Capítulo 8: Interlude 1 - Ryuuen Kakeru Monologue
"Fear" and "pleasure" are two sides of the same coin.
Although they appear to be polar opposites, in reality, they are closely intertwined.
"Pleasure" is something that exists in every human being.
"Pleasure" is subjective and varies from person to person; there is no standard definition.
For example, hedonistic pleasure, indulging in impulsive or physical pleasures, falls under this category.
Similarly, political pleasure involves desiring status or reputation.
Among the ambitions hidden in people's hearts, I believe this is one of the most sought after.
However, as I mentioned earlier, "pleasure" differs from person to person.
There are exceptions, things that cannot be classified.
And this also applies to my own "pleasure."
My "pleasure" lies in triumphing over others.
The moment when others submit to me is when I first experience joy in my mind.
I have never tried drugs, but I imagine this sensation is somewhat similar.
To obtain my unique "pleasure," I pondered on what I should do.
And I arrived at the answer: "violence."
This world is dominated by "violence."
The "power" in this world is determined by the strength of "violence."
I reached this truth when I entered elementary school, and I still remember the sensation of my individuality being born at that moment.
Simultaneously, I also realized the fact that I was abnormal.
An entity that deviates from the norm attracts hostility from the majority.
That was when I gained many enemies around me.
Even those who used to associate with me started to exclude me as an outsider.
I faced violence from random individuals who heard rumors about my abnormality.
Yet, I never felt "fear."
Even when I was overpowered by an unstoppable force or subjected to relentless harassment, I sneered without fear.
What I thought about was how to seek revenge and turn the situation around.
My life had been a repetition of this.
It was so enjoyable, so much fun to repeat this pattern.
And in the end, everything bowed down before me.
A true person of power possesses unparalleled "violence."
And they overcome "fear."
I had the confidence that I was the embodiment of this.
This twisted pleasure shaped my existence and allowed me to conquer fear.
This distortion is the essence of Ryuuen Kakeru, the man I am.
However, as middle school graduation approached, it became increasingly difficult to find pleasure, and boredom started to overwhelm me.
Ultimately, it was the boredom of knowing that there was no one who could defeat me.
To alleviate this boredom, I enrolled in this high school that upholds the principle of meritocracy.
I had hopes that I would find someone who could relieve my boredom.
And this school fulfilled my expectations.
The classmates I encountered in this new environment were undoubtedly peculiar individuals, and I anticipated the interclass conflicts that would arise from the unique school system.
At that moment, I decided to make this class my "country," all for the sake of my "pleasure."
I started by observing the situation but prepared all possible means to take the initiative.
First, I sought individuals who shared my principle of "violence" and planned to make them my pawns.
It took time, but I gained two loyal pawns.
One was a rough-looking man who easily succumbed to me.
The other was a black man.
He had a solid build, muscular and possessed incredible "violence."
Hence, I was defeated.
My "violence" was utterly crushed by the black man's overwhelming "violence."
However, that defeat exhilarated me.
From the day of my defeat, I challenged the black man repeatedly until I could finally triumph over him.
The rush of adrenaline that flooded my mind at that moment helped alleviate my boredom.
Around that time, school started, and about a month had passed.
One aspect of the school system was exposed, and I began my preparation for class warfare, or in other words, nation-building.
What I did was simple.
I declared myself the "king" and crushed anyone who opposed it.
And I made them my pawns.
Among them were those who, even when defeated, refused to obey me. Turning them into pawns became one of the pleasures I enjoyed.
However, my interest lay not in those pleasures but in someone else.
It was someone who didn't follow my "king" declaration and showed no interest in class warfare.
One was a girl. Silver-haired and long-haired. She didn't give off a strong presence, but despite having no interest in class warfare, she had established herself as an individual, and that intrigued me.
The other was a boy. Black-haired and long-haired. His appearance was peculiar in various ways, but his aura was...
I felt nothing.
That's why I dismissed him as a poser and a weakling.
But that was a mistake.
When I had finished uniting the class, I learned from one of the girls who had submitted to me that the boy with long hair was aware of the school system.
That's when I became interested in the long-haired boy.
I decided to summon him to a place where there were no surveillance cameras and make him submit.
At that time, I only thought about how the pleasure of making someone who understood the school system more than anyone else submit to me would feel.
I never imagined that this day would become the catalyst to change my perception of Kamukura Izuru.
I confronted Kamukura Izuru, the boy with long hair, and I was defeated.
It wasn't just a defeat; I was already accustomed to such things.
I discovered the concept of "fear."
Even my pawns, whom I acquired through considerable efforts, were easily crushed as if they were insignificant. My own "violence" was completely ineffective.
That was because this boy possessed not only an unrivaled "violence" but also the ability to analyze and predict all possible futures. He also had unknown "unpredictability."
He embodied "despair," something that could be considered the epitome of fear.
When facing this embodiment of "despair," I wanted to avert my gaze.
Not only that...
I felt like crying.
It felt like something was about to escape from my mouth.
My entire body trembled, and I couldn't think straight.
I felt self-destructive and yearned for a scapegoat.
I wanted to flee from this place immediately and never have any involvement with it again.
For the first time, I experienced "fear." I never knew it could be so repulsive.
It is a fact that humans do not truly understand themselves unless they are cornered.
In the end, I realized that I had not conquered fear. I believed that winning was the way to overcome fear.
But that was merely pushing the fear in front of me, focusing on the goal of "victory," and looking away from the fear right in front of me.
My confidence, my violence, and my twisted pleasure were all shattered. I had a vague realization that I might not be the person I used to be.
Nevertheless, or perhaps because of that, I resisted.
Even in the midst of such despair, I never considered my way of being wrong.
Certainly, my understanding was flawed, and my arrogance was excessive.
However, I did not want everything I had lived for to be destroyed.
I didn't believe that desiring victory was a mistake.
Even if I was an abnormal individual, I couldn't consider it a mistake to pursue my own pleasure and ambition.
In other words, deep down, even in someone like me who boasted about using any dirty means necessary, there was something resembling pride.
I didn't want anyone to hinder the fulfillment of my desires. I confronted everything with a childish determination.
And though I lost, I went beyond that man's predictions.
At that moment, I didn't feel the usual "pleasure." Yet, for some reason, I felt a refreshing sensation, similar to when achieving something significant.
And then, I lost consciousness.
I still don't know the sensation I felt at the end, but I believe it is related to what I seek.
From that moment, I had two goals.
The first was to conquer "fear." To face it without averting my gaze, to restart and acquire true "power."
The second was revenge against Kamukura Izuru. To show him the "unknown," to make him truly acknowledge and submit to me.
It was an intuition, but when I achieved these goals, I would become a true "person of power."
And at that time, my pleasure would become greater than anything I had ever felt before.
"Ishizaki, it's time for work. I will brief you on the strategy to crush Class D."
I move forward.
Because that is my pleasure, my way of living,
— my "hope."
Estado de energía semanal
-- Ranking de
Poder 
-- Piedra de
Poder