Chapitre 3581: SELECTIVE AMNESIA
saw her almost the moment I had entered the club. It didn't matter the smoke or the crowd, I saw Cindy's hair and knew it had to be her. It wasn't really that I knew her so well as to be able to pick her out of a crowd but there were so many times when I knew for sure that I wouldn't be able to open up facebook on my phone while I was at work because if I did there would be her with that stupid hairdo being party girl extraordinaire in various states of undress. I actually seriously contemplated deleting my facebook account or at the very least not having it on my phone and only checking it on computer.
My plan for that night had been to pick up women. Well, I suppose plural would be wrong as I had no intention or delusion that I would be able to pick up more than one woman on the same night. I actually expected to strike out and was already emotionally prepared to be rejected by every woman I met. This night wasn't about success, it was more about just announcing to myself that I had done my duty and waited a proper amount of time before moving on. I had been the one to break up with my previous girlfriend, Jill, and out of respect for her and her feelings I hadn't put myself back out there. Well, it was time and it didn't even matter if I went home alone. Tonight was just about having fun, meeting up with friends, and getting back to being myself with no restrictions.
But like I said, I saw Cindy there. Almost automatically I rolled my eyes. I mean, I knew almost nothing about her and I assumed she was different in private than the idiot caricature of herself she played on social media. I kept my distance as I circled the room around her and got a better angle to view her way. Perhaps she wouldn't notice me and I could just leave and not tell her that I had been there. There were emotions there that were confusing.
I looked away and decided to just focus on doing what I was supposed to be doing and not worry about her. If she happened to notice me and come talk to me (which would be a first) then that would be that and I could play it cool. There was no reason to dislike her or have any hard feeling towards her. So what if she ... Emotions. They suck.
I got a beer and went over to play pool with my friend Teddy. He assumed I was still in a funk over Jill so I let him think that. While he was saying something to try and cheer me up I ran the table on him. That shut him up and got him to focus on the game instead of whatever he thought was going through my head. We racked up again and while Teddy took his turn to break I heard a cheer erupt over the music from the gaggle of college girls on the other end of the place. Did I want to go see what retarded thing Cindy had done was? No. No, I did not.
Teddy was trying really hard to replicate my previous performance when I felt a hand come to my shoulder.
"I've got the winner." Jill's voice said.
When I knew it was her I actually started to laugh a bit.
"And that is not an excuse to throw the game." she added as she came to my front. As she said it Teddy missed his shot and it was my turn. Teddy already had half his stripes down and I had to start at the beginning. But it didn't matter. I usually avoided showing off like this but I could just as easily run the table at that point as at any.
Teddy laughed as I coldly and mechanically sank all my balls without giving him another turn. I called three banks on the eight ball just to show off a bit. I struck white and then turned my back to the table as the balls did exactly what I planned behind my back.
"Man, you're the only one who can turn a two player game of pool into solitaire." Teddy said.
"There are some other two player activities he also turns into solitaire sometimes." Jill added.
"If you want to play, rack them up." I responded.
"On second thought, I changed my mind." Jill said. "But I am glad you're back from the dead."
"Don't be silly. I'm not nearly good enough at anything for God to want to take me from this world."
Jill probably had meant to walk away but perhaps in that moment she'd heard me hint at similar ideas in the past and after our break up something in her mind finally wanted to pull on that thread. "You do know natural selection takes out the losers not the winner, right?"
"Then explain Whitney Houston." I countered. "When God needed a singer he decided to deprive us of her voice and left us can't-sing-worth-a-damn Madonna."
"What? There are a lot of good singers out there."
"Cliff Burton."
"Who?"
"Mozart. It's clearly a pattern. Why doesn't anyone else see it?"
"Then what about Beethoven?"
"56."
"Older than most people back then."
"Ada Lovelace. Henry Moseley. Evariste Galois. Jimi Hendrix. Robert Howard. John Toole."
"What about Frank Sinatra? You act like you're a metalhead but I know you secretly love him."
