The drive to Peter's house isn't long, we actually only live ten minutes apart. I am driving in the crisp New York October weather and pass the street that Peter and I used to walk down to get to the sandwich shop, I haven't gone there in ages. It's this tiny little place owned by this very sweet middle-aged man, Mr.Delmar, we used to go there so much that he already had our orders ready when we walked in the doors. Before I know it, i'm already pulling into Peter's apartment complex. I park my car, turn the engine off, and grab my phone to call him.
"Hey, I'm outside, come on down," I bet he can hear how nervous I am. "Aunt May wants to see you, come up here, you remember the apartment right?" "Yeah, I'll uh, I'll be right up." I hang up my phone and get out of my car. The cool wind hits me sharply and causes me to hug my jacket closer to my body. As I'm rushing into the apartment building, I can't help but think about if Aunt May even knows what happened between Peter and I. What if she hates me by now? I sigh, it's too late to cancel plans now. I take the stairs up to the second floor and walk to apartment eight. I raise my fist and knock quickly on the door three times. Almost immediately, the door swings open revealing a smiling Peter.
"Hi." He says while moving to the side so I can get in. "Hey." We walk towards the living-room, "Aunt May is in here, she's cleaning up." When we enter her back is turned and she is dusting off the keyboard that I gifted to Peter years ago.
Once she sees me, she sets down the cleaner and rag on the table next to her and rushes over to throw her arms around me. "Hi sweetie," She hugs me tighter, "It's been so long! You have gotten taller, and even more beautiful." I smile as we break our embrace, "Thank you, you only get prettier with time I see," this makes her hug me again, I love May. "Do you guys want anything to eat before you leave?" she asks while continuing her dusting. I open my mouth to answer but Peter speaks before I do. "No, we are going to pick up something later," He walks back a little, "We really need to get going." There's a look of disappointment on her face but it's only there for a second. "Alright, be safe you two." She walks us to the door, gives me a hug, Peter gives her a kiss on the cheek, and she waves us off.
It wasn't until we were in the car when we realized how awkward things really are. "It was nice of you to come upstairs and see Aunt May, she talks about you a lot." I glance over at him while still paying attention to the road, "Oh of course, I love her so much, I really missed her."
A few minutes go by without either of us saying anything, so I initiate a conversation. "Peter, what exactly do you have planned for today?" "Well," He clears his throat, "I thought that we could go by some of the places that we used to go." "Like where?" I know the answer to my question, but I want to see if he does. "Madison Square Garden, the Empire State Building, Mesos, and of course your favorite candy store, Zella's Sweets." I'm surprised he remembers those things. "You remember what my favorite candy store is?" He shrugs, "Well yeah, you always used to talk about it, and the mint peanut butter cookies they sell there." I laugh at the memory, "You're right, you're right, however, I also remember you eating all of yours and then attempting to steal mine, which you never did if I may add." "I never could get my hands on them," he chuckles out, "But you always gave me a piece so I didn't feel bad."
I nod my head and the car is silent again besides the radio softly playing. "Remember this song?" he turns up the radio. I don't remember the song at first but then it hits me. "We are Young by FUN," We both laugh a little, "We used to annoy everyone with singing this." He claps his hands together, "Time for a duet." I scoff at him, "No, never." "Ugh, come on! I know you want to." He's right I do want to. Peter starts singing just before the chorus starts and I can't help but join him, I'm genuinely enjoying this moment.
After a few more car duets we reach the city. The traffic is terrible as usual, so I drive to a parking garage and pay 50 bucks for a parking pass. "Well, we're here now," I say, "What now?" Peter unbuckles his seatbelt and turns towards me, "First thing I thought we could do is go to the Empire State Building." "Okay, let's go."
We get out of the car and I make sure to lock it. We walk out onto the street and start towards the tallest building in NYC.
It's cold out here, I'm glad that I brought along my beanie. We are walking along and we pass a store front with pictures of Spiderman plastered on it. "What do you think of Spiderman?" I ask Peter. "Spiderman? I- I uh think that he is a really cool guy." I nod, "Yeah me too, it would be nice to talk to him one day." "Why?" I look at him, "To thank him," I say, "for everything."
