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4.27
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Wow... everything x amazing author.... great work....👍💖💖👍👍💗❤️❤️❤️❤️💕💞💞💞💃💃💃💃💃💟💓💓💓💜💜💜💜💜💜..💕💕💕💕💖💖💜💖💕💕💕😀😀💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
This book is a very interesting read, and quite different from the regular novels posted. The suspense was at a moderate level, which is good and the relationship between the characters were very well done. Worth the read. Good job.
Our writer shows promise for a great story. It is simple, practical and very captivating. At most times I thought I could predict what happens next but it never was exactly as I thought. Your skills are most appreciated, but please don't leave us in suspense for too long we need an update.... Pretty please.
Spoiler de révélation
The story doesn't immediately get you immersed into the world. Instead, it slowly introduces the characters and the plot. I wasn't too overly invested with the main character, or any character really. They were kind of bland, but the personalities are gradually developing, so I hope to see how they grow. One thing I want to point out is that, this story uses Asian names, but the world feels a bit too western. As for the writing, it isn't bad, but I feel like it's too distant from the characters. Try using a close 3rd-person POV. Imagine writing it in 1st-person, but then replace the 1st-person pronouns with 3rd-person pronouns. It's just a tip though, so don't worry about it of you don't want to use it. Overall, the story has potential. Keep up the good work!
This novel is completely amazing, I like how the author takes time to let the plot to slowly unravel itself, it keeps you in a bit of suspense, the mother daughter relationship here is quite different from the lovey dovey scenes I'm so used to, and it makes for a completely unusual atmosphere. The relationship btw ML and FL seems to be budding, and intriguing as well, although they have not spoken to each other, it makes you wonder what's going to happen. The accident mystery concerning her sister and loss of memory also got me like... This book totally got me at the edge of my seat and I can't wait to see how it plays out. Great job author, keep it up and me updated.
It ended before I could continue... I was so immersed in reading 😁😁😁 The story is interesting though some parts may seem a bit cliche. Both leads seem to have abusive parents who are also shameless maybe it's to help them forge a deeper connection 🤷🏽♀️ Looking forward to future posts I want to see how the leads interact... and what actually happened during the "accident"
Spoiler de révélation
The synopsis is intriguing. The quality of the writing is good and the plot is interesting. This story flows smoothly and the descriptions within the story are very detailed. Good luck to future updates😊
part of review swap. I read the story from chapter 1-9 and the story is interesting. There are just a few typographical error but overall, its good. Good job on this first novel.
The plot has potential however I feel that there's something lacking in the presentation. Perhaps it's really too early to give out comments because the story is still starting, but I guess at 9 chapters, the pace is a little slow? Nevertheless, as I've said it's a promising plot with lots of rooms for improvement. Emotions are a little intense with so much anger/angst from the characters. I don't know if it's intentional, though. At ch 9, significant interactions are only between characters focusing on familial discord. Quite dubious if it fits the genre, but again, it's might be too early to tell. Looking forward to more chapters, and the budding of the romance. It's on the onset already but execution is important. Good luck, author.
The story is really progressing well, I love the way the author takes time to let the plot unravel slowly. The pace is indeed really good, and the writing quality has really improved. The plot is getting more dramatic that it'll make you want to read more. Good job author, can't wait for more updates.
I read this but maybe it's not my cup of tea...i saw the tag is comedy but the writing style is so much like a drama, not fun at all. Somehow too much unneeded action being written there make the novel looks gloomy. It's different when in drama those little action can be potrayed with a good way but in novel I think it make the story boring. Also when expressing the feeling of love, u use too little words. Please describe it in detail rather than describing uneeded activity in detail.
I fell in love with your first chapter. It was is sweet and down to earth that it made you want to keep reading. However after chapter 4 it was not as captivating. I don't know it wasn't the same anymore and a little confusing. I was pretty sure your ML overheard the FL name in a conversation but I could have been wrong. It has a sound foundation and the grammar is good enough to read without filling in the blanks in your head. Suggestion, go back and try to fine tune your chapters, it's never too late and really let your creativity flow. Take your time, life gets in the way of writing but you have the potential to make something great.
Spoiler de révélation
Nicely done thus far. The author has a flair for showing you the scene from the character's view, which helps endear them to the reader. Though there are a few errors here and there, it does not overly affect the enjoyment of reading. Keep up the good work, author! ☺🎉
Nice, I've just read a couple of chapters but so far it's going good. It's slightly slow paced which isn't really up my alley but it seems to be going in a good direction so good luck!
