Capítulo 17: Like Sugar | Chapter Seventeen
Two years ago, Darnell would never have imagined being on the pursuing end of a relationship. People liked him, people spoke to him, and people chased him. He had never put much thought into dating. If he liked someone, the person ten times out of ten liked him back and made the first move. However, the situation with Jared was very different. Jared seemed terrified of doing anything, so Darnell tried to urge him with flirting, and that still didn't work. At this point, Darnell couldn't tell if he was just not liked, or if Jared wasn't planning to make a move. He picked the latter because if the former was true, he might as well cry himself to sleep for a year.
Strange, he had dated people a few times and whenever he broke up with a person, he never felt too bad. They mostly remained friends, or they faded out of his life and Darnell never thought too much about them again, but just the thought of Jared leaving him, and Jared not liking him at all was enough to trigger a certain anxiousness in Darnell. He hadn't felt this way before. It was one hundred times more intense than a crush. It was one hundred times more intense than the feeling he dubbed as 'liking someone.'
He liked Jared a lot — too much, and if he didn't want both of them to go grey and die without making any progress, he would have to make the first move. He had asked Jared on a date, and now he was deep in google tabs on his phone trying to answer a string of relationship questions he had never considered asking himself before.
Darnell's eyes kept flickering to Nathalie anytime she walked passed him or walked into the living room. He needed to ask her something important, but he didn't want to sound stupid, so he was hesitant. It was Tuesday evening, and after his lectures tomorrow, Darnell would meet up with Jared for their date. His stomach kept squeezing and contracting with nerves, and he kept his hands free from sweat by dabbing them with the hand towel he had carried out of the living room with him.
It was strange — the feeling of being in love. It was his first time, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that there was no way he was Jared's, first love. Jared was a lot older than him. He must have fallen in love with someone at some point. The fact didn't hurt, it just uncovered some understanding that Darnell didn't have before. Jared was much older. He would have different expectations, and his idea of loving someone was probably a little more refined and thought through.
Darnell had tried to ask himself why he was in love with Jared. The man was sweet, caring, and overall very slow to anger and irritation. Also, to some degree, he liked that Jared was shy and made sure he was comfortable with things before initiating them. It was a nice change of pace from the people that would randomly grab his hand or wrap their hands around his shoulder. He liked that Jared asked, or at least tested the waters before doing things with him.
Knowing all this he wondered what qualities he had that would make Jared like him. Sure, he was good-looking. Random people have a kick out of pointing that to him. When someone came up to him for his number it was because they saw him from afar and thought he was good-looking. On that night when Darnell had wandered into the gay bar and was asked to do drag, performing was also initially suggested to him because he had a pretty face and could pull off looking like a woman.
He was good-looking.
That was it. That was all that he could think of, and it was starting to make him get worried. People didn't fall in love with how pretty you were, and he wondered if Jared saw anything in him worth loving.
"Are you going to talk to me or not?" Nathalie's voice brought Darnell out of his little daze. He blinked, looking over at her. She was standing in front of him now. Her hands folded across her chest as she stared down at him with a raised brow.
"Well?" she asked, watching as Darnell looked away from her, playing with his fingers as he nibbled his bottom lip in thought. He had questions to ask her, but he didn't want to sound stupid. He heard his friend sigh, and soon the couch cushion had sunk down a bit with Nathalie's weight. She was sitting beside him now and had reached out to play with his curls; drawing them out until they stood up straight. "I don't have all day, so if you need to tell me something the best time is now," she muttered under her breath making Darnell look at her from the corner of his eyes.
The young man sighed, shrugging his shoulders. "Older men," he said in a firm voice. "How do you get an older man to like you?" he asked, his voice becoming small towards the end of his question. He was already starting to feel stupid, but Nathalie didn't burst out in laughter, she just smiled a bit, pulling him closer until he was now resting his head on her shoulder.
"Jared?" she asked, booping his button nose before the man nodded into her shoulder and tickled her neck with his curly locks. There were times when they snuggled up like this when either of them was frustrated and needed someone to talk to.
"I'm not sure what this has to do with older men," Nathalie said, still playing with his hair. "What does Jared like?" she asked, making Darnell lean away from her as he furrowed his brows and tried to think.
"Music, collecting china, Math—" Darnell paused, shaking his head. Making a list of the things Jared liked weren't useful. He had already done that and decided he wasn't trying to be Jared 2.0 to get the man to be interested in him.
