Chapitre 76: Happy End … with Cuts
Su Yan pursed his lips. Looking at all the paragraphs he had written he had to end this in the next few. As a romantic short story, this should have a happy end so the best thing to do would be to have Mei Chao Bing confess and then have Yun Bei Fen reconsider and accept. Mn, that should be possible in a few hundred words.
[Mei Chao Bing continued to stand in front of the door and listened to Yun Bei Fen raging inside. His heart hurt. Why couldn't the person he had fallen in love with accept his feelings? Was his kiss really that repulsive?
He lifted his hand and pressed it against the door. No, he couldn't give up this easily! He loved him and he wanted him to reciprocate his feelings. If he didn't try, then he would always regret it.
"Fen'er, open the door, please. Let's talk it out."
"What is there to talk about?" Yun Bei Fen's voice sounded as if he was close to crying, making Mei Chao Bing's heart hurt even more.
"I love you. Is that so unacceptable to you?"
There was silence on the other side. Yun Bei Fen didn't know what to say. Love? "But … I've always seen you as a friend. Or maybe as a brother. You're family to me." Hearing Mei Chao Bing's voice he calmed down but he still didn't open the door.
"Does that have to be mutually exclusive? Why can't we be a family … and still love each other like that?"
"That … How should that work out?" Yun Bei Fen tugged at his lapel but he couldn't hold back from stepping closer to the door. He didn't want to lose him. Mei Chao Bing was so important to him.
Mei Chao Bing leaned against the door and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "Then how about … becoming my dao partner?"
Yun Bei Fen's lips trembled. His dao partner? "I … I'd have to ask my Master."
Mei Chao Bing smiled. "So, if your Master says yes, then you'd marry me?"
Yun Bei Fen took a moment to consider. They would still be family if they married and he really liked being with Mei Chao Bing. "Mn. Alright."
Mei Chao Bing smiled and just opened the door. He pulled his friend, no, his lover into his arms and kissed him again. Even if his Master didn't accept at first, he would do whatever was necessary to have him allow it. For this person, it was worth it.]
Su Yan smiled and rubbed his hands. Ah, this was definitely a happy end! It was a little bit open but what else could be expected of just five thousand words? You couldn't include everything.
Speaking of which … Su Yan had the program count the words again and stared at the number. This … Was this thing trying to kid him?! It was just a few words above the upper limit!
Su Yan collapsed on his chair and hid his face in his hands. This couldn't be! Now he'd have to delete something and knowing himself he'd want to add a few details when he edited his text. Now what?
Su Yan lowered his hands and pressed his lips together. There was nothing he could do. In case the system would only issue a reward if the story really was exactly five thousand words or a bit lower he couldn't risk having a bit more. Mn, most likely there were some fillers anyway. He'd just try to delete as many as he could and then maybe cut a sentence or two wherever it was possible.
He nodded to himself and scrolled back to the beginning of the text, slowly working through every paragraph. There were indeed some things that could be deleted but he found even more places he would have liked to expand.
Ah, this probably would have made a good novel. If he was allowed to describe how those two had fallen in love while fighting against the heretic practitioners side by side or maybe how exactly Mei Chao Bing had nursed Yun Bei Fen back to health, wouldn't this story have become a much more romantic? And wouldn't it have been more suspenseful if he described the betrayal of Mei Chao Bing's Master in more detail?
Maybe it could even play a big role in the story. For example, Mei Chao Bing could have really left the good faction after he felt betrayed by Yun Bei Fen. Then he might have followed his Master and become a heretic practitioner himself.
Yun Bei Fen naturally wouldn't be able to take it especially since he felt that it was his fault. He would follow him and then he could be attacked or maybe just caught and the heretic practitioners would demand of Mei Chao Bing to kill him as a sign of his loyalty to them.
In the end, Mei Chao Bing would naturally realize that he couldn't bring himself to do that. He would set him free and flee with him but Yun Bei Fen would be gravely injured when they escaped and would nearly die in his arms. It really would be tear-jerking!
Ah, just imagining all this drama made him giddy! But alas, he couldn't write that since the system wanted him to limit his story to a fucking five thousand words! Argh! Why did it have to be five thousand? At least make it twice times as much. He certainly wouldn't be able to fit the scenes with the heretic practitioners in that either but he could at least add a few details.
In the end, Su Yan managed to cut his story down to exactly five thousand words though. He gave a relieved sigh and copied his text into the space provided by the Lovely Writing System. It had been really hard to cut it down like that and leave all these great ideas out. This thing better not dare to give him a low score for his trouble!
État de l’alimentation hebdomadaire
-- Classement
Power Stone 
-- Power
stone