Since its a new budding novel I am giving 5 stars to the author for attempting to write. hang in there. Initial couple of days and chapters will be troublesome for you but hang in there. You have got a good substance and it can be clearly seen in your writing. Just work on the grammar a bit more and the rest will be dandy. Cheers !!!
ANNOUNCEMENT: For all those complaining about my updates, I would like to sincerely apologize for that. Its just that I have exams and I didn't want to get distracted. I'll begin updating again from next week. Wish me luck and Thanks for reading my novel. Also neglect my shameful act of using this to give myself five stars, lol. [Edit: Hi guys, so I'm done with my exams, for now. And have began updating again, you can check the latest chapters.] Don't forget to tell me what you think about it in the comment section, or in a review.
The character is well described with actions and i like your grammar..... I can't wait to read further....do update chapter fast..Good luck and wish you best of luck
I like the story and looking forward to the next chapters! It's good to read and the grammatical errors are few that can be fixed in the future
Actually, your works had been few days on my library. Sorry for forget to put a comment. LoL 😂 I didn't really care about the grammar. For me it was just an outside packaging wrap the genuine ideas. I like your ideas flow within your texts. 😂 I liked the way you build your story; I found it in chapters 1-4. You're able to attract me to read a chapter by chapter, slowly so I didn't miss the details. I found my curious raised dramatically in chapters 5-6. That's great. Started from those two chapters I see your works in a different light. Okay, you had my full attention now. 👍👍👍 I read yours 7-8 chapter with full of hope. I wish I could have more and more unexpected surprise in the next chapters too. Keep up a good work, I keep reading your works. 👍
Spoiler de révélation
Read till Chapter 7- This novel is well written compared to a lot of other novels here on WN. There's suitable detail in the events taking place. Sometimes I was thinking that there were better ways to word some sentences to get the meaning across clearer, but all the author needs is maybe a proof/beta reader to help. Just a complaint on my end, all caps imo don't look very nice in something you're publishing. Of course, that's just me lmao. If you're interested in modern day romances, this one is well done. With seven chapters, I can't say I'm in love with the characters, but they aren't horrible caricatures of common tropes. Hopefully there's more developmemt within the next chapters. Good luck to the author!
I'm fully sorry if you're offended by my review. I am rather finicky about things, and I will be as honest as I can so you can take this as advice to improve with. [-] Writing Quality: 3 stars -> Decent. It's comprehensible, and lots of descriptions. However, as a reader, I found myself wandering a lot throughout the endless descriptions of everything. Maybe tone it down? Sometimes, a description of a house could last 2-3 paragraphs. There's no action, and we as the reader are left wondering—this is nice and all, but why am I reading this? Also, please check on some of your medical facts, No need to make sure everything is 100% correct, but try to aim for some accuracy. Quite a few grammatical mistakes, you might want to invest in Grammarly. Also, your characters tend to monologue, leading to really long character dialogue. People in comments have told you this before, so I won't comment on it as much. Last thing, you have your writing all bunched up. It turns into one massive block of text, which is jarring to the eyes and turns a reader away. On a device, large blocks of texts will drive away readers. [-] Stability: 4 stars -> Pretty stable! You seem to be fluctuating a little bit with the middle chapters, but that's okay, as you have mentioned it is your first novel. I see you're trying for daily updates. Good luck! I reccomend you stockpile chapters and set a timing for when you update. This will allow more readers to flock to your story. [-] Story Development: 4 stars -> Can't really say much at the moment, due to only having 7 chapters so far. But I can see you've set up some major conflicts, and introduced main characters. You've given potential for major arcs in the future chapters. Good job! There's an aura of mystery surrounding the motives of many of the characters, which will be pleasant to find out. [-] Character Design: 3 stars -> Here's the thing about the characters. I don't know *why* we should care for them. I feel nothing, as a reader, to the plights of your characters. You have to *make* me feel sad for them. Show me why they deserve to be happy. -Tang An: I don't know a lot about her personality. You've shown me that she's gone through pain--> make her question missing memories, why her mother hates her. Of course, this is still early in the story. But the start of the story is most crucial for you to hook readers in. You've shown a lot of tragedy happening to the people around her--> Auntie Chen. Show Tang An helping her through her grief, show us that she is a kind-hearted character. Other than that, Tang An seems unoriginal and similar to many of the other FL's here in WN. -Lu Xiang Nice usage of conflicts, you've shown me lots of his backstory and his motivations. But how did he fall in love with Tang An that quickly? That cliche is overly used. Take up a challenge! Show him falling in love with her! Of course, this is up to your preference. Do it your way, in the end, the author should write for themselves too. None of the other characters really stood out to me, but once again, this is only chapter 7. [-] World Background: -> Set in modern age. Nice building on the Lu and Tang family's businesses. Nothing out of the ordinary, and I can picture most things pretty well. OVERALL 3.6 stars. Still in development, so I can't really say too much. You can tell a story's potential by chapter 20, and most readers will only read up to there before deciding whether a story is really for them or not. But there's lots of potential with your story, and the more you continue writing, the easier it will be. Good luck on your journey!