"And any Joe every man on the street can sing just like him. Just as good, hitting all the same notes. He wasn't special. Amy Winehouse was special but she's gone and we're left with the goo goo gaga lady who can't do a fucking thing but bark like a dog."
She looked at me like I was crazy. After swallowing her eyes went wide and she look away. She left me there and I let her go. I looked back at the table to have another game but now I was by myself. I shrugged. I had played pool alone many times, too many to count or remember. I could rack the ball and run the course without missing a shot even with a blindfold on. There was no challenge to the game for me. I heard another 'whoo-hoo' from the crowd of girls in bright pink and yellow dresses, among whom Cindy was with.
So I wasn't psychic or anything but I sort of knew that if I went over there and joined the halo of young single men trying to get attention from those girls that I would be totally ignored. But that was for the best. Then if Cindy and I ever had the conversation about being in the same place I could at least say I tried to go talk to her but that she was too busy. And if I did happen to get through to be able to see her? What then? Well, it wasn't going to happen anyway but if by the rare likelihood that it did then I could just say hi and that would be the end of it. I didn't feel like being in this place anymore anyway with asshole Jill walking around.
I put the cue away, shook off my gloom, put on a fake smile, and headed over. With each step I started to imagine what I'd have to say on the phone to Cindy's mom. If Cindy happened to tell her that she saw me surely I'd get a call and it would be another half an hour of me being polite while listening to the pitch for some network marketing scam.
I got close and found a nice spot to plant myself. I was definitely the odd man out in that crowd of happy, bubbly jerks all singing along to the pop song being imposed on us by the DJ. I waited patiently and had a game with myself to count the songs before I called it quits and went home. I pushed through to get to the nearest bar to get another beer and then I found my way to get back to the spot I had chosen for myself cut off. I was still near the bar and I faked bouncing to the music all the while being annoyed with myself for even subjecting myself to this.
Just then, right in front of me, she was there. Cindy was trying to explain to some guy what kind of drink she wanted. She was clearly already drunk past the point when I would have stopped. I smiled and just looked at her. She looked over at me and looked right through me like I wasn't even there. Typical.
But then I was surprised. A look of recognition came over her face. Her eyes lit up as she looked up at me and pushed past that guy to get closer to me.
"Hi." she said.
"Hey. Long time no see." I answered.
"Yeah. Totally. What are you doing here?"
"Just enjoying my weekend. I was about to go though."
"No, you can't go. The party is just getting started."
I was going to protest but Cindy took my arm and pulled me over to her friends. Then, while she was struggling to keep her balance, she started to slur the names of all the other girls as she had me either touch hands or at least get eye contact with them all one by one. It was so odd to be getting hugs and embraces by these girls to whom I would be invisible had it not been for Cindy. The next thing I knew I was dancing with two hot sexy girls and acting just like some schmuck who belonged with them when I really, really didn't. I didn't have anything to be happy about. I was just faking it for Cindy's sake and she was too drunk to be able to read my expression anyway.
Yes I was dancing with two fine as hell sexy bitches but I had no delusion about being able to take either of them home with me. They weren't my kind of women anyway. Jill was my kind of woman. She was tough, confident, competent, wore a jeans jacket, and was honest enough with me to kick my ass if I ever fucked anything up. If Jill was in a building on fire she'd likely find a gasoline can to add fuel to the flame while daring the inferno to come get her if it thought it had balls enough. After being with a woman like that what use did I have for little miss perfect bubble gum cutie dancing with me? Fake makeup and fake hair colors were no substitute for a woman who was real, flaws and all. I didn't have anything in common with the blonde on my left of the redhead on my right. I listen to METAL, have nude posters on my wall, and ride a motorcycle. Me and Barbie girl were incompatible.
At some point I mentioned that I'd had enough of nonsensically gyrating myself and that I was going to call it a night. At hearing that it seemed, led by Cindy, the whole group of young women all rejected my idea and insisted that I just needed to rest before the next round of dancing. The club had some table booths randomly placed here and there. We corralled ourselves and there were so many girls around me that there were three of them sitting on me while they ordered more drinks.
