Leonardo_Jesus - Profile

I will try. regarding shadow you first told us about the in game shadow than some chapter later you told us about shadow in real life but he already knew that when you first mentioned so you could explain in sequence chapters. I'm just nitpicking

After reading everything till here i would like to say a few words. I like the setting and the fact that you will soon start the game world, i like the smut and the progression so far. What i didn't like about the history is the beggning, i can say that i would change the order of some chapters and for me would make more sense. Keep going

I'll try to be honest with you this novel has a big problem with the beginning you should make the main character have an accident with the VR helmet and because of the accident he became the barbarian otherwise it's just too much at the beginning of the novel. another thing that I think it's bad is the contrast between everyone in the barbarian powers because the way you explain the barbarian is like three four rounds stronger than everyone it's just too much you know and are the possible end of the novel he will be stronger too because the cultivation manual so he will always be invincible.

What about now that you excluded?

it's a good story but needs someone to revise grammar because it's a translation. The overall is good but sometimes it's hard to read and understand.