but in truth the situation it's more complicated. That's because there's another girl I have liked for a long time now."
Now, feel free to call me manipulative but I wasn't just telling her this for the sake of being honest. I wasn't going to lie of course, but I was all aboard the Harem Plan so I needed to establish the foundations before Momo came to Earth. For that purpose I decided to make establishing a friendship between my possible harem candidates my main goal for now.
Meaning, I needed to get Lala and Haruna to become friends sooner that canon and to sneakily give Haruna the idea that I was okay with having a harem.
"I met her for the first time when I was in Junior High. I think it was just a crush at the time, we boys are easily impressionable at that age. But as time passed and I witnessed her kind, caring and forgiving nature my feelings for her became stronger. Not that I ever confessed them to her." I chuckled in an embarrassed manner. "The point, Lala, is that as a person I'm still not sure what I want to do with my life. There are still many things I want to do and experiences I want to make... So, sorry but I can't give you a straight answer right now." I finished with a troubled expression.
"Alright! Then I'll wait until you can!" Lala declared with a smile and a resolute nod.
Made this the third time I was caught flat-footed. "...Just like that?"
"You've been understanding and supportive of my feelings Rito, it's only right I do the same with you." She hugged me. "Our lives has just begun, so let's have tons and tons of fun together!"
"Lady Lalaaaaa!!!" Peke began to cry. "While I wasn't looking you grew up so much! I'm so happy!"
"Gotta agree with Peke here, I didn't remember Lala being so mature at this point of time." Rito muttered in disbelief. "Still, that's a good thing, right Lee?"
'Yeah.' I replied while patting Lala's head... or rather, I tried to but I forgot her hat was Peke's head so all I got were robot's tears all over my hand.
Thank you, universe, for reminding me I was a comedy protagonist.
====
Do you know that feeling when you wake up and something's different, but in a good way? Like something amazing happened while you were asleep and now your life is all the better for it?
That was the feeling I had the morning after my duel with Zastin. I could feel my body slowly waking up as the rays of the sun bathed my room with their light, but it was so comfortable and warm under the sheets that any desire to leave was sapped just as quickly.
"Good morning Lee." Rito yawned. Do people who are technically dead even need sleep? I guess the answer is yes. "What's this familiar warmth... Right. Unless things changed that much, Lala is currently sleeping in your bed next to you. Try to not freak out."
That woke me up faster than a bucket of cold water. Very slowly, making sure to keep my legs straight and my hands close to my body, I rolled to my right side and faced the left side of the bed. As Rito predicted Lala was sleeping next to me, the sheets barely covering her modesty while leaving her shoulders and a hint of cleavage completely bared. Her pink hair were glistening under the morning light, resembling some kind of precious gemstone; I knew there were some varieties that occur in one or more shades of pink, but I honestly couldn't be bothered to remember the specifics.
But the real kicker? Her lips: they looked so soft and plump, as if just begging to be kissed. And the defenseless expression Lala was making while sleeping peacefully, as if all was right in the world and there was nothing that could worry or harm her... dangerous. That was too dangerous: everything about this set-up was just screaming at me to commit a crime, and I couldn't even say some part of me was against the idea. I thought I learned how to keep my hormones under control, but now I realized they just haven't been stimulated enough before.
"If it helps Peke is sleeping right between you and her."
Right. The robot that was made to see and touch every inch of Lala's naked boy... damn, now I was jealous. I wanted to become a girl's un- "Don't tempt fate you fool! Murphy is real! Real I tell you!" -On second thought, acting mature about it was clearly the best solution.
With great reluctance I rolled to the other side and looked at the clock on my desk: it was already past the time I usually got up, if I didn't hurry I risked to be late. Unless of course I took a shortcut through the rooftops, which would allow me to spend more time in bed.
Even if doing that right now was very bad for my mental health.
You know what? There were merits to being a diligent student, and they suddenly appealed to me.
