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57.14% Senselessness मदहोशी / Chapter 32: Dark and Light

Capítulo 32: Dark and Light

My husband and I both knew early on how high the stakes were for our relationship, but instead of liberating us, that knowledge made us nervous and polite. He held back; I obsessed, and I overdressed. It could have gone on like that forever, or ended in a stalemate, except that Alan persuaded me a few months in to join him at a bar to watch the opening match of the World Cup — a game that started at 3 in the morning. Something about waking up together at that hour of the night and walking down a desolate city boulevard made us feel, from the outset, that our every step was a little momentous. Then we entered a bar filled with charged-up Italians who welcomed us into their community. Almost immediately, we felt at home in another world, one with a different time zone, another language, a new set of passionate loyalties. Even though I was wearing glasses and jeans (a look that works a lot better for Tina Fey than it does for me), I could tell that Alan had never been more in love with me, because I was game enough to go along with him. He couldn't let go of my hand, and we practically ignored the match as we stared into each other's eyes, giddy with the sense that we'd crossed into a better, freer phase. Alan was inviting me into a life that would be filled with spontaneity and small thrills — and it was the night when we both knew there was no one else we'd rather take along on those adventures.

The narrative of our marriage is strung with many more of these post-midnight passages — watching the Northern Lights at 2 in the morning on a beach in Connecticut, or taking a moonlit walk along the cow paths of southern France, with the light so bright we could see almost every blade of grass or curl of a sheep's fur. And part of what has made those nights so especially charged for us is a certain sense memory of that first one, when we left ourselves far enough behind to fully find each other. We finally walked out of the bar, hand in hand, some time around 7, and as everyone's day was dawning, our night was just starting.

The End-


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