Synopsis is eye catching and plot is good. Story is going ok till now. Writing quality is also good. Talking about characters,well they are too cliche. Story is nice, do give it a try.
This was kinda like a mellow story to me. Since there were only few chapters, there were not much notable scene. Still, I love when the author portray the love at first sight from the male pov (🤔 ). Writing quality was good for me coz the author had much better comprehension of grammar compared to myself😅. Self assessment.😂 For the updates, many were complaining but the author had taken the initiative to clarify the issue. So, all is well. The story hasn't developed much, maybe due to the number of chapter posted. Therefore, the character develooment is still lacking but reader can already make few assumptions on what kind of characters the FL and ML will be. At least, I have some sorts of idea. I hope to see more in future. Overall, I enjoy this novel. Keep writing!😊
A very good book specially considering to be a first attempt! I can't wait for the main characters to fall in love with each other! Loved the story background and characters! Need to focus slightly on the grammar! Otherwise a very good read!😍😍😍😍
The writing is satisfactory. It doesn't make me furrow my brows unlike most originals out there. There are obvious grammatical mistakes but some aren't really too noticeable. However, I suggest that you still fix them to increase the chance of a reader immersing themselves in your story. If you know what I mean. The story flows okay so far. I can't really tell since you only have like 6 chapters which is far from enough to even make a tentative judgment The characters... too cliche. It's not that I hate them, it's just because that there's really nothing else to describe them.
your story is pretty good. i find it interesting.however i think the author side notes should be in the 'AUTHOR'S THOUGHTS' on inkstone. however i love the story. keep up the good work and never get discouraged. just set your heart on fire and continue writing.
Spoiler de révélation
Nice plot.👍 I wonder how Tang An will fall in love to the ML.. 😍 Writing quality needs polishing. Especially the use of punctuation marks. But, as the story goes on, the grammar became smoother.. Although, some had slip though. Updates! Updates! As I noticed, its been a while of the last update. Story development and character design lack introduction, might be because of limited chapters. (Advice to update more.) I have no problem with the world background.. Overall, cool story. Keep it up..👍
I'm not very good at reviewing but I will say that so far I really find this novel captivating. The story is in itself a cliche but the details are different and captivating. I like it a lot. Good Luck!
Review Swap Valid as of chapter 6 Writing Quality: A few notable grammar mistakes - ".--> should be -->." (Don't put the punctuation after the " Put it before) 🤔 why is Aunty Chen's place capitalized? Is that deliberate? - Break down your paragraphs more. For WN stories, when readers see a bunch of text they tend to skim it rather than read. - Chapter 2 -> "would-> (W) would" my stay?I ---> my stay? (Add space) I - Chapter 4-- I don't think you need to use ; so many times. A simple full stop would do when your ending your sentences. This sentence would read better if you added --> Oh(?) And rewrote the sentence to --> I'm just lost in thought, or I'm just thinking about a few things. - Chapter 5--> Im'm---> change to --> I'm You don't have to capitalize the shouting since you already wrote he spoke in a harsh voice. Capitalizing for yelling actually looks tacky and most stories use actions to convey anger instead. I have more suggestions, mistakes I found but this grammar issue can easily be solved if you used grammarly (writing program) -The long dialogue in the prologue can be broken down, you could have the doctor pause in mid speech before continuing. Character Development: Not much I can comment on with the lack of chapters. No characters particularly stood out yet. 🤔 aside from the brothers friend. We got a lot insight on his thought process. Story Development: Again too soon to judge. But from what I've read, this is a story centers around the broken past of the protagonist. Love at first sight is okay, but don't jump the romance too quickly. Let it build slowly with the characters slowly getting to know each other first.
I don't understand why her mother let that but I think I missed things. she shouted that she hates her own daughter but I missed the reason why.