As we sat and drank there was talking but none of it was anything I could understand, take part in, or even hear clearly so I just kept a positive face on for their benefit. Somebody said something that I guess was supposed to be hilarious so much to the point that Cindy lost her balance with laughing and the next thing I knew her torso was laid across my lap and the top of her dress popped open and revealed her bra to me. Cheers went up from the others as a kind of signal to drink and a different girl brought a glass to my lips and poured the alcohol over my mouth though most of it spilled down my chest.
Somewhere in all of that an Asian girl tried to kiss me. In the back of my mind I had a flashback to when I had dated this girl from Spain in high school and for an entire summer I had been adopted into that crowd and became known as the guy who dated all the international students even though it was just the one. Would that happen again? Was this girl properly Asian or was she an American who just looked Asian because of where her grand parents had come from?
The kiss with that girl never actually happened. Before it was to connect, the Asian girl was clearly telecasting with her whole body what she was up to. Cindy took notice and jerked herself up. She actually yanked at the Asian girl's hair to keep her lips from touching mine. The Asian girl made an angry face but Cindy probably didn't see it. She was busy just then straddling my lap with one thigh on either side of me. She put a hand to each side of my face and planted her own lips onto me.
I have to admit I was rather confused. My confusion sort of started when Cindy was so violent with her 'break a nail and it is the end of the world' friend. It was strange for her to act that way. Had she wanted the girl to get permission to kiss me or something? But then when Cindy herself kissed me I was just ... I can't describe it. I couldn't think. I couldn't process it. There were so many conflicting things just then. Should I stop her? Should I continue? What did it mean? Was she trying to tell me something? Was this a dare?
Just then I heard my sister's voice in my head. "You like her, don't you? You kissed her, didn't you? I bet you two made out all night long." I had only been eight or maybe nine at the time. Cindy had gotten scared by some TV show and ran to bed crying. Instead of any of the adults doing what should have been their job I was told to go lay in bed with her to comfort her while my older sister got to stay up and watch monster movies. Then the next day Madeline wouldn't let it rest. It wasn't my fault. I hadn't known. I hadn't understood what was going on. It shouldn't have been such a big deal. How could have I have known before someone explained it to me? It wasn't fair.
And now it was something like fifteen years later and here was Cindy on top of me in front of all these people kissing me like I'm some boy she has a crush on. Shit! What do I do? What do I feel? What did this mean?
She pulled her lips away from me and brought them to my ear. "Use your hands. I know you want me." She came up and then looked down at my bewildered face. She knew? Knew what? That I wanted her? When had I ever said that? Or done anything that even hinted at that? It wasn't true. She had to be mistaken. I must have sent the wrong signal because I didn't want her. Of course I would not want her. That would be impossible.
Except that it wasn't impossible. I could bullshit everyone around me for years and years all the while trying to tell myself in my mind that what I was saying was the truth but none of that changed what I knew in my most secret thoughts to be true. I did want her. I thought about her. I desired her. And now she was here on top of me. Was this a test? A trick? Or was it something more? Dare I hope for it to be more?
I started to kiss her and my hands started to grab her and ... shit, I almost thought we were going to fuck right there in front of everyone. Once I had the idea of fucking her in my mind there was no other conclusion. I was done with the club and so was she. I picked her up and started for the door with her. We were cheered and celebrated as we made our way out.
After a very short taxi ride to my place (cause no way I was going to take her home to her mom and have to deal with that bitch) we were pulling clothes off of each other as we laid next to each other in bed. She was so full of passion and desire that she wasn't even all the way out of her garments when she wrapped her legs around me and pulled me down to her with my cock entering her pussy.
...
I opened my eyes the next morning not really sure of exactly what had happened the night before. I sort of remembered that we'd had sex more than once. I vaguely recalled as I looked at Cindy's naked form there next to me. Had I pulled out? We hadn't used a condom so it would have been a very good thing for me to pull out but I couldn't remember actually cumming.
I looked over at the time. It was past ten already, almost eleven even, so breakfast at the fast food place was out. If we slept much later we would be starting the day off with lunch. At that moment the best I could do for her was toast and black coffee. She started to stir as the aroma of the beans fill my small studio apartment. She sat up with her hair going in all directions as she wrapped my sheet around herself.