We keep on walking down the sidewalk, we are about half a block from the building.
"There it is," Peter says. I look up to the grand expanse of architecture above me, it's truly astonishing that humans created such a thing.
He opens the door for me and we walk in. We get checked at security then walk to the elevator. "We're going all the way to the top." I shoot him a look like he's crazy, "No, we are not." He laughs, "Oh my god, you're still afraid of heights?" I stay quiet and just cross my arms. "Seriously, you're going to be fine let's go." He pushes me into the elevator and pushes the button that will take us all the way to the top. The whole ride up my stomach gets tied in knots,with each floor number that just keep getting larger.
The ride stops and everyone files out onto the floor. "Let's go take a picture by the window." I shake my head, "Peter I really don't wanna g-" He cuts me off, "I know you don't want to, I'm here with you and you're not going to fall, I won't let you."
The "window" he is referring to is this whole glass room that hangs off the side of the building, everything is glass including the floor so you can see all the way to the bottom. I'm right at the entrance to the room when I stop. "Peter, I'm not going in there," I say while shaking my head. "Please?" "Nope, sorry." He sighs, "Look I'm going to be in there with you," he motions towards the room, "Here, hold my hand." He holds out his hand for me. I don't do anything for a few seconds but I grab his hand and we go in the room.
The city looks beautiful from up here, you can see all the different colors of leaves and the sky, while it is gray, it has a softness to it. It makes everything seem almost brighter, while the view is pretty, I can't forget that I am well over 1,000 feet in the air. "Last time we came here your dad was the one who held your hand, and you wouldn't even step foot in here, Jackson and I were having a blast goofing off." "Can we take the picture already so I can leave please?" I strain out. He rolls his eyes at me, but grabs his camera out of his bag, gives it to a red-headed girl and we pose in front of the window while she snaps a picture. We thank her, and I happily leave the room and walk to the elevator while Peter follows me.
Finally back on the ground I breathe out in a sigh of relief, "Where to next?" I ask. "Central Park," he says as we step off the elevator to leave, "It's too far to walk there so let's catch a cab." Peter leads the way to the street and waves down a taxi for us, the taxi pulls over and we get in the back.
"So, you two on a date?" the driver says. He can't be older than 30, he has a nice head of blonde hair that has way too much gel in it, and he looks pretty fit from what I could see. Peter looks at me with wide eyes, "No, we are just friends sir," he says. I sink back into the seat as if it will just eat me away from this awkward moment. "Oh," is all he says, the car is silent the rest of the way.
Getting out of the cab at Central Park, Peter pays for the cab ride.
"Why did you want to come here?" I ask. "I am looking for something." "For what?" He looks at me, "I'll know once we find it," he starts walking away, "I think it's this way." We start walking down a paved path till we reach a dirty white wall that is covered in graffiti. Peter walks up to the wall and starts looking for something, he's darting his head back and forth. "Here it is!" I walk over beside him to get a better look, when I don't see what he sees he points it out to me.
We wrote our names on this wall when we were at least 11. "I can't believe this is still here." I trail my fingers along the two markings. "I didn't know this was still here either, I just wanted to find out."A memory pops into my head, "I remember this was the day you broke your arm because you were trying to race some kid, and you fell into a ditch." We start heading back to the street, "Yeah I remember that trust me." He rubs his left arm as if he can still feel it. "I was so scared that day, I thought you broke your neck or something." Peter bursts out laughing, "My neck? Really?" I smack his arm, "Yeah! Don't laugh at me."
Walking beside me he says, "Our next stop will probably be your favorite." I look at him with a grin, "Zella's?" He nods his head and I do a little happy dance.
Zella's is just a quick walk from the park. It is 1:13pm now, we have been here in the city for a few hours now. I am super excited when we round the corner, and the colorful neon sign is beaming above us. I open the door, and we both walk in, I am greeted by the sweet smell of pastries and candies.
