Chapitre 28: One
BK 2 Chapter 1
Sofia
"Sofia, please just eat a little out of your food" mama was trying to persuade me to have something, since I'd been discharged. I'd not taken anything since and it had been one week. I'd fallen into a state of unconsciousness for four days after his death was announced. I still couldn't believe it because it felt like a nightmare to me.
"Please omo mi* take something, if not for me but for your baby" mama pleaded me with her eyes.*(my child).
When the doctor declared that Yusuf was dead, I went into a shocked state before I was retrieved by Allah's grace. But till now my brain couldn't comprehend it. Was it true or not. I was still confused. I just dreamt of it, did it mean my dream came true?.
No, not that type of dream come true. I shook my head in denial.
"Mama, is that how people die" I whispered brokenly, staring at nothing.
"Mama, but ....he ...promised that he will never leave me, he will always be by my side, he said.." My voice broke with tears. I was a sobbing mess.
"Mama, but..." mama cut me to it by pulling me in a hug, engulfing me with the warmth of motherly care.
"I understand Darling but trust and have faith in Allah" I hugged her back, needing a shoulder for comfort. "Mama he left me, he left me" I sobbed loudly while shaking with emotions. No one could understand the inner turmoil I was going through. My world was falling apart.
"Mama, I can't do anything without him, he's like oxygen I breathe in maa" I cried while mama patted my back soothing and comforting me.
"Baby, your baby is crying" mama said, bringing the little half me and him to me.
Since I'd given birth to him, I'd not looked at him in the eyes, afraid of the accusation in it. I'd not carry him too because I was afraid he could fall down from my hands. And I failed him as a mother. I caused his father's death, I made him lose the fatherly love and care. He could never know the feeling of father in his life and I was the one to blame.
"Dearie, just look at him, he's your son". Mama said suggestively, encouraging me.
"Mama, he will fall from me, I can't carry him,he will..." I started blabbing and crying.
"I can't" I shook my head vigorously. "I can't, he will fall" I responded frantically, searching for a way out. My heart constricted as I felt my hands trembling with fear of my baby falling down and dying.
"Murderer killer" I heard the voice, the voice was back taunting me everyday. I was going back into the darkness.
"He will fall mama, I will kill him" I said breathing heavily, shaking my head vigorously.
"Mama, he will die if I carry him, I'm a murderer, Zaid was right - I was the one that killed Yusuf too. If I'd not told him to bring you that day, he would have been here with me mama" the panic and terror set in as I felt my breath swallowed.
My heart constricted, my breathing heaved, tears glistened in my eyes. I heard a frantically distant voice but I couldn't hear anything.
"Breath wifey, for me" and I heard his voice.
In out
In out
My breathing changed to normal, I exhaled and inhaled loudly.
I stood up and pushed mama gently away from me.
"Where are you going?" mama asked. "Yusuf was here mama, he told me to breathe, I breathed and the panic went away. I want to follow him, he said I should follow him" I replied happily, beaming with happiness and walking through the door. "No" mama said and shook her head. "He's dead, he is not here" mama told me, staring at me with pity and concern.
"No mama, just wait here for me, let's follow him." I said trying to catch up with Yusuf.
I heard mama calling me but I was too engrossed in following Yusuf's image to where he was taking me.
I followed him till we arrived at a cliff , "yusuf wait up" I shouted behind me confusedly.
"Do you love me?" He asked slowly.
"Yes, I do " I responded eagerly.
"Then let's jump together and follow me so that we can continue our love" he said trying to jump.
"We should jump but..."
"You love me?, why can't you jump, but you were the cause why I'm like this" he stated while muttering out, "I'm sorry".
"I'm sorry babe, let's jump and make sure you hold my hand tightly" he said, bringing his hand forward and I put mine in his.
As I wanted to jump with Yusuf, I was held back by someone. I turned sharply to glare at the person who stopped me from following my love only to see my first love - Abdulrahman whose face was marred with worries. I was shocked, I'd seen him since six to seven years ago. He shook his head 'no' for me.
I looked beside me and saw Yusuf was no longer beside me, I got scared and shouted, "Yusuf", only to meet with perfect silence.
"Yusuf was here and he said I should jump but ...." I said dumbfounded, searching frantically for him.
"It was your imagination" he said softly.
He tried to hold me back, " no" I shouted and pushed him away. "He was here, he told me to jump" I looked down the cliff and saw nothing.
"Shh, it's okay"
"No, it is not" I screamed, clutching my head.
" Okay, I understand he was here," he said softly, opening his arms to hug me.
"You believe me?" I asked hopefully that someone could understand my plight while he nodded in understanding.
" It's okay" mom came from behind and patted me before I felt a cold needle pierced my neck. I was injected.
I tried to fight it but I black dots covered myself and I embraced the darkness not before hearing; we are sorry.
****
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