"Good morning." I said as I sat next to my bass and offered her a plate.
She smiled at me and greeted me as well.
"I have butter." I offered. "Do you want butter?"
She shook her head as she took her first bite of my toast. "Do you have cheese?"
I thought about the contents of my fridge. "No, probably not. I can go get some."
"No, that's ok."
"Sorry."
"Is that your guitar?"
"Yeah. Like it?"
"It's kind of cool. Do you play?"
"That's what it's for. Certainly not for show."
"Are you in a band?"
"Uh, no. I never went that direction with it."
"Maybe I can hear you play sometime."
"Yeah, that would be cool. I imagine we're going to be seeing more of each other since I'm guessing we have a few things to discuss."
"About that, anyway. Where's my phone."
"Right under the pillow. You dropped it last night so I put it there for you."
She fetched it out and spent a moment looking at something. I got up to check on the coffee and seeing that it was done poured two mugs.
"Before I forget." she called out to me. "Can I have your number?"
"What?" I asked myself as I tried to comprehend her question. I came over to her and offered her the coffee but she didn't take it right away. "You don't have my number already?"
She looked up at me, noticed the coffee and received it. "I don't think so. Or maybe I just misspelled your name."
"Well, no wonder you never call me." I laughed. Of course if she had call me, or if her mother had called me I likely wouldn't have been prone to answering. Anyway, I got out my phone, found her number in my contacts, and rung her up. She was startled at first when her phone started to buzz in her hand but then her eyes went big and she stared down at the phone.
"Louis?" she asked. Then she looked up at me. Then suddenly panic took over her face so hard that her shoulders shook her whole body. Her eyes went really wide and her mouth went circular. "Louis!"
"Oh, no. Oh no no no no. Do NOT tell me that you did not know it was me."
"But ... but ... Why? Why didn't you say something?"
"About what?"
"How could you? How could we? How could ..."
"Cindy. Slow down. Calm down. What part of this did you not understand?"
"You knew it was me, right?"
"Yes. Of course I did. Why didn't you?"
"I ... I ... You kissed me. You fucked me. You put your thing inside of me. Oh my ..."
"Hold it. Hold it right there. You kissed me."
"You knew I was your sister and you did that to me."
"Well some fucking sister you turned out to be. You fucking forgot I existed."
"I never forget about you. I'm always sending you my updates."
"Yeah, pictures of you drunk off your ass making a fucking fool of yourself."
"Well you didn't mind it last night, did you? Why didn't you tell me to stop?"
"In front of all of your friends? You wanted me to out you as kissing your brother in front of all of them?"
"You could have told me in the taxi."
"I thought you fucking knew. Though now that I think about it, it makes sense that you would fucking forget about me. AGAIN!"
She looked away and I was just looking down into the black liquid in my hands.
"What do we do?" she eventually asked after the ticks on my clock had audibly echoed through the apartment off the bare brick of my walls.
"Nothing. There's nothing to do. You go home. Go back to your life and I stay here."
"I don't want you to think that I forget about you. I'm your sister and I'm a good sister."
"Cindy, my REAL sister is dead."
"That's not fair, Louis. She was my sister too."
"She would have been 26 this year. Did you know that?"
"Not specifically that exactly."
"Cindy, just ... This was a mistake. Obviously. So we have to forget this ever happened and never tell anyone about it. There. Solved. Sorted. You go home and I'll stay here and everything goes back to how it was before."
"Wait. Um, like you said, we have things to discuss."
"Yeah, we just did."
"I'm sorry we haven't invited you over more often."
"It's too late now."
"It's not. We don't have to tell mom about this."
"Your mom. She's not my mom and she made the crystal fucking clear when she left me in that foster home."
"The lawyers told her ... "
"I don't give a fuck. Lawyers my ASS!" My passion had propelled me to my feet in that moment and Cindy cringed away from me.
