Capítulo 19: Chapter 19: camellia seeds
"I've chosen the graduating teams." Itachi announces quietly, his palms lit with green chakra. They're in the Uchiha Compound, in a house Itachi has claimed as his own. Apparently being nearly seventeen means he's too old to live with his parents. Or it could be that it's embarrassing for a Hokage to still live in his childhood bedroom. Either way, Itachi had chosen a nice home close to the Clan Head's house. Shisui lives just a few blocks over. The Clan used to radiate out from the center — the center being the Uchiha Main House — and the closer in relation you were to the Main Line, the closer to lived to them. The more distant Uchiha relatives lived on the outskirts. They were also the ones who made up the bulk of the civilian Uchiha population, and any who did become ninja almost never unlocked their sharingan.
Now, housing opportunities were vast and changing. It wasn't very smart, having all the Uchiha that carried the most 'potent' blood in one area. They couldn't force people to move out of their homes, but now Uchiha weren't roadblocked into certain areas. The Compound would be far more diverse in the future, however long away.
"Did you?" Toshiro doesn't take his eyes off of Itachi's hands. It's the first time the man is attempting to promote his own protein production and Toshiro is here for observation. He'll be sitting in a few more times before approving Itachi's ability to care for himself. The young Hokage's news isn't surprising, graduation is only some weeks away.
That would mean he's picked out the genin team for Chiasa.
"Would you like to know?"
Toshiro blinks, tempted to look up and see what kind of micro-expression is on Itachi's face. He's curious, obviously, about who Itachi has chosen for Chiasa, and about what kind of team she's expected to be part of. Tracking? Intelligence gathering? The pre-ANBU trainee squad? She certainly had the skillset for that.
And yet…
"No," He replies, "I think I want to hear it from Chiasa, first."
Despite how reserved she is, there is no doubt in his mind she'll be excited to tell him. He wants to be surprised. Then he can go to Itachi to get the details about what is expected of her squad. (If he can't figure it out himself.)
It wasn't something genin knew — the fact that they were purposefully lumped together in squads for a specific intent. That didn't mean they couldn't figure it out, but most were made aware of the way the academy actually worked once they hit high chuunin. Although the whole genin team thing was only relevant for those who made it onto a team. People like Itachi and Kakashi, who blazed through the curriculum and secured positions too high for their age group, ended up shuffled around as an extra piece in various teams. Filling in gaps. Being apprenticed to random Jounin with time on their hands. The problem with that was they ended up without much in the way of social or teamworking skills.
Luckily, Itachi seems remarkably well-rounded despite all that. Kakashi...is getting there.
Itachi makes a sound of affirmation.
"Now," Toshiro grins when Itachi's hands finally cease their glowing. "Lemme check you over and see how well you did."
Chiasa comes home late in the evening on the day of her team selection. There's mud in her strawberry-blonde hair and a thoughtful look in her crystal eyes. Her siblings bombard her the second she steps in the door. The puppies bounce around the group and the house becomes a den of noise, voices and barks overlapping each other.
"Who'd you get, who'd you get?" Touma asks, clinging to her side. His curly black hair only just touches her chin.
Haruki bounces on his toes, "Is your jounin sensei cool?"
"Did you get that cute boy on your team?" Kojika asks, cheeks flushed red and little Rin in her arms, the calmest of all the puppies.
"Did she get what?" Gin exclaims.
"Hey, hey!" Toshiro raises his voice over the din, quickly quieting the kids. "She can't answer if you keep talking over her."
They all sheepishly back off, though Touma and Takehiko cling to her sides and don't look like they plan on moving. Chiasa rests a hand on each of their backs, making no attempt to dislodge her little brothers.
"Nara Tsushika and Hyuuga Atsuzumi." She says after a pause. Tsushika is her friend, so Toshiro isn't worried much about that — it's the other person. Hyuuga-kun. The boy that Toshiro had almost entirely forgotten about. Over a year ago, almost two at this point, Chiasa had punched that kid into the ground for insulting Itachi.
