Capítulo 12: Defying A Goddess Part 3
*The name at the top of each chapter is the point of view the chapter is based on. Bold is inner wolf voices, italic text is mental links*
Sylvia:
"What, why? Don't tell me it's the whole wanting to stand on your own feet excuse. I know that's just what you say to avoid telling me the truth!" She was correct of course, but that was still part of it.
"Look, I just don't want a mate. I never did, it was a choice I made a long time ago and I don't think that will change." I couldn't let the bond be made and let my wolf out. It wasn't an option, even if I actually did want to, it wasn't a choice.
My wolf began to whimper again and I felt pity for her. It wasn't her fault, of course, maybe there was a way to at least let her speak to me even if she was locked away. "Well, let me ask you this. You are part wolf, part witch, part whatever the hell else you haven't told me, and I know you are very aware of the risks in defying a Goddess." I felt the lump in my throat at those words.
Defying a Goddess…that was what I would be doing. The Moon Goddess wasn't exactly known for being forgiving either. Her entire species of favorite creatures went through pain just for denying her mate bonds in normal circumstances. What would happen if a multiple mated rejection took place? A single rejection was known to cause enough pain for someone to faint; it was even said to be one of the most painful experiences possible.
I shrugged my shoulders, not having a better answer for her. "I don't know, honestly I hadn't thought of that." In all this time I had hoped the Goddess would go easy on me with my special situation and grant me this silent wish to never find my mate. It seems she'd done the opposite and given me multiple.
"Well, before you make any non-changeable decisions, I'd think on that. Maybe actually weigh the options instead of just sticking to your old plan. Maybe this is meant to be a sign that there's another option for you." My heart began to race. She didn't know how much I wished that to be true. Another option, one that actually gave me a choice. Was that possible?
"I need to speak with her!" I jumped up, throwing off my work uniform and finding a pair of black jeans and a black tank top.
"Speak to your Moon Goddess? Now?"
"Yes, you are right. I need to know why she did this."
"Uhm I think you may be going crazy! Gods don't exactly make time to explain themselves, even to witches!"
"I know, I know, but I have to try. Where's the candles?" I was going through the drawers looking for the bag of emergency witch supplies we always brought with us. Melinda was now standing up watching me like I had gone insane. I stopped and faced her, taking a breath as I looked at her. "Look, I know she may totally ignore me, but I have to try. I have to ask and if she doesn't answer, maybe she'll grant me a way to let them go without hurting them."
I didn't really want to hurt them. I could picture their faces in my mind as if they were standing here with us. Sinlan and his calming eyes, just waiting, Silas and the fire behind his eyes begging to come out. Sinlan and Silas, my mates. Mates, I could never have.
"You do care! I knew that bond thing was true!" She looked like she had caught me in a lie and was ridiculously happy about it.
"Okay so it is a little more of a thing than I let on, but look I can't really explain, but I can not seal that bond. You have to trust me on this Mel!" I felt the tears in my eyes. I couldn't be with them. I couldn't tell her or them why. I cursed my family for this. Please, just please, let me out of this Goddess!
"Okay, okay, look, you can't tell me I understand. If that changes," she came up and put her arms around me, pulling me into a tight hug, "I will be here." I felt a tear fall onto her shoulder as I squeezed her. I pulled back and she saw my face, she gave me a gentle smile, "When that day comes, I'll fight the gods themselves if it needs to happen."
I laughed through the tears now dripping down slowly, "Defying the Goddess with me now?"
She wiped my eyes and handed me the bag from under her bed. "Every damn one if it's what you need. The men too!"
She was too good of a friend. "Thank you, but fingers crossed that never happens. You weren't wrong about the consequences, and I happen to know you love life!" She shrugged a bit as she stepped back, letting me turn and head to the door. "I'll be on the roof, don't wait up. Get some rest, she's called the Moon Goddess for a reason so I plan to keep trying until the moon sets in the morning."
I was climbing the stairs begging again for the Goddess to give me mercy. My wolf appeared to whine and the familiar pain in my head sounded as a result. If nothing else, maybe she'd grant me communication with my wolf after this. So I could at least explain why she would be forced to suffer. I may not be able to tell Melinda or my mates, but my wolf was as much a part of this as I was. She had a right to know. Once I reached the roof I breathed in the calming night air. I looked up to the moon and called out, "I know you may not want to talk, but I am hoping you are listening."
I found a spot away from skylights, fans, and the fire exit ladders. No one should be able to hear me or interrupt. I set up a quick circle of candles, using the crushed eggshells that had been baked to make a circle to focus the energy and set a limit for my energy. "Xain, I could actually use a boost." I called out to my guardian. He was an elemental and was always nearby just out of shift with the plane so he wasn't noticeable until he wanted to be.
"Of course Sylvia, I was wondering when you'd call after that large pull." He had no true physical form here, but he created a likeness for easy communication that was visible by combining energy molecules and a bit of energy manipulation to influence the molecules' appearance. He looked a bit like a holographic image of a man with black hair and a pale blue skin and eyes that looked like storm clouds rolling through them.
It was the closest to his actual appearance he could get in this form, but it did not do him justice. His true form was magnificent and giant, from the pointed ears hiding in his jet black hair to the large black wings that could stab through a tree trunk without any effort. His arm was usually wrapped with blue lightning swarming and ready, the storm clouds often moving and pulsing with energy.