"I'm sorry." she said as she clutched the bed sheet to hide herself. "Do you want to talk about it?" ignored her and instead I went over to the window to look out. She was getting dressed behind my back and I could see the faint reflection of her form on the glass. When she was just about all ready I had a good mind to just let her go but then something nagging my insides wouldn't let it rest. I turned to address her.
"I have a question for you. If you didn't know it was me, then who the hell did you think I was?"
"I don't know."
"What do you mean you don't know? You just started kissing on a random guy you didn't know and then let him take you home and fuck you?"
"It's not like that. I knew who you were. I just didn't remember exactly is all."
"There's a huge fucking difference between me and every other guy out there. How could you mistake me for anybody else for even a second."
"I don't know. I knew that I knew you. I remember that. And ... uh ... I knew I trusted you and you were cute."
"Excuse me. Cute?"
"You know what I mean."
"No, I don't."
"Why are you angry with me? Last night was just as much your fault. You knew who I really was and you let me do that anyway when clearly I was too drunk to know better."
"Yeah. And wouldn't our father be so proud of you."
Shame washed over her face. She swallowed as she looked down at her shoes. "I guess I better go."
"Yeah, I think you better."
...
I didn't really have anywhere to go but for some reason the lingering scent of Cindy along with the half memory of what we'd done was driving me from my apartment. I was the only one who lived in my building because it wasn't a typical apartment but rather a room above the bicycle repair shop where I worked part time. I wasn't working that day though so I figured I'd ride down to see Tommy and just see what was going on.
"Hey, asshole." I heard as I opened the door at the bottom of the stops on the side of the building.
I looked over a Jill. "What you want, Bitch?"
"You send your little hussy home or is she still up there?"
I approached Jill as she was sitting side saddle on her Harley. "Don't call her that."
"Back up. You touch me and I'll break your ball."
I put my finger right into her face between her eyes. "You say another word about her and I'll break you in half."
"Ooh, you must think she likes you. Relax stud. I just came by to be friendly. Us girls have to stick together against your kind."
"That girl is not who you think she is and we did not do what you think we did."
"I already knew the second part, cause it's you after all."
"Whatever. She's not here and even if she were I don't think she'd want anything to do with the likes of you."
"If little uptown girl didn't want to get dirty what was she doing getting filthy with you?"
"Are you done?"
"I need to use your bathroom."
"Use the one in the shop."
"I'm not putting my ass cheeks on that. You're place is right up there."
"I am not in the mood for foolishness."
"I'm just asking to pee. What the hell's wrong with you?"
She leaned up to her feet and the pushed past me to head up the stairs to my door. I followed her even though I had half a mind to just go grab a slice of pizza instead of entertain her for any longer.
"Come on, come on, or do you want me to squat on your stairs? Never mind, I take it back. Knowing you if I did that you'll be stuck there jerking yourself while you watched me."
I opened the door for her but then just waited there. I didn't have a door on my bathroom so if I entered much more into the apartment I'd have an unobstructed view of whatever she was doing in there.
"So did you fuck your little whore in here? I don't want to get pregnant because you sprayed cum all over the place."
'Don't do it.' I repeated to myself. It's just words. I waited while trying to think about which toppings I wanted. I was above this. She was just trying to get a rise out of me when she didn't really understand the situation. I needed time to think. I needed time to process everything. I needed time to be honest with myself. I did not need to be FUCKING waiting at my door for Jill to fucking get finished on the toilet. "ARE YOU DONE YET?"
"Hold your horses."
"You fucking take forever to pee."
She came back into my view while fixing her jeans skirt. "Your flush lever is broken again. Did your little blonde bimbo do that?"
"Wash your fucking hands."
She was locked in place looking at my eyes for a moment and then went back to the bathroom to do that. She came back out after shutting the water off. She was shaking the water from one hand in the air while she was wiping the other on her side. "I have to ask you something."
"Shoot."
"Can you close the door please?"
"I'm not going to put up with any bullshit."
"Just close it, please."
I did but I was ready in case she tried to pull anything. "What?"
"I have a question."
"So ask."
"Why didn't you call me?"
"About what?"
"You were going to go out but you didn't call me."