Spoiler de révélation Wow... everything x amazing author.... great work....👍💖💖👍👍💗❤️❤️❤️❤️💕💞💞💞💃💃💃💃💃💟💓💓💓💜💜💜💜💜💜..💕💕💕💕💖💖💜💖💕💕💕😀😀💙💙💙💙💙💙💙🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
This book is a very interesting read, and quite different from the regular novels posted. The suspense was at a moderate level, which is good and the relationship between the characters were very well done. Worth the read. Good job.
Our writer shows promise for a great story. It is simple, practical and very captivating. At most times I thought I could predict what happens next but it never was exactly as I thought. Your skills are most appreciated, but please don't leave us in suspense for too long we need an update.... Pretty please.
Spoiler de révélation The story doesn't immediately get you immersed into the world. Instead, it slowly introduces the characters and the plot. I wasn't too overly invested with the main character, or any character really. They were kind of bland, but the personalities are gradually developing, so I hope to see how they grow. One thing I want to point out is that, this story uses Asian names, but the world feels a bit too western. As for the writing, it isn't bad, but I feel like it's too distant from the characters. Try using a close 3rd-person POV. Imagine writing it in 1st-person, but then replace the 1st-person pronouns with 3rd-person pronouns. It's just a tip though, so don't worry about it of you don't want to use it. Overall, the story has potential. Keep up the good work!
This novel is completely amazing, I like how the author takes time to let the plot to slowly unravel itself, it keeps you in a bit of suspense, the mother daughter relationship here is quite different from the lovey dovey scenes I'm so used to, and it makes for a completely unusual atmosphere. The relationship btw ML and FL seems to be budding, and intriguing as well, although they have not spoken to each other, it makes you wonder what's going to happen. The accident mystery concerning her sister and loss of memory also got me like... This book totally got me at the edge of my seat and I can't wait to see how it plays out. Great job author, keep it up and me updated.
It ended before I could continue... I was so immersed in reading 😁😁😁 The story is interesting though some parts may seem a bit cliche. Both leads seem to have abusive parents who are also shameless maybe it's to help them forge a deeper connection 🤷🏽♀️ Looking forward to future posts I want to see how the leads interact... and what actually happened during the "accident"
Spoiler de révélation The synopsis is intriguing. The quality of the writing is good and the plot is interesting. This story flows smoothly and the descriptions within the story are very detailed. Good luck to future updates😊
part of review swap. I read the story from chapter 1-9 and the story is interesting. There are just a few typographical error but overall, its good. Good job on this first novel.
The plot has potential however I feel that there's something lacking in the presentation. Perhaps it's really too early to give out comments because the story is still starting, but I guess at 9 chapters, the pace is a little slow? Nevertheless, as I've said it's a promising plot with lots of rooms for improvement. Emotions are a little intense with so much anger/angst from the characters. I don't know if it's intentional, though. At ch 9, significant interactions are only between characters focusing on familial discord. Quite dubious if it fits the genre, but again, it's might be too early to tell. Looking forward to more chapters, and the budding of the romance. It's on the onset already but execution is important. Good luck, author.
The story is really progressing well, I love the way the author takes time to let the plot unravel slowly. The pace is indeed really good, and the writing quality has really improved. The plot is getting more dramatic that it'll make you want to read more. Good job author, can't wait for more updates.
I read this but maybe it's not my cup of tea...i saw the tag is comedy but the writing style is so much like a drama, not fun at all. Somehow too much unneeded action being written there make the novel looks gloomy. It's different when in drama those little action can be potrayed with a good way but in novel I think it make the story boring. Also when expressing the feeling of love, u use too little words. Please describe it in detail rather than describing uneeded activity in detail.
I fell in love with your first chapter. It was is sweet and down to earth that it made you want to keep reading. However after chapter 4 it was not as captivating. I don't know it wasn't the same anymore and a little confusing. I was pretty sure your ML overheard the FL name in a conversation but I could have been wrong. It has a sound foundation and the grammar is good enough to read without filling in the blanks in your head. Suggestion, go back and try to fine tune your chapters, it's never too late and really let your creativity flow. Take your time, life gets in the way of writing but you have the potential to make something great.
Spoiler de révélation Nicely done thus far. The author has a flair for showing you the scene from the character's view, which helps endear them to the reader. Though there are a few errors here and there, it does not overly affect the enjoyment of reading. Keep up the good work, author! ☺🎉
Nice, I've just read a couple of chapters but so far it's going good. It's slightly slow paced which isn't really up my alley but it seems to be going in a good direction so good luck!
