Capítulo 106: Unlocked second ending: "A story to die for"
I opened my eyes and stood before pearly white gates. As an agnostic, this was hella awkward. Great news everyone, novel heaven existed and all of your favourite morons would all end up there.
Apparently, there was not even a novel hell because I saw way too many former Harem MCs waiting in line to be absolved from all their sins. The waiting line might have been that long because there were so many Harem novels... or because the list of their sins was even longer.
Regardless, there was no escape from waiting for millennia if one wanted to enter paradise. Sadly, I had all run out of topics to cover for the lack of action for a thousand years.
Normally, this would not stop me from making stuff up on the spot.
But, those cheap tactics were something my old self would have done. New death, new me as they said. This version of me could simply use corruption and nepotism to get the necessary results.
Become the successful politician I had always been predetermined to be.
Even the novel-heaven needed politicians. All these people seemed way too happy here and that was totally illegal. 99% of these MCs should have been sent straight into the boiler room of hell. If they were not in the fiery pits of the underworld, then the fire would have to come to them.
It was a thankless job. But, someone ought to do it.
Now, now, now relax a bit before you drop the story again. I was not the good guy here; I just wanted to pull a successful political move and be assassinated because I pulled some stuff the people did not like.
Who else was better suited for this sort of violence than these murdering maniacs?
Exactly, there was no one else more suitable than these crazies. Once I die here, there was surely nothing else waiting for me. Let's just pray that one could actually die in Heaven. Although it might be a tiny bit too late for that...
As a man of many words and few actions, it was finally time to set my ingenious plan into motion.
Thus, I tapped harem-lover McGee in front of me on his shoulders and greeted him warmly by kicking him in the dick. Some might say that this betrayal against manhood could never be forgiven...
To which I say, "No Pain─No Gain"
As a consequence of having a harem that was the only place where one can cause neuronal activation. Only the lower brain was still functioning...
Me Mom used to say as a politician you gotta have your audience by the balls. Whether or not that sentiment was to be taken as literal as I had just done remained to be seen.
Jokes aside, these people were overpowered, misogynistic pricks they would not even notice my attack. Seriously, the dude was looking at me with that -5 IQ of his trying to guess whether or not I had just attacked him or offered to suck his peen.
Might this be an afterlife massage service, including that famous "happy ending"?
Clearly, it was not. Cuz should it exist, nobody here deserved a happy end. Alas, in the afterlife all was to be forgiven, so I could not exactly judge them for whoring themselves left and right during their short and fulfilled life.
However, I could judge them for having a harem in Heaven, these horny fuckers deserved any kind of punishment for their high libido.
Yup, that's what they earned after making me and all those virgins feel bad about themselves. Luckily for us, the problem would sort itself out with my brilliant strategy.
"Fellow Harem enthusiast, did you know that only one Harem can enter Heaven? Yes, the Sacred Paradise is full to the brim. Therefore, all the new MCs that want to join it have to prove their value. It would be such a tragedy if a gentleman was caught off-guard by all these other dirty harem having bastards"
Anyone with half a brain cell would have seen through this obvious lie, especially if the person had just kicked them in the nutsack 30 seconds prior.
But our walking scrotum here was fully shocked by the fake news. Were he and his solar system of peerless beauties in danger? Could he and his squadron of walking pairs of breasts and vagina not enter novel-heaven?
Just so we were clear here, I was not sexist against these kinds of people. I could hardly call something so shallow a human. The only thing 3 dimensional about these fap-service characters were their 3 dimensions.
And everyone knew those too boiled down to handservice.
But that was beside the point, I needed to get out of the danger zone.
Thus, I had to employ another devious ploy. I had to play the virgin card. A fool-proof way to convince the cockette-driven horny goblins to leave me alone.
"Don't worry bro, I am not your enemy. That's because I am still a virgin."
Hearing this reassuring statement the OP Harem MC dropped his guard and did the most reasonable choice of action and summoned the bazillion of wives to start the Waifu wars. Don't ask any questions; the answer would just lead to more parental disappointment.
Simply picture all these Harem Mcs with their countless wives fighting till the end of time. Big explosions were everywhere, and corpses and body parts were as numerous as cringy sex scenes. Basically the end of the world, just with a whole more anime and big numbers.
It was a gigantic free for all between cultivation, system novels, second chance and all the other weirdos.
As to why everyone left me alone? I was a virgin and HAREM LOGIC demanded that every virgin had to be female. Therefore, I had to be a beautiful gurl that just dressed as a man to escape an ugly suitor or something equally stupid.
Yup and every virgin had to be deflowered by the mighty meat sword.
Yet, who cared about any of that by the time they had duked this out I had already gone through the pearly gates and made my way into novel-heaven.
Onwards to the Heavenly Gates. Because the last story had been literally to die for....
And we all know that all that would follow was just a mere lie; this was the story's true second end. Nothing would follow; everything had ended here.
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