Capítulo 18: Solitude And Shadows - Confronting Her I
"Listen, Ariyama-kun, I'm only assigning these three to you because you know them better, so you'll know if their behavior is odd. If this changes anything…"
It did. Dammit, it did.
Ariyama wasn't prepared to confront those three. He hadn't even thought about Matsuragi or Odomura properly in weeks. And Kazura…
His chest tightened and his hands curled into fists. He realized his breath was struggling to come out, panic building in his stomach. Was he having a panic attack right now? Crap, is that what was happening?
No. Stop it. Stop. You have to move on. If you don't, you will never recover at all.
"A-Ariyama-kun?'
Matsune was looking at him with a mask of worry.
Ariyama scrunched his face up. Was that the voice in head talking to him just now? Regardless, what it was saying was true. If Ariyama remained tied down by what others thought of him, he'd never develop past that. Past anything, to be honest.
His chest was hurting, not just from having to fave his friends again, but now also from everything else. It was as if all it took was a spark to ignite the pain inside him.
Gritting his teeth, Ariyama forced himself into look Matsune in the eyes.
"I can do it."
"Are you sure? Because I'm not blond, and I can see–"
"If I said I can do it, I can do it, you understand?"
Ariyama didn't mean to spit his words so nastily, but then again, he wasn't in the best of moods right now.
Matsune squared her shoulders, also seemingly reeling from Ariyama having to do this job. It was also irritating, seeing just how caring she was, how sweet and how sympathetic.
Why did Ariyama feel this way? Was it just feeling insecure about his own abilities? If he was in her position, he probably wouldn't do as good a job as she was.
"OK, Ariyama-kun. I don't know if you believe me but I trust you, OK? I trust in your ability to do this."
She nodded at him enthusiastically, trying to put some motivation in him. At that point in time, it sure wasn't working. But it wasn't her fault.
Ariyama nodded in response, unsure of how else to respond. He tried to find the right words to use.
"So… Do I start right away."
Getting back to business, Matsune put her phone away, pushing away from the wall and going to the door.
"Yes, please. I have my own list of students to investigate, so we'll both be busy for the rest of today. As I said, take all the time you need, just please meet back with me here once school finishes, so we can accumulate whatever knowledge we've found. Good luck, Ariyama-kun."
She gave him a smile that seemed a bit forced, before turning her back to him and exiting the room. A moment later, Ariyama left too.
So that was that.
Ariyama watched as Matsune disappeared down one end of the hallway, her retreating footsteps rebounding across the hallway.
That was definitely that.
The beating of his heart pounding against his chest, Ariyama turned to face the opposite end of the hallway. The school was fairly big, and he never was in this area of the academy, but as far as he could remember, the way he was facing led to the basketball courts and the racetrack.
Checking the time, Ariyama noticed classes were still in session. So, now it was time for the tough part: deciding who to tail first.
First who was out of the question was Kazura, definitely. She was his best friend, and there was no way he was ready to confront her. Not yet. If there was anyone who'd blame him for letting Yaranagi die, it would be her. They were the original trio, after all. All three of them had been friends since they were five years old.
Just thinking about how long he'd known Yaranagi made the fact he wasn't there anymore hurt so much more.
Dammit, was he ever gonna get over it?
Think about this realistically, it had only been a month since it happened. Ariyama was trying to stop the hurt, but maybe that was his problem.
There was no way people could get over something that traumatic in four weeks, right? Right?
Ariyama chewed his lip as he pondered his next course of action
For now, he just wanted to focus on his first mission and nothing else. Nothing that would distract him.
So, Kazura was out of the question for now, so who, then?
Matsuragi? Ariyama knew him the least, so maybe.
Odomura? It depended. Ariyama didn't doubt that Odomura Airi would be the most comforting person to talk to after all this. He thought back to the time she had accompanied him while he began his walk back home after school, and those words of wisdom she had spouted.
"If it won't physically harm them in any way, why bother thinking about them and what they think? Just focus on yourself, because if you don't care for yourself, who will? It's your life, not anyone else's."
Those words had hit hard back then, but now they felt different. Because what Ariyama did had caused physical harm. Worse. It had led to the deaths of four innocent – somewhat innocent, in Jack and Yasami's cases – students.
Could he really just 'focus on himself' after what he did? Even with Odomura's inspiring words, he couldn't shake the guilt from his conscience.
"Well, maybe…"
Ariyama murmured to himself as he tapped the side of his leg in thought.
If there was anyone who Ariyama could manage to deal with, it was probably her. She'd understand. She'd be sympathetic and kind to him. Kazura was an anomaly, and Matsuragi would probably be cold and calculating.
So Odomura would be the best choice.
OK, so that was the way to go, then.
Thinking about what class she would've been at that time, Ariyama began his trek towards the corridor where he'd have the most likely chance to run into her.
His footsteps echoing through the hallways, the emptiness of those hallways; it all made Ariyama anxious beyond belief. He couldn't help the shaking in his shoulders.
He watched out for anyone walking back from the bathroom or any of the staff, but luckily made his way to the hallway outside Odomura's classroom. Leaning his back against the wall, he rolled his neck in circles, worry climbing up his throat.
He must have waited there for nearly twenty minutes, until the bell finally rung, and moments later, the door opened and the students filed out. Among them was Odomura Airi, her pink hair tied back in a braid as usual, her glasses perched perfectly on her cute nose.
The experience of seeing her so off in the distance, feeling like he was a stranger to her, made Ariyama's stomach twist. Still, he tried to remain focused.
If he did this, all of this, then he'd be helping Matsune greatly. If he helped her, even in a small way, that'd at least make him feel a bit better about himself.
It would stave away the bad thoughts, at least for a moment. Keeping himself hidden by half-hiding behind the door leading to one of the printer rooms, Ariyama surveyed Odomura. She seemed… sad.
She was walking alone, which simultaneously filled Ariyama's heart with sorrow and relief. Sorrow due to the fact he hated seeing her upset, when she was so kind to him in the past. But also relief because this meant there was no one around her, so spying on her would be a lot smoother experience.
And so, Ariyama went on to spend the next few hours trailing Odomura.
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