Since its a new budding novel I am giving 5 stars to the author for attempting to write. hang in there. Initial couple of days and chapters will be troublesome for you but hang in there. You have got a good substance and it can be clearly seen in your writing. Just work on the grammar a bit more and the rest will be dandy. Cheers !!!
ANNOUNCEMENT: For all those complaining about my updates, I would like to sincerely apologize for that. Its just that I have exams and I didn't want to get distracted. I'll begin updating again from next week. Wish me luck and Thanks for reading my novel. Also neglect my shameful act of using this to give myself five stars, lol. [Edit: Hi guys, so I'm done with my exams, for now. And have began updating again, you can check the latest chapters.] Don't forget to tell me what you think about it in the comment section, or in a review.
The character is well described with actions and i like your grammar..... I can't wait to read further....do update chapter fast..Good luck and wish you best of luck
I like the story and looking forward to the next chapters! It's good to read and the grammatical errors are few that can be fixed in the future
Actually, your works had been few days on my library. Sorry for forget to put a comment. LoL 😂 I didn't really care about the grammar. For me it was just an outside packaging wrap the genuine ideas. I like your ideas flow within your texts. 😂 I liked the way you build your story; I found it in chapters 1-4. You're able to attract me to read a chapter by chapter, slowly so I didn't miss the details. I found my curious raised dramatically in chapters 5-6. That's great. Started from those two chapters I see your works in a different light. Okay, you had my full attention now. 👍👍👍 I read yours 7-8 chapter with full of hope. I wish I could have more and more unexpected surprise in the next chapters too. Keep up a good work, I keep reading your works. 👍
Spoiler de révélation Read till Chapter 7- This novel is well written compared to a lot of other novels here on WN. There's suitable detail in the events taking place. Sometimes I was thinking that there were better ways to word some sentences to get the meaning across clearer, but all the author needs is maybe a proof/beta reader to help. Just a complaint on my end, all caps imo don't look very nice in something you're publishing. Of course, that's just me lmao. If you're interested in modern day romances, this one is well done. With seven chapters, I can't say I'm in love with the characters, but they aren't horrible caricatures of common tropes. Hopefully there's more developmemt within the next chapters. Good luck to the author!
I'm fully sorry if you're offended by my review. I am rather finicky about things, and I will be as honest as I can so you can take this as advice to improve with. [-] Writing Quality: 3 stars -> Decent. It's comprehensible, and lots of descriptions. However, as a reader, I found myself wandering a lot throughout the endless descriptions of everything. Maybe tone it down? Sometimes, a description of a house could last 2-3 paragraphs. There's no action, and we as the reader are left wondering—this is nice and all, but why am I reading this? Also, please check on some of your medical facts, No need to make sure everything is 100% correct, but try to aim for some accuracy. Quite a few grammatical mistakes, you might want to invest in Grammarly. Also, your characters tend to monologue, leading to really long character dialogue. People in comments have told you this before, so I won't comment on it as much. Last thing, you have your writing all bunched up. It turns into one massive block of text, which is jarring to the eyes and turns a reader away. On a device, large blocks of texts will drive away readers. [-] Stability: 4 stars -> Pretty stable! You seem to be fluctuating a little bit with the middle chapters, but that's okay, as you have mentioned it is your first novel. I see you're trying for daily updates. Good luck! I reccomend you stockpile chapters and set a timing for when you update. This will allow more readers to flock to your story. [-] Story Development: 4 stars -> Can't really say much at the moment, due to only having 7 chapters so far. But I can see you've set up some major conflicts, and introduced main characters. You've given potential for major arcs in the future chapters. Good job! There's an aura of mystery surrounding the motives of many of the characters, which will be pleasant to find out. [-] Character Design: 3 stars -> Here's the thing about the characters. I don't know *why* we should care for them. I feel nothing, as a reader, to the plights of your characters. You have to *make* me feel sad for them. Show me why they deserve to be happy. -Tang An: I don't know a lot about her personality. You've shown me that she's gone through pain--> make her question missing memories, why her mother hates her. Of course, this is still early in the story. But the start of the story is most crucial for you to hook readers in. You've shown a lot of tragedy happening to the people around her--> Auntie Chen. Show Tang An helping her through her grief, show us that she is a kind-hearted character. Other than that, Tang An seems unoriginal and similar to many of the other FL's here in WN. -Lu Xiang Nice usage of conflicts, you've shown me lots of his backstory and his motivations. But how did he fall in love with Tang An that quickly? That cliche is overly used. Take up a challenge! Show him falling in love with her! Of course, this is up to your preference. Do it your way, in the end, the author should write for themselves too. None of the other characters really stood out to me, but once again, this is only chapter 7. [-] World Background: -> Set in modern age. Nice building on the Lu and Tang family's businesses. Nothing out of the ordinary, and I can picture most things pretty well. OVERALL 3.6 stars. Still in development, so I can't really say too much. You can tell a story's potential by chapter 20, and most readers will only read up to there before deciding whether a story is really for them or not. But there's lots of potential with your story, and the more you continue writing, the easier it will be. Good luck on your journey!