"We broke up. You knew that."
"I know but like, you said you needed time."
"I did."
"You said there was no one else."
"There wasn't. I didn't break up with you so I could be with anyone else. I needed time."
"Then what the fuck was last night? You pick up some random blonde bitch. Literally you picked her up and brought her back her so you could fuck her. And then ..."
"Stop."
"I'm not done. Cause ..."
"I fucking said STOP! For one, she wasn't just some random girl. I know her and I know her mom and I know how much trouble she was going to get into if I didn't do something."
"So you were her white knight. It sure didn't look that way to me."
"For two, ok, we broke up two months ago. 63 days in fact. That was the time I needed. I wasn't dating anybody else."
"If the time was up then why didn't you call me?"
"We're broken up. Don't you have a new boyfriend or some shit."
"I was waiting for you."
"Whatever. For three, I did NOT have sex with that girl last night."
"Bullshit."
"I didn't and if you ask her she'll tell you the same. She's not who you think she is."
"Then who the fuck is she?"
"None of your fucking business. I'm just telling you this to illustrate to you that you're totally wrong about this entire situation. And I did not know that you wanted to get back together."
"No now. Not after you fuck that ..."
"Don't you say one more fucking word about her."
"Who is she?"
"Jill, I don't have anything against you. I want you to be happy. But you do not have the right to ask me about her or to even be in my house. So time to go."
...
Friday night after school I rode out across the river to see if I could find a game. I had to be careful about how much I did this. I also had to be careful about letting other people know just how well I played. The real art wasn't in learning how to sink all the balls. I could teach that to anyone with a few hours of hard practice. The real art was getting people to think they could beat me, bet against me, and then actually get their money instead of a black eye. I knew a spot I hadn't hit in a while. It was over by the port so new fresh faces were always coming and going and hopefully some of them would have some cash to throw my way cause I was really broke from not going out in a while. Fact of the matter was the bicycle shop didn't pay enough to cover living expenses and being a part time college student.
The thing a lot of people will say about spotting a guy like me is that we hustlers will lose all our games until it is time to bet but that wasn't what I did. Maybe other hustlers did that but I had yet to actually mean any other hustlers. I was just making this up as I went along. What I did was win the first game. Then the second game I would lose. I made a very clear point to always sink a ball and then miss the next shot. One at a time was the way. Then when money was on the line I didn't just slaughter them. I kept to the pattern and made it look like I had just gotten lucky in beating them. There was no need to show off or let them know that I could beat them with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back. Also, there was no need to lie and say that I'd never played pool before. I admitted that I was practiced and thought of myself as pretty good.
"Four hundred dollars." I said with some awe snuck into my voice. "I mean, that's a lot of money."
"You don't got it?" the man on the other side of the table asked.
"Well, not on me."
"They got ATMs around here, don't they?"
"How about just a hundred? I mean, I'm good but, wow, four hundred on one game; I don't know that I'm that good."
"Four hundred, or don't waste my time."
"Ok, um, how about this. He's my wallet. I have the money but let's play first."
"You better pay up."
"If I lose, you're right."
"Now see, I don't like this. I'm holding cash in hand and you're just giving me a promise when your bank account could be empty. Doesn't feel fair to me."
"Then let's just bet a hundred. I have that in cash now."
The bigger man looked at me and then just shrugged. "No, it's fine. I'll put up my four and if I win you owe me five since you don't have the cash on you."
"Five? I'm going to be honest, I'm not sure I have that much."
The man looked away and cursed under his breath. "Well, come on. Are we playing pool or not?"
The bet stood at four hundred each. The game went very predictably. I gave him three opportunities to sink the eight ball before I put her down and made it look like it was just luck that the white didn't go down with it. The big man's eyes were saucers as he saw it.
He was frozen there for a moment. That was when I knew I was going to either get paid or I'd have to book it out of there as fast as I could.
...
I parked my bike and got off. As I took my helmet off I tied to look at my face in the mirror to see if I had a shiner or not. That asshole had sucker punched me after paying me and then I'd had to beat him and two of his buddies off of me. Fuck my hands hurt and it was too dark to see so I gave up on that and just decided to go in and count my earnings.
