Chapitre 78: Waking Up To Existentialism (Arc Prologue)
After waking the heck up, I felt the absurdity of the world once more. Everything felt so meaningless...
With just a thought, my consciousness switched to the small chunk I had left behind after exiting that new form as a 'Darkness Dress'. When I opened my black 'eyes' as a shadowy figure to see what was going on, all I saw was woman chained to a wall.
I'm not sure where I was, but the fact that the Apostle Knight was here relieved me a little. I don't know how long I had slept but it didn't seem as if more than a few hours had passed since...
Forget it. Gaining the new ability of 'Reverse Possession' as a Doppelgänger meant nothing to me. I could take the 'identity' of another, but I can never truly become that person in question.
"What are you planning to do with her?" I asked the Apostle Knight who had reacted as soon as she found me appearing out of nowhere. She stood before me with glaring eyes filled with confusion...
"What the hell was 'that'?" She ignored my question and asked about the kid she saw.
One particular 'kid' who had enough power to strike fear even into her. That shocking level of power should only be possible by someone who had touched the ranks of godhood... which wouldn't exactly be wrong considering his identity.
"Chaos."
"...What do you mean?"
"That's the name of the entity you saw."
"Were you able to save your friend?"
"No." This simple answer caused the atmosphere to freeze over by several levels as I calmly spoke.
There wasn't a trace of anger or sorrow anymore in my eyes, but what replaced it caused her to shiver.
"Can I have some time alone with this 'captive'? Or have you already reported her to your allies."
"It's fine. Just don't go overboard. I have enough faith you won't run off with her." Even though she wasn't aware of many things, it seems like she was able to figure out some things in the time I slept.
I wasn't sure of her opinion, nor did I actually care about it. The only one I focused on was this girl...!
Dorothy, oh Dorothy, the person who could bring out the strongest emotions of 'Bob' as soon as he looked at her. The fear she engraved, or 'taught' his body emasculated him to a great extent.
It was to the point that he even allowed someone as flirty as Angelica to stay around him in order to feel even somewhat 'manly' on the inside. The way she treated him made him feel like such an Alpha.
He was scarred by her. Naturally, he should have absolutely hated her guts, yet somehow, I wasn't able to find such a seething flame anywhere in his eyes despite our connection. It was as if... he had already forgotten about the anger he felt back then. When he was tied and humiliated. How was he able to 'forgive' such a putrid existence...?
He could remember the trauma, yet consciously chose to let of his hatred. Burying it deep inside.
For who was this for?
I looked around his his memories and found one moment in particular that moved him. It was when he first laid his eyes on his daughter, his own flesh and blood, did he decide that maybe, just maybe, a child wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.
The memories of how despite being a 'father', he wasn't able to take care of his daughter thanks to this bitch...!!! This rapist in front of me was the reason he died with regrets towards not ever being there for Madeline despite being in her vicinity...
Two contrasting Skill Roots- No, Ability Cores were rotating in my body as I accessed my own power.
I changed into my human form again, but this time it took the shape of Bob. I was a male once again just like in my previous two 'lives', yet couldn't feel a single strand of 'manliness' as in my eyes as my cold eyes shifted to the tied up girl before me.
What would Bob do?
No, perhaps worrying about that doesn't even matter anymore. All I'm doing is taking the identity of someone, something that isn't even mine, for the sake of friendship, and for my own sanity.
I don't know what to do anymore...! I want to die right here and now. Just explode into smithereens without leaving a body, but I know I can't bring myself to do that. It wasn't because I had a sense of purpose, but because I was more of a realist.
True 'death' is literally the end of all, just look at Bob and how nothing is gained from it other than driving those close into despair. The better option is to live with ones head held up, living 'properly'.
But even THAT is harder than it sounds, especially with the absurdity that surrounds us. I can't help but feel like nothing has any inherent value anymore, not even this 'act' I was putting up.
In my human form, I circulated my Mana around my body and found that I could finally release Aura Manifestation on the level of someone with a D Rank Magical Talent. How saddening that there's no one to actually congratulate my achievement...
Now that I think about it. Dorothy is a 'Dark One' who is proven to be a great punching bag.
[Dark Art- Shadow Creation]
A darkness appeared in my eyes as I used Shadowlight Mana to construct the arm of my Shadow Form, then from that point, I transmitted my 'Dark Core' into it, before using the Dark Mana within it to execute an ability I was familiar with.
[Dark Art- Doom Blast!]
One of the few 'true' Dark Arts that Beasts were capable of formed in front of the index finger of that shadowy hand. For once, I felt like I was making full use of my 'Omni Being' as I formed a tiny destruction marble and pointed it at her.
"Argh!!!" She cried out in pain as soon as I took the shot, but this wasn't enough to make me feel better. I wanted to vent more, yet what little left of my conscience forced me to watch her wake up.