Ignoring Rito's snickering I stood up and, very gently, tapped Lala's forehead until her eyes fluttered open. "Good morning Lala... And Peke." I added after a short pause.
"Oh, good morning Rito!" Lala yawned. I turned around to open a random drawer when she began sitting up: no matter how much I wanted a free show, I didn't have the time to deal with the physiological response it would cause.
"Not that I mind, but why are you in my bed? And naked at that?" Oh look, pencils: just what I needed!
"I wanted to sleep with you Rito!" She replied like it was completely normal.
"And I can't just be Lady Lala's costume all the time!" Peke protested.
"Got it, got it." And under the pencils... copies of the exams I failed. Or rather, that Rito failed: gotta do something about them. "Look I don't mind sharing rooms with you, just ask me first next time, alright?"
"Sure thing Rito!"
Just then the door opened, and Mikan peeked inside. "Hey Rito, how long are you gonna sleep? It's getting... late..." She trailed off when she noticed Lala. Naked. On my bed.
"Lala said she wants to share rooms with me, so there's no need to prepare the one we keep free for guests." I informed her like it wasn't that big of a deal.
"..." Mikan stared at me with a deadpan expression. "...Just keep the noise down. And don't you dare make me an aunt while I still go to Elementary School." He eventually told me plainly before closing the door.
'Do you think she's in denial or something?'
"Mikan has a remarkable ability to adapt. So maybe. Or maybe not. I sure as heck was not that daring when I was your age."
I slowly realized that answer didn't help me at all.
"Ooh, that's right! I've gotta go out today!" Lala exclaimed. "Peke!"
"Yes Ma'am!"
When the flash of light died down I turned around just in time to see Lala about to step out of the window. "Seeya Rito! I'm going out for a bit!"
"Will you return for dinner?" I asked.
"Of course! Bye bye!" She waved at me, and then flew away once I returned the gesture.
"She's going to see the Principal and get enrolled at Sainan High." Rito told me.
"Yup." I replied.
"We're still going to finally discover what he is?"
"You bet your ass we will!" I did a fist pump.
And then it hit me.
My younger sister showed herself worried I would get a girl pregnant, to the point she explicitly warned me about it while in front of said girl.
It was so embarrassing I could die!!!
====
Rito and the rest of the Gang kept snickering like hyenas all day, to the point I was very glad to switch place with the brown-haired boy once cleanup duty with Haruna began. It gave me time to think.
"You mean sulking."
"No." I glared at Minato, but he continued to look amused while sipping a slurpee.
"I had a little sister that loved teasing me too, Lee. I know what it feels like." He continued. "Though, Yukari teased me about many topics but never about pregnancy. At least until it happened."
"She probably was too busy 'experimenting' with her boyfriend." A shadow fell over Minato's eyes as he crushed the slurpee in his hands. "Gah! Calm down, I was just joking! I thought it was Yukari who had a sibling complex?!"
"..Sorry, I just acted on reflex. It hasn't happened in years." Minato sighed before taking a napkin and cleaning the mess. "Don't get me wrong, I get along well with Shiina and he made Yukari very happy. Still, when I first found out they were in that 'kind' of relationship some kind of big brother instinct just awakened within me. You know, the type that makes you want to threaten your little sister's male friends?"
"I see, I see." I nodded in a sagely manner, a big grin on my face. "So... Who was the lucky girl?"
"If you're thinking Musubi, then you're correct. Which of course meant the others started trying their hardest to catch up: leading to, among other things, a whole month of nothing but Chinese softshell turtle, acute gastritis and several stomach pumpings."
If I was drinking something I would probably have spat it out. "Dude! I thought you know how to handle a harem?!"
"It wasn't a skill I acquired immediately."
====
The rest of the day passed without incidents. Lala had dinner with me and Mikan, but she was clearly excited about something and only replied with "It's a surprise!" every time my sister and I asked. Of course I knew what the 'surprise' was, but I didn't want to ruin it. And since the next day was sure to be full of excitement and shenanigans I elected to go to sleep early. I don't need to mention that Lala once again went to sleep next to me, but since I expected it I managed to remain calm despite my pounding heart.