Oh boy.
Chiasa doesn't look particularly bothered. She'd looked contemplative upon entering the house, in the short second Toshiro had witnessed her before she'd been bombarded by her siblings. Something must have happened during the test that her jounin sensei put them through.
"My jounin sensei is Uzuki Yugao-san."
Toshiro isn't sure he recognizes that name, but Kakashi perks up a little. Not enough for the kids to notice, but little seems to escape Toshiro when it comes to the silver-haired man. It's actually a little embarrassing, how often he's found himself just...staring at the other. The soft, gooey feeling of attraction and adoration in his chest has only expanded with time. He knows he's pining. He knows. But with that pining and desperate fervor comes the fear of rejection.
"You should bring them around sometime." Toshiro prompts, "Team bonding is very important."
"Of course." Chiasa nods, expression blandly serious.
The kids move back into the kitchen, chairs scraping across the wood floors as they all reseat themselves. Conversations about their day pick back up again as they resume eating. Today's dinner is curry — Toshiro made it himself, which is a feat all on its own. He's improved his cooking skills, but actually having the results in front of him is exciting.
When they start cleaning up for the night, he catches Kakashi approaching Chiasa out of the corner of his eye. The man is still awkward, but he tries. He's even taken to sitting out with the kids rather than hiding away in his room or disappearing for hours.
Kakashi puts a hand on Chiasa's head, his dark eye soft. Gently, he ruffles her hair and she lets him. "Don't grow up too fast," he murmurs, "Cherish your team."
"I know," she replies, her eyes alight with the same kind of intensity as her silver haired guardian, "I'll never abandon my comrades."
Kakashi's eye squints into a half-moon shape, "Then you're already a shinobi I'm proud to know."
With one final pat, he lets her go.
Toshiro turns away before he drops a dish, heart in his throat. He wonders if his eyes are as misty as Chiasa's had been in that moment, before she'd turned to run after her siblings. He clears his throat.
"Didn't take you for a cry baby."
Kakashi's voice in his ear startles him enough that the traitorous wet dish slips through his fingers. It never ends up clattering into the sink, Kakashi's deft, lightning scarred hand appearing in a flash to catch it. The motion leaves him half pressed against Toshiro, the slightly too-hot heat of his body seeping through the thin yukata Toshiro wears.
"I'm not crying," he laughs, feeling his cheeks flush at their proximity. The racing of his heart does nothing to deter him from pressing back against Kakashi, smiling up at the man from under his pale gold lashes. "I was merely overwhelmed at how cute that was."
Kakashi sighs, his single eye narrowing in amusement.
"That adorable scene aside," He takes the dish from Kakashi's hand, doing his best to continue as normal even though the taller man has yet to pull away. If anything he seems rather content to stay plastered against Toshiro's back. "Uzuki-san. You know them?"
"Her," Kakashi replies after a second. His hands settle on Toshiro's hips. "She's...an old comrade who's proficient in kenjutsu, as well as a good all-rounder and chakra sensor. We've worked together quite a bit. She'll make a good sensei for Chiasa and the other two little monsters."
Toshiro is pretty sure old comrade is code for ANBU. It's not a stretch, as Kakashi had been pretty heavily wrapped up in the shadow squad when they'd first met. That probably meant that Chiasa and her team were selected to be pre-ANBU, or at least potentially. A Hatake, Hyuuga and Nara. If that wasn't a recipe for a hunting or tactical assassination squad, Toshiro would eat his sandals.
"Well, at least it's not Shisui." Message received.
Kakashi chuckles and Toshiro feels the sound against his back, rumbling in Kakashi's chest. "Not yet, anyway."
Toshiro wants to laugh. He wants to crack a joke and keep the conversation flowing like any normal person — except his pulse thuds too loudly for words to ever escape his suddenly dry throat. The flush on his cheeks is darkening, he can just tell, can feel the heat on his own freckled cheeks making its way up to his ears. He wants to ask what made Kakashi so clingy, wants to say something cute like you're in a huggy mood today, huh? Except then it might just draw unneeded attention to the fact, and Kakashi would pull away.
