Chapitre 11: Chapter 11
Kris rolled out of bed, her stomach clenching, and ran to the bathroom. She fumbled with the doorknob a couple of times, finally managed to open the door, and then push her way into the bathroom. The tile was cold underneath her bare feet. She pushed one of the stalls open, dropped down, and threw up.
And she hadn't had a sip of alcohol since that night all those weeks ago.
She got to her feet, more than a little shakily, and went back to her room. There was a pit in the bottom of her stomach, something that told her something wasn't right—and she thought she knew what it was.
It can't be. It can't have happened. Not to me.
She made her way downstairs, one step at a time. There was a small convenience store a few blocks away. She dreaded walking to it, but she knew she had to.
I can't be. I can't be.
But she knew she could be. She hadn't used protection, and she knew he had pulled out, but it was still possible.
Why was I so stupid?
She bought the pregnancy test with a burning face. The cashier, to his credit, hardly seemed to care, yet Kris couldn't help but feel embarrassed just the same. She headed back upstairs, went straight to the bathroom, and ripped the package open. She read the instructions carefully. She'd never had to take a pregnancy test before or even known anyone who had.
This was all new to her. After she was convinced she knew how to use it, Kris finally decided it was time.
*
I'm pregnant.
She knew the test was telling the truth, though that didn't stop her from going back to the convenience store and buying two more. Both came back with the same results.
She was pregnant.
And she had no idea what she was going to do.
Her grades had already slipped, ever so slightly, from that weekend. She hadn't studied as well as she should have, hadn't proofread her paper carefully enough, hadn't done enough research. But that had been okay. It was a temporary slip up and her parents would never know.
She still hadn't gotten a new phone or even bothered to contact Maria. She felt guilty, but after seeing her grades after that weekend, she'd devoted herself entirely to school. Not a second went by that she wasn't reading or writing or doing something to bring her grades back up. She stayed late and talked to all of her professors. She had done everything right, all the time, except for that night.
And now my life is ruined. It's over. What are my parents going to say? What do I do?
Maria was her friend, but she knew even she wouldn't be able to help her out of this.
My life is over. All because of a one night stand in the back of a van with a man I'll never even see again. A man whose name I don't even know. A man who ended up ruining my life while he goes back to living his without a care in the world.
She was now feeling resentment toward him. Gone were the warm feelings, the constant thoughts of a perfect night they'd shared. He'd ruined her life, and he wouldn't suffer any consequences for it. It wasn't fair; but then again, she knew, life hardly ever was.
I'm pregnant.
She needed to tell her parents, but what would they say? Would they disown her? She'd always done exactly what they wanted, and they'd helped her out more than she could ever repay—so long as she'd done what they wanted. But now…
She was going to be a mother while she was still in school. She'd graduated college back in the States, and she did have a degree… but what would happen now? Would she have to drop out? Could she have a kid and stay in school? How much school would she miss?
The questions kept running through her head, and she had no clear answers. There was still the growing pit of despair in her stomach. She didn't know what would happen, but she knew her life was about to change, and she didn't think it was for the better.
I'm pregnant, and my life is now over. I'm pregnant. Oh, my god, I'm pregnant.
*
She'd shut down. She hadn't meant to, but it had happened just the same. School didn't stop, and she was too embarrassed to go talk to any of her professors—what would they do, anyway?—so Kris just sucked it up and tried to get through her classes.
It was pointless.
She'd sat there the next morning in class, trying to focus on what her history professor had been saying, but the words didn't make any sense. She looked down at the notes she'd been taking and those made even less sense. They were hardly more than squiggly lines on a piece of paper.
My life is over.
She'd thought she could make it through this last semester, but then what? She'd have no money saved up, and what was the point of finishing a semester when she still had years left to complete that she wouldn't ever be able to finish? Her parents would disown her. She wouldn't be able to get a good job…
For a moment, she wished she was like that man she had met that night out at the bars. My baby's father. The man who knocked me up, who I'll never see again. He'll never have to worry about anything like this. He'll go and live his carefree lifestyle, ignorant of the lives he's ruined. Because that's what he's done. Ruined my life… and ruined my child's life.
Why can't I live like that?
Kris had no idea what she had to do, but she knew school wasn't the answer. It was pointless. After the first few classes spent learning absolutely nothing, she gave up. Being back in her room didn't help matters any.
Barely sure of what she was even doing, Kris started packing an old suitcase. She stuffed it full of mostly clothes. After all, what else did she have here? When it was completely packed, she hoisted it up, grabbed her keys, and left her room forever.
*
The motel room was dingy, dirty, and poorly lit, but at least she was away from school. Kris wouldn't have been able to say why she thought it was a good idea, but she'd left all the same. She had to get away, had to clear her head, had to try to think clearly and figure out what she was going to do.
With the rest of my life. Figure out what I'm going to do for the rest of my life.
There were plenty of people who spoke English, but she didn't think she would be able to get a job anyway. She'd come to Prague to study and to go to college, not to come over and work. She knew there were probably hundreds of hurdles she would have to jump through involving work visas and all sorts of other legal jargon.
She didn't know it was worth it, but what other choice did she have? She knew her bank account was pitifully low. She could shack up in this motel for a few weeks, but after that, she'd be entirely broke. Then she'd be out on the streets. She was already too broke to buy a flight back to the States, and asking her parents was completely out of the question.
I'm trapped halfway across the world. I'm pregnant, alone, and about to be dead broke. There's nothing I can do.
Kris could almost feel her circumstances wrapping tightly around her, crushing the life from her body.
She thought of that wonderful night all those weeks ago. It had been wonderful, she knew. But now, there was nothing but resentment when she thought of it.
She was all alone.
Kris Wentworth lay down on the musty mattress in the motel room, her life forever changed, and cried herself to sleep.
The End.
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