Once in my place I put my phone on the charger and noticed that I had a missed call. I expected it to be Tommy or maybe the new manager at the shop calling to change my schedule. Instead it was Cindy. And she left a voice mail but it was just her huffing in frustration and then hanging up. I called her back but she didn't answer right away. Instead of leaving my own message for her I just put the phone back down and went to maybe see if I had some ice to put on my knuckles.
Before I could cross the room, even small as it was, Cindy called me back and I heard the bass solo at the beginning of Bells as my ring tone.
"Hey." I started.
"Hello. Louis?"
"It's me. What's up?"
"It's me. Cindy."
"I know. What can I do for you?"
"I was wondering if it was ok if we could talk?"
Talk? "About what?"
"Just whatever. Anything. I really want to talk to you."
"You can't give me anything more specific than that?"
"Well, I could but ..."
"Cause like I'm pretty sure there's one topic that we've pretty much exhausted our potential conversation on."
"Oh, of course. I'm not calling about that."
"You sure?"
"Positive. I have so many other things to talk to you about."
"Well, I'm actually not good on the phone."
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not a phone guy. Ok. I mean, if you want to talk I'm here at home so."
"So you want me to come over?"
"I'm here and you want to talk."
"Would it be ok if you came to visit me?"
"Is your mom there?"
"Yeah."
"Hard pass. You come here."
"Why don't you like her?"
"That is too long a conversation to have on the telephone."
"It's kind of late though."
"I want you to come."
"Tonight?"
"I'm asking you to come."
I really did not expect her to come by. I iced down my hands and just expected sleep to come for me. Sleep wasn't coming and I had half a thought to playing my bass to pass the time. It was good time for it with hardly anybody else around and the shop downstairs closed. But fuck my hands hurt.
I got out my phone and thought about calling Jill. Wouldn't she just love that. I could just serve myself up for her ridicule. What would it be this time? Well, fuck her. I had rent money so her opinion didn't matter.
My phone played Bells just as I saw the lights of a car come down my street.
"Cindy?"
"Yeah, I'm almost there. Do you know where I can park?"
"Just park in front."
She did and I welcomed her up as I watched her climb from the top of the stairs. She didn't look up at me and just kept her head down as she passed me. Once inside she seemed to be uncomfortable about what to do or where to sit.
"Well, I'm here. So can we talk."
"Sure." I said. "I don't have a sofa. Sorry."
"No, it's ok. I'm ... What happened to your hands?"
"Uh, nothing."
She came to me and took my left hand into both of hers and then she brought it up close to her face to look at it. "Did you take up boxing or something?"
"How's your gymnastics?" I asked as a way to get her off the topic of my hands.
"Um, so so." she said as she finally looked up at my face. "What happened?"
"Bar fight. Not a big one. Just a couple of punches and then I was out of there."
"Do you want to go to the hospital?"
"For this? You're kidding. Couple days, heal up. It'll be fine."
That conversation was over but she didn't leave. She was visibly uncomfortable as she tried to get comfortable on my bed. She started to try and say something a few times but they were false starts and she'd lose her confidence and then it would be silent again.
"She's pretty." Cindy finally said in reference to the pin up girl I had above the bed.
"Her tits are nice too."
"Well, I wasn't looking at those."
"Well, that's what I look at. I can't really get to know her personality from here but I can admire the tits."
"Anyway, did you, um, did you like my friends?"
"Sure I guess. I can't really remember any of their names or anything though."
"Do you think you'd want to maybe hang out with me and my friends again sometime?"
"Sure, I guess, but I'm not really down with all the dancing and that kind of stuff."
"Well, I can teach you how to dance."
I just shrugged. She was going to pull me in to hang out with her friends, I was going to go along for the ride and smile as the disaster hit.
"And there was another thing I wanted to talk to you about." she added.
Here we go. She was going to bring it up even though I'd told her not to. "Let me cut in here." I said. "You asked me about your friends so that was one topic. Now I get to say something before we move on."