I knew taking things slow was the best choice, but daaaamn!
"Uhmm... So, this is rather sudden..." Our homeroom teacher, Honekawa-sensei, began before class could start. "But I'd like to introduce our new transfer student."
'Here we go.' I thought as I pretended to pay attention like the other students.
"Come on in."
"Okie-dokie!" Lala cheerfully called out before jumping on Honekawa-sensei's back (poor guy) and showing a victory sign. "Yeaaah! Hey there Rito!! Now I'm going to school too!!"
And thus began the first of many unforgettable days at Sainan High.
====
"Grab that punk!"
"Don't let him get away!"
Though, I would have been more than happy if said unforgettable days didn't continue with me being chased by roughly half of Sainan's male student population as soon as classes ended.
"What did I even do to you?!" I yelled at my pursuers. I was more than fast enough to lose them even while keeping most of my physical abilities a secret, but since we were still inside the school I had to occasionally slow down in order to avoid running over innocent bystanders.
"Rito! You bastard! I won't forgive you!" Kenichi shouted, tears running down his cheeks. "You've got Haruna-chan, yet you dare to have such a cute girl live in your own house!"
"I never ever held hands with a girl!" Another guy I never saw before cried out.
"I'm telling you! We're distant relatives! What happened to the bro code?!"
"FUCK THE BRO CODE!"
"YOU GUYS SUCK!"
So this was what being so popular other people were envious of me feel like. Sadly it was something I would need to grow used to, after all I was planning to reach even more enviable heights in life.
That didn't stop the current me from being very pissed off. I didn't care about the others, but Kenichi will need to try very hard to earn my forgiveness.
Shit! Why did this has to happen right after I promised Lala I would protect her?
====
During lunch time I stealthy dragged Lala to the rooftop so we could talk without worrying about eavesdroppers. "So the surprise was you becoming a transfer student Lala. Still, did you really have to tell other people you're living together with me? Not that I mind, mind you, but here in Japan something like that is bound to make people gossip."
"Gossip? About what?" She innocently asked while tilting her head in a cute manner.
"Err... It's kind of complicated." I hesitated. "It's a matter of social conventions, something Japanese society holds in high regard. I'll explain properly once we have enough time, for now please tell others we're distant relatives. Trust me, it'll spare us a lot of headaches in the future."
"Uhm... I don't really understand." She tapped a finger on her lips before smiling. "But I trust you Rito! I'll do as you say."
"Thank you Lala. Say, how did you even manage to get through the transfer process in the first place?" I asked despite already knowing the answer. "With you being an alien and all?"
"Ooh, that was easy! When I asked that man called a 'Principal' he said: 'What a cutie! Consider it done'." She imitated the Principal's manner of speaking with a high-pitched tone. "And here I am!"
"Yup. Same old Principal: what an irreducible pervert."
"At least your own Principal wasn't a Hawaii-obsessed pervert who constantly ambush you with handheld shears and pineapple bombs."
"And here I thought my own school life was crazy..." Tsuna muttered.
"If this is the norm I'm glad I never went to school at all." Riku firmly declared.
"But don't worry Rito!" Lala continued. "I didn't tell anyone I'm from Deviluke. Except Haruna of course."
"We can trust Sairenji-san, it's the other students and the adults that I have doubts about: if they find out aliens are real it'll be complete chaos."
"The problem isn't that simple!" Peke, his head now taking the form of Lala's hairpin, made his own opinion known. "Lady Lala is a princess of Deviluke! If that went public there could be attempts at her life! I witnessed firsthand how strong Lord Rito is, but he's still a single person! He cannot protect you all the time Lady Lala!"
