Capítulo 1: Continuation
Only at the end have I realized what I had done. There are so many question in life. What is the beginning? What is the end? What is the before the beginning? What is after the end? I do now know. So how can I find out? I do not know that either. So what am I doing?
I can answer this one. I am experiencing. What exactly am I experiencing? I am experiencing the space between the beginning and the end. Within this space there is an infinite amount of beginnings and ends. So let me ask again, what is the beginning? I still do not know. Why did you begin? For the experience. The experience of the beginning, the end and all that is in between. There is no end with no beginning and no start with no purpose. What does that mean? It mean that to end I have to start, so begin I need to begin. Only with a motive will one begin. Now what is my motive? To experience and have fun. To have an enjoyable time before the end. So I have a motive it seems. With a motive I can begin, and once I begin, or even before that, I can experience. So there will eventually be an end, now won't there? But what is at the end of that? Picture a rectangle. Now picture a larger one around it. Then an even larger one. This process has a beginning and therefore an end. But what if 1 rectangle showed one of my beginnings and one of my ends? Then there would be no end? Would the end be the same as the end of the rectangles? But what if all the rectangles are represented by a triangle? Then the end of the rectangles is the end of the triangles, but then what if there are more shapes? If every beginning has an end, what does it mean when all the beginnings and ends are just the beginning of something else? But wait, what if there is a shape that's smaller than the beginning? What if they keep expanding in both ways? I understand now.
THERE IS NO END. THERE IS ONLY ONE BEGINNING AND THAT IS THE START. What is the start? The beginning of my experiences. When does that start though? When I begin. And I begin when I have a purpose, right? Then I declare that I start now. My purpose is to have fun and experience.
That is my understanding.
I'm Everr (e-ver). I'm dead. I wondered what would happen after death. Is there a heaven or hell? I'm not sure yet. There might be, I'm not sure where I am though. What do I see? Darkness. Does that mean nothing? But nothing is something, so no. What do I feel? Can I feel? I don't think I have a body. What can I do then? I can think. Therefore I haven't ended. With that in mind, it was time for me to continue. With no senses and no clues, what was I supposed to do though? Easy, make them. Or maybe take them. Or maybe create something else, something new. What diversity! Such is the joy of having begun.
Whenever you do not know, go over what you do know. I know I can think. Now what does that mean? It means I can do something seeing how this isn't the end.
So I do.
I move. How do you move without a body? I move with my thoughts. How, you ask? I think of moving forward. But do you have proof you are moving? No. Do you sense that you are in any way? No. So are you actually moving? I do not know. So what are you doing? I am experiencing.
What is the greatest pain I am suffering? Loneliness. I crave someone yet, I have expectations. What does that mean? It means I don't crave anyone, I crave someone that meets my standards. Would you take someone who doesn't? No. Why? I rather be lonely than force myself to be with someone and suffer continuous disappointment and sadness. Will that always hold true? I don't know, I haven't experienced it yet. Would I change myself for someone else if I was lonely enough? I give it a frightened no. I'm not sure to be honest but I'm scared of finding out and experiencing that. But wait, isn't the point to experience? The point is also to have fun and I do not find that fun. Then will you only do what you find fun? I will do what my morals allow. If forced into a situation I do not allow or want, then I will change it as I want. But how will you change it? With power. Power has a large range of interpretations. It can be money, muscles, trust, fear, talent, intelligence, perseverance. But there is something more. Wait no, there are so many more options! I have discovered it all in this darkness.
What have I discovered? I do not know how to describe it. In all the time I have been in this darkness I have gone over so many thing, so many questions and situations. How long has it been? I'm not sure, sadly. Does it matter? I'm also unsure.
Does it get tiring to keep saying "I don't know"?
YES!!!!
Then let's continue, but in a different path. Let's figure it all out through my experiences.
That is when the darkness disappeared. Is this my new beginning? One can call it such, but I'll call it my continuation. Hopefully I can be in this state tomorrow. Or maybe I'll find something better tomorrow? What happens if my sense of better changes? I'm scared. Should I never enter tomorrow? But… doesn't that mean ending? Why would I do that? I haven't reached the end, so why end early? I'm not done experiencing or having fun. So no matter what happens, I will hope and I will continue. It may not be pretty, but I'll make it pretty then. I have found myself in the darkness and I will not lose it. If I do, I will refind myself.
With this in mind I step in the new world.
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