p0tat0t0mat0 - Profile

Man, deicde on what you want to write and stick to it - you first mention that the room is modest in size and few paragraphs later it suddently becomes "extremely huge" - which one is is? It may be small detail but if in the first two chapters you have such inconsistent descirptions it does not bode well for the rest of the story, at least that's my opinion.

I quite like the story so far but what I find bizzare is that so far the only character that was "properly" desbribed was Manfred. We have no idea how other characters look like, the only thing we know is that Vaan is skinny and handsome, nothing else.

I hope that you will not use any chess allegories in the future. The part when MC was pretending to be a great mastermind was one of the most irritating and cringe worthy part of the novel so far.

I find the resolution of this whole parents situation extremely anticlimactic. There was this whole build up basically since the beginning of the story but in the end it fell flat. I’m also a little bit baffled by the reaction of girls or rather the lack of thereof after the mother left.

“Without further adieu(...)” - Bro really? :D You sometimes do really silly but annoying mistakes - using adjective instead of a noun or using the wrong form of a verb.

Man this chapter was weird. MC saw gruesome deaths of other F-ranks (I suppose that it was also his first contact with such brutality), he himself got basically dismembered and almost died but yet he was relatively calm and even had time to contemplate about morality. WTF

49 sqm apartment is by no means small. The price for a place of this size would be pretty insane in most big cities in modern world.

But the MC doesn’t now about anything so him behaving like a “hot shit” while most people can easily kill him is pretty stupid. Especially since he doesn’t really understand the current situation of the princess/empire.

So he looks like every other MC in chinese cultivation novels? :D

“the etheral core points absorb the energy from the air and feed it to their ethereal core” - Damn, that was confusing, should’ve made this terms more distinctive IMO

Sorry to say but the one that is delusional is you. If you are trying to ignore unreasonable and annoying antics of your partner instead of trying to communicate you must be in a pretty toxic relationship. Frankly, based on what you written I’d rather guess that you’ve never been in really serious relationship and you’re just spouting nonsense.

I haven’t read this story since your first hiatus and I must say that the direction you have decided to take with this whole erotica aspect is really disturbing. Don’t get me wrong - I like having ***** themes in stories but when you remember that your MC is in a body that is 11 years old everything that he does creates a really fcked up and disturbing image.

Is there any reasonable reason why he didn’t kill his half-brother? I’m asking beacuse it seems like you employed plot-amor for “named” antagonists. It seems like he easily kills no-name guards that are stronger then him but as soon as someone who is relatively imporant to the game plot shows up they survive by some unbelievable stroke of luck (eg. the girl from previous chapter). By doing that it looks like the skills of MC are extremely inconsistent.