"Hello! Welcome to Zella's Sweets, what can I get for you today?" chirps the worker behind the pastel green counter. Peter walks up and orders, "Hi, can I uh have two orders of your specialty mint butter cookies?" The worker types into her computer something, "Will that be all?" "Yes." "Okay, that will be $2.75." Peter pulls out his wallet and pays the lady, she thanks him and gets baggies and puts a large cookie in each bag. I eagerly go up and grab them from her, "Thank you! Have a nice day." I tell her, then Peter and I walk out of the shop.
I pass his treat to him and we eat while we walk. "I love these so much!" I take a bite out of my cookie, "I know." says Peter with his mouth full, half his cookie is already gone. "You eat so quickly." He shakes his head at me and it seems like seconds later his cookie is all gone. "Some things never change." I say while breaking off a piece of my cookie and hand it to him, which he takes willingly. "We need to go get some real food now, let's go get some pasta." I finish off my cookie and we drop our bags in a trashcan and walk to Mesos.
Mesos is a great little Italian Restaurant where my family and I come to eat sometimes when we are all free. Peter and I came here only one time when we were real small with Aunt May.
We catch a cab to Mesos and this time I pay the driver. We then go in Mesos and take a seat in the corner by the window. I take off my hat and jacket and place them beside me, Peter who is sitting across from me does the same with his jacket.
A waiter then comes over, "Hello, what would you like?" I order first because Peter is never prepared, "I will have the pasta alla-norma, with a glass of water please." I finish speaking and the waiter jots down what I said in his notepad then Peter orders, "I'll have the creamy ravioli, also with a glass of water please." The waiter writes that down and goes off into the back.
"So, how has life been treating you?" I ask Peter. "Well, things have been good, Aunt May got a really nice job at the dentist's office, she likes it there, I have good grades and I got my license an-" I stop him right there, "I meant to be truthful, why did you want to do this today?" He takes a deep breath and starts speaking, "I planned today because, I know that I have been terrible to you, and I said I would never do that but I did, I had a realization last night that you are truly the one person in my life, besides Aunt May that I can trust, and who I can count on." The waiter comes by with our food and sets it down on the table, we thank him and he walks away. "A person like you just doesn't walk into someone's life all the time, there's only one you and you're my best friend out of everyone who you could have been best friends with and you are mine," he takes a sip of water, "I am sorry for what I did, but I hope that we can be best friends again."
This is the apology I've always wanted I suppose, but I never even knew I did. "I have had so much fun today," I say while Peter takes a bite of his pasta, "I have missed this, us just doing things together as friends, I'm glad that you planned today and I'm glad that you even wanted to be friends still." "We have to do this more often yeah?" he asks. "Yeah."
We are in the middle of eating when I get a bad feeling again. I ignore it, and drink some water. Peter pulls out his phone and starts texting someone, he has a weird look on his face, the feeling is getting worse.
"Jai... I'm sorry but," He gets up and puts on his jacket, "I have to go." I can't believe him, "What do you mean you have to go? Go where?" Peter throws probably too much money on the table and heads towards the door. I get up and follow him out into the cool weather. "Peter! Where are you going?" He stops and turns around to me, "I can't tell you, I just have to go alright, I'm sorry." "I can't even believe you right now! I thought that you had changed at least a little bit today, and here you go doing the same thing all over again!" I'm yelling and I want to cry but I'm too angry right now to let the tears fall. "You do what you always do, you leave, and somehow I'm always the one who watches you go." Peter just looks at me, turns around, and leaves me standing in the middle of the sidewalk in New York City.
I turn on my heel and keep walking until I catch a taxi back to the parking garage where my car is. I get in my car and just sit there for a moment. I shouldn't have trusted him again, I knew it. A few tears roll down my cheeks, but I wipe them away, no sense of crying when I did this to myself.
I make it home at around three. When I walk in, Jack is playing a video game online with his friends. "Hey Jai, how was it?" I ignore his question and go straight to my room.
I take off my clothes and put on some sweatpants and a t-shirt, then flop down onto my bed. Staring up at my ceiling I can't help but think about how I really did have a good time today, and that's what makes me angry the most. I would have rather never spoken to Peter again than re-live the sadness of losing him to the unknown.
Of course, you don't always get what you want.