Capítulo 5: Another Trust
Time is racing so fast as the days go by quickly. Morning picks up the night to welcome the moon to illuminate every step of the creatures that live on earth.
And the night waiting for the morning to wait for the sun to shine gives new hope to everyone who goes through life with the events they face, whether they like it or not.
Likewise with me who crawled and limped through the turn of the dark day.
I sit on the edge of my bedroom window enjoying the rain that still faithfully accompanies my days for these 3 months, rain is my best friend now. I looked at the sky that never again showed the sun with its rays since my heart died at that time.
My thoughts drifted back to the family meeting three hours ago, I remember how hard I refused what they ordered and they also vehemently refused my wishes, even the two older brothers who I consider my guardian angels are also not helping at all, they are just silent with pitying eyes, A look that I HATE so much.
I don't want to argue for what I already know the outcome of, my life is no longer mine. To this day I don't understand what Fateh was thinking when he wrote such a will.
If what he fears I can't live without is true, but asking me to marry the man of her choice is a joke I never want to hear in my life.
How could a husband leave such a trust? I hope this is just a nightmare that will end soon.
It is ironic that in the life I live now, I am bound by a trust that I cannot escape because it is related to God's will.
I know my family is not completely wrong but my anger and disappointment are greater than my logic to understand all this and forgive them.
In the nights that I've been through I've been wondering is this the price I have to pay for having felt happier than any other woman in the 30 years I've lived?Or is this destiny that was outlined for me before I was born into the world?
I don't know how to smile, laugh or just curl my lips anymore. Ignoring the attention of all the family was my way of surviving.
I know they are sad and hurt by what I did, but can they also see my feelings and my gaping wound? Not! They will not be able to see and understand.
I'm tired of shouting to voice my heart and desires, I'm tired of begging like a beggar who hopes to be given food so that he can continue living.
Even though I'm tired of crying to shed all the burden and pain in my heart, I'm really tired, tired of living life.
If suicide wasn't a sin, I might have done it on the day my husband died so that I could be with him.
I was forced to marry a man I don't know even his face I don't know and honestly, I don't care about him.
But one thing I know inside his body is beating my husband's heart. And until I die I will never let it go, because what is in my husband's body is mine no one can take it from me even if my husband wants it.
Selfish? Yes! Just say I'm selfish and I'll proudly say I'm selfish with everything that has to do with my husband.
But they will slap me hard, let alone defend his heart, Even defending myself I can't afford, I hate myself for not being able to defend what I should defend.
Everyone can say that Fateh is the one who wants it, everyone can say he has rejected Fateh's offer thousands of times, and everyone can say he is also bound by the same trust as me, everyone can say anything to justify it from their point of view.
But what is clear to me he is like a murderer who robs other people's lives for his pleasure. DISGUSTING!
"Anna," someone called. He walked into my room without knocking on the door and walked toward me.
I realized he was looking at me with a mix of sad love, a look that used to make me immediately hug him and spoil him affectionately with him. But for now, I just refuse to look into his eyes.
"I'm sorry I couldn't help you," Ammar whispered.
He looked at his sister in the hope that his sister would look back at him with the look he longed for, but he didn't get it, his sister didn't even return his stares and words.
"In life, there are things that humans can't change, no matter how strong they are, they won't be able to change them, you know what Anna is?" he asked again.
But again Anna did not answer or turn to look at her, but she knew her sister heard well.
"FATE," he said slowly but surely.
He followed Anna's gaze while thinking about what had happened to his sister, something he couldn't face if he was the one who experienced it, but he was sure that Anna was able to get through it because she was the one who was chosen to go through this ordeal.
"You know how much our mother cried all night because of thinking about you? You know how much father sighed tiredly in his old age, he couldn't even sleep and cried alone in the workspace.
Likewise, Alya who always worries about you, your tomboyish sister is always crying under the covers, blocking the voice so that mom and dad don't hear it, but you know for sure that I can't be fooled," he said after that.
Ammar turned to Anna and said, "not much different, your sister-in-law always cries silently when your twin nephews ask about you and she can't tell what happened because they don't deserve to feel our sorrow. And you know what happened to me? I feel like the most useless human in the world because there is nothing I can do to stop all this, all I can do is stand tall and protect you from afar." Tears just flowed.
Without Anna's permission, he took Anna into his arms and hugged Anna tightly to pour out his love for the beautiful woman.
"We are all tightly bound by that trust, if we deny it we are against God's will. Fateh must have a reason why he left you with that trust Ann, try to live it and accept it."
While tightening his embrace, he caressed his sister's head affectionately, there was no answer but he heard the sad sobs sound again.
"Because of the law the more we reject His will, the more we feel the pain," Ammar whispered.
"Never be afraid, we will always be with you, don't you hate us all too much Ann, because we believe what Fateh chooses for you is the best for you."
Ammar felt his sister's body go limp, when he broke the hug he saw Anna's eyes were closed, Anna fell asleep in his arms in a standing position, his arms were so strong that they could hold his little sister's body.
He carried Anna's body and laid her on the bed and then positioned Anna's body to be comfortable, after that he wrapped Anna's body to keep her warm. He knew how tired Anna was right now.
'Cupp'
Ammar kissed Anna's forehead lovingly. He could see a clear line of sadness on his sister's beautiful face.
The face three months ago still exudes joy that can make everyone happy too. To him, Anna was still an adorable little girl.
"Cloudy isn't always dark Ann."
He whispered in Anna's ear, then he got up and closed the window tightly so the cold wouldn't get in to disturb Anna's sleep.
With slow steps, he left Anna's room which was quiet with occasional sobs from Anna's tears.
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