"Oh, right. Of course. Totally."
"Can you stand up for me?"
She got to her feet and I did as well.
"Look at me." I said.
She looked up.
"Don't say anything. Don't ask me any questions. Understand?"
Her eyes had some fear but she went with it. "Yes."
"I'm just going to be honest. Can you handle that?"
"I hope so."
I move closer to her. Her instinct was to back away but her legs were already next to the bed so there was nowhere to go.
"I want you." I said to her. She was going to try and say something but "Don't say anything." I reminded her. I moved my arm around her waist. "Look at me." I said. She did so and I was nodding. "I want you. Hear me. I want you. I have wanted you for too long. I'm not going to lie to myself about it anymore. We shouldn't lie to each other about it anymore. Look at where you are. There's nobody here but us. Me and you. Now don't say anything. Just nod your head yes or no. Do you want me?"
She looked up at me into my eyes and then nodded yes. I kissed her. It was a brief kiss but it was enough to establish some sort of basis between us. I let her go and then looked down at her to see her reaction.
"Can I say something now?" she asked as she opened her eyes.
"Ok."
"I thought you said we weren't going to talk about that."
"We're not. There's nothing else to say. I was wrong. What I said before was wrong. I just needed to tell you that so I could be honest with you."
"How long?"
"How long what?"
"How long have you, ahem, wanted me?"
"It's complicated. Um, the idea of it was there even before the car accident. Obviously it wasn't sexual thoughts back then but something more innocent. And then afterwards, it wasn't there at all."
"Why not?"
"Why do you think?"
"I don't know. I didn't know what was happening back then."
"It wasn't fair."
"It was an accident."
"I was supposed to be me in that car. They had wanted you girls to ride together but Madeline and I switched places because I wanted to sit next you. And after that day I hated you. I hated myself for wanting you. Madeline is gone. My mom is gone."
"And daddy, too."
"Gone. And you might as well have been gone too. I never heard from you. No call. No visit. Nothing. You abandoned me."
"I was twelve. And I tried looking for you. I asked my mom to take me to see you. There was only so much I could do."
"Yeah, I figured but ... You don't understand."
"I want to. I'm listening. I'm here. I'm still here. And I'm going to be here. So tell me whatever you want to say."
I was having a really hard time finding the words for what I wanted to express. All the emotions and thoughts were scrambled and contradictory. I wanted her but I blamed her and it was all starting to come up at the same time. "Suck my dick."
"No, I mean it. I'm here for you. I want to be here for you from now on." she said.
I backed away from her. "That wasn't rhetorical." I said as she unzipped my pants and got my dick out for her. She looked down at my dick and then looked up at me with her eyes determined.
"Just like that? No dinner first. At least offer me a drink."
I smiled. "I got cold pizza. And there's beer in the fridge."
She shrugged with one shoulder. "Good enough I guess." Then without looking away from my gaze her hands went under her skirt and she was getting out of her panties. They passed her feet one ankle at a time. Then as they dangled from her fingers she offered them to me.
"Mine?"
"Just like the rest of me."
I grabbed her hand and pulled her to me. Instead of just closing the distance and standing in front of me she instead jumped up and I had to think fast to catch her. She had her legs wrapped around me. We then engaged in a much sloppier version of kissing. Funny enough I never got my blowjob but what did I care. I brought her the couple of steps over to the bed and we moved together down to the mattress. With my jeans still on most of the way and her skirt blocking me from getting as close as I would like my cock nonetheless found her and entered her. When that moment happened she locked into place for a moment as we came to realize what this was. I started to move in and out of her very wet and welcoming cunt a she laid underneath me with her legs still embracing me. She looked at me with animal passion in her eyes.
"So, we're being honest with each other, right?"
"How much more honest can we be than this?" I asked.
"I love you. I missed you. I never called you. You never called ME. Do you know how my heart ached for you? I felt like you'd died too. And when I did see you the way you looked at me, like I was nothing. Well, I'm not nothing. The other night, I knew it was you. I knew what I was doing. You're mine and I'm going to make you love me back."
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone