Capítulo 23: PINING FOR SEAN EDINS

JESSEL TINGS POV

I was sitting alone in my dimly lit quarters in the west wing of the Armand Mansion. I sighed as I watched the shadows dance on the walls. The quiet of the evening was a stark contrast to the turmoil within me as I arrived home from work. I took a sip from my half-empty glass of wine, hoping it would soothe the ache that had become a constant companion in my chest. The silence was punctuated only by the clock's ticking, each tick a reminder of the time slipping away, and of him.

My mind wandered back to Sean Edins. Even now, his name alone sent a shiver down my spine. I had been drawn to him from the very beginning, captivated by a charm that was as dangerous as it was magnetic. He had an air of icy detachment, a cool demeanor that shielded him from the world, but for some reason, it only made him more irresistible to me. He was the kind of man who could walk into a room and command attention without uttering a word. I had always admired his strength, his ability to remain unmoved by the chaos that seemed to swirl around him, but it was that very coldness that had ensnared me, a paradox that I found utterly mesmerizing.

I recalled the last time I saw him, the way he had looked at me with those dark, unreadable eyes. There was a distance in his gaze, a barrier that I had desperately tried to cross, on that day at the bar. His statement was a clear reminder that being the brother of the richest man in Utah had its perks.

"I bet you know who I am by the way your eyes widened when you spotted me. "He smirked, and I nodded "Who are you, little girl?"

"Jessel Ting James" I had given him my name.

"Armand's sister?" He stared at me in shock.

"Yes "I had slurred my words in response.

"Fuck" I listened in to the way he cursed, and the words came through his gritted teeth.

"Really?" I had chucked. "I would not mind if you fucked me." God knew what possessed me to speak but it was too late to take the words back.

His eyes widened at me as he picked up his glass, stared at me under hooded eyes, and sipped his drink, watching the way he swallowed the drink as his Adam's apple bobbled up and down. As she set the glass down the words that came through cut through my heart like a knife "I do value my life."

"Coward" I had retorted and ran from the pub without looking back.

I closed my eyes as I sat in my room, alone and engulfed by the quiet, I felt a pang of longing for what was always just out of reach. When Armand found me in the children's home, I was just nine and he was fifteen. He had taken care of me and filled my lonely heart with the void that had been there, but it was not enough. All the trauma that I went through in the children's homes could not take away the insecurities in my heart. When Armand left, it was Kaveesha who took care of me and got me out of the hell hole, processed my papers, and me until Armand was able to adopt me.

Kaveesha was right, I needed to find someone who loved me for who I was, or else I would end up in heartbreak and would never get rid of the void in my heart. The moonlight filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow across the room. I stared into the darkness, my heart heavy with a love that felt both beautiful and cruel. I was left to grapple with the paradox of my own emotions, clinging to the hope of what might have been, even as I accepted the reality of what could never be.

I walked to the bed, picked up my phone, hit the speed dial for Sarah, and waited for the call to connect. When her voice finally came through, it was like a balm for my frazzled nerves. "Why are you still awake, Jessel?"

I took a deep breath, trying to steady the whirlwind of emotions that had been racing through me. "I need to talk."

There was a pause, and I could almost picture her settling into her comfortable spot, ready to listen. "Talk to me"

I hesitated, unsure where to begin. "I visited the bar a few days back and met Sean Edins. The minute he heard my name, he pulled back, and, in an instant, there was a wall between us."

Sarah's tone softened, understanding evident in her voice. "You are Armand's sister, the richest man in Utah, he is bound to step back. Your brother is known for his possessiveness and cold-hearted nature. You of all people understand what we have been through, and a soft heart will cost our survival. But I agree those days are gone and you deserve to have happiness. If he showed interest without knowing who you were, I believe there is hope."

I groaned, the frustration clear in my voice. "I asked him to fuck me."

Kaveesha burst out in a fit of laughter and when she composed herself asked "You? Jessel Ting? Where did you get the guts? "

"That's exactly it!" I whispered in shame. "It's like I'm on this emotional rollercoaster, and I don't know how to get off. My mouth just opened, and the words rolled out. When he stepped back, I ran but deep down, I'm terrified that I'm just setting myself up for more heartache."

Kaveesha's voice was calm and steady, a grounding presence amidst my swirling thoughts. "It's normal to feel that way. Sometimes, we get so caught up in the hope of what could be that we ignore the reality of what is. How about you try again?"

I sighed, feeling the weight of her words sink in. "I know you're right."

Sarah's empathy was almost tangible through the phone. "We have a meeting with Sean in two days, this will be your chance."

"I know," I said softly, the emotional exhaustion evident in my voice. "But I'll try. I really will."

"I'm here for you, no matter what," Kavesha responded, her voice reassuring. "We'll get through this together. Just remember, you deserve to be with someone who sees and values you for who you are."

As we wrapped up the call, I felt a glimmer of hope amidst the confusion. Kaveesha's words had given me a sense of clarity, or at least a starting point to begin untangling the knot of my emotions. It wouldn't be easy, but knowing I had her support made my one-sided love journey seem a little less daunting. I pulled the covers over me and closed my eyes as I chased the sleep that eluded me.