And Toshiro, heart in his mouth and fingers shaking with adrenaline, doesn't want the man to move. The fingers on his hips suddenly tighten, firm enough that anymore pressure might risk marks. There's a ticklish sensation — Kakashi's nose trailing down his neck, the fabric of the mask lightly scraping the heated, fragile skin.
Toshiro drops a bowl this time, and it clatters loudly in the sink.
Kakashi leaps back like he's been electrified — funny, with his chakra nature. Toshiro instinctively slaps a hand over his neck, the sensation still crawling languidly over his flesh. He half turns, unsure of what expression is on his face and unable completely to make out the one on Kakashi's. The man stands almost entirely on the other side of the room, the pale, visible skin around his eye and across his cheekbone is cherry red. His dark eye looks like a burning coal — flashing hot and...guilty. Scarred hands are held tightly in fists at his sides.
"Sorry." He mutters, his entire body tense.
Toshiro knows the man is one second from fleeing. Because when things get too emotional, too tough — Kakashi runs. The silver-haired copy nin could sit through days of physical discomfort, but the second it hit emotional? Gone.
"It's okay." He manages to get out quickly, not even entirely sure what the man is apologizing for. "I liked it."
Okay, that wasn't what he really meant to say. At all.
"I-I mean, I like you. Close. I like you close." Wait, that's worse. What the hell had Kakashi done, to make Toshiro lose his cool this much!? The man holds him in his arms once and Toshiro loses the ability to filter his thoughts?
Dangerous.
"Urhgh." He groans out unintelligibly, turning back to the sink and hiding his completely crimson face.
Kakashi makes a sound that's a cross between a clearing of his throat and a slightly hysterical laugh. "Oh."
"Sorry," Toshiro mutters, echoing Kakashi's apology, unspecified reason and all.
"It's okay." The man replies, tone strained with the forceful attempt to lighten it. "I like it too."
They both fall awkwardly silent, the only sound being the chirp of cicadas through the windows and the drip of water against the steel sink. Toshiro swallows heavily and wonders why he's sweating. This is just another step in their relationship. He refuses to be defeated by this!
"That's...good. Now help me with the dishes, I'm not your wife."
There's only a few left, but he starts on them with a scary sort of anticipation in his chest, ears strained for any kind of sound. He knows he'll only notice if Kakashi lets himself be heard, and soon the soft steps of his approach are distinguishable over the resumption of the water tap. Toshiro feels butterflies in his gut when Kakashi's elbow brushes his own, and the man begins to dry the dishes as Toshiro washes.
The best approach for this kind of thing would be...forwardness? What is he even doing, anyway? Had Kakashi meant it in a friendly way? It was hard to tell sometimes, with someone as closed off and stunted as the Copy Nin. The man could take a joke, could probably handle being flirted with — so what did Toshiro really have to lose? At the very least, it would hopefully break the weird, awkward air around them that Toshiro wanted no part in.
He thinks of the last thing he'd said.
A smirk curls across his lips, out of place against his flushed, embarrassed skin and fluttering lashes. He brushes his arm a little more deliberately against Kakashi's, waiting a second for their gazes to meet. "Yet."
Kakashi drops the half-dry dish in his hands, and it shatters against the counter.
"What does pre-ANBU mean, specifically?"
It's a question Toshiro doesn't have any right to ask, truthfully. But he's trying his luck anyway...and maybe using his relationship with Itachi to his advantage. Not something he plans on doing a lot, but the idea of any of the kids in ANBU isn't exactly filling him with the warm and fuzzies.
The Hokage's office is balmy, all the windows open to allow a breeze in. It's not much of a safety hazard when seals prevent any sound from escaping — or any projectiles from entering. Only the living were allowed in, which meant you had to bodily enter the window, and by then the ANBU guards would have you in pieces.
Summer is just a few weeks away.
