Zeroth Knight

This is book 2 of Zeroth Knight. If you haven't read book 1 yet, I highly recommend reading that first so you can get the necessary context and events before this book... Or read the synopsis chapter. I think the major point of this story is Eve the MC and her relationship with her wives. Eve slowly repairs her broken relationships with them one at a time, and the author does a great job writing the s*xual ******* as it happens. Very fluffy. Compared to book 1, this book has way more action with Eve tossed in the middle of a full blown war for survival. Eve participates in multiple major battles along with the wives, and as a non-OP protagonist, it's interesting to see the ways she wins those battles. Along with the wives of course. In this book, Eve finally gets her sh*t together! And stops pushing others away before it starts getting good! This means she is actively pursuing her wives, which leads to more gay fluff. If those major points weren't enough to convince you to check this book out, then here is a Major Spoiler, that I know as a beta reader of this book, that may convince you... ... ... ... ... ... EVE AND THE WIVES HAVE A 5P!!!!! FIVESOME!!!!!

It’s a very interesting premise, a girl from the near/far future suddenly appearing in an almost medieval world of magic. You have a unique style of writing, a closer look at your grammar and word choice would really improve it though. There are small things like redundant statements you occasionally make but you make up for with very vivid transitions between states of her mind and her world. And you do have some really dope lines in this story, so you have a style all your own. The shifts in the story are very disorienting but as I mention in one of my earlier comments, I suppose it should be that way. Having the reader always be “safe” in which they’ll always understand what’s happening can make for dull writing and you certainly aren’t writing anything dull. I think you could have a great story on your hands if you chase after the grammatical and syntax mistakes. But beyond that I would suggest looking for stronger or more effectual words in some of the dialogue. I like the characters, they each seem to have their own lives and personalities which is always good for side/minor characters as you don’t want them to exist for the main character(s) (even though in this case they totally are.) I personally would like more of a description of them beyond hair color, style, and eye color but this is your style of writing so I can’t really force anything upon you; but even adding texture of their hair or skin would really add another layer to them. Even certain facial features: full or thin lips, big nose a crooked one. That sort of thing. Your worldbuilding is very bare bones, which is considered a stylistic choice. We never get much of a readout on her original world but again as you reveal things like that Serverbot we learn it’s futuristic so that lets our minds fill in the blanks. Though I guess her original world doesn’t matter that much anymore, this new one should be described better. Some the actions the characters do can be described a bit better, you could use more poetic language there but again I don’t want to criticize your style. You definitely have something on your hands here, some refining and high tuning and you could have an excellent story. May I suggest Eve not sleep so much? I know she’s exhausted as she has every right to be, but it lets us get the world in such small chunks and limited character development. She has to stay awake for us to get know her and the others better.

A review of volume 1. I can see you took some of the advice I left in my first review to heart. You’ve improved in grammar and syntax as well as overall sentence flow and use. I still think a closer look over your work before you post a chapter would do some good but that’s an aside. You’ve kept a consistent pace in the plot, while managing character development. Eve herself is a bit static, but that makes sense as she doesn’t want to get used to this world and wants normalcy. The other characters have changed in interesting ways but in a believable manner. I like the twists you’ve written, they’re surprising without coming out of left field. That is to say, without them just being thought up on the spot. A good twist works if the reader can go back and pick up on it. Like with Gee being Gehanna (Idk how to spell it) I did find it odd that the other never saw her or mentioned her. I like the duplicate people in both worlds, it’s an interesting idea. I’ve yet to start volume 2 so this might become irrelevant but you’d do well to ramp up the action. Eve as powerful as she is, or will be, should see a little more combat. When it comes to dialogue sometimes you lose me, using an indicator of who’s speaking will clear things up. Sometimes you have a character say something and then say something again, using a line break is unnecessary in that case. If one character says something you can use the same line for everything they say until something or someone replies. I think separating what Eve narrates and what she literally thinks would improve the flow. In most cases this would be done with Italics, but since this app doesn’t have that feature I suggest putting Eves thoughts in apostrophes. It’ll make it clearer for the reader that it’s a direct thought and not just narration. You should look to add some variety in the physical affection the characters perform. A lot of them do the same thing when they make out with Eve. Creating their personal ‘love languages’ will go a long way for making them stand out in that aspect. But again I haven’t read volume 2 yet so who knows? All in all, I’m amazed that you update as often as you do. Wish I could say the same for myself 😅. Never think you don’t have room to improve, as writers we can always hone our craft. P.S I still love Gee and I want to see Rose get some love