"Hey you! Don't write me off yet!" I protested. "It's true I'm alone, but it's nothing that cannot be overcome with some preparation and discretion. No matter the threat, I promise I'll protect Lala!"
====
And yet here I was, being chased through the school while Haruna gave Lala a tour of the school facilities.
You know what? Desperate times call for desperate measures: taking a sharp turn around a corner I made sure there were no witnesses before pointing a finger behind me. "Water!"
Instead of using it offensively I left the conjured water spread over the floor behind me. When my pursuers appeared from behind the corner they missed the wet floor, causing the ones in the front to slip and fall down. Hearing their shouts of surprise and pain as they ended up in a dogpile I suppressed a laugh, not wanting to give them hints I was to blame for their misfortune.
Once I was in the clear I opened a window and looked outside. Seeing that it was just the first floor and nobody was paying attention I jumped out and landed behind the shrubbery that seemed to grow around most Japanese schools: very convenient for hiding purposes, and it made the buildings look better. Then with a smooth motion I stepped on the partially covered pathway that connected the school's different buildings and began walking as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
Was I good or not?
"Ritooo! Perfect timing!" Being called by Lala was sudden, but since she was exactly who I was searching for I wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. She walked closer to me and handed me a baseball bat. "Could you pinch hit for me?"
"I remember this: that was when Motemitsu-sempai first tried to hit on Lala." Rito mumbled. "Man, the poor guy had a horrible luck with girls... not that he didn't deserve some of it."
'Was it the same guy who went as far as putting an hidden camera in the swimming pool to take photos of girls in their swimsuits?'
"Bingo."
Well then. It seemed I needed to deliver some karma. "Sure thing Lala."
After persuading the pink-haired alien to not add special features to the bat I took position in the batting spot. I never seriously played baseball before, but I knew the basics.
"You are pinch-hitting, huh?! Ha ha ha! don't make me laugh!!" Motemitsu laughed, which contradicted what he just said. "You're gonna get a hit off me, a guy who's destined for the big leagues?!"
"To give credit where it's due he did manage to go that far... Even if the mags always talked more about his love life, or lack thereof, than his accomplishments on the field." Rito informed me. Good for Motemitsu I guess, even if it was still far in the future.
"A total amateur like you doesn't stand a chance!!" He took a pitching position before throwing the ball with a loud shout.
It was, indeed, a fast throw. A good one too.
But I had in my head a guy who knew Baseball Martial Arts.
"Baseball Martial Arts' Secret Technique Number Three." I whispered under my breath before swinging the bat. "Pitcher Shot!"
Instead of opposing the ball's force I redirected and deflected it back at Motemitsu, allowing him to taste the effects of his own throw. It shot directly above his head, making his hat fly away, before turning into a home run.
"Since when were you under the impression..." I rested the bat on my shoulder as I stared smugly at a gobsmacked Motemitsu. "That I was an amateur?"
"Eeeh! Rito's so coool!" Lala cheered, and even Haruna looked impressed.
====
"Are you Yuuki Rito?" A middle-aged policeman asked me, a relieved-looking Zastin standing behind him. "This person was searching for you."
"Uh... Yes, I'm Yuuki Rito. Thank you officer." Once the policeman left I looked at Zastin with a raised eyebrow. "What?"
"I got lost." He admitted with some shame. I understand not knowing the city's layout yet, but needing to be escorted by the police like a lost old woman? That was really embarrassing. "Can we move to a more secluded place? What I have to say is for your ears only."
I nodded. "This way."
I lead him behind the school and within the woods that still covered part of Sainan City's less developed areas. A staple of school life manga, though I supposed it helped purifying the air. "So, what is it? It's about Lala?"
"Indeed. I've come with a message addressed directly to you from Lady Lala's father, the King of Deviluke." He revealed.
"Lala's dad, uh? What kind of person he is?"
"He's a truly great man." Zastin declared, speaking of his liege with deep-rooted respect. "He reigns over a galaxy once torn apart by war, now united by his hand."