Itachi doesn't glance up from his work, pen dancing across an official looking document. Even busy, he'd still allowed Toshiro to enter and ask his questions. Toshiro will not take that for granted or abuse it — he won't twist the trust they have. (And he never wants to feel a likeness to Danzo.)
"As you live with Kakashi-san, I know he's likely informed you of Uzuki-san's occupation." The Uchiha replies after a beat, still mostly concentrated on his work. "Once they become Chuunin, if they receive Uzuki-san's recommendation they will have the option of joining our ANBU forces. It isn't a requirement, Toshiro. They can say no."
"I was never worried about that." Not with someone like Itachi as Hokage. "I suppose I just wasn't sure if they'd be pushed into ANBU immediately. I'm afraid I don't know much about ANBU, even though I live with a previous member. It's not really smart to make a conversation out of the topic."
Itachi nods, "You're correct. Secrecy is of the highest importance when concerning ANBU. For the safety of both the members and the village's reputation. The kids scouted into pre-ANBU teams exhibit talents we believe would be useful in black ops. They generally have a skill that places them beyond their peers, so they're placed with former ANBU members to further their abilities. While it's true that almost all pre-ANBU teams proceed into ANBU, it's not required. If Chiasa-kun wants to pursue another path, that's up to her. As it is, the cover for her squad is tracking and tactics. Both of which she excels at with her current skill set. It would not be hard to find her a place in any division she pursues."
Finally, Toshiro feels himself relax. He's already seen what ANBU can do to a person. Kakashi had a lot of outlying factors that lead to his… issues. But ANBU certainly didn't help them, and probably added some. Still, it wasn't up to him if Chiasa decided to continue on into the black ops unit. He supposes he'll have to live with that eventuality.
Suitably informed and in a good mood, he can't help but grin and tease his younger friend, "You know, that boy you placed on her team is the one she beat up in your honor."
Itachi's lips twitch.
Kakashi is at the end of his rope. The rope is also beginning to fray very badly. He's perched on literal threads, all of the weak little fibers threatening to snap. Toshiro touches him a lot more. Casually. Just the brush of arms, a hand through Kakashi's hair, running fingers against his side or across his hands. It's driving Kakashi crazy. He feels alight with uncontainable energy, but has no outlet for said energy. It makes him jittery and nervous, because clearly the increase in contact means that Toshiro is more comfortable with Kakashi, but that doesn't really outline how much he's comfortable with. Like, can Kakashi hold him from behind again? Can he loop their arms together? Kiss him? Pin him to every available surface and have his way?
There are probably lines somewhere, but Kakashi can't see them and he's too much of a coward to ask. Toshiro, on the other hand, is respectful, even in his teasing. He reads Kakashi like a book, always careful to never touch too much or too long when Kakashi really doesn't want to be. It's as if he has access to some kind of Kakashi rulebook, outlining everything he needs to make sure he doesn't do anything that will cause some kind of rejection by Kakashi.
And Kakashi is jealous. He wishes he had the ability to tell when what he wanted to do would be acceptable and when it wasn't.
He's still a little discombobulated from that wife comment a few days ago. All he's been thinking about is Toshiro. Married.
To him.
And Kakashi has never in his life actively thought about marriage. Not really. Sure, there was a brief thought (mostly panic) when he was far younger, because clans were generally encouraged to produce heirs. But that had been stamped out pretty quick. He was the last Hatake. Konoha had been content to let the clan fade into obscurity — as had he.
Now he's no longer the last Hatake. Maybe he's the last one with white chakra, but as it didn't do much else there wasn't a pressing need to pass it down. He has heirs. Kinda. One of the kids will have to pick up the slack and take over as Clan Head eventually. He wasn't really sure who just yet. Logically, it would be Chiasa, as she's the oldest. But Kakashi wouldn't want to lump that kind of pressure on her — being a Clan Heir is….pretty sucky. At least from what he's observed.
They can pick and choose amongst themselves, he doesn't really care. As long as it doesn't get violent. (Not that he thinks it will.) There's eight of them — er, well, only seven could potentially be the Clan Head (sorry Asuhi) — so at least one of them will take the job.