He put out his hand and I gave him my own. I felt the wave of energy rush through me as a blue electric jolt ran down his arm and wrapped around our hands then up my arm to settle at my chest and dissolved into me. The chaotic energy was restless and ready to be used. It brought a smile to my face, because that was exactly what would be happening. "No big warning or attempt to change my mind?" I was about to do something absolutely insane right now, and he had a requirement to keep me safe. It seemed unusual for him to be allowing this without any complaints.
"They wouldn't help, besides, when you let me become your guardian I knew exactly what I was getting into. Honestly, between your current choices, I think asking for help from Selene is your best bet." I smiled, he had been with me since I was a child. He was my teacher and protector, but he was family to me.
"I promise I won't anger her, at least I'll do my absolute best not to!"
"I'll stay around just in case." With that he let the molecules go and blended back in with the energy around, but I could still feel him. I always could. Our bond wasn't one of mates or blood, but it was one that was made long ago and it gave him access to my physical pains, energy access to track and locate me, and it gave me access to his energy.
He could track me from two worlds or three planes away. I could feel him just as far and follow the line of energy all the way to him. He knew why I couldn't let the mate bond happen. He was there when that choice was made for me. I only hoped I could find a solution that would save Sinlan and Silas.
I was set up and now had enough energy for the spell. I lit the candles and cast my circle, calling to each element, in turn, to carry my words to Selene, the Goddess of Moon and Night. "Please hear my call. I can't accept the gift you have bestowed on me. Please, allow my mates their freedom from me. Allow my wolf freedom." I called out but heard nothing back. I couldn't give up that easily. My words echoed again, repeated over and over. I couldn't give up, I wouldn't give up.
After a few hours of calling and getting no answer, I lay on the ground and looked to the moon. "What's the point, she won't get rid of the mate bond. It's some part of a plan for her, but I guess she forgot about me. She forgot what happened. Damn it Selene, what do you want from me? What am I supposed to do here?" I yelled at the moon, angry she wouldn't even respond. She wouldn't give me a hint or help me.
"You know I think that may anger her." I heard Xain's voice and looked where it came from. His makeshift body was sitting on the ledge with a mischievous smile.
"Yeah, well maybe it'll get a response." I closed my eyes, feeling my wolf pace the barrier in my mind. "You know I could understand making me suffer like this. I'm just some tribrid that no one knows exists except of course all the people that hate it."
"And me." I smiled as he put a hand up laying claim as a part of the group with the inside knowledge.
"Yes and you. But my wolf, she doesn't deserve this. She never agreed and I don't even know if she understands why this is happening or why she's forced to stay locked away." I felt my wolf respond from the headache ping, but of course, I had no idea what she was trying to say.
"So maybe ask for a middle ground, ask for her to allow you to speak with your wolf. She may be more open to that." He had a point.
I sat back up and refocused. "Okay, let's try again. Selene, Goddess of Moon and Night, please hear me. I can accept my pain and that I must choose the hard road ahead in either rejecting or keeping my mates. However, my wolf deserves no such fate, please grant me a way to speak with her." Once again I repeated myself over and over, leaving pauses for a message or response of any kind. The sun was peaking over the horizon when I finally gave up. Xain was still watching, "Well, no luck there." I called to him with a look of defeat.
"Guess we'll have to figure it out on our own huh?"
"Seems so! Why can't she just take my poor wolf and let it out of its misery!"
"Not sure, but someone's coming so I'd hurry and clean up. I'll be standing by." He let go of the molecules holding his shape so he wouldn't be visible. If whoever was coming tried anything he liked to have the benefit of surprise on his side.
I began putting supplies back in the bag while I rambled. "Ugh come on Selene! Just take my wolf if you are dooming her to this prison! I can't talk to her and she's forced to wait for a solution that doesn't exist. Save her at least, she's the only part of me you probably care about. This curse isn't worth it! Damn it!" I let out a long and loud scream, no hindrance just letting out all my anger and sadness, not just for me but for my poor wolf. Forced to live her life in silence because I couldn't finalize the mate bond.
"You know I wouldn't recommend cursing at the Goddess like that." The voice caught me off guard because I hadn't heard him approach. I also hadn't noticed his scent. When Xain said someone was coming I hadn't thought they were so close.
I turned to see Silas, his brown eyes focused on me, his hair wrapped around the middle of his broad arms. I looked down and realized I was still inside my circle, so energy including scents was stuck on the outside, just as mine was stuck on the inside. I broke the circle and was hit with the scent I was learning connected to him. My wolf jolted awake again and began to pound at the barrier.
I said a silent apology to my trapped wolf while cursing my own damn luck to be standing face to face with one of the two people I was trying to avoid. "Well, she ignored me." I put the last of my items in the bag and threw it over my shoulder. "How did you find me?"
"Well your scent was leading all the way up here but it stopped suddenly. I figured you were around here somewhere, the screaming helped."
"Of course it did, sorry to disappoint but I'm just heading down to my room." I wanted to walk past him and head to the door, but my feet wouldn't move. If I walked by him I'd be even closer than I already was, and the scent alone was setting my wolf off. Could I be any closer to him without her going even more crazy? I guess I had to try it to find out, but my feet really wouldn't move.
It was like they were glued to the ground while my eyes got trapped looking into his stunningly beautiful brown eyes. They were captivating, and I knew he was just as stuck looking at me. He hadn't said anything or moved, but his lips were forming a small crooked smile, just to the side. He didn't deserve the pain that would be coming. If only the Goddess had listened to me!
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