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Rewrite the basketball ff, i realize that it would be hard to project that, so I would just do a young Sheldon-like experience but with better emotional intelligence
PS... I'm very new at writing and just practicing if maybe I can write something.
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B0BO_KABA Contribuido 12 - Paul_Gavieiro Contribuido 9
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This story is good in terms of the idea, but it is weak in terms of execution. The story is very lacking in narrative details. Details allow you to immerse yourself in the story, but their absence hinders immersion, as if I were reading a diary rather than a story. We are told how MC was bullied (they shoved him into a Locker once) and in the next sentence they tell how MC realized what the problem was and he was not bullied anymore. Then MC decides to change the world and in the next chapter TimeSkip happens and he is already the owner of a medium-sized robotics company. But how he did it, what people helped him, what problems arose when creating the company, we are not told. At the end of many chapters we are told that MC has grand plans, but what plans are not explained to us, such a narrative would be appropriate if MC was a secondary character or a villain, but no, he is the main character from whose point of view we read the story, but we have nothing to read except one sentence like "he created a company", "he signed a contract", "he met with an investor", and where are the details of all this? There are none. This is not interesting at all. The only details that we are told are how MC fixes some mechanism, telling us a bunch of terms that are understandable only to people who understand engineering, etc., but this is not interesting. If I wanted to read the terms, I would open a dictionary. If you explain some technical process, at least use metaphors. It's like if in the TV series Suits they cut out all the dialogues and metaphors, and Mike and Harvey came to court, said a couple of abstruse sentences and won, the episodes would take 5 minutes and would be uninteresting, just like now in this book. By the way, the author told us the name of MC - Gabriel, only in chapter 9 or 10, before that the author just calls him "someone's little brother", not cool. Another big problem is that Gabriel does not affect the story of "Friends", the events of the series happen behind the scenes, and he essentially appears at the end of the episode, learns all the details, gives a comment and the chapter ends, and the new chapter continues with another scene that is not related to the previous chapter. Hell, even if I go to watch the series again, I will know more than MC, the question arises why MC exists? He is just superfluous in his own story. Author, you need to decide what exactly you want to write, about Gabriel spinning in the business world, trying to develop the company and keep it in his hands, or a sitcom about a circle of friends who face funny life situations. Because readers ultimately cannot normally immerse themselves in either a story about a corporate war or a friendly sitcom.
hello, sorry but I'm not going to follow, because of the lack of realism, a pro player doesn't have time for himself, everything is controlled., and friend boarf
this is actually really nice, just finished watching friends last week. Recommend