He hopes.
"KAKASHI!" Gai's hand smacks heavily against his shoulder, and Kakashi feels the energy from the blow practically shake his whole body. The bar they're in is pretty crowded tonight. There's a few more jounin around in the village now that the team placements happened, having been recalled from more active duty to take care of a team of brats. Kakashi doesn't envy them.
"Gai." He replies dully.
Toshiro is a few tables away, having wandered over to Uzuki Yugao after Kakashi pointed her out. Her dark purple hair was unmistakable, even in the lower lighting. It's been more than ten minutes and Kakashi doesn't think the other man is going to be done mingling any time soon. Not now that Gekko Hayate is present — who Kakashi remembers Toshiro talking about sometime last month. Apparently the guy had been written off as a hopeless case and Toshiro, while stumbling through and organizing all the hospital's paperwork, came across Hayate's extensive medical files.
Huh, it's funny how the world works. Yugao had looked a little surprised and wary when Toshiro had first approached, but now she's looking at him like he's the second coming of the Sage. I feel you there, Yugao. The three of them are getting along great. Even Iruka is over at that table, and the Chuunin very rarely goes out to bars.
Must be glad for the break before the next year starts.
This coming year was the final year for almost every Clan Heir. That little gaggle of kids that always hung around the Compound would be graduating in a year's time. Chiasa might even be a Chuunin by then.
He's starting to feel old.
"I see your love really has bloomed!" Gai exclaims, and Kakashi has never been happier for the volume of the surrounding patrons.
He tips his head back against the booth, "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Are you not together with the formidable Toshiro-sensei? The youthful energy between the two of you — YOUR BOND IS MUCH TO BE DESIRED, RIVAL!" Gai's fist pumps the air during the last part of the sentence, his wide, dark eyes glimmering in the low lights.
He could lie.
He could play it off as usual and get called out for being hip and cool, or end up receiving one of Gai's I know you better than you think looks. Which weren't really fun to experience and made Kakashi feel naked. Despite everything, Gai is still his oldest friend.
"I don't know." He admits.
Gai hums, not looking particularly thrown at Kakashi's answer. "I have never observed you like this before, my eternal rival. What Toshiro does to you is what water does for newly budding plants. I believe you have found someone to help you grow, Kakashi. So you must grasp that tremendous bond with both hands!"
Kakashi glances down at his pale, lightning scarred hands. Eyes the carefully clipped fingernails, the sheen of protective polish, the scars from kunai that run a little darker and straighter than the twirling, dancing lines of white left behind by a jutsu of his own creation. His fingers are long and calloused, his palms rough and square. They're bloody hands. They're friend-killer hands.
Toshiro slips into the booth on the other side of him, brushing their shoulders together. "Whatcha talking about that has you so gloomy?" As though without thought, his own scarred hand slips against Kakashi's, hooking their pinkies together.
Kakashi feels a thunderstorm in his chest. "Maa, just the dancing around each other Genma and Raidou have started doing." He lies, feeling Gai's eyes boring into the side of his head. Kakashi ignores him, instead peering down into Toshiro's pretty pink eyes. "It's just getting a bit ridiculous to watch."
Toshiro's teeth dig momentarily into the plump flesh of his bottom lip. His cheeks are dusted pink, almost unseen in the dim bar. His normally ashy hair looks almost beige in the lighting. "Maybe Genma should just ask him out."
Kakashi stares, transfixed as Toshiro's lips quiver and form those near breathless words. His reply feels distant. "Maybe he should."
"THE SIGHT OF YOU TWO FILLS ME WITH SUCH JOY! MY DEAR RIVAL, REMEMBER—" Gai interjects, breaking whatever mood had settled over Kakashi and Toshiro. He pats Kakashi's shoulder rigorously with teary, proud eyes. It's terrifying. "If you ever need assistance in understanding the beautiful dance of copulation that men partake in—"
Kakashi blanches at turns red all the way up to his silver roots.