"Hah... Hah... D-dear, is that you there...?! What was that pain? Hey, can you let you let me go?" As soon as she woke up, she started blabbering nonsense as if I would actually undo her chains.
"I handed you over to the Knight Order of Drakeyol Kingdom. This is the last time we'll meet." I didn't even try imitating Bon now, as I WAS him through and through. Dorothy's face darkened as she realised that I was telling her the truth.
"No...!" She tried to deny reality.
"You can't do this! You still love me! I know you do!!! You wouldn't leave me here to-" *Pah* I gave her a sound slap on the face, not caring about how someone as 'irrelevant' as Bob would think of it.
She didn't retaliate or fight back, only staring at me blankly as if I had done something absurd to her.
"Wait, please! I was helping my chil-"
"She is MY daughter, not yours, and on top of that fact, I.DO.NOT.CARE about your feelings. The same way you didn't care when you turned me into a woman and had your way with me... And also the same way you dangled my flesh and blood in front of me like some kind of fish bait. You deserve what's coming to you!" I released my pent up anger before condensing more tiny destruction marbles.
In my head I could imagine shooting her countless times, causing her a great amount of agony. It was just moments before I chose to fire at her did I change my mind. There was no point torturing her anymore, as that didn't fit what 'I' would so.
What constitutes the 'Self' and what makes it different from an 'Identity'? For me, a 'Self' had a lot to do with boundaries and what I would NEVER do no matter what circumstances occurred. That is what stopped me from being lost in my 'Identities'.
Beyond a person's 'Identity' was their 'Self', but what was beyond even that...? I myself have no idea. All I can do is pray to Lady Luck that one day I won't find myself turned into someone horrible. I do wish for that from the bottom of my heart...
"I did it out of love! I did it because I love you!" The sincerity in her voice creeped me out even further.
In the end of the day, does 'love' have any significance in this conversation? I too had strong feelings for Bob, but that didn't mean I had the right to change his gender and ignore his will.
No matter how deep her 'love' is, I'll never forgive all the things she did to Bob. Hah... Why am I even bothering with her anyway? What is there to gain from even being here? Could it be I secretly thought of her as someone who'll mourn Bob's untimely death? Hope not... It'd be much better if someone like her stayed far away from us.
Hmmm, 'us'? Ah, I've figured it out! There's one thing I could do now instead of thinking too much of my past identities as Damian, Simon, or that shadow girl called Harmony. Take care of Madeline and watch her grow up into a fine young woman!
Hahaha, I'm such a genius!
"Well then, we'll leave it at that. Since you did that for your own 'love' and desires, there's no place for me to fit into there. Have a good time." I turned to leave, causing her jaw to drop in disbelief.
"You can't hand me over! Cerberus won't let you go if you turn me in...!" She threatened me clearly.
"Who cares? The best way to avoid an underworld organisation is to not look for it. You might have a high standing, but the person I'm handing you over to won't ever let you escape her grasp. That's not even mentioning how I'll keep an eye on you as well. Take your time reflecting on your actions if you are capable of feeling remorse." That was the last thing I told her before slamming the door.
I could hear her rage-filled screams behind me after choosing to act like a sociopath again. There was no point taking her seriously considering how none of it really mattered. The only thing that mattered right now was Madeline. Only her.
"Have you finished talking? Also..,"
"Don't ask. I'm going to be taking my last friend's identity and living his life from now on."
"Last friend?"
"I'm never making one again." There was deep melancholy in my eyes as I gave her a smile.
"Don't look at me with a face like that."
"Are you saying this face is ugly?"
"...Think what you want. Anyway, you helped me capture one of the four Heads of Cerberus, and yet here I am, not having anything to reward you." She scratched her cheek as she tried laughing it off...
"Just keep Cerberus away from the village I now live in. I'll help and protect you out in return."
"You'd do that for a Human? A Knight as well?"
"I don't care if you hunt Beasts as long as that Beast isn't me. Let's consider this the start of a long lasting relationship." I extended my hand out towards her, and she shook it with a smile.
Perhaps only this Apostle Knight was the only person who lost nothing after what happened in the Dark Forest. Instead, she gained a lot from doing absolutely nothing special in the end...
Oh well, you win some you lose some. There's no way to live a life that always goes your way.
Even if I'm some 'Bullet Goddess', even if I am celestial entity called Harmony, nothing changes the fact that I am only a spec of dust in this vast universe. If I want to love, it's best to go back to being lowkey without alerting anyone.
Who cares if Chaos said he'd look for me later? I will not be as weak as I was back then...! Even if I suck in battle prowess compared to my other 'siblings'. I WILL prepare a massive trap for them!
Next time, THEY will be defeated miserably...!
L’AVIS DES CRÉATEURS 
FlowingWaves
FlowingWaves I’m writing this chapter on behalf of HelloBeaver and flowing_ember as I couldn’t really sit back while lazing around on my weekend while there’s people actually giving Power Stones. Even without Reviews I will just continue this story already!