H41

Nice work author! The development of the story is going pretty well so far and the characters have such unique personalities :) There are a few misplaced words, but nothing that prevents the reading from following the story easily. Keep up the good work!

Great job author! I loved all of the characters introduced, and they had so much depth which is amazing. I do think you should try to emphasize on their surroundings though. For example, try to bring it to life by giving an important scene more description (Are the surroundings cold? Are they warm? Is there anything out of place). These are just some suggestions for you. Otherwise, keep up the good work! :)

No problem 😊

Hi author! I just wanted to say, your story idea is pretty good but you need to give your characters more depth. For example, their reaction to specific situations (Clenching their fists when angry), maybe emphasizes on their surroundings more (Is it cold there? Is it hot there?), etc. Keep going author! :)

Hi author! If you are reading this I have a few suggestions for you :) Your writing is amazing so far, but you can improve it by focusing on all five senses. I noticed you like to incorporate lots of sound into your writing and that's a good thing! It helps bring the story to life. I'm not seeing a lot of taste and feel though. What I mean by that is maybe emphasize more on the temperature of the surroundings (like chilly or hot), or the feeling of grass poking his back as he lays in it. Is it soft? Is it spiky? Is it sweet or sour? Does it melt on your tongue or is it cold? Otherwise, you are doing great! Keep up the good work author! ☺️

I have to say, I really like your story! It's a nice and easy read. There are a few grammar mistakes, but nothing that prevents the reader from following the storyline easily. Keep up the good work author!