Toshiro laughs, loud and long against Kakashi's side, his slighter frame shaking with the force of it. "D-Don't worry, Gai." He smiles gently, a shoddy veneer of innocence. "I am a Medic Nin, after all." Then the little minx coyly shifts his gaze back to Kakashi, bitten lip and fluttering eyelashes and all — "I'm sure I can help him understand."
Kakashi thinks something in his brain short circuits. Their pinkies are still intertwined. Kakashi feels a warm heat in his gut, feels his head cloud over and his pulse knock against his bones. "I look forward to it."
And it's so worth the creeping anxiety to see that heady flush spread across Toshiro's face, to see him duck and dig his teeth into his lip a little harder, a smile curling at the edges of his pretty mouth. Kakashi doesn't know what they are. He doesn't really know what's happening at all. What he does know is that flirting is easy to recognize. He's a shinobi, he knows body language, he's read every Icha Icha novel currently published and there's some raunchy pick up lines, sure. But there's also subtle undertones and hints and all it's done is help Kakashi understand even more about how two people in love or in lust could interact with each other.
Toshiro's hand slips a little more against his own, dislodging their pinkies. Instead, he finds all their fingers intertwining, until their palms are pressed together and Kakashi thinks he can feel the fluttering of Toshiro's pulse in his thin wrist.
Is this a promise? Is it still flirting?
Are you mine?
He's still too much of a coward to ask.
Toshiro slumps onto his bed and buries his face into his pillow. What the hell.
What the hell. What the hell.
He swallows and rolls over, heart thudding in his chest so loudly he can feel it. Can hear it. Filling the silence of the room and banging against his ribcage. He lets out a deep groan and smacks his flushed cheeks. He's calm. He's collected. He's the guy with a plan, who looks ahead to the future and steamrolls over the opposition with cutting facts and indomitable will. He is not a twelve year old boy with his first crush!
Attempting to move their relationship along a little with flirting sounded like a good idea at the time. It was the equivalent of testing the waters and could even be passed off as good humor in the event that Kakashi didn't respond with equal fervor. Except Kakashi did respond.
Kakashi flirted back.
Awkwardly at first, sure. Probably a little spooked at the change in pace, definitely. Then he slipped into some weird persona that made Toshiro remember why Gai called Kakashi hip and cool. Suave words, heated eye contact, drawling tone — who even let that be legal? It was completely unfair!
I'm being ridiculous. However long ago it was — over twenty years, another lifetime — he had been in a relationship. This wasn't his first time flirting or dating or whatever, so you'd think he'd be a little more confident. Except he's wracked with nerves and everytime Kakashi flirted back he'd sunk in on himself in giddy embarrassment. Like a child. Or a high school girl in a rom-com anime. Get yourself together. You kickstarted a revolution. You're running a hospital and essentially have a seat in the government.
He's completely head over heels.
Sighing gustily, Toshiro pushes himself up from his bed. The moonlight through the window illuminates the room, highlighting all his plants and books and the pile of clothes on the floor he hasn't found the energy to pick up yet. Stripping off his clothes, he drops them in the pile — he really will do his laundry later, honest. The beginning of summer heralds muggy, warm nights. It's a little too hot to wear a full robe to bed, and since he lives in a house full of kids he's not keen on sleeping only in his underwear (or, Sage forbid, the nude) in the event that there's an emergency.
So he changes into a pale blue jinbei, the shorts loose and soft against his thighs. His heartbeat begins to settle down. Taking a deep breath, Toshiro tilts his head back and stares at the ceiling. Once he feels a little more in control, he slips back into bed, this time under the thin covers. He'd been content to be friends. Content to let his attraction just...be. Now it feels like he'll drown under the weight of all these secret emotions if he isn't allowed to show them off.
Toshiro has never flirted with anyone in his second life. Kakashi is the first, and he wants Kakashi to be the last. Don't be a coward. He tells himself, inhaling warm night air, You aren't one.
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