Capítulo 2: 2. It Wasn’t Me!
Kai and the unknown intruder stared at each other for a few moments.
Kai's frazzled brain went into overdrive mode trying to figure out what is going on,
'Is it an angel? Am I dead? No I'm definitely not dead, is it a cosplayer? A cosplaying burglar?! Maybe he's a time traveler trying to steal the video game empire I build in the future! I must stop this ruffian at all costs…'
Kai's eyes narrowed and he steeled himself, preparing for combat. Kai may have never thrown a punch in his life, but a man must fight for what is right! In all of his favorite web novels, ancient stuff is always stronger therefore people from the future should be weaker. Right?
Keeping his center of gravity low, Kai rushed towards the 'thieving time traveler' and wound up for a flying Superman punch. He launched into the air aimed directly at his opponent, simultaneously whipping a knee towards the man's chin as well as sending a right hook to the temple.
The intruder stopped tapping his foot and sidestepped with a look of utter annoyance on its face.
Kai flew past them and crumpled to the ground in a pitiful heap, having focused more on the attack than landing.
Slowly untangling his limbs and getting on his feet, Kai threatened the intruder,
"You may have drawn first blood, you evil cosplaying thieving time-traveler ruffian, but I won't let you steal my legacy!"
The intruder lost its composure and stared at Kai with its jaw dropped in disbelief.
Seeing that his taunt was effective, Kai initiated round two by diving at the man's ankles. If an aerial assault wouldn't work, then Kai would go for the legs! No blow is too low with a gaming empire on the line.
The man didn't even react before Kai entered his personal space. Kai scuttled towards the man and tried to go for a leg sweep, but when his shin impacted the intruder it was like trying to punt a bowling ball.
Kai began to roll around on the ground holding his shin, gasping in pain.
At this point the so-called ruffian was just watching Kai with a look of befuddlement on his face, still speechless.
Kai pushed through the pain and managed to shakily raise himself to a standing position. He only looked slightly disheveled, but carried himself like he had just exited a war zone. Taking stock of his injuries, he accepted his defeat in the physical realm. However, Kai has always been more of a keyboard warrior and was determined to win a battle of words with his silent partner..
"Fine! You have bested me this time, evil time-traveling ruffian! You can take my video game empire but you can't take my pride! Strike me down now or I shall petition the government to criminalize blonde marriage. I will stop your grandparents from meeting and y-"
Kai suddenly found himself frozen in place with his fist raised in the air and mouth wide open.
The golden haired man had snapped out of his daze and was staring at Kai, letting out a frustrated breath,
"I am not a time traveling ruffian! I am an ANGEL, an agent of God!! What kind of time traveler has glowing golden hair and wings?!"
The angel started pacing back and forth while continuing to yell at Kai.
"Why would I even want to travel back in time and steal your game? That doesn't even make sense?! Any reasonable time traveler would have a copy from the future!"
"And what were you planning with that jumping punch? Even the neck beards who watch UFC know about keeping a steady base! You might as well have gone for a flying tickle! Don't get me started about …"
The angel proceeded to berate Kai for another fifteen minutes before being interrupted by a loud crackle. The dark purple cracks extending from Kai's laptop were slowly expanding even through the frozen space. Kai had stopped listening to the angel long ago and was instead nervously watching the cracks spread around the room.
The angel palmed his forehead.
"Ahhh Father forgive me, you got me so wound up that I forgot why I was here. Anyways I was just minding my business watching over the world and all that, when someone managed to crack reality. I had to race over here and try to slow the spread before the entire city was leveled! So imagine my surprise when I get here and some mongrel starts practicing WWE moves on me! How in the name of the Father did you even manage to crack reality?!"
Suddenly finding his mouth unfrozen, Kai worked his sore jaw for a moment and tried to formulate a response. It's not everyday that a self proclaimed angel suddenly appears and accuses you of breaking reality. Besides, why would he admit to such a thing? Kai knows that his code is bad, but it can't be Eldritch reality breaking levels of bad right? Breaking the fabric of reality definitely seems like a great way to get blacklisted from heaven, which Kai is obviously destined for. It was time to delve into the dao of bullshit, and channel the secret technique of blaming someone else.
"Well, there was this creepy looking guy with lots of tattoos who tried to sell me a firecracker for the price of my soul! I thought 'what a lousy deal' but that guy was really scary and coerced me! We had a verbal battle of epic proportions and I haggled him down to five dollars. He smelled bad, like a volcano, or sulfur. He had a weird hairstyle too, like horns! Anyways, I ran straight here and devoutly prayed for someone to help me get my five dollars back. I accidentally put the firecracker on my laptop and then it exploded! I'm being framed, I tell you! Please believe me you kind, benevolent, handsome, and wise angel!"
The angel just stared for a moment before saying,
"Yeah right, this is giving me a headache. I don't get paid enough for this."
Muttering some very un-holy things under his breath, the angel swiped its hand downward as a circle of light opened around it. Walking through the circle of light, the angel disappeared.
A few minutes passed by as Kai remained awkwardly frozen in place, wishing that the angel could have scratched his nose before leaving.
Eventually, a new group of angels appeared with a flash of light. They wore lab coats and safety goggles as they shuffled around the room, inspecting the technological paraphernalia and taking notes on their shiny clipboards.
Kai tried to talk to the angels, but they seemed to be actively ignoring him. The original intruder must have been staining his reputation back in heaven.
With no entertainment and no way to move his limbs, Kai eventually fell asleep while standing up out of boredom.
REFLEXIONES DE LOS CREADORES 
Moneymancer
Moneymancer For those who are curious, I got the idea for breaking reality with code from the fanfic Alexander Creed Re-Life by UniVerseLessOne. The author does a much better job with it in their novel so if you found it interesting definitely check it out. It's a slow burn Hollywood fic with 400+ chaps.
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