Synopsis is eye catching and plot is good. Story is going ok till now. Writing quality is also good. Talking about characters,well they are too cliche. Story is nice, do give it a try.
This was kinda like a mellow story to me. Since there were only few chapters, there were not much notable scene. Still, I love when the author portray the love at first sight from the male pov (🤔 ). Writing quality was good for me coz the author had much better comprehension of grammar compared to myself😅. Self assessment.😂 For the updates, many were complaining but the author had taken the initiative to clarify the issue. So, all is well. The story hasn't developed much, maybe due to the number of chapter posted. Therefore, the character develooment is still lacking but reader can already make few assumptions on what kind of characters the FL and ML will be. At least, I have some sorts of idea. I hope to see more in future. Overall, I enjoy this novel. Keep writing!😊
A very good book specially considering to be a first attempt! I can't wait for the main characters to fall in love with each other! Loved the story background and characters! Need to focus slightly on the grammar! Otherwise a very good read!😍😍😍😍
The writing is satisfactory. It doesn't make me furrow my brows unlike most originals out there. There are obvious grammatical mistakes but some aren't really too noticeable. However, I suggest that you still fix them to increase the chance of a reader immersing themselves in your story. If you know what I mean. The story flows okay so far. I can't really tell since you only have like 6 chapters which is far from enough to even make a tentative judgment The characters... too cliche. It's not that I hate them, it's just because that there's really nothing else to describe them.
your story is pretty good. i find it interesting.however i think the author side notes should be in the 'AUTHOR'S THOUGHTS' on inkstone. however i love the story. keep up the good work and never get discouraged. just set your heart on fire and continue writing.
Spoiler de révélation Nice plot.👍 I wonder how Tang An will fall in love to the ML.. 😍 Writing quality needs polishing. Especially the use of punctuation marks. But, as the story goes on, the grammar became smoother.. Although, some had slip though. Updates! Updates! As I noticed, its been a while of the last update. Story development and character design lack introduction, might be because of limited chapters. (Advice to update more.) I have no problem with the world background.. Overall, cool story. Keep it up..👍
I'm not very good at reviewing but I will say that so far I really find this novel captivating. The story is in itself a cliche but the details are different and captivating. I like it a lot. Good Luck!
Review Swap Valid as of chapter 6 Writing Quality: A few notable grammar mistakes - ".--> should be -->." (Don't put the punctuation after the " Put it before) 🤔 why is Aunty Chen's place capitalized? Is that deliberate? - Break down your paragraphs more. For WN stories, when readers see a bunch of text they tend to skim it rather than read. - Chapter 2 -> "would-> (W) would" my stay?I ---> my stay? (Add space) I - Chapter 4-- I don't think you need to use ; so many times. A simple full stop would do when your ending your sentences. This sentence would read better if you added --> Oh(?) And rewrote the sentence to --> I'm just lost in thought, or I'm just thinking about a few things. - Chapter 5--> Im'm---> change to --> I'm You don't have to capitalize the shouting since you already wrote he spoke in a harsh voice. Capitalizing for yelling actually looks tacky and most stories use actions to convey anger instead. I have more suggestions, mistakes I found but this grammar issue can easily be solved if you used grammarly (writing program) -The long dialogue in the prologue can be broken down, you could have the doctor pause in mid speech before continuing. Character Development: Not much I can comment on with the lack of chapters. No characters particularly stood out yet. 🤔 aside from the brothers friend. We got a lot insight on his thought process. Story Development: Again too soon to judge. But from what I've read, this is a story centers around the broken past of the protagonist. Love at first sight is okay, but don't jump the romance too quickly. Let it build slowly with the characters slowly getting to know each other first.
I don't understand why her mother let that but I think I missed things. she shouted that she hates her own daughter but I missed the reason why.
Spoiler de révélation