He let out a sigh, playing with the end of his long sleeve shirt. "Forget that. That's not what I'm asking about. I'm asking if there's a way to get someone who's a lot older than you to like you," Darnell muttered. Darnell had concluded that the lag in progress had a little bit to do with how large their age gap was and not being able to communicate effectively. He had been talking to Yves for a while, and he remembered the older man mentioning feeling like a child around Austin. Darnell couldn't really relate to that. Darnell was more than twenty years younger than Jared and he didn't feel a strain on their relationship, but then he started to realize that maybe there was, and he just couldn't see it. He didn't try to act more mature around Jared, he just acted like himself and offered to do things that he would do, but when he thought about it deeply, he started to see slip-ups. Jared didn't want to say up late and talk to him forever, Jared had been agitated about coming to the bar and going for karaoke. It was then Darnell realized he might have been pushing things on Jared that might not be fun, or even stressful to him.
Darnell didn't know what to do. Should he just stop offering to do things with Jared? Should he try and act less childish and more like an adult around Jared? He was conflicted. He couldn't ask Yves about that since it was a problem of his own, and that's why he turned to Nathalie. She usually dated older men, and she must have some sort of advice to give him.
"Um," Nathalie sighed, itching her neck. "Let's see..." she trailed, looking out into the living room. She stretched out her legs, placing them on the small coffee table that Darnell had brought closer to the sofa some time ago.
"Okay," she said, her voice getting high as she adjusted her sitting position on the couch. "Old people don't like to feel old. Or, to be more accurate; they don't like being reminded that they're old," she started making Darnell frown a bit. "As long as you're not calling Jared weird things like your daddy or your silver-haired—"
"Gross," Darnell said, cutting Nathalie off. His frown deepened, making Nathalie laugh. It wasn't funny to Darnell. It sounded gross, and he felt like rinsing his mind anytime someone mentioned that.
"I just thought—" Nathalie's laughter caught her off guard, making her pause. "You know, people say things like that today..." Nathalie got out between laughs. "Calling their boyfriend's daddy," Nathalie continued, trying to hide how fun making Darnell flustered was.
"Okay, at least you're doing that right," Nathalie said, giving him a small smile. She had her eyeliner one, as always, and her hair was plaited in loose pigtails.
"Let me think," she said, licking her lips as she stared into the distance. "Older men like to feel valued. Like, be vulnerable and needy sometimes," Nathalie said, turning to Darnell. "Show them that you like being around them, but I'm sure you have that covered, you're like superglued to any human being you're around," Nathalie laughed, making Darnell blink at her. He wasn't that clingy, was he?
"Don't think about it too much, I'm sure Jared likes that about you," she muttered, smiling at Darnell who had a confused frown on his face.
"They also like assurance," Nathalie said. "Tell them you like them. They're less likely to jump to conclusions about your feelings like someone who's younger," Nathalie explained as Darnell moved his gaze to the floor. What would Jared think if he started saying that he liked him — if he made things any more obvious? Would he pull away from him? Would he say that he wanted them to stop seeing each other? Darnell brought his feet up on the sofa, thinking about it as Nathalie watched him. It was a strange feeling for him. He had never felt like someone might reject him before.
"It sounds scary, but being straightforward about how you feel is the best way to move things in the direction you want," she continued, rubbing his back. "Don't be ambiguous. He might think you're just flirting or goofing around," she continued, pausing. "On that line, are you still talking to Nyx?" she asked, making Darnell sit up with a frown. Her hand fell, looking at his upset face.
"Of course not!" he said, looking at her with shock. There was no way he could still hang around Nyx after how he had been around Jared and after Jared left.
"Well, have you told Jared that?" Nathalie asked.
"I did." Darnell's voice came out like a small whine. Nathalie laughed, and Darnell just frowned, wondering what in the world was so funny. He really didn't know what to do anymore. He asked Jared out on a date, and the man looked rather stunned than pleased, but he said he was still going to take him to the flea market tomorrow. Did Jared like him or not?
Nathalie stopped laughing when Darnell's phone buzzed, he picked up his phone, his face going bright when he saw who it was.
"Jared?" Nathalie asked when Darnell got up, Darnell nodded, hurrying away.
"Wow, you're going to leave me here all alone," Nathalie laughed, but Darnell paid her no mind. He was already talking to Jared on his phone. His voice had a 'cutesy' pitch whenever he spoke to the man, and it made Nathalie rolls her eyes before leaning against the headrest of the sofa. Darnell's voice had disappeared with him into his bedroom, and Nathalie was left alone in the living room. She chuckled, shaking her head before getting up from the sofa as well. She just hoped things would work out for Darnell and Jared. Darnell was a special type of innocent and aloof that it might not be a bad idea if he was paired with an older person that loved him very much.
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