He was also a perverted midget who only wanted to play around all day and never work. I thanked whatever god was out there that none of his daughters inherited that part of his character.
"Listen carefully." Zastin took out a spiked, evil-looking object and tossed it in the air.
It suddenly stopped mid-air, the crystal-like part on the top detaching to hover above it. "Greetings... Rito Yuuki." The registration of a scary-sounding voice began to play.
'Voice changer?' I asked Rito.
"Voice changer." He confirmed.
"I have been informed as to what transpired from Zastin. I hereby acknowledge you as one of Lala's fiancès. Though it it said that earthlings are weak, according to Zastin you appear to be the exception. Furthermore, you are the first man to whom Lala has shown favor. I look forward to discovering your caliber as a man."
Like hell he was! He just wanted Lala to get married as soon as possible to have a valid excuse to dump all responsibilities on her husband. I hoped his wife spanked the little shit's ass good.
"Remember this: in due course I will decide on a time for the marriage ceremony." I mentally flipped him the bird. "Until that day comes, stand firm alongside Lala. Word of your existence has already spread throughout the galaxy. Thus, you may be certain that the other marriage candidates will appear before you, sooner or later, and attempt to wrest Lala away from you."
I wanted to say Lala wasn't a damn prize in a competition, but it was pointless to talk back to a registration. So I settled to crossing my arms and staring at the crystal with a disapproving expression.
"If you can safely stand your ground beside her until the time of the marriage ceremony, then you shall be my successor. However, should you lose her... should you fall short of my expectations..."
'Shorter than you? Quite the difficult task.' I mentally snickered along with Rito.
However, Gid's next words completely wiped any trace of humor from my and Rito's minds.
"Your life will be crushed, along with the lives of all who dwell around your tiny, insignificant star!! Remember this well!"
The registration ended and the crystal reattached itself to the evil-looking object.
"I should tell you this: His Highness is deadly serious about it." Zastin told me, seemly uncaring of the dog gnawing at one of his ears. "There was once a person who took an impudent attitude before my liege. He offended His Highness and thus was obliterated, along with his entire planet. In summary... Should you fail to live up to His Highness' expectations the Earth will be annihilated, leaving not a trace behind."
"Hey, Zastin." I began with an even tone. My head was lowered, the shadow casted by my hair covering my eyes. "Do you know how many people live on Earth?"
"How many people live on Earth? I'm afraid I haven't studied enough of your culture to know such a number."
"7.7 billions. That's how many people live on Earth." I told him. "Among them there are my parents, my little sister, the rest of my family, my friends, my fellow students and everyone else who, for better or for worse, is or was part of my life. And your king just threatened to kill them all."
I looked up: I didn't know what kind of face I was making, but it made Zastin stiffen and the dog's fur stand up. When I spoke next I was completely in sync with Rito, with the others leading their full support. "I don't care if he's king of the galaxy or the whole universe, if he touches them he's dead!"
"..." For a while Zastin didn't say anything as we stared at each other. He had regained his composure and was the most serious I have ever seen him. Even the dog wasn't moving a single muscle, waiting to see how it would end.
"...His Highness has my complete and utter loyalty." Zastin finally spoke. "However, I will not fault you for wanting to protect those you love. I call only pray that the worst outcome never comes to pass, for both ours and Lady Lala's sake."
I supposed that was the best compromise I could hope for.
"There's another thing you need to know: this morning an unidentified spacecraft breached Earth's atmosphere and landed here in Japan. There are no laws forbidding travel to and tours of Earth for civilians, but the timing's too good: without a doubt it's another of Lady Lala's marriage candidates, who came here to steal her away from you. Be on your guard, Yuuki Rito."
"I remember him: Ghi Bree, that two-faced space chameleon." Rito was seething. "Lee, I ask that you let me handle him: I still have a score to settle for what he did to Haruna."
I didn't even need to think about it before replying. 'He's all yours.'
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone