Amara_Calbani

Having read both chapters, I see a lot of potential here. Not knowing a lot about Hindu mythology, I can't speak for the accuracy of the representation here, but it's an interesting premise. As for advice, I would work on fleshing out the surroundings more. Give the reader a more concrete idea of the setting. For example, you mentioned a monastery in Tibet in Chapter 1, but then you gave no description whatsoever of the monastery itself. I have no idea what a Tibetan monastery looks like. Little things like this go a long way to fleshing out the world of your story, and helps to piece together the story you are trying to tell. Grammar-wise, it's generally pretty well written. I would recommend investing in a beta reader or a program to help check grammar or spelling. I did notice some errors here and there, but nothing that would make reading a pain. One tip I have for you is that when someone is speaking, the quotation marks always touches the first letter and the closing punctuation mark, like so: "This is how you mark dialogue," she said. Also, you always use a comma, not a period, when following a line of dialogue by "x said". Only use a period, question mark or exclamation point if the dialogue is finishing without a character identifier. That's